by Nikki Ash
“I wish you’d waited to speak to me,” I say honestly. “I wish you’d let me tell you that I wanted to try.” My voice thickens, the hint of sadness in my tone unmistakable. “I wish I were there when you found out you were pregnant. Helped you out during those nine months, read those books with you. I wish I were there for her birth.”
With regret in her eyes, she whispers, “I wish you were too.”
“I want to be here now,” I say boldly. “With you and Alessia.”
“I’m scared,” she confesses.
“Of?”
“Scared we don’t live up to the expectation. Scared that you’re only saying you want me because you don’t want to lose her.” She shakes her head. “For the record, I would never keep her from you. Not intentionally.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t reassure her with empty words and promises, because the truth is we don’t know what the future holds. But I do know me, and I know how I’ve felt every day since meeting her. I know how much I’ve thought of her.
How much I want her.
How much I’ve missed her.
“You know those photos we took?” My fingers skate up and down her arm, wanting to touch her but not wanting to overwhelm her. “The one’s Liza ended up sending, even though we didn’t finish the shoot.”
She nods.
“Every chance I get, I look at them. When I was away, it was the first thing I did when I logged on to a computer. And now, finally having a phone, I find myself pulling them up a few times a day and getting lost in those memories.” Softly, I press my lips to her forehead before looking back down at her. “You’re allowed to be worried about what the future holds, because you’re right, so much has happened in such a short time, and we don’t really know one another. But I want you to know this. Every time I looked at those photos, I thought about you. I thought about you in past tense. I think about you in the present tense. I think about you in my future. For almost twelve months, without even knowing about Alessia, you have been the only thing I think about.”
I press a palm to her cheek and continue, unable to stop this onslaught of emotion brewing inside of me. Words continue to fall from my lips, every part of me wanting to make sure that there are no doubts in Blake’s mind that I. Want. Her.
“I know life got in the way, and maybe you not having to endure my deployment worked out in our favor, but I have no doubts in my mind that on both the day we met and today, I am exactly where I’m meant to be.”
She swallows hard, her eyes welling up, her face flittering with a plethora of unnamed emotions.
“Talk to me,” I plead, desperately wanting to know where she stands.
“It’s stupid,” she mumbles.
“Try me.”
“It’s just… it just hit me. That Marine thing. I know it’s your job, but I just realized you leaving is a thing.”
On instinct, I stiffen at her words, my head remembering the last time I had this conversation with someone and my heart beating in fear at how much more I have to lose this time.
“I don’t have to reenlist.” The words surprise me, because in all my time in the military, leaving has never been an option. Not even to save my marriage. “I’m finishing up my sixth year and I don’t have to––”
Blake places a hand over my mouth, silencing me. “I would never ask you to do that. Not for me and not for Alessia. I know how important your job would be to you, and what kind of person chooses to serve their country. I’m not asking you to make any changes. Please don’t think that.” She moves her hand to cup my cheek. “What I meant to say was that Alessia and I would worry about you.” Her voice is laced with vulnerability when she adds, “We would miss you.”
Not that I’ve ever loved hearing that people are worried about me, nor is it the first time someone has said they’ll miss me, but when Blake says it, it feels like hope. Her determination to make sure I know I don’t have to choose, is a stark difference to so many other people in my life.
It all feels like the beginnings of a promise, a start of a commitment between the three of us that could continue to blossom.
“I’d miss you both too.”
With a small smile, Blake stretches her neck ever so slightly, bringing her lips to mine. It’s a soft peck, but it’s all I need as an invitation. My body hums as I press my mouth to hers, the distance of the last twelve months closing with every movement.
She relaxes into me and I deepen the kiss, reacquainting myself with her tongue. With her taste. I drag her closer to me, her body now flush against mine. Just like I remember, we’re the perfect fit.
“I thought it was all in my head,” Blake breathes out. “But it’s even better then I remember.”
My cock stirs, and my thoughts become a jumbled mess, knowing I should take it slow, but finding it very hard to do so.
I roll her onto her back and settle between her legs. “What’s the protocol for fooling around while our daughter’s in the room?”
A breathtaking smile takes over her flushed face. She grabs my cheeks and pulls me to her.
“Say it again,” she murmurs.
“What?” I go over my words and smile in understanding when it hits me. “That’s what she is isn’t she? Our daughter,” I repeat.
We both turn to look at her, and I find myself absolutely perplexed by my body’s ability to still be ridiculously turned on while my mind is completely focused on my daughter.
Welcome to fatherhood.
When I look back at Blake, I catch her covering her mouth, trying to stifle a yawn.
“Hey.” I swat her hand away. “Don’t try to hide how tired you are from me.”
“I’m okay,” she lies, wrapping her arms around me, holding me close to her. “Honestly.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I reassure her. I kiss the tip of her nose. “Why don’t you sleep now while Alessia is sleeping, and I promise to be here when you wake up.”
I can see the indecision on her face, so I roll off her to try and make it easier. “Come on, baby. Get some sleep. I’ll find something around the apartment to keep me busy.”
Her hand finds my forearm, stopping me from moving off the bed. “Stay. Hold me.”
It’s not till I hear the sound of a doorbell ringing that I realize I, too, fell asleep.
When the sound echoes throughout the apartment a second time, I panic that the person on the other side of the door is going to wake either or both of my girls up.
Slowly disentangling myself from Blake and rising off the bed, I quietly but quickly make it to the front door.
When I open it, I'm shocked to see a man standing opposite me. He’s a little shorter than me, and of a smaller build, looking more like a lanky frat boy than a man who is close to my age.
The surprised look on his face makes me feel uneasy, and on instinct, I begin clenching my fists.
“Can I help you?” I ask him.
“Um, is Blake home?” He looks at his watch and then back up at me. “I usually stop by after work.”
What. The. Fuck.
“Chad.” Blake’s voice sounds behind me.
I look over my shoulder and the sliver of guilt that crosses her face makes my blood boil.
“What are you doing here?”
Straightening his shoulders, he looks between us. “Is this Alessia’s father?”
Not giving Blake a chance to answer, I step toward him. “Who the fuck’s asking?”
Chapter Nine
Blake
Shit.
If I don’t jump in between them right now, I’m almost certain Rio is going to lose his ever-loving mind.
Rushing over to the front door, I purposefully stand in front of Rio, putting some distance between the two men but letting my back rest on Rio’s front, hoping he knows there is absolutely no competition here.
“Chad, what are you doing here?” I ask.
When I told him we needed to talk, I took responsibility for potentially leading him on an
d I told him he needed to move on. He seemed to have taken it well and understood where I was coming from, or so I thought.
“I’ve been here almost your whole pregnancy, helping with Alessia, and you’re going to just act like seeing me is some big inconvenience?”
“Get my daughter’s name out of your fucking mouth,” Rio seethes.
“So he is the father. This the guy you fucked me off for?”
I balk at his twisted version of events. “Excuse me?” He just looks at me blankly, and suddenly I’m even more irate than Rio. “How fucking dare you come in here acting like you’ve been wronged? And to come here insinuating that in the last year you and I were ever a thing.” I shrug and shake my head. “I’ll ask you again, what are you doing here?”
His shoulders sag, seeming to lose some of his earlier bravado. “I thought I’d give you some space, and I did, but I’m not ready to walk away from us.”
When I take a few seconds too long to answer, Rio beats me to the punch. “Listen, Chad. Can you give us a minute, please?”
Without waiting for an answer, he steps around me, holds on to the door and pushes Chad out of the entryway, closing the door in his face. When his eyes are back on mine, I feel my pulse quicken.
I can’t tell if he wants to fight or he wants to fuck, but there’s no denying the tension in the room.
“Listen, Rio, I can explain,” I start.
He grabs my face in between his large calloused hands. “I don’t want to hear it. Just answer me this. Do you want him?”
“No.” I’ve barely uttered the word when Rio smashes his mouth to mine.
“Good,” he growls. “Because in case I didn’t make myself clear earlier, we are doing this. I’m not competing with your past. As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t fucking exist.”
His lips capture mine, possession and desperation in his kiss. Every single thought flitters from my mind, any argument or insecurity I had for why this wouldn’t work between us has completely disappeared.
“You. Are. Mine.”
Without a care in the world, I throw my arms around his neck, and he lifts me up off the ground. He pushes me up against the wooden door and I wrap my legs around his waist, my usually dormant desire escalating to unbearable heights.
We’ve fused together. On the same page in every way possible. Body. Heart. Mind.
He drops his hold on my legs, and I put all my weight against the door, while his mouth moves across my jaw and down my neck.
His lips briefly skate past my covered breasts. “I can’t wait to have these again.”
He raises my tank top, peppering kisses across my now soft stomach. “I love this,” he says in awe. “I love that you carried our baby. I love that you sacrificed your body to keep her safe.”
My eyes begin to water, a heady mix of lust and love swimming through me.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.”
Without preamble, he’s on his knees, tugging down my yoga pants, followed by my underwear.
“Outside,” I pant. “Chad’s outside.”
His thumb circles my clit. “Wrong name, baby.”
He continues to tease the nub, rolling and pinching, driving me insane. “Rio,” I cry out.
“That’s it,” he coaxes, his voice full of pride. “I want him to hear you.”
Rio swipes at my center, and I feel myself shudder at the contact. It’s sick and depraved on so many levels, but just the thought of having the man who broke my heart on the other side of this door versus having the man who unknowingly put me back together worshipping me on every single level, is enough to have my whole body coiled in a knot, desperate for release.
He devours me.
Just like he did the first time; new body be damned.
His lips. His tongue. They can’t get enough. In and out. Licking and sucking.
When he thrusts two fingers inside me, I know I’m teetering on the edge and there’s no turning back.
“Rio,” I breathe out, gripping his hair and pushing his mouth toward me. “Fuck, Rio, I’m going to come.”
With all the precision and dedication of a man on a mission, he feasts on me until my legs quake around his head and my arousal fills his mouth.
I sag against the door, my chest rising and falling in sated exhaustion. He sits back on his haunches, his wet mouth turned up in a cheeky smirk. “How was that?”
The words don’t work, laughter bubbling up and out of my mouth instead.
“Do you think he’s still outside?” I ask.
“I fucking hope so.”
Bending at the waist, I reach for his shirt and drag him to me till our mouths meet. I taste myself on his tongue, loving every single thing about this moment.
Right on cue, Alessia’s little cries drift through the apartment. “Pass me my pants, please,” I murmur against his lips.
He hands me my underwear. “I think these will suffice. The yoga pants just cover up your beautiful ass, and that is a fucking crime.”
“So fucking smooth,” I sass. I tug the pants out of his reach and begin untangling them till they’re no longer inside out.
“I’m going to check on Alessia,” he says while rising to his feet. He tips his chin in the direction of the door. “You can check to see if fuckwit is still outside. But if he’s got any sense of self-preservation, I’m going to assume he fled the second we slammed the door in his face.”
Rio disappears back into my bedroom, and I slowly thread my legs inside my leggings and pull them up over my waist.
When I finally open the door, I’m relieved to find Chad is no longer on the other side. But there is a piece of paper sitting in the middle of my welcome mat.
Message received. Chad.
I pick it up and head back into the apartment. Closing the door, I lean on it, just as Rio walks out with a sheepish smile on his face and a baby that should still be asleep in his arms.
I hold out the note. “Chad said, ‘Message received.’”
“That’s right,” Rio says, looking down at Alessia. His eyes drift to me and he winks. “Nobody but me takes care of my girls.”
Chapter Ten
Rosario
Now
“Are you ready yet?” I call out. “Because I don’t really want to be late to this thing.”
“Oh my God,” Blake shouts back. “Don’t rush me. I don’t want to fuck this up.”
Shaking my head, I glance at Alessia, who’s sitting comfortably in my arms. “Your mother is going to kill me,” I tell her.
Heading for the bedroom, I walk through the room and peek my head into the en suite where Blake is currently changing into yet another outfit.
“What are you doing?” I ask, a little exasperated.
She looks around at the hurricane she’s created. “I’m getting dressed.”
“For the fifth time?”
She huffs as she slips her body into a tight pair of skinny-leg jeans. “I can’t show up to your parents’ place looking anything less than perfect,” she explains.
“And who said you were going to look anything less than perfect?”
“I’m just trying to make sure I pull off more of the ‘mother of your granddaughter’ look rather than the ‘harlot that had a one-night stand with your son and got pregnant.’”
I smile. “You’re certifiable, you know that?”
“Shut up,” she whines. “Now help me pick a top.”
“Can you please hold Alessia?”
“Rio, I don’t have time. We don’t have time.”
“Just humor me.” I hand her Alessia and she places her on her hip. I then turn us so we’re all facing the bathroom mirror.
“What do you see?” I ask.
When she doesn’t answer, I prod again. “Come on. We can get out of here faster if you tell me what you see.”
Her eyes roam across our reflection thoughtfully.
“My family,” she answers.
I place a kiss on the back of her head. “Ex
actly. That’s all she’s going to see. That’s all they’re all going to see. Our family.”
Blake runs a hand over Alessia’s hair. “I just want it to be perfect.”
Looking at our daughter, I mirror her action. “It will be,” I promise. “Everything about us is perfect.”
It takes another half an hour before we’re finally in my car and on our way to my mother’s for Sunday lunch.
My family has been dying to meet Blake and Alessia, but since there was so much that she and I needed to do and catch up on after reconnecting, this introduction—much to my mother’s disappointment—is taking place six weeks later.
To say my mother was thrilled at the prospect of being a grandmother again is an understatement. Despite Blake’s worries, there is no disapproval or judgement from my mother or the rest of my family on how Alessia came to be or that we were taking things slow.
The only thing my mother insisted on was that I show up for my daughter. “I didn’t raise a deadbeat father,” she’d told me. “I raised a brilliant, dedicated man.”
And I did show up.
Every day.
If I wasn’t at work or on base, I was at Blake’s apartment, learning everything there was to know about my daughter and undoubtedly, slowly but surely, falling in love with her mother.
I hadn’t told Blake yet, but there’s no denying that’s what I was feeling. She is everything I want and love in a woman and then some.
It didn’t hurt that she’d mothered our child. The way she was with her made my heart double in size.
The universe couldn’t have picked a better mother for my daughter.
We spent all our time getting to know one another, filling each other in on the lives we led outside the four walls of Blake’s apartment. The lives we led before.
She eventually told me about Chad, and I told her about my marriage and divorce. It was hard for both of us to dredge up the past, but the truth of the matter is, without it all we wouldn’t be here, together, today.