“Helix told me Finn isn’t registered with the Eggther,” I say quietly.
“Yes, I heard.”
I take Aerina’s hand gently in my own. “What does Nyx have against me?”
Aerina’s usually cheerful demeanor is somber as she looks back at me. Her hair is still white, and the lines around her mouth and eyes make her seem more like my grandmother than my aunt.
“I don’t know,” she says honestly. “My time with her was spent mostly in pain.” I wince, but she continues before I can ask her more. “She has a deep hatred for Hemera, so I can only assume they knew each other once.”
“My mother?” I ask, surprised.
Aerina nods. “Though if they did, it’s news to me.”
Before I can speculate about that, the door opens behind me. I turn to see Helix entering with a tray of sandwiches.
“Iynx sends her regards. She’s adding a few more layers to the wards and will come by later.”
He sets the tray on the table beside the bed and steps back.
I offer him a grateful smile, and his hand falls to my shoulder in a quick squeeze. In the two days since returning, it’s been Helix who I’ve kept close. For once, his lack of need for conversation is a welcome respite, and he’s always checking to make sure I’m getting rest between the times I spend caring for Aerina.
“Thank you, Helix,” Aerina says, and I can hear the exhaustion in her words. Our short talk has already worn her out.
“My pleasure.” He looks down at me then back to Aerina. “Mind if I steal Elidi for a little while?” he asks.
“Please.” Aerina waves me away with a lazy hand and yawns wide. “I’ll just nap for a while. You two go.”
I squeeze her hand then let it go as I rise to follow Helix out.
“I’ll be back soon, and we can eat lunch together,” I tell her.
“Don’t worry about me,” she says more firmly now. “Do something fun. I mean it.”
I don’t answer as I follow Helix into the guest house’s living room and close the door softly behind me. Helix wanders to the bank of windows before he speaks. I follow, tense and anxious at the expression he wears.
“Is it Finn?”
No one’s heard from Finn since we left through the portal. Even Helix’s pack can’t find him, and I don’t expect they will. Not while he rules over The Silenci. Just as well because when they do, he’s going to be in a lot of trouble for what he’s done. Despite everything, I still don’t know how I feel about that.
“No,” Helix says, staring out the window at the empty desert beyond the glass.
“Is it Kol?” I ask, a lump settling in my gut. Even the sound of his name from my lips is enough to send my panic into overdrive.
“No.” Helix shakes his head. “I mean, as far as I know, he’s fine.”
For all my avoiding, Kol’s done an even better job avoiding Helix. Apparently, he wants nothing to do with the Eggther who was there for me when he wasn’t. It makes me even more mad to know he can’t handle someone else stepping into the spot he willingly vacated.
“Then what—?” I begin.
“Nyx is going to get through those wards.” His words are so certain that my panic shifts to our safety.
“How do you know?” I ask. “Did something happen? Is Iynx—”
“Iynx is fine,” he assures me. “Nothing happened. It’s just inevitable. You know she’s going to find a way through eventually. Every day we stay here is another day in danger. For all of them.”
I nod because he’s right, and I’ve done nothing but berate myself for it. “I just need Aerina to get better,” I say quietly. “When she can move, we’ll go.”
“Where?” he asks, finally looking at me.
I blink. “I don’t know,” I admit, “But we’ll find a safe place—”
“Come to Tegwood with me.”
I bite my lip, torn. Kol had been ready to ship me there before I returned home and made a mess of things. The only reason I’d resisted had been to save Aerina. Now that she’s back, there’s no reason not to go. No reason other than leaving Kol behind.
“You need to ascend, Elidi. Until you do, you’re vulnerable in a way that makes it nearly impossible to protect you. Especially against someone like Nyx. If you think The Silenci are bad, you have no idea what she’s truly capable of.”
The memory of the fog nearly suffocating me makes me tremble.
“You think I don’t know that?” I sigh, my temper leaking away as I admit the real fear that’s been eating at me. “Helix, what if I’m not what you all think?”
“What are you talking about?” Helix frowns.
“What if I’m not a light goddess?”
“But you are.”
“How do you know?”
“Your mother was Hemera, Goddess of Day. Your aunt is Aerina, Goddess of the Morning. Your divine reading was performed at the exact moment of your birth. The divine doesn’t lie.”
“Could it be wrong, though? Or maybe not tell the whole story?”
“Where is this coming from?” he asks.
I sigh. “When I was facing down Nyx, all her powers were black. Black fog, black bolts of pain. And she’s the Goddess of Night, so it makes sense.”
“Okay,” he says slowly, still clearly confused.
“So if I’m the goddess of light, shouldn’t all my powers be, I don’t know, white?”
He shrugs. “I guess.”
“Then why can I shoot flaming ribbons of black fire out of my hands?” I ask.
Helix shakes his head, clearly at a loss. “I don’t know. But if you want to find out, I can tell you that Tegwood is the best place to get answers. It’s designed for ascendings to train and discover their gifts.”
I don’t answer, mostly because he’s beginning to convince me, and I don’t want to give in just yet. Stubbornness is a bitch.
“We have healers,” he adds as if he can read my thoughts. “They can help her.”
I stare back at him. “How would we get past Nyx?” I ask. “Iynx says Nyx will sense if we use a portal. She’ll read the signature like before and follow us there.”
“She’s right. Nyx will know where we’ve gone, but Tegwood is protected. It’s warded with magic from Zeus himself from millennia ago and has never been breached. Only ascendings and Eggther are allowed inside. Nothing can get to you there.” Something in his gaze flickers and he adds, “It’s why Kol wanted you to go. It’s the only place you’ll truly be safe.”
“What about Aerina?” I ask, my stomach tightening as I realize Helix is right; this is my only option now.
“I’ll go through first and get a special pass for her,” he says. “When they hear that she’s sick, they’ll allow it. At least until she’s well.”
I exhale, some of my worry lifting. “What about Kol?” I ask quietly.
“No Vargar will be allowed to pass.”
I nod. His answer is what I expected.
I press my lips together and stare out the window, unseeing. Helix doesn’t say anything else while he waits for me to decide. He’s letting me choose, and even though I appreciate that—the Helix I met before would have followed the rules, my opinion be damned—I hate the pressure. Like everyone’s future hinges on me.
My gaze remains fixed on the window, gazing outside.
Helix is silent so long I wonder if he’s left. Finally, he steps up beside me and his hand lands on my back, pressing just hard enough to let me know he’s here. I’m not alone.
“Make the arrangements,” I say quietly.
“I’ll leave now to secure Aerina’s passage,” he replies softly. “I should be back by morning for you both.”
“We’ll be ready.”
After packing, I find myself wandering inside Iynx’s greenhouse despite the stuffy air. Near the center, a fountain trickles softly. I step closer and am shocked to see several tiny mermaids swimming in the water.
One of the mermaids pops her head above water and off
ers a wave. She’s tinier than a Barbie doll, and her friendly smile wins me over. I wave back, and she beckons me closer.
I take a step before a voice stops me.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
I jump back as the mermaid frowns then disappears back into the water. I whirl, and my eyes land on Kol standing in the center of the path. His grey gaze locks with mine, and I feel that same connection, the same tugging need to go to him. To be with him. I push that need away and focus on yet another man who has destroyed my trust.
He’s blocking the exit, and judging by the way he’s watching me warily, he knows it.
I take a step.
“I was just—”
“Leaving, I know,” he says, but he doesn’t move to let me pass. “Iynx told me you’re going to Tegwood.”
“Kol, I don’t want to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Have some big blowout before I go,” I say.
His eyes narrow. “Then what do you want?”
His words strike a nerve, and I snap.
“What I want is impossible.”
“Tell me anyway.” His voice is ragged, raw. His dark eyes are pleading.
“Fine. I want for you to have a good explanation for why you ditched me for Vayda. I want to understand why you and Grim kidnapped Nicnevin and delivered her to your stepmother for torture and interrogation even after knowing she wasn’t the one who tried to hurt me.”
“Elidi—”
“I want to know how you can kiss me then lie to my face, Kol. I thought you were different. I thought I could trust you.”
Tears burn my eyes, but I blink them back, furious with him. With myself. With the future.
He stalks toward me, only stopping when we’re toe to toe. His scent fills the air around me, clogging my senses. I should move. But I don’t. Apparently, I’m a masochist.
“Grim and I took Nicnevin to save you,” he says quietly.
“What are you talking about?”
“Grim and I are bound to Vayda.”
“How can you be bound to two people? I thought you said you took an oath for me.”
“I did,” he says and levels a hard stare at me. “I did, Elidi, and I swear I meant it.”
“Then how can she—”
“Before I took the oath to protect you, Grim and I . . . Vayda doesn’t trust anyone. In her paranoia, she created a bond between herself and her soldiers. Something we’re forced to obey. Grim is still connected to her in that way. He can’t refuse her orders. Since I took the oath to protect you, it’s not like that for me anymore. Still, she’s my alpha, and she enforces that chain of command when she wants something from me. Usually, my presence. Or information.”
“So she made you come home,” I say.
He nods. A lump forms in my throat as I begin to imagine all the things he’s not saying about this power Vayda wields over them.
“She wanted to know about the threat against you,” he says. “She heard about Nicnevin—”
“How?”
He hesitates then slides his gaze to mine, and there’s so much pain and regret swirling in his stormy eyes my breath catches.
“Grim,” he says quietly. “They share things through the bond. Information. He can’t always stop her from seeing.”
“So she saw Nicnevin,” I say slowly.
“She wanted to hear the story for herself. She thinks we were trying to fool her.”
“Why would she think that?” I ask.
His mouth lifts in a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Because we were trying to fool her,” he says ruefully.
I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
He sighs. “Vayda is threatened by you. She’s been obsessed with you since the moment I told her of my visions and my calling to protect you. She endorsed my oath, even presided over the ceremony, but she doesn’t like the idea of my being here with you. Grim thinks she’s going to make a play for power against Zeus. We suspect she’ll try to use you to do it, so we’ve been feeding her wrong information about your attackers and your intentions as a goddess.”
“This is crazy. Why would she just think she can use me?”
“She controls Grim and me,” he says. “And she knows you care about us.”
I bite my lip. He’s right. And if Vayda knows it and wants to use it, I’m not sure how I can stop her.
“And Grim?” I ask. “When we first came here, he had to stay behind at first to get away from someone. Was it her?”
“He didn’t want Vayda knowing he was involved with you.”
“Is he still there now?” I ask.
He nods. “He’ll stay at Black Peak until Vayda releases Nicnevin. And don’t worry. She won’t be hurt,” he adds.
“Then where will he go?” I ask.
“Wherever she tells him to,” he admits.
My chest tightens at the thought of Grim as anyone’s puppet. “You should have told me all of this,” I say.
His gaze burns into my own, and his jaw hardens. “I was protecting you. From her. I had to go so she wouldn’t come looking here. Trust me, the last thing I wanted to do was leave you alone. I didn’t think—”
“You didn’t think I’d disobey your order? I don’t take orders from anyone. Not even you.”
“Fair enough.” His dark eyes gleam. “And I know you well enough now not to expect you to.”
My mouth quirks.
His expression lightens to match my own then darkens again as another shadow passes over.
“Can you ever forgive me?” he whispers.
My hands tremble a little because in this moment, I realize there was never any question. Aerina was right. Kol is my guardian. There’s no use trying to deny that anymore.
“Of course I forgive you, Kol, I—”
I’m silenced by Kol’s mouth pressing roughly against mine.
I go still underneath his touch, then his lips begin to move over mine, I melt against him. His arms come around me, pulling me closer, and my hands slide up his broad chest and hook around his neck, my fingers tangling in his messy hair.
Every nerve ending in my body tingles, and I can’t even bring myself to feel embarrassed about the sounds I’m making or the way my body arches up and into his. Anything to get closer. To feel more of this.
My head swims, and I wonder if it’s possible to get drunk from kissing. Kol’s tongue slides along my lip, coaxing its way inside, and my knees wobble. His arms tighten around me, holding me up as he deepens the kiss even more.
My brain goes deliciously blank, and the dark, empty places in my heart begin to fill with whatever this is. I decide not to define it, especially when there are more interesting things to do like tangle my tongue with his, but one thing is undeniable: Kissing Kol Valco takes me to a realm all its own.
Finally, he eases back, his hand cupping my cheek as he studies me. He’s standing close enough that I feel his breath on my face, and I have to press my lips together to keep from hauling myself right back up to that mouth of his.
“No more,” he says, his voice ragged.
“No more what?” I ask, breathless. I ease off my tiptoes and feel his hardness brushing over my belly as I move. It distracts me.
“No more leaving.” His thumb strokes my cheek, but I shake my head at his demand. His dark eyes plead with mine, and he looks absolutely tortured as he adds, “I can’t lose you.”
“Because of the bond?” I ask honestly.
He shuts his eyes and shakes his head. “No, Elly. Because of you.”
My heart skips a beat, and when he opens his eyes again, I can’t help the soft smile that’s settling on my lips now.
“Are you saying you like me?” I ask, and it’s the silliest question after the kiss he just laid on me, not to mention the more important things like almost dying, but I have to know.
He laughs and brings his other hand up to cup both my cheeks. Then he leans in until we’re almost nos
e to nose.
“Yes, Elly. I like you. Not because of the bond we share. Because you’re you. I’m sorry I tried to send you away, and I’m sorry I had to leave. I won’t do it again.”
I nod, and his calloused palms slide back and forth against my skin as I move my head up and down. My gaze catches on his mouth still hovering so close to mine, and my body strains closer, wanting more of him.
“Elly,” he groans. “We’re in a greenhouse. Not exactly the most romantic spot for this.”
“Are you kidding?” I grin, sliding my arms mischievously around his neck. “There are real, live mermaids in that fountain, and that rose over there might be the same enchanted flower from Beauty and the Beast. I don’t know a single girl who wouldn’t find this place romantic.”
He stares back at me with hooded eyes, and his hands drop from my face to my hips. I slide closer, and he guides me perfectly against him until I can feel his length pressing against me once again.
“I can’t argue your point,” he murmurs, his lips brushing softly over mine this time.
I make a small sound that has his hands tightening around me. He deepens the kiss then stops long enough to whisper in my ear.
“Promise me,” he says, pressing soft kisses to my throat. “Promise me we won’t separate again.”
“I promise,” I whisper back, my heart pounding as he seals it all with the best kiss of my mortal life.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kol is already awake when I roll over. Our shared blankets are tangled around my legs, and he’s propped on an elbow, leaning over me with a crooked smile and bedhead hair. I reach for him, any remnants of sleep instantly chased away by the sight of his naked torso within touching distance. He leans down and presses his mouth to mine in a heated kiss that stirs all my important parts—and even some nonessentials too. I loop my arm around his neck and pull him on top of me, giggling when his kisses turn playful against my neck.
“Did you sleep all right?” he asks against my ear.
“I slept so well I’m thinking about giving up mattresses altogether,” I tell him.
“Oh? You enjoyed the floor that much?” he asks, nipping at my ear.
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