by Rose Shababy
They had all the texture of French fries, but none of the flavor. I examined the taste as I chewed. Or lack of taste. It was like eating tofu. Worse, since tofu actually took on the flavor of whatever you cooked with it. It was more like chewing on grainy water, I realized. No flavor at all.
I wondered if I could survive on the food available, if time stayed at a standstill forever. Would I continue to age? Could I get hurt? The panic gnawed at me like a wild beast, growing with my self-doubt.
“Hello!” I shouted. The word fell flat in that strange, echoless way. I waited a moment, knowing that no one would answer. I felt like I was falling further and further down the same rabbit hole I’d been lost in since the night I met Kasey.
Kasey!
I needed to find Kasey.
Then I realized I couldn’t take the bus. I couldn’t even drive if I wanted to.
“Son of a skanky biscuit eater!” I swore as I realized I would have to walk. I was just grateful I was lucky enough to be at Westwood Village shopping center, which sat on the outskirts of White Center, Kasey’s neighborhood.
Still, it was almost ten miles to his place and I sighed as I began the long walk.
The incident at the Noc Noc Club had in no way prepared me for what it was like to walk the miles between the mall and Kasey’s warehouse.
The people on the sidewalks looked like wax figures set in walking poses, and cars filled the streets. Bikers signaled a turn with their arms frozen in the air. I saw two dogs, one with his nose permanently stuck up the others ass.
Panic welled up in my throat like bile with every step I took. The worst moment came when I looked into the blue sky and saw birds frozen in time, mid-flight, like a movie on pause. Why didn’t they fall out of the sky? I wondered, and the sight of those birds disturbed me more than anything else. My brain buzzed with panic and I couldn’t stop myself from breaking into a sprint as if I could outrun my fear. I screamed as I ran, calling for someone, anyone. “Hello! Can you hear me? Please! Is there anybody out there?”
Of course, no one answered, and I couldn’t maintain my speed as I galloped down a hill, tripping over my own feet. I crumpled, rolling down what was left of the hill and coming to a stop at the bottom. I lay there heaving and hurting. I knew I had gained control of my emotions again when I could think clearly enough to be thankful that the hill was a grassy knoll in a park, and that I hadn’t been hurt worse than a few scrapes and bruises. Turned out I could get hurt, and I made a note of it as I cradled a swelling knee.
When I recovered, I picked myself up and continued my journey. As I walked, I thought about the weeks that had passed since I met Kasey and his friends.
My life had altered drastically in very short amount of time, to the point that I almost felt like a stranger to myself.
The first couple days after I left Kasey’s warehouse I tried to drown out the memories of what I’d seen. I wanted to convince myself that they were hallucinations brought on by too much booze and pot and not enough sleep, but it didn’t work.
The next night after meeting Kasey, I hid in my apartment and drank until I puked and passed out on my bathroom floor.
The next day I called Delilah and we went out again. I was shitfaced before we hit the club and I found a nameless metrosexual man around my age to distract me from myself. He bought me drink after drink while I teased and shimmied and let him grind against me on the dance floor.
Then he tried to kiss me.
The moment his lips touched my I thought I was going throw up. My skin crawled with revulsion and I shoved him away from me without thinking.
“What the hell?” he growled, his well-groomed brows wrinkled in confusion.
I fought back tears. “Don’t touch me,” I choked out. Kasey’s face filled my head and I heard his voice in my head. The drugs help you to stop feeling. With them, you can ignore the fact that you have no family. You can ignore the fact that no one truly cares about you, and worse, you care for no one.
I mentally cursed him. Who the hell was he that he could fill my mind with nothing but thoughts of him and his words?
The man glared at me. “I thought we had a thing going here.”
I shook my head. “I … I can’t,” I stuttered. “I just can’t. I’m sorry.” I turned and rushed out of the club. I took a taxi home and cried myself to sleep.
Delilah had called at least half a dozen times, leaving messages. I ignored them. She stopped calling after about a week, and after another week without a word from her I realized Kasey had been right, she didn’t really care about me. I cried myself to sleep that night, not because she didn’t care, but because I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I ever saw her again. I didn’t care about anyone. Not even myself.
I hadn’t been out to a club, or picked up a drink or a joint since. Every time I thought about it, Kasey and the things he’d said overwhelmed me.
Now, as I walked through the silent, frozen city, I knew I didn’t want to continue living the same way anymore. I wanted more.
I was more grateful than I’d ever been in my entire life by the time I reached my destination. It felt like I’d walked fifty miles instead of ten, and I sincerely wished I’d stolen some running shoes while I was at the mall, thief or no thief. The cute flats I had on were not made for walking or running and I had throbbing blisters on both feet.
Now I could only hope that Kasey was home.
I tried the warehouse door, losing my shit again when I discovered it was locked. “Bloody shit pie muncher!” I screamed, pounding on the door. As I kicked and screamed, my eyes fell on a large rock near the corner of the walkway. I grabbed it, thinking I could bust a window and climb in. I heaved it as hard as I could at the nearest window. My jaw dropped when it bounced off and fell to the ground, skittering to a stop at my feet.
I picked it up again and realized that in my fury I had failed to notice that it wasn’t a real rock, but hard plastic. Hollow, too, which I realized meant one thing.
I turned it over to find a secret compartment. When I opened it, a spare key lay nestled inside, and I grinned with relief. “Thank you, Kasey, you dumb shit,” I breathed.
I pulled the key from the fake rock and opened the door, climbing the stairs as fast as my tired feet could carry me.
“Kasey!” I yelled as I burst into the apartment. I looked around, hoping vainly I would find him going about his business. He would look up, surprised but happy to see me.
Instead, I found Esme on the couch with a book, frozen. Ash and Val were leaning against the kitchen counter, locked in a kiss, frozen.
I raced down the hallway, bursting through doors. The first door revealed an empty bedroom. The next room was huge, filled with all sorts of interesting things and after a quick glance I knew I’d found Esme’s lab, but no Kasey. I closed the door and moved on.
“Kasey,” I yelled stupidly, knowing it wouldn’t do any good but unable to stop myself. “Kasey, where are you?”
I burst through another door to find the bathroom, a layer of steam frozen in the air. I pulled the curtain back without even thinking about who might be in the shower, and slumped with relief when I found Kasey. He held a washcloth to his face as a stream of water rained down on him, frozen in place.
“Kasey,” I breathed happily, and reached out to grab his hand.
As I touched him, the same spark I always felt when we made contact erupted and the world came to life again. Water spewed all over me, soaking my clothes, spilling over onto the floor, but I didn’t care.
Kasey startled and yelped a little when he saw me. He recovered quickly. “Blue? What happened?”
I smiled, my tears mixing with the hot water from the shower as I launched myself at him, hugging him tightly. He smiled back and wrapped his arms around me.
Thank God I found you! I thought. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I whispered in his ear.
“I knew you would come back,” he whispered back, just before his lips found mine.
&nbs
p; IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY,
WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
“I knew you would come back.”
Kasey’s words filled my head as I responded to his kiss and crushed my lips against his. It was true, I realized. I had tried to deny it, but deep down I had known I couldn’t stay away from him. Being with him here, now, I felt more at peace with myself than I had in my whole life. It was the same feeling, the same connection we’d had from the very beginning. My mind and body craved the connection.
At the same time, I was exploding with sensations as he kissed me. Romance novels would say it was like seeing fireworks, but in truth, I was the firework. I was the explosion.
And Kasey was the match.
I dug my hands into his hair, trying to pull him closer as our tongues warred, warm and delicious. He groaned, one hand gripping the back of my head, the other jerking me flush against him.
His actions flamed inside me. I liked aggressive Kasey. Aggressive Kasey turned me on like no one had ever turned me on. It almost seemed out of character from what I knew about him, but then I realized I really didn’t know much about him at all. I hadn’t bothered to learn.
Hungry lips travelled down my neck and I threw my head back to allow him better access. I could swear that literal sparks were shooting off us, all around us, turning the water to steam as the two elements collided.
Oh my, I thought dreamily. Fuck me, that’s nice.
Kasey froze.
I whimpered a bit. “Why did you stop?”
He looked down at me, his eyes worried. “Why did you think that?”
What was he talking about? “What are you talking about?” I asked, dropping kisses on his neck, his shoulder, his upper chest.
He shuddered and gently pushed me away. “You thought, ‘fuck me.’ Why did you think that?”
“What?” I was still dazed from our kisses and I reached out and ran a finger down his chest, playing with his light smattering of hair.
His face hardened in that way I recognized from our last encounter. “This will not be like the others, Blue. I will not be an escape for you.”
I stared at him for a moment, trying to understand his behavior. Did he really think I looked at him the same way I looked at other men? As I thought about it, I found myself getting pissed. Really pissed.
I smacked his shoulder. “First of all, I say fuck a lot, you fucking tool,” I fumed, throwing in as many F-bombs as I could. “Second, I didn’t mean it like literally ‘fuck me.’ It was more of a ‘fuck me, that’s awesome.’ Third, even if I did mean it, why the sudden protest? You kissed me first, or did you forget?” I reached down and turned the shower off. “Fourth, you told me before you weren’t judging me for my past, and here you are getting all judgey.” I stepped out of the shower, found a towel and began to dry my hair off. “Fifth, fuck you for thinking I was trying to use you to escape. I came here for help because I fucked up, just like you said I would. If all I wanted was sex I could find that easy enough on any fucking street corner.” I threw the towel at him, smirking when it him in the face because he was too busy staring at me open-mouthed to react. “Sixth, shouldn’t you already know all this since you can read my fucking mind?”
None of that changed the fact that I still wanted him and it suddenly became important to tell him just that. I reached out and took his hand, inhaling as the spark flew back and forth between us. I looked up at him, hoping that my face reflected what I was feeling, scared that I was making myself vulnerable to a man for the first time in my life. My voice was soft and low when I spoke. “And last but not least, how could you ever think that you were anything like the others? Don’t you feel what I feel? Can’t you see inside me and know how different this is?”
The tension melted away from his face and he exhaled slowly before gathering me in his arms. “I am sorry, my Blue.” He put his chin on the top of my head, rocking back and forth a little in a comforting motion. “I am … unused to these emotions I feel around you.”
A knock at the bathroom door startled us both, and we jumped apart. “Kasey, are you okay in there?” I heard Avery’s voice inquire.
“Yes,” he answered, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around himself. “We have an unexpected visitor.”
“What? Who? You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.” He looked at me, then at my wet clothes, his eyes lingering on my blouse which now clung to me like a second skin. His cheeks were flushed by the time he glanced back up at me. “Avery, would you ask Valentina or Esme if they have a robe or some sort of dry clothing for our guest?”
****
I snuggled down on the couch, feeling much better and a hell of a lot more comfortable in dry sweatpants and t-shirt. The rest of Kasey’s group hovered in the living room where they’d been waiting for me and Kasey.
“So, how did you get in?” Val asked, and I could tell she was trying to be polite. She plucked at the fabric of her dress, a sleeveless number in a brown jungle pattern, with feigned casualness.
I glanced at Kasey sitting next to me before I answered. “Someone’s dumb enough to put a spare key in one of those lame fake rocks right outside the door.”
Val shot Kasey an accusatory look. “Really, Kasey? Those are so obvious.”
I snickered as he reddened slightly, but lightly grasped his hand in mine to show him that it was good natured teasing. He smiled back at me.
“How did you get in without us seeing you?” Ash asked. He looked almost exactly the same as the first time I met him, with the exception of the tie-dye shirt and Birkenstocks he now wore.
“Well,” I plucked at my bottom lip with my teeth. “I sort of … froze time.”
“You lost control?” Avery said between clenched teeth. His hands clenched as well and I saw his biceps flex slightly under his black muscle t-shirt.
“Yes, I lost control,” I mimicked, shooting him a dirty look. Obviously he wasn’t going to bother to try to be polite. “Please, oh wise one,” I continued with an eye roll. “Please share with me how you’ve managed to maintain control your entire life.”
“If you stopped time, how did you start the clock again?” Esme asked, ignoring Avery. The wide cuffs of her slacks whispered as she paced back and forth across the living room. She twiddled thoughtfully with the red suspenders holding them up even as they cut across her tight white t-shirt like a bloody gash.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. When I got here, I found Kasey and as soon as I touched him,” I clapped my hands together forcefully, “Bam! Everything just … started.” I thought about the two of us in the shower and felt my face heat up. Hell yeah it was Bam!
Esme glanced at Ash and Val who stood side by side, holding hands, then back at me and Kasey.
“You really think so?” Kasey stood up, excitement lacing his voice.
“Makes sense, don’t you think?”
I looked back and forth between them. It was obvious they knew something I didn’t. “What are you talking about?”
“Esme has a theory about us, all of us, partly based on the relationship between Ash and Val.” Kasey nodded at the two of them.
I studied them for a moment as they sat together, hand in hand. I wondered if they ever let go of each other. “What’s so different about them? Besides the obvious,” I added.
“First you need to understand what we are,” Esme answered.
“Um, freaks of nature,” I intoned. “What else could it be?”
Kasey shook his head. “We are not freaks.”
“What would you call it then?” I asked, running a hand through my hair with frustration. “I froze time. You don’t understand what it was like. I walked through the city and there was no one. No one! There were birds frozen in the fucking sky, for shit’s sake!”
Val whistled through her teeth. “You’re right, that’s some freaky shit.”
I fought the tears that had popped up in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry again, not in front of these people. I looke
d at Kasey with desperation as panic welled up in my chest, a knot building in my throat. He knelt down in front of me, grasping my face in his hands. The comfort of his touch was immediate.
“Shh,” he soothed. “It is going to be all right, Blue. Look at me.”
I met his eyes and as they bore into mine, the panic subsided. The spark that flowed between us, creating the connection, blocked my anxieties. I reached for his hand.
He smiled. “Will you let me look inside your mind? See what you saw? I can share it with Avery, and in turn, we can share it with the others. We have used this technique before to learn about each other, to create a connection to each other.”
I thought about it. “How much will you share? What about … things I don’t want them to see?” I asked him. There were things I didn’t want them to see, things I wasn’t willing to share. At least, not with the others. I didn’t mind if Kasey knew everything, but I wanted to keep it between the two of us.
“For now, we will only look at the incident that brought you here today.” He lifted my hand to his lips and brushed the top of it with a light kiss. “Will you trust me?”
His kiss acted like a flame on my skin and I sucked in a breath. I knew I wouldn’t leave him again, and I also knew I would trust him with anything. I couldn’t help it. I nodded.
He smiled and closed his eyes, his hands still on my face. I glanced around the room at the others as they watched and waited. I looked at Avery last, a strange expression on his face as he watched us.
I puzzled over it for a moment before Kasey spoke.
“Blue, I need you to concentrate.”
“On what?”
“What was the catalyst? What pushed you to lose control? Remember.” His voice was hypnotic as he spoke and I closed my eyes.
“I was at a job interview.” I thought about how badly I needed the job, and felt a twinge of guilt for walking out on it.
I could feel Kasey shake his head. “Do not worry about that. That is not important. We are here to help now. Instead, think about … Mr. Smith.”