To seduce my mother.
Traitorous asshole.
I didn’t bother to clarify to myself whether I meant Nora or him.
Then Sam’s notes abruptly stopped in November of 1981, notated only with a terse ‘Project on hold’.
‘On hold’. Such innocuous words for such a cataclysmic life change. After Mom died, Dad and I had been paralyzed with shock and grief, suspended like insects in amber while the rest of the world went on without us.
Only a few weeks later, the Department had sent another man to our farm. Calling himself a college recruiter, he had attempted to persuade seventeen-year-old me and my shattered father that computer science was my ideal career. His failure was duly noted in the files.
Then, several months later, a handsome young agent had been assigned to my case. Robert Carver. My heart clenched as I read his words from so long ago; dispassionate accounts of his attempts to woo me away from my college boyfriend, whom Robert noted as ‘manipulative, narcissistic, and potentially abusive’.
Seemed like everybody had known about Steven’s personality except me. At least until after we were married. Then I’d discovered his true colours pretty damn fast; and too damn late.
I skipped the rest of Robert’s notes. I didn’t want to read the emotionless official version of his long and dedicated courtship after my divorce, and our later marriage. I had believed he loved me. Maybe he had. I would never know.
And I didn’t want to see the kill order Stemp had issued for Robert; nor Kane’s report of his assassination; nor the Department’s ultimately successful attempt to lure me to Silverside with my dream farm and a deluxe garage.
They’d won in the end, after all those years.
My heart burned with grief for the path I’d never been allowed to follow. Nora claimed to have been protecting me by diverting Sam from his recruitment plans; but how many decades of misery could I have avoided if I’d gone to work for Sirius right out of high school?
What if I had never been so desperate to fill the void of my mother’s loss that I committed to the first serious boyfriend I’d ever had?
What if I had never spent long harrowing years learning that marriage was a prison and love its most vicious torture?
What if I hadn’t experienced firsthand how convincingly a top agent could fake loving devotion?
Pushing aside my self-pity, I focused on the only positive side I could find. If I had been recruited by Sirius right after high school, Sam would still be using me to steal secrets without my knowledge, just like the rest of the innocent mages. I would never have discovered that the virtual reality simulations were nothing more than a front for treason, and Sam and his Knights would still be alive and selling the world’s classified secrets.
At least my suffering hadn’t been for nothing.
Get over it.
I moved on to Dr. Rawling’s psych reports.
Apparently I hadn’t concealed my weaknesses as cleverly as I’d thought. But at least the word ‘resilient’ kept cropping up in his reports. ‘Denial’ and ‘avoidance’ made frequent appearances, too, along with ‘repressed anger’ and ‘need for approval’. Ouch.
The remaining documents were Stemp’s and Kane’s. Unlike Dr. Rawling’s clinical language, Stemp named my deepest vulnerabilities with brutal directness, along with the actions he’d taken to exploit them.
Even though I knew he maintained files like this on everyone, the callousness of his words made my heart flinch. In these cold assessments there was nothing of the complex man I knew; only an ugly litany of all the ways he’d tried to manipulate and break me.
And failed.
Grim amusement warmed me while I read the words ‘unexpected outcome’ over and over. And I was pleased to see that there were no recent entries. He must have discovered what he needed to know. Despite the fact that I should probably be furious with him, I felt a small glow of pride.
I had passed his tests. He trusted me.
Or at least, he trusted me more than he trusted most people; which was precious little indeed. Still, I’d take whatever compliment I could find.
Following Stemp’s timeline backward, I found copious notes from when he had taken over as Director of Clandestine Operations three and a half years ago. Most of the intel about me seemed to have been gleaned from Robert’s reports, but some…
My mind froze.
He knew.
That fucking bastard!
He had known right from the start that my mother had faked her death and left the country.
Chapter 9
Heartsick, I let my consciousness float aimlessly in the sea of data surrounding me. How could Stemp have looked me in the eye and pretended he hadn’t known Nora was my not-so-dead mother?
Realization dawned. He hadn’t pretended at all. He had simply said ‘We discovered that your mother is a British citizen’ and I had assumed he had investigated her and found out.
But that hadn’t been necessary. He had known all along.
And that meant Kane probably had, too.
I had left Kane’s notes for last, hesitating to violate his privacy and afraid to read what he’d reported about me. Not anymore.
I dove into the data, heedless of the hazards lurking beneath its surface.
Fighting the gut-wrenching memories of Robert’s lifeless body still warm in my frantic embrace, I memorized every detail of the drug Kane had used to assassinate him. A colourless, odourless, tasteless liquid, administered in food or drink and causing no immediate symptoms. Robert might have noticed a headache increasing over the next hour or two, but he wouldn’t have thought to seek medical attention for it. Meanwhile the drug was silently raising his blood pressure sky-high and increasing his blood’s clotting factor until even mild exertion would precipitate a fatal heart attack. And if the heart attack hadn’t killed Robert, a massive stroke would have finished him only hours later; or worse, imprisoned him inside a mute paralyzed husk.
I shuddered. The heart attack was more merciful.
Was that how Howard Coleman had died, too?
I read on.
Even though I knew Kane had been ordered to pretend he was in love with me to lure me into Department, reading the dispassionate report of his emotional manipulations still filled my virtual gut with queasy doubt. How much of our so-called friendship was based on lies?
Something tugged to the left of where my midsection would have been if I’d had a body. Spider, reminding me that my time was up.
I eased out of the archive servers and snapped back into my avatar in the virtual file repository. Even though it wasn’t necessary to travel any distance at all in virtual reality, the walk back to the portal felt far too long. Standing beside it, I braced myself.
When I stepped out, the usual agony crashed through my head.
“Aah! God… damn…” I fought the pain and the urge to vent profanity for only a few moments before giving in.
“Snotsucking-motherfucking-syphilitic-goat-cocks!” I rained a volley of punches on the sofa cushions, hissing through my teeth until the pain subsided enough for me to open my eyes.
When I did, Spider was hovering a few feet away, prudently out of reach. His eyes looked concerned, but his lips twitched as though he was fighting a smile.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “That seemed worse than usual.”
“Yeah.” My voice creaked like an unoiled gate. “It’s always worse when I’m tired. The headache’s easing now. Thanks.”
He surrendered to the smile. “Syphilitic goat cocks…?”
“Sorry.” I gave him an apologetic grimace.
“Don’t be. It’s been too long since I’ve learned any new curses from you.” His smile widened. “Wait ’til I tell Linda that one; she’ll laugh herself silly. She loves your vocabulary as much as I do.”
I fell back on the sofa, massaging my temples and smiling in spite of my pain. “Have I told you lately how much I like working with you?”
He flush
ed. “Um… no.”
“I love working with you. You’re the best co-worker ever, and the nicest person in this whole damn building. May blessings rain down on your pointy little head.”
Spider’s cheeks turned bright pink. “Thanks!” He beamed at me. Then his smile faded to a fake-anxious expression as he reached up to feel the top of his head. “I think…?”
“It’s just a figure of speech,” I assured him.
He grinned. “Just checking. So did you find out what you needed to know?”
My good humour drained away. “I found out far more than I wanted to know; and not nearly as much as I needed. I’ll have to go in again.” I glanced at my watch. “Later. I have to go home now. John’s bringing Daniel over to work on my ’53 Chevy for a while, and it’ll likely be suppertime before they leave.”
“Oh, that’ll be great! You’re so lucky to get to spend time with Daniel.” Spider’s smile softened. “You’ll have so much fun together!”
I pasted on an answering smile that was supposed to look enthusiastic.
My attempt must have been plausible, because Spider went on without questioning my response. “If you want to go back into the network after they leave tonight, just give me a call. I’ll be here anyway.”
“Thanks. I might do that.”
Or I might hide in my closet and have a nervous breakdown. Could go either way…
The phone rang, and Spider made for the door with a wave. As he went out, I picked up the call.
Kane’s delicious voice rewarded my ‘hello’. “Hi, Aydan. We’re in Drumheller, and the roads have been good all the way. We should be at your farm in about half an hour if that’s still all right.”
“Sure, that’ll be fine. See you… oh, wait!” I added as a thought struck me. “Do I need to do anything… or is there anything Daniel needs… I mean, should I… I don’t know, buy something or put anything away in the garage…?”
“Don’t worry,” Kane said. “I brought everything that Daniel could possibly need, and your garage is always so organized that I’m not worried about child-proofing it. Daniel is smart and careful and always pays attention if I tell him something is off-limits…” His voice softened as though he had turned to face his young passenger. “…don’t you, Daniel? I know I can count on you to follow instructions.”
A small voice said, “Uh-huh! Just like a soldier!”
“That’s right,” Kane said warmly. “A good soldier follows instructions. And what else does a good soldier do?”
“Think. So he doesn’t follow bad orders.”
“Right again,” Kane said, and I could hear the smile in his words. His voice gained volume as he returned his attention to the phone. “So, Aydan, don’t worry about anything. We’ll see you soon.”
“Okay, great.”
I hung up before he could hear my heart sinking. After only four months of fatherhood, he was already a great dad.
But what did I have to offer a child? Tips on developing a debilitating fear of commitment? Top techniques for undetectable murder? Advanced swearing lessons?
I sighed and trudged out.
As my car slithered around the snowy corner into my driveway, my lips curved into a smile despite my worries. My neighbour had been hard at work with his snowblower as usual. The lane and turnaround at my house were all clear, and a heap of snow beside the garage marked Tom’s hard work at clearing access to all four overhead doors.
What a guy. I didn’t pay him enough. I kept trying, but it was a struggle to get him to accept even a pittance for his tractor’s gasoline, and he wouldn’t take a penny more.
Guilt nagged at my heart. Was that just normal generosity, or was he still hoping we might become more than just friendly neighbours?
I shook off the thought. Nothing I could do about it. And it was damn nice to come home to a clear driveway. I got out at the gate, straightening my tired shoulders as I inhaled the crisp cold air.
It was damn nice to come home, period. After five days of chaos and fear in Calgary, the endless acres of snow sparkling under a flawless blue sky were balm to my soul.
I breathed deeply, catching a whiff of pine from the direction of the frozen creek. Rainbow-tinted shards of reflected sun glittered off the snow, but already the shadows were lengthening. In only a few hours we’d be plunged into darkness again, nearing the shortest day of the year.
After one more satisfying breath, I unlocked the gate and drove through, leaving it open for Kane and Daniel.
Even though I knew the gate offered no protection from armed enemies, I still felt exposed leaving it open. But dammit, I was not going to go back and lock up. That was just too paranoid.
I parked my Legacy in its usual spot in the garage and went into the house, resolutely ignoring the open gate.
Only a few minutes later the crunch of tires on snow made me hurry to the window. To my relief, the arriving vehicle was Kane’s black Expedition, and he had closed the gate.
I pasted on a smile and strode over to open the door.
Kane got out and waved as he came around the vehicle to open the back door. Inside, Daniel eyed me with obvious trepidation.
I stayed on the porch.
“You can get out now,” Kane encouraged him. “You remember Aydan; she’s the one who found you when you were kidnapped.”
I hid a wince, expecting Daniel to completely melt down at the memory. Instead he nodded, studying me wide-eyed.
Kane said nothing more, just waited patiently. After another moment’s hesitation, Daniel unbuckled his seat belt and slid out of the tall vehicle. The way he reached for Kane’s hand gave my heart an unexpected twist.
Such trust.
Surely I must have trusted my mother that much, once.
The two of them advanced to the bottom of my porch steps, and I cleared my throat, hoping my voice would come out sounding normal. “Hi, John. Hi, Daniel.”
“Hi,” Kane replied with a smile.
Daniel eased closer to Kane’s side, his gaze dropping. His free hand clutched a toy soldier, his chubby fist tucked close to his chest in the fearful gesture I remembered from four months ago.
“Say hi to Aydan,” Kane prompted gently.
“Hi,” Daniel whispered, still staring at the ground.
Oh, God. I was SO not equipped to deal with children.
“So, let’s head for the garage,” I said in a falsely hearty tone. “Unless, um… you want to come in? Do you need to… uh, go to the bathroom, or want a drink or something…?”
“We went to the bathroom in Drumheller,” Kane replied, unfazed. “Daniel, do you need to go to the bathroom now?”
Daniel shook his head, his gaze glued to the snowy step.
“And we brought a cooler with drinks,” Kane added. “We’ll get our things and meet you in the garage.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “The door’s open. I’ll put on my boots and be there in a minute.”
They turned back to the Expedition and I swung the door shut to grab my boots from behind it, wishing with all my heart that I could just lock the door and hide in the basement until they left.
I dawdled through putting on my boots and jacket, then hesitated behind the door for a mental pep-talk.
You’ve faced deadly gunmen, enraged bikers, crazed terrorists, and exploding geese. You can face one seven-year-old supervised by his dad. It’s only for a couple of hours.
And you need to talk to Kane.
So get your cowardly ass out there.
I was just squaring my shoulders when the sound of a powerful engine swelled in the distance. A moment later the monitor on my wrist vibrated.
When I toggled the video display and saw Tom’s big four-wheel-drive half-ton coming down my lane, I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved that it was only him, or worried that he and Kane would clash as they usually did.
Deciding to err on the side of caution, I toggled the display back to its normal wristwatch mode and waited by the front door until I heard
the clump of Tom’s boots on the front porch.
I swung the inside door open just as he was opening the screen door to knock.
“Oh, hi! I wasn’t sure whether I’d find you here or in the garage.” His handsome weathered face creased in a smile, but the seriousness in his sky-blue eyes set off my alarm bells. “Company today?” he asked with a nod at Kane’s Expedition.
“Yes, John’s here to work on my Chevy.” I didn’t get into any complicated explanations. “What’s up? Would you like to come in?”
“No, that’s all right, I can see you’re on your way out so I won’t keep you.” His smile disappeared. “I just wanted to let you know that we might have some trouble.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I stepped outside, shooting a wary glance at our surroundings. The man-door to the garage was partly open, and Kane and Daniel were investigating my big floor-standing tool chest. Daniel was engrossed by the shiny tools, but Kane gave me a questioning look.
I gave him a tiny nod of reassurance as Tom replied, “Be careful around your farm. Don’t step into any snow that has been disturbed, and watch out for human tracks.”
A chill that had nothing to do with the outdoor temperature trickled down my spine. “Why? What’s happened?”
“This morning I nearly stepped on a leghold trap that had been placed outside my barn door.”
“What?” I stared up at him. “Who would do that? Who would even have a leghold trap? Aren’t they illegal?”
“Yes, but there are lots of old ones around, even if they haven’t been used in years. And as to who would do it…” Tom shrugged, vertical lines deepening between his brows. “I don’t know. Somebody that didn’t like me much, I guess.”
“But everybody likes you!” I protested. At his smilingly raised eyebrow, heat rushed to my cheeks. “I mean, um… do you have any enemies?”
“Well…” Tom said slowly. “I ruffled a few feathers when I was young and stupid, but I haven’t had a problem with anybody in years.” He hesitated. “The only person I’ve really tangled with lately is…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but his gaze drifted to the open garage door, where Kane had led Daniel over to the transmission bell housing I’d dragged out to the middle of the floor for easier access.
Friends In Spy Places Page 7