“And you thought it would hurt him less to fake your own death?” I barely managed keep my volume below an incredulous half-shout.
Nora’s cheeks coloured. “Keep your voice down, for heaven’s sake! It was the kindest thing I could do for him. Imagine how the neighbours would have talked about him if they had known I’d left him for another man.”
My spine stiffened with outrage. “Our neighbours were great! They were always there for us, and they certainly wouldn’t have thought badly of Dad because you…”
I bit off the words ‘were screwing around on him’. Enlightenment dawned even as my sentence faded away.
“No, they wouldn’t have thought badly of him,” I added slowly. “But they would have thought badly of you. And you couldn’t bear the thought of that, could you?”
“Nonsense, Aydan,” Nora said briskly. “Of course the neighbours would have thought badly of him. Everybody knew your father had been treated for prostate cancer, and you know what that does to a man’s ability to perform. They would have realized he couldn’t satisfy me anymore, and he would have been the laughingstock of the town.”
Speechless, I sat with my mouth gaping for a long moment. “You…” I shook my head and tried again. “You…” Somehow I managed not to say ‘piece of shit’. “Dad beat cancer, for God’s sake!” I sputtered instead. “He loved you, and you should have admired him for being brave enough to go through the surgery and chemo! What did it matter if he couldn’t get it up anymore? There are lots of other ways for a couple to-”
“Aydan, please.” Nora halted me with an out-facing palm. “I certainly don’t need sex advice from you. And I didn’t say that’s why I left him; I said that’s what the neighbours would think. Your father and I had been having marital difficulties long before his cancer diagnosis.”
I clenched my fists around my mug and throttled my anger down to a vicious whisper. “So pretending to die was neat and tidy, wasn’t it? You got a new life and a new lover and a new career and everything you always wanted; and to hell with all the people who loved you and needed you.”
Tears welled up in Nora’s eyes and trickled down her cheeks. “I did it for you,” she choked. “To keep you out of Sam’s clutches. To give you a chance at a normal life. I should have known you wouldn’t understand; you were always a selfish child.”
Selfish child.
Selfish bitch.
Different voices; the same words.
Slow realization set my insides like icy concrete. “You,” I whispered, barely finding the breath in my frozen lungs to speak. “You’re the one who set me up.”
“What?” Nora stared at me, tears glistening on her cheeks. “I didn’t set you up for anything. I was protecting you.”
“No, you were fucking me up.” My words echoed out of the cold distant place in my chest. “All those years of manipulating me when I was a kid. Withholding affection whenever I did something you didn’t like. Jerking me around with your emotions. You set me up for an abusive relationship, and like a good little daughter I walked right into one.”
Rage thawed the ice in my heart, sending it boiling out in a corrosive torrent of words. “All this time I’ve been blaming my first husband for the way he fucked me up, but he never would have gotten his hooks into me in the first place if you hadn’t made me believe that’s how love works. No wonder Dad never remarried!”
Nora went bone-white. “Now you listen here…” she began in a furious hiss.
“Hello, Storm Cloud Dancer, how nice to see you.” A soft voice and feather-light embrace around my shoulders made me twitch violently.
Yanking my attention back to my surroundings, I forced a smile onto my face at the sight of Moonbeam standing beside my chair, looking like a weathered angel with her serene wrinkled features and long silver braid.
“Hi, Moonbeam Meadow Sky.” Somehow my voice came out warm and welcoming. “It’s nice to see you, too. Are you having a good visit?”
“Yes, dear. Wonderful, thank you.” She turned her luminous smile on Nora. “Please forgive my interruption. I’m Moonbeam Meadow Sky. My son works with Storm Cloud Dancer… or Aydan, as I’m sure you know her. Storm Cloud Dancer is the special name I’ve given her. It suits her, don’t you think?”
“Yes, it does.” Nora had composed herself as rapidly as I had, erasing tears and anger from her face with a swipe of her paper napkin. “She can be very stormy indeed. As her mother, I can attest to that.” She smiled. “I’m Nora Taylor. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Her mother?” Moonbeam faked surprise.
Skidmark had undoubtedly told her about Nora’s return, but nobody would have known it from Moonbeam’s puzzled expression as she turned back to me. “Dear, I must be misremembering. I thought you’d said your mother had passed on.”
“I thought she had,” I said through teeth only slightly gritted.
“I had to go into the witness protection program when Aydan was seventeen,” Nora lied again with grim determination. “It was a heartbreaking decision to let her believe I had died, but I had to do it to protect her.”
“Oh, how devastating for you.” Unlike Lola, Moonbeam’s face softened with sympathy for Nora. “What a dreadful situation. I was estranged from my own dear son for many years as a result of a silly misunderstanding, so I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to leave your family behind.” Moonbeam turned to me. “And I can imagine what a terrible shock the truth must have been when you discovered it. I hope you can put aside your hurt feelings long enough to empathize with your mother’s point of view.”
Her gentle words hit me like a slap. Selfish bitch.
My anger vanished, my heart shrivelling to a small painful lump at the bottom of the void that remained.
“I’ll try,” I croaked.
“I do hope you succeed.” Moonbeam’s smile bathed us in radiance. “Life is too short to hold grudges. Now, Nora, I beg your forgiveness, but I must speak to Storm Cloud Dancer privately.”
“Of course,” Nora said graciously, and rose. “I’ll just zip to the ladies’ and repair my makeup.” She turned a long-suffering smile on us. “Tears and motherhood go hand in hand.”
“That is very true,” Moonbeam agreed ruefully.
As soon as Nora disappeared into the washroom, Moonbeam closed her arms around me, the strength of her hug a startling contrast to her earlier light embrace.
“My poor child,” she whispered. “I saw the pain in your aura at my words, and I am so sorry! I didn’t intend to hurt you; I only interrupted your conversation with Nora because it looked as though your conversation was becoming heated. If that was part of your strategy, I do apologize for my interference…”
“It wasn’t. Thanks,” I mumbled.
Her arms tightened around me and she spoke in a fierce undertone. “You have built yourself into a strong, competent, loving, and lovable woman without her. You needed her when you were a child, but you don’t need her now. Don’t let her push your buttons.”
Overcome, I hid my face in Moonbeam’s jacket and squeezed her in return. After a moment, the tightness in my throat eased enough to allow me a choked whisper.
“Thanks.”
“You are most welcome, dear.” The touch of her hand on my hair was like a benediction.
Getting my emotions under control, I pulled away to look at her. “I’m glad you showed up when you did. How did you know we were here?”
“I ran into Lola in the grocery store. She was most indignant on your behalf. She opined that Nora was ‘a stone-cold bitch’.” Moonbeam’s lips turned up in the gentle smile that concealed her backbone of steel. “Despite my urge to side unconditionally with you, I am attempting to reserve judgement on Nora. She may not have been an ideal mother, but she may have been doing the best she could under the circumstances.” She sighed. “I have made too many parenting mistakes of my own to judge harshly. In any case, when Lola told me she had seen the two of you here, I thought perha
ps you could use some moral support.”
“You were right,” I said gratefully. I almost blurted, ‘I wish you were my mother’, but fortunately Moonbeam spoke again before I could embarrass us both.
“I would like to extend a dinner invitation to you, for tonight at five PM at Cosmic River Stone’s home. Preferably to you only; but if you must include Nora, we will all understand.”
“I’ll ditch her. What can I bring?”
“Only yourself and your appetite, dear.” Moonbeam patted my cheek. “Now I will make myself scarce before Nora returns. Goodbye for now. And remember…” Her soft blue gaze held me in its compassion. “…you are strong. You can do this.”
I watched her slim figure move gracefully toward the entrance, and sighed.
What if Moonbeam had been my mother instead of Nora? Where would I be now?
Shaking myself back to reality, I tamped down a cynical smile. I’d be Stemp. Probably not an improvement.
But maybe I could think like him. Close down my feelings and coldly evaluate Nora’s emotional manipulations; and manipulate her in turn.
I straightened my spine.
Yes. I could do that.
Chapter 20
Nora slid into the chair opposite me again, and I gave her a contrite smile. Time to slip back into my old approval-seeking role.
“I’m sorry I was so rude,” I said. “You’re right; it was selfish of me not to think of what you’ve been through. Can we start again?”
“Of course, Dani-dear.” She smiled. “You know I’ve always forgiven you, no matter how badly you treated me.”
I hid my snarl behind a slightly-too-toothy smile. “I know. Thanks.” I didn’t sound particularly grateful; but at least I wasn’t spewing venom. Yay, me.
“So…” I added, widening my smile to face-aching dimensions. “…we’ve got so much catching up to do! Tell me all about your life. You’ve said you were part of the witness protection program. Is that how you got out of the country?”
“I really can’t discuss the details.” She gave me a warm smile. “And how about you? You became a bookkeeper just like me. That’s so flattering. And you said you were married. Do I have any grandchildren?”
“No.” The word fell flatly on the table between us, and I hesitated. ‘I’m sorry’ would be a lie that I probably couldn’t carry off convincingly, but…
“Are you married to that horrible man who was holding you after you were attacked at the weapons conference?”
A surge of fury blotted out all other thoughts. Goddammit, I was so fucking sick and tired of people judging Arnie by his appearance.
“I’m not married.” My voice came out strangled by my effort to control my temper. “And Arnie’s not horrible. He’s the best thing in my life.”
Nora blinked. “Oh, dear. I didn’t realize your life was so awful.”
I rocketed to my feet. “Pee break,” I grated, and strode to the bathroom before I could rip her head off and jam it up her ass.
Breathing deeply, I washed my hands in ice-cold water hoping it would cool my rage.
Don’t react. She’s purposely pushing your buttons. If she was any other slimeball criminal, her words would roll right off your back.
Locking eyes with the murderous-looking woman in the mirror, I muttered, “She’s just another slimeball. Treat her that way.”
My reflection agreed with a single jerk of its chin and turned for the door.
Nora looked up with a smile as I returned to the table, and I reminded myself all over again: Just another slimeball.
“I could use a warm-up,” I said, gesturing at my mug. “I’m going to get some more hot water. Would you like a coffee refill?”
“Yes, please. Thank you, Dani-dear.” She sat back in her chair and rewarded me with a radiant smile.
No, dammit, not ‘rewarded’. ‘Manipulated’. Like the slimeball she is.
When I returned with our beverages, I took my seat determined to control the conversation.
“So you didn’t answer my question earlier,” I said. “I know you can’t tell me all the details; but did you go through government channels, or did you leave privately? I don’t mean to pry, but I don’t want to get you in trouble by saying something I shouldn’t to the wrong person, either.” I gave her a bland smile.
She out-blanded me. “Don’t worry, Dani-dear. You can say anything you want to the authorities. Everything about my relocation was legal and properly documented.”
And Stemp had never breathed a word about it. Bastard.
I bared my teeth in what I hoped was a smile. “Oh, good.” As Nora opened her mouth to speak again, I added, “So did Sam set up the UK branch of Sirius Dynamics after you moved over there permanently?”
Her expression chilled. “Don’t bother digging for that information, Agent Kelly. The UK branch is beyond your government’s greedy reach. And I will regain control of the Canadian branch, too. I’ve hired the best lawyer available, and we will overturn that ridiculous ‘proceeds-of-crime’ seizure.”
I didn’t have to fake my shock. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Dammit, the last I’d heard, she hadn’t known that Sam’s Canadian assets had been seized. Either my intel was faulty, or she’d discovered the truth in the last day or two.
“You mean you don’t know?” Nora eyed me with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. She leaned forward and lowered her voice to a murmur below the hum of conversation in the coffee shop. “How long have you been an agent?”
“Not long.” I cast my gaze down to study my tea as though embarrassed to make the admission. “They promoted me after Sam died,” I mumbled, then glanced up to watch her reaction. “Before that I was only doing… stuff for him on his project.” I hesitated as if reluctant to divulge any other information. “Do you know, um… how much do you know about what he was doing?”
Come on, Nora, confess.
She matched my quiet tone. “I knew that you would be powering virtual reality sims in the brainwave-driven network. Sam had never made any secret of his intentions for you, even when you were only a child. That’s why I had to get him away from you.”
I sat back and faked a confused frown. “Why? The pay’s good, and it’s easy work. Just sitting there all day long. It’s pretty much a dream job.” Watching her over the rim of my mug, I let my lie settle between us.
Admit it. You knew Sam and the Knights had been using us to steal classified intel.
Nora gave me a pitying smile. “I think we both know it was a little more than that.”
I tamped down my surge of adrenaline and managed a puzzled expression. “What do you mean?”
She blew out a small impatient breath. “Please don’t play dumb, Dani-dear; it’s unbecoming. He was conducting experiments on your mind to further his professional career; and that put you at risk to be held prisoner in a government lab for the rest of your life. I couldn’t bear to see that happen, so I intervened in the only way I could.”
Shit.
I baited my next trap. “How much did you know about those experiments? Because it didn’t seem that bad to me. He just put electrodes around my head and monitored me. Was he doing something else that I should know about?”
If I hadn’t been expecting it, I might have missed the twitchy blink of her eyes. An instant later the furtive expression was gone, replaced by a look of wide-eyed sincerity. “As I told you last week, Sam and I didn’t discuss the classified details of our work. I simply didn’t want him to exploit you like… like a lab rat.”
I suppressed my urge to growl ‘bullshit!’, then reconsidered. She’d know something was up if I seemed to accept everything she said now.
I scowled. “Okay, so let me get this straight. You were so desperately afraid that Sam might ‘exploit’ me…” I made sarcastic air quotes around the word. “…that you uprooted your own life and everybody else’s to get him away from me. And then you stayed married to him for nearly thirty years even tho
ugh you say you couldn’t trust him. But last week you dripped tears all the over the place telling me how much you loved him and missed him. Which time were you lying? ’Cause I’m just not buying it.”
She tensed. “I wasn’t lying. I didn’t say I was afraid Sam would exploit you; I said his research was putting you at risk to be exploited by our government. And I did love him…” Tears glistened in her eyes and her voice wavered. “…and I miss him terribly.”
Unmoved by her performance, I countered, “But when I got into in the government program last year and Sam came back here and resumed his experiments, I didn’t see you rushing back here to protect me then.”
“I couldn’t leave my job-” she began.
I talked over her. “And anyway, the government knew about Sam’s research all those years ago, before you left with him. So you basically just abandoned me to their clutches. If you had really wanted to protect me, you would have stuck around to make sure the government didn’t get me.”
“That was your father’s job,” she snapped. “We had agreed that I would handle Sam and he would protect you from everyone else.”
My rage tried to escape in a fiery torrent, but I fought it back with words of ice. “So Dad knew about you and Sam after all.”
“Aydan!” Nora’s eyes blazed. “Listen to me! I have not lied to you! Your father didn’t know Sam and I were in love; and he didn’t know I faked my death! When you were only twelve, your father and I agreed that we had to safeguard your future. I took charge of all the interactions with Sam; and your father stopped farming and took a job with the Department of Agriculture so he could develop government contacts and protect you from that side.”
I froze with my mouth already open to blast her. Then I slowly closed my gaping jaw. “So that’s what Aunt Minnie was talking about,” I muttered.
Nora sat bolt upright. “When did you talk to Minnie?” she demanded. “What did she tell you?”
Icy fear trickled down my spine at her intense expression. She didn’t look like a nice elderly lady anymore. She looked like a cold-blooded killer who wouldn’t hesitate to wipe out anyone who got in her way.
Friends In Spy Places Page 16