"Only three nights a week. They have a different routine when you're home," offered Sam.
"True. I feel bad though. Alice having the girls all day alone. I mean, she takes all three of them to work with her and they have daycare, but I still feel bad." She took a gentle bite of pizza and smiled. "Yum. Good."
"Better than cafeteria food after a long shift," said Sam.
"Oh yeah. So what are you two up to other than horror shows and pizza?"
"Sex in the kitchen," answered Sam. "I'm hoping for sex in the bedroom after. What do you say, little fairy?" Sam crooned against my ear and I nearly died, both from excitement and shyness.
"I say yes." I hid my face against her chest and the two of them chuckled. Sam wrapped her arms around me and a contented sigh left her.
"I see things have changed rather quickly around here," said Stella, her tone gentle. "I'm not sad about it."
"Me either." Samirah brushed her lips across my forehead and I smiled when I peeked up at her before returning my attention to Stella.
"Are you two officially official?" Stella's smile, kind and endearing, made me feel less worried about the conversation.
"We are," answered Sam right away.
"Congratulations on girlfriend status." Stella nudged my knee and I smiled at her. "Sami is a pretty unique woman, Rosie. Think you can handle her shenanigans?"
"I think I really like her shenanigans and I'm ready for the upgrade to malarkey." I hugged Sam's arms and she pressed her lips to my shoulder. It brought a smile to my face and the way she held me, almost possessed me, made me feel more confident in Stella's presence.
"Well then, you can show off your new arm candy at Ainsley's this weekend. Are you ladies planning to attend? It's a kid-free affair, which means all the kids will be at my place with Finn and Eleanor in charge of the masses. A bunch of teenagers in charge of three little girls can't be too risky." Stella finished her slice and set her empty plate on the table after wiping her fingers with a napkin.
"Um…" I looked to Sam and gnawed on my bottom lip.
"We'll think about it. Is she having a larger group?"
"I think so, but a low-key dinner party. Not everyone is coming," answered Stella. "I hope both of you will."
I looked to Sam again and she stroked my cheek.
"We'll talk about it and see how things feel on Saturday. Okay?" she said, offering me consolation.
"Okay." I nodded and she held my hand against her chest.
Stella smiled at us until her phone chirped in her palm. "The lovely wife beckons," she said as she rose from her seat. "Thank you for dinner, ladies."
"Welcome." Samirah pried herself away from me to walk Stella to the door. "I'll let you know about Saturday."
"Good. Enjoy your girl, Sami." Stella winked at me and I waved to her. "She has a special place in our hearts."
"I'm beginning to understand why. Night, Stell."
"Night."
Chapter Eight
Samirah's windows overlooked the water, and at two in the morning, I perched myself on the cushion-covered window seat in her bedroom and gazed over the harbor. Boats came and went quietly with lowlights, and the fragrance of damp air rushed through the cracked window. I pinched the unlit cigarette between my fingers, and rested my chin on my knee as I allowed myself to relax under the soothing sight. The rhythm and regularity of the boats brought a comfortable routine over the course of an hour.
It had been years, if ever, that I'd spent the night with someone on more than one occasion. Sam felt different to me—comfortable, familiar—and I found myself growing increasingly attached. It scared me. I didn't want to like her too much or hope for too much. I'd avoided relationships, fearing the depth of connection and the idea of trusting someone. I hadn't ever, except for Rebecca and Alex, and that was a different kind of trust.
"What are you doing over there, beautiful girl?" Samirah's raspy voice crooned.
I pulled my attention from the window to watch as she pried herself from the bed. Unlike me, she wasn't completely naked, though she wore only a thin white sleep shirt.
"Watching the boats," I told her. She came to sit across from me, her warm body pressed against my shin as she stroked my bare thigh.
"I didn't know you smoked," she said, kissing my knee. "You're a little cold."
"Only sometimes when I can't sleep. I didn't light it." I nodded to the smoke detector on her ceiling.
"We can step out on the balcony if you need to. But if you don't need to…" She urged the cigarette from my hand and set it down beside us before taking my hands. "Can't sleep?"
"I did for a little bit." I gave her hands a squeeze as my throat tightened with emotion. My thoughts overwhelmed me as they did at night sometimes.
"Come here, Rosie. It's okay." Samirah pulled me to her and, at first, I wanted to resist, but I couldn't. My body ached for her, and I didn't understand why. She urged me into her arms and I hugged her, kissing her neck a few times while she rubbed my back. "What are you thinking about?"
"That I haven't spent the night anywhere since college," I said, leaning back to gaze up at her. "And about how much I like you."
"Hmm." She smiled and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "In the atmosphere of truth, I have to admit that I haven't had anyone share my bed in a long time either. And I'm quite kerfluxed about how much I like you, too."
"What's kerfluxed?" I asked, leaning into her affection.
"No idea." She laughed softly as she tucked my hair behind my ears. "I say it when I can't think of a better word."
I ran my hands up and down her sides, tracing the curves of her body. "How come you don't let me touch you?"
"You're touching me right now," she said, a small smile curving her lips.
"You know what I mean." I took her hands and she squeezed me. "Tell me why."
She watched me, not saying anything though her smile remained. "How come it's important?"
"Because it's important to me, Sam. I love how you make me feel, but not being able to give that back, or at least not knowing why you don't want me to is hard," I confessed, allowing my fatigue and flittering anxiety to take over in a bout of truth.
Her thumbs brushed my knuckles, and her eyes shimmered in the faint lights from the harbor. Despite her stoic expression, her eyes gave away the fact that my question bothered her.
"Two reasons," she said, finally.
"Okay…"
"The first is that I enjoy seeing you lost in the thralls of pleasure. It hits me with the same intensity. It's hard to explain that, but that's the first reason." Her gaze never left mine and I nodded my understanding.
"I get that, Sam. But what's the other reason?"
"I haven't really let anyone in a long time. Most of the time, the women I was with were perfectly fine with one-sided nights," she said, her gaze flickering away for a moment.
"How long of a time?"
"A long time," she repeated.
"Okay." I stroked the thick length of her hair when she grew quiet. "It's okay."
She nodded and turned to kiss my wrist.
"Do you want someone to...be with you eventually?" I asked while surveying her face for any micro expressions that might hint toward her truth.
"Eventually. For the last few years, sex has become more of a…" She furrowed her brow while searching for the word. "Hobby, in a way? I can't explain it."
"Hobby?" I tilted my head, confused by the label. "I don't think I'm following what you're trying to tell me."
"I've spent time in the BDSM scene. Do you know what that is?"
"Of course. Yeah." I nodded and settled down once I understood what she avoided saying. "I kind of guessed you were into kinky things."
"What gave that away?" She laughed a little and returned to stroking my legs. I imagined my lack of freaked out response settled her concern.
"The way you play with me…"
"How do you feel about how I play with you?" She nudged my chin up so that
I met her gaze rather than staring at the lock of her hair that I continued to stroke.
"Amazing, of course." I drew in a deep breath. "How does it feel for you?"
"Amazing." She leaned her forehead against mine and let out a soft sigh. "You're the first person I met who wasn't from the scene since hooking up with the nurse, Rosie."
"Is that why you wanted to know if I was into kinky things?"
"Somewhat." She nodded and ran her fingers through my hair.
"Well, I'm into you. Not just physically, Sam. I like talking to you and spending time with you. I hope you feel the same."
"I do feel the same. I'm not used to regular relationships, so I might suck at this a little. Okay?" she said, and offered me a smile that melted my insides to goo.
"Well, to be fair, I've never been in a long-term relationship, so I might suck, too."
"Good. We can learn together. Why don't we start with going on a hike again, just the two of us. Nothing shady about it. Just us."
"Okay." I chuckled at her presentation. "I'm up for that."
"Good." She pressed her lips to mine before taking my hands. "Come back to bed with me?"
"Yes, but I can't tolerate it if you let go of me. Is that pathetic?" I bit my bottom lip and she shook her head.
"Not at all." She stood, urging me with her and back toward the silky sheets. We climbed in together, and she pulled the covers up over us. "I'll cuddle you all night."
I scooted closer to her, our legs tangling as she wrapped me in her arms. I held her around the middle and let out a soft breath.
"Better?" she asked and I nodded. "If you wake up and I'm not holding you because we've shifted in our sleep, wake me a little, okay?"
"Okay." I kissed her chin and she smiled. "Promise to tell me if I'm too needy?"
"I promise. Promise to tell me if I'm too needy or too distant?"
"I promise."
"Good." She kissed me sweetly and this time, I tucked her hair behind her ear. "G'night, Rosie."
"Night, Sam."
***
"So," began Alex as she crunched on some corn chips. "Are you coming to Ainsley's?"
"I don't know." I glanced between her and the sandwich in my lap while we sat together on the sofa at my place.
"Is your new girlfriend going?"
"Yes."
"What's the matter, Rosie? Do you need a cuddle?" She held her arms out to me and I laughed.
"Stop it. I'm fine. I want to go because Samirah will be there, but I'm nervous," I said, then took a bite of my sandwich.
"I'll be there. I'm always there."
"Is Frankie going?"
"Not sure." She scrunched up her nose. "Probably."
"Stay away from her."
"I will. I think Billie and Mira are coming this time, too."
"Quit crushing on Billie. She and Mira are practically engaged," I said, rolling my eyes at her.
Alex laughed and shook her head. "I'm not crushing on her."
"You are. It's been like a year. Calm down. She only has eyes for Mira."
"I know. I would've liked to date her though…"
"Well, you had good taste in that area. Normally, you pick women who treat you poorly. Billie would've been good to you," I said, and returned to eating my lunch.
"She would've been." Alex propped her head on her arm. "She probably wouldn't have been into a homeless hairdresser anyway."
"You're not homeless. You live here right now."
"I have nothing, Rosie." She folded up the bag of chips and set it on the coffee table. "Nothing to show for my life and I'm thirty-five."
"You have a full-time job, money in the bank, food on the table, and you're not a hooker or a drug addict. We both beat the foster system odds." I smirked when I said it, then handed her the other half of my sandwich. "And you have me."
"Yeah." She accepted the offering then scooted closer to me. "I have you." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and she leaned on me while we ate, both of us fading back into watching television.
The doorbell buzzed and I cocked a brow at Alex mid-bite of my lunch.
"What? Does that mean I have to get it?" She huffed at me.
"Yep." I chuckled and waved her off after returning my attention to the news.
"This is what paying no rent gets me," she muttered as she rose to open the door. It only made me laugh more as I reached for my pop.
"Hi. Yes. She's here," I heard Alex say. I turned, but couldn't see who stood on the other side of the door. "Come in."
"Thank you, Alex." Samirah's voice in my apartment made me choke on my drink. I set my plate on the coffee table while coughing up a lung. Thankfully, I caught my breath by the time she made it over to me.
"You have company," Alex announced in a silly sing-song before she hopped back onto the sofa.
Samirah laughed, her eyes twinkling when she gazed at me. "Hi, Rosie."
"H-hi." I gulped, and fidgeted with the sleeves of my sweatshirt. "What-what's going on?"
Her smile broadened as she approached, her hands outstretched. "I came to ask you something."
"Me?" I stepped closer and took her hands. Right away, she leaned down to kiss me and the moment her lips met mine, my anxiety cooled. Heat radiated from her and when she leaned back, I noted the glassy nature of her eyes.
"Yes, you. I certainly didn't come to ask Alex anything." Sam gestured to Alex who snickered on the sofa. "Though I could ask her instead. Want me to?"
"No!" I laughed and squeezed her hands.
"Good." Her smile, though wide with playfulness, didn't quite make it to her eyes.
"What's wrong, Sam?"
"Will you come to Ainsley and Jordan's tonight with me?" she asked, side-stepping my question. "Stella and Alice are making me go with them."
"Um…" I glanced to Alex then back to her. "I was thinking about it… It might be crowded."
"We can spend time together then run away when it gets overwhelming," she said and reached up to stroke her thumb over my cheek.
I chuckled, and gripped her arm hidden by her thick jacket. "Okay."
"Okay," she repeated, her gaze on mine as her smile dimmed despite my affirmation. Quiet fell between us as she seemed to search my expression.
"Sam, what's wrong?"
Again, she didn't answer me, and instead, took my hand as she began tugging me down the short hallway. "Is your bedroom back here?" She glanced to Alex who nodded.
"Yup. Door on the left." Alex pointed and Sam chuckled.
I followed her, though worry tightened my stomach. Samirah wasn't a bit uncomfortable in my place, and I admired her confidence as she led me into the bedroom. A soft smile met her lips as she looked around my space after closing the door.
"This is so cute, Rosie. Is this your fairy den?" She pointed to the canopy over the window seat that overlooked the streets below. A few old stuffed animals and books lingered on the padded seat beside my favorite cozy blanket.
"Maybe. It's not purple though."
"White is suiting. The exposed brick is really nice," she said, before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "This is the coziest room I've ever been in." She pulled me to stand in front of her between her knees and I obliged her urging. She dropped her gaze from my eyes to my stomach where my sweatshirt met my jeans. Not a second passed before she lifted my shirt to kiss my exposed skin.
"Sam, what's going on?" I ran my fingers through her hair, then paused when she popped the button of my jeans. "Samirah. Stop." She slowed down when I asked and dropped her forehead against my chest. I rubbed her shoulders, then urged her jacket from them. "Can you look at me please?"
"Why?" She met my gaze again, though she tugged down the zipper of my jeans. They hung on my hips and she nudged them further until they hit the floor.
"Because something is wrong and you keep avoiding my questions," I said, watching as she shrugged out of her jacket. "You're sweating." I helped her out of her bindings, then made for her scarf. The second
I attempted to lift it, she grabbed my arms so hard that I gasped. "Sam."
"Don't touch it," she spat, her cool lost in an instant.
"Okay." I lifted my hands in a gesture of surrender as shock punched me in the gut. "Okay."
Her hands shook as she carefully unraveled it from around her neck. Only when I noted the fringe and its length did I realize that it wasn't a regular scarf, but hijab. When I moved my hands again, she jerked away from me, until she tossed the fabric to the floor with her jacket. I stood there, calm and still as a lump rose in my throat while I watched her. She never looked at me, keeping her gaze to the floor until she settled down. Eventually, she placed her hands on my hips, and gripped my panties in shaking fists. She tugged them down, gently despite her tension, and I let her for now.
"Samirah. Can I touch you now?" I asked, and she nodded. I ran my fingers through her hair, which felt even damper than before. "Are you having a panic attack?"
"Not yet," she said, then leaned forward and kissed my stomach. "Sit in my lap, please."
I crawled into her lap when she scooted back to the center of the bed, and wrapped my legs around her. She hugged me to her suddenly, her grip firm and tighter than expected while I kissed her neck and shoulder. A shaky breath left her, though it seemed like an exhale of relief. I stroked her back, sniffling away the emotions that tore at me.
"It's okay, whatever it is," I said, and she nodded against my cheek.
She leaned me back, and tugged my shirt off my head, and left me naked against her. Her touches shifted from demanding to tempered when she caressed my sides down over my hips.
I cupped her face in my hands, and finally, she looked at me again. Despite her stoic doctor face, the light from the window caught her eyes and turned her irises to pools of rich honey. I reveled in their beauty as I stroked her face. Her body under me relaxed finally, as if something stole away the tension.
"You're so beautiful, Rosie," she said, her voice soft. "So beautiful."
"Have you seen yourself lately? My God, Sam. You're breathtaking." I brushed my lips over hers and she kissed me softly.
Without much warning, she gripped my rear and squeezed me before tickling her fingers against my folds from behind. A shiver raced up my spine and she smiled against my lips.
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