Nocere

by Max Ellendale

  It took all of a few notes before Rebecca came bustling into the room, a dish towel in her hands as she stared at Sam and I with wide eyes. Jason rolled to his knees, his jaw hanging slack. I turned my attention back to Sam, and the moment my eyes locked on to hers, my inside lurched and my body tingled as if both our gazes and the music wove together in the perfect entanglement.

  That was the last thing I remembered before the music stole me away—her eyes. I closed mine, leaning into the instrument and allowing my fingers to lead as I let myself melt away from everything and into the moment.

  My heart sang, swelling and throbbing with emotions, though unlike many times before, instead of a purging of my pain, it became about Samirah. About the two of us together, enraptured by the music. Every note, every accent, bar, measure, belonged to only us. My skin burned, my knees trembled, and as if she could read my mind, we repeated my favorite part. I choked on a soft sob and by the time our mini concert ended, tears streamed my cheeks.

  I lowered my instrument to find Sam sitting stoically, her gaze fixed on the keys where her hands lay, with silent tears trickling down her chin. I joined her on the bench and pressed my forehead against her head. She leaned into me, though she didn't move from her spot.

  "Another," she whispered, sniffling softly as she brushed her lips over mine.

  "Okay." I placed a soft kiss on her lips as I stood again, positioning myself beside her as I began to play Nocturne by Chopin, only mildly aware of the four other people watching us.

  Without missing a single note, Samirah joined me and we melted into nothing but music. My heart and mind warred with each other, unlocking my body and allowing the free expression to flow. We made it through the composition and the silence around us stunned both of us into glancing over to see my family looking on in awe. Rebecca wore a happy smile that mirrored Alex's while the guys just stared.

  With my shoulder pressed against Sam's, she began playing something with a faster pace. It took me all of twenty seconds to recognize the pace of the Irish music. A smile melted over my face and Samirah glanced at me.

  "Your dad?" I asked and she nodded, but kept playing.

  I stood from the spot beside her and attempted, with my best effort, at a fiddle tune. When we found our flow, Jason started to clap and everyone joined in with them. Samirah broke out into laughter, though it didn't stop the tears that coated her cheeks. When we stopped, everyone erupted into chuckles and applause.

  "That was so good," chirped Alex.

  "Can you play piano?" Samirah asked me, oblivious to the others.

  "Yes, but I usually need sheet music."

  "Switch with me," she said, holding her hands for the violin. I handed it to her before sitting at the piano.

  "What are we playing?"

  "I'm not sure. Try and play with?" she asked, her brow furrowed and I nodded.

  She held the violin and bow a little differently than I did, and without any warning, burst into a jig-like tune. My mouth hung open as I stared at her as she crafted some sort of crazy Irish tune from my formerly classical violin. I could not, in fact, play with her, save for a few notes here and there. Her body swayed and bounced with the jovialness of her tune. Behind her, Alex and Jason got up and pretended to dance while Rebecca clapped along with the spry tune.

  When she ended, with a flourish no doubt, I hopped up from my seat and caught her smiling lips in a kiss. She laughed through it with one arm around my middle.

  "You impress me, Doctor Flynn," I whispered against her chin.

  "Not as much as you impress me, my sweet." She rested her forehead against mine. "Now, how about a little Vivaldi for me?" She handed me back the violin and I nodded.

  "One more, because you're so sweet." I winked at her and got to it.

  Sam grinned as she settled at the piano again. Nothing in my life topped that holiday, and the smile that Rebecca wore told me that I would have her agreement. I joined Sam in another round of classical entertainment, though this time, no tears accompanied our endeavor. Instead, only the notions of joy and connection seemed to tangle around us. I leaned into it, to her, and to the family that surrounded us. Yeah. Best holiday ever.

  Chapter Twelve

  "What were you and Rebecca talking about in Italian?" I asked Sam as we lay in bed together the next morning. I yawned before gazing up at her when she rolled over to stretch her palm out over my stomach.

  "You." She nipped my cheek and I smiled. "And how I learned so many languages."

  "You said other stuff. I recognized a few words." I stroked her arm and she brushed her lips over mine.

  "Like what?"

  "Basement. She's said it before when she was upset. And my name." I glanced to the windows as the sun rose over the harbor, sending its rays streaming into the bedroom.

  "Caught that, did you?" She tucked my hair behind my ear. "She said that I should make sure that you eat because sometimes you don't."

  "Because my mother kept me in a basement sometimes." I glanced at her and she nodded.

  "Yeah, baby. She said Alex is the same way with food, but I knew that. I saw it the other night."

  "Some things linger," was all I could manage to say.

  "You know, Rosie. Sometimes I wonder how you survived everything and how you're still able to love, and work. Your heart stayed kind and your mind is focused. You're talented and so smart. And then sometimes I compare your trials to my own. One thing happened to me, and I can't sit still with myself or wear a scarf. How are you so resilient?" She poured out her feelings while toying with my bangs. I ran my knuckle down her chest and she hugged my arm to her.

  "Anita says we shouldn't compare traumas. No one's suffering is greater or less than anyone else's," I told her, placing my palm against her cheek. "What happened to you was just as horrible, Sam."

  "I just...I want to know how you're so resilient and I'm not." She leaned into my touch and let out a soft sigh.

  "Yes, you are. You're incredibly resilient and you don't even know it. You're a successful doctor—well in demand from my understanding. You have friends and worldly experience that I can only dream about. You've traveled, immersed yourself in different cultures, speak a million languages it seems. You've done a lot whereas, I might seem resilient, but I haven't been anywhere except home, work, Rebecca's, or to the store in years. I mean, not until you came around…"

  "You go to Ainsley's and the salon."

  "Yeah. They're right next to the store." I smirked and she chuckled. "Resilience is measured differently in everyone, Sam. Everyone."

  "Emotionally, you're resilient then," she said, her tone firm. "Why?"

  "Well, growing up I had my grandmother who raised me and gave me a great foundation until she died. I had eight solid years of love and kindness. I knew what it meant to be loved. A few terrible years with my mother didn't erase that and when I escaped, Rebecca's family saved me. She never got to adopt me, but they call me their daughter. They love me and I love them. There was never a question. I also had therapy from the time I was like thirteen. All of that together. I also had Alex. I wasn't alone in the bad things like foster care and such. She and I were able to keep connected." I brushed my thumb over her lips and she nodded. "You had no one. You were alone. And what happened to you was violent, sudden, and horrifying, Sam. What happened to me, although a form of violence, wasn't active violence. I knew what was happening. I understood it. Even though it was terrible, I understood what was happening. And I remember everything."

  Quiet tears trickled down her cheeks while she watched me, seemingly pondering my monologue. She brought my palm to her lips and kissed it. "I have you," she said, her voice soft.

  "You do." I cupped her face in my hands. "We have each other."

  Samirah nodded, and returned to resting beside me. We tangled together while holding on to each other and tumbled into our thoughts. She rested her chin on my head and I kissed her clavicle.

  "I loved that you played violin for me," she w
hispered, against my ear. "Will you do it again?"

  "Of course." I leaned back, smiling when our gazes met. "If you promise to play, too."

  "I haven't played anything since my father died. Last night was…"

  "Beautiful." I kissed her quickly. "Like you."

  "No, Rosie. Like you." She urged me back into the kiss then ended it to sigh. "Like you."

  I wanted to tell her how I felt about her. To assign a word to every intense emotion I held for her, but I didn't. Not yet. Part of me worried about scaring her away. Instead, I hugged her and she rubbed my back in soft circles.

  "Are you sure you're okay with going to Caroline's tonight?" she asked, her voice remaining in quiet tones.

  "I am." I draped my leg over her hip and she stroked my thigh in a firm grip. "Have you slept with Caroline?"

  She nodded, though the way she caressed me didn't stop. "In scenes only. We're not compatible at all otherwise."

  "What about Nora?"

  "Same, though we don't clash outside of scenes."

  "I noticed that. I was reading about BDSM the other day and scenes and stuff."

  "Was it helpful?"

  I nodded and massaged her calf with my foot. "It was. Some of the things I saw were a little extreme."

  "Caroline and Nora aren't into extremes. Neither am I. No blood or extreme pain. Just a little spanking how you like it, my sweet." She nibbled my lips and my cheeks burned in a fraction of a second.

  "Do you like being spanked?" I asked as her doting set alight the fire in my core.

  "I don't like receiving, no." She shook her head and gave my rear a firm grip. "I feel you getting hotter against me. No release until tonight, baby." Her smile melted from soft and drawn, to broad and playful. "No panties today."

  "Okay." I shuddered at the notion and it only skyrocketed my arousal.

  "Let's get some lunch?" she suggested, nibbling my lips again. "I want you taken care of and at full rest. Okay?"

  "Okay." I nodded and hugged her. For some reason, her caretaking felt just as exciting as our prospects. "Same for you."

  "That's my plan. C'mon, baby." She kissed my forehead. "I'll fix us something."

  "Yes, honey." I grinned up at her and she laughed before offering my hip a swat.

  "Good girl." She wagged her brows at me, and we broke away to tend to our tasks.

  Sam fixed us savory vegetable soup for lunch and we made turkey sandwiches from our leftovers to accompany it. With full bellies, we headed off to get ready. After showers and such, Sam dressed in her usual clothes—black jeans and a sweater—while I sifted through my overnight bag.

  "No panties with those purple fairy socks." Samirah bent down to me, her finger under my chin, and kissed me. I leaned into her and my whole body shivered with excitement.

  "I've never left the house without panties." I bit my bottom lip.

  "Are you nervous about that?" Sam pointed to the simple dress that she saw me in a few times at this point. I tugged it over my head and she helped me zip it.

  "A little."

  "How about you put them on now and whenever you feel ready, you take them off. What do you think of that?" She took my hands in hers and brushed her thumbs over my knuckles.

  "Okay. I can do that."

  "Good." She brought my hands to her lips to kiss them. "Everything tonight is about consent, baby. If there's something you don't want or don't like, we set rules. Okay?"

  I nodded, remembering that she told me that before. "Yes. And snowman."

  She chuckled, nodding her agreement. "And safe words."

  "Well, then I'm ready to go." I hopped into her lap and wrapped my arms around her neck.

  She laughed and hugged me without hesitation. "Good. I'm going to grab a few things from the kitchen and we're set."

  I finished dressing and we headed out after Sam snagged some cookies and tea. She drove us to Caroline's apartment, which was only about twenty minutes away. Like Sam's complex, the entrance and garage had the sleek appearance of cleanliness. Pristine white walkways led to darker carpets and a shiny black elevator.

  "It got cold out fast," I said, rubbing my hands together while the warmth of the foyer heated me up from our brief outdoor walk.

  "I think we might have a rare snow squall or two tonight or something." She linked her arm with mine once we were in the elevator.

  "What floor?"

  "Sixteenth. She's almost at the top."

  "Like you."

  "We both have superiority complexes." Sam laughed as she pressed the button for the appropriate floor.

  When the doors shut, I looked around for signs of any cameras. "No cameras?"

  "I'm sure there is." She pointed toward something above the button panel. "Probably there."

  I let go of her to stand behind her while I slipped out of my panties. Boyshorts weren't as easy to hide as frilly pairs when I tucked them into her jacket pocket.

  "Look at my brave sweet." She grinned and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "Were they damp?"

  "A little," I squeaked and hid my face against her chest. "Anticipation."

  "Isn't it delicious?" She kissed my cheek just before the doors opened.

  Similar to the floors below, black carpet lined the halls and white walls led the way. We headed all the way to the end and the final door marked 16T. Samirah knocked and we waited, my hand held tightly in hers.

  It took Caroline a few seconds to answer, and when she pulled the door open, her appearance surprised me. Black jeans, with the top button undone, and a tight-fitting camisole that emphasized her narrow figure. I hadn't ever seen her without her gear belt before. Couple that with her usually tight curls down looser and damp, she appeared more relaxed than ever, save for her black boots.

  "Hey," she said, a smirk tugging the corner of her mouth. "Come in."

  "Brought you cookies and sleepy tea." Samirah lifted the tote and Caroline accepted it with lifted brows.

  "Perfect. Nora made brownies and cheesecake. We're sweets ready," she said, ushering us inside.

  We ditched our coats in the hall, and Sam carried her gym bag in with us. Caroline's apartment, nothing like the contrast of the halls, carried a stark black-on-gray theme. All of her living room furniture wore black leather upholstery, and the black carpet matched the laminate floors of the rest of the house. It's elegant, yet dark design offered both comfort and mystery. Artwork hung on the walls—some photographs, some drawings—most of which held the naked figures of women. It made me grin and I glanced to Sam who offered me a wink.

  We found Nora in the kitchen, wearing only a white blouse with nothing else under it, as evidenced by the way she only fastened one button over her lower stomach. Her fine, feathery blonde hair hung to her shoulders and she stood there, a brownie pinched between her fingers like we hadn't just entered. She smiled at us, then offered us both warm hugs.

  "Glad you both decided to join us," she said, and Caroline moved behind her, snaking her arm around her waist.

  "I've been making her wait three days with no release," offered Caroline, her gaze on Sam. "She's pissed at me."

  "Am not." Nora huffed and her scowl proved her words not quite truthful.

  Sam chuckled and brushed her lips over my temple. "Rosie, too, except she doesn't know it."

  "Hey. What don't I know?" I poked her side.

  "That I've withheld my affections for a few days to keep you ripe and hungry." She chuckled and wrapped her arms around me from behind. I settled against her and swatted her hip.

  "I'm aware, honey," I said in silly sing-song that made everyone chuckle.

  "Rosie, want a brownie?" Nora offered me one and I accepted it without complaint.

  "Thanks." I indulged in the extremely fudgy confection and offered Sam a bite.

  Nora and Caroline watched us with amused smiles, and Nora leaned into Caroline's arms. Her shirt lifted slightly, revealing all of her bits for the world to see. I lifted a brow at Sam and she grinned.

&nb
sp; "Let's start with rules and consent, okay?" she said, her gaze on mine despite addressing everyone.

  "Yes, indeed. Let's head down to the playroom." Caroline swatted Nora's rear and she lifted one of the brownie trays to take with her.

  Sam and I followed them down the hall where four doors met. Two of the open doors led to a bedroom and bathroom. Caroline led us into the third, and instead of a standard bedroom, we entered a room with a four-post bed topped with down blankets and fluffy pillows. We all ditched our shoes before heading in. No other bedroom furniture joined it, however. Two footlockers sat against one of the walls and on the other side of the bed, a thick floor mat that belonged in a gym covered the floor. Towels, sheets, and blankets piled up on a small shelf beside a minifridge. Only one chair sat against the wall in the corner, and a few black leather bean bag chairs tucked into another. They led us to the bean bag chairs and we all sat together. The dim lighting in the room, coupled with the lack of windows and maroon walls, gave the illusion of deep night.

  Sam pulled me into her lap, her lips against my neck. Nora sat between Caroline's knees, and Caroline urged her shirt from her shoulders.

  "The walls are insulated from noise," offered Caroline. "No one's ever complained about Nora's cries of pleasure."

  "As a good playroom should," said Sam. The demeanor of our first few dates returned to her along with her slowed, sensual movements. Just knowing what followed her strokes of confidence and husky tones set off the ache of arousal between my thighs.

  "Limits," said Caroline, as she popped the button on Nora's shirt, now leaving her exposed to us. I had a difficult time looking at her while in Sam's presence. She was beautiful, of course, lithe and slender with the softly toned muscles of a yoga practitioner.

  "It's okay to look," whispered Sam against my ear. "We're here to watch, baby."

  "First limit is what she said." Caroline nodded to us. "Look all you want for both of you. Rosie, you're allowed to touch either one of us if you feel like it. Sam can only touch Nora if Nora initiates." Caroline met Sam's gaze and she nodded her agreement.