"No. I'm still trying to figure out my own life." I looked up at Sam and she kissed the end of my nose.
"Alright, my lovelies," said Stella as she returned to us. "Shall we move this party to the dining room?" She lifted two trays of snacks she'd fixed and we followed her to the room left of the kitchen.
"Does Aurora sleep through the night?" asked Vee as she pulled out Scarlett's chair at the dining room table set for six.
"Thank you, baby." Scarlett kissed her cheek when she sat down beside her.
"She does," answered Stella. "Of all the girls, she's the best sleeper. Probably because she had to deal with sleeping through their shouting voices for all six months of her little life."
"What can I do to help, Stell?" asked Sam when Stella set down both trays. One held heaps of charcuterie, the other hot appetizers fresh from the oven.
"Nothing." Stella smoothed Samirah's hair. "Just relax. Cooking relaxes me."
"I know, but you do too much already."
"Don't fight with her," warned Scarlett, though she grinned while she said it. "She'll cut you off at the knees."
Sam laughed and Stella wagged her brows. "She's right. Besides, I made lasagna and meatballs. Easy stuff because the girls would eat it, too. Which they already have, to rave reviews."
"Can't wait then." Sam offered Stella a smile before brushing her lips over my cheek. "Would you like some wine, baby?"
"A little bit perhaps," I said, and she lifted the bottle from the table to pour some in my glass.
"Does it help that your wife loves your lasagna?" teased Vee, snickering when Stella pretended to gasp.
"Are you accusing me of bias, Miss Baird?"
"I am." Vee chuckled.
"Well, you'd be correct." Stella finally sat down after checking the oven timer, then helped herself to a cheesy fried ravioli. "She's a superhero and deserves to be pampered."
"Does she pamper you right back?" asked Sam, her smile lingering as she lifted a mini meat pie then handed me one.
"Thanks, honey." I accepted the offering and joined her in our indulgence. No one cooked like Stella, and I enjoyed every meal I'd ever shared with her.
"You know she does." A hint of a blush brought out her smattering of freckles.
Alice returned a few minutes later, and snagged two ravioli at once before slipping into Stella's lap. "They're all out cold."
"Hooray." Stella kissed Alice while the latter stroked her cheeks. "Aren't you glad I'm off for a few days?"
"So glad." Alice nibbled her bottom lip. "I'm also glad that Finn wants to make some extra money before Christmas and we've hired her full-time for the next four days."
"And let me tell you, she couldn't be any happier." Vee chuckled and Scarlett nodded her agreement. "You're also paying her way too much."
"The girls are a handful. Paying her a salary for each of them is only fair," argued Stella, shaking her head.
"It's obnoxious." Vee laughed and so did the moms.
"Yeah, well, we appreciate it. We're going shopping and a few other things I had planned, one of which includes sleeping in." Alice poked Stella's nose. "Often. And even if the girls so much as sneeze, we have their lovely pediatrician on call." Alice gestured to Scarlett in a flourish. "All bases covered."
I adored listening to them banter and wondered what it would be like to actually become friends with them. I had to admit, without Jordan and Ainsley, there was a missing piece to the crew. Ainsley and I hadn't hung out as much since Sam and I got together. I would make that up to her when she returned. I shared a similar sentiment about Alex, but now that she dated Sara, she was just as preoccupied as me.
Samirah's fingers in my hair drew my attention to her face. Her soft smile, and doting fingers had me leaning into her. She wrapped both arms around me suddenly, and cupped the back of my head as she held me. The whole room fell quiet, and when I looked up, Stella held Sam's gaze, the two of them sharing a silent communication I couldn't begin to understand.
"Rosie," called Alice. "How's work been? I heard you cracked some big serial case with your analyst savvy skills."
"Where'd you hear that?" I perked up at the reflection.
"Marc tells me all the things."
"What kind of case?" Vee jumped on the train in a heartbeat.
"Well…" I sat up a little straighter and sipped my wine before continuing. "Stiles asked me to run a profile on a few connected rape cases. I used some of the details described by the victims, expanded the search and dates, then found dozens of reports. None of the precincts connected anything because everything was scattered around."
"Nice work. The FBI is involved now, right?" Alice continued and I nodded.
"They are." I hadn't thought about the sudden awkwardness of my overlap with Caroline. I figured, however, I wouldn't see her at work much. This work situation wasn't usual for me.
"Amazing. Marc said your presentation was great." Alice wagged her brows at me. "He's a harsh critic so take that to heart."
"I will. Thank you."
"Do you like being an analyst?" asked Vee. "I considered it, but then went the dispatcher route."
"I do. Until recently, it kept me out of the spotlight. I prefer behind the scenes work. Give me an assignment, I complete it, and the day is done," I told them.
"You like a tidy, neatly packed life, too, huh?" Stella grinned and I nodded firmly.
"Oh yeah."
"So does Stella." Alice poked her in the cheek. "Except now she's got me and three little girls, and everything is a mess."
Stella laughed as she kissed Alice's cheek. "Worth it."
"Babe, should I get the bruschetta? We nearly cleared off these trays." Alice gestured to the table where we all did a number on the appetizers.
"Sure, love." She released her and Alice hopped up to grab it. "Sami, you're very quiet tonight."
"I'm enjoying everyone's company," she said, her hand around my waist. I noticed she hadn't eaten much and I reached under the table to squeeze her knee. Her response was to brush her lips over my ear.
"We're glad you both came over," said Stella, leaning back when Alice set down the plates of crispy bread treats. We all dug in at once except Sam. "And I've enjoyed getting to know you better, Rosie."
"It's been good getting to know all of you as well. You're way less intimidating than I expected," I teased and they laughed.
"Who's the scariest of us all?" asked Alice, her brows narrowed.
"Um…" I glanced between their entertained faces, and my gaze fell on the infamous chef. "Stella."
"Me?" She chuckled, her palm pressed to her chest. "Why me?"
Snickers sounded around us and Sam patted my hip.
"Because you're confident and sure of yourself," I said, glancing to Sam.
"Okay, but if you weren't dating Sami, you'd say her, right?" asked Alice, pointing at Sam who laughed softly behind me. Scarlett and Vee both laughed at all of us.
"Yes." I nodded hard, leaning back to meet her gaze. "She is my former pick."
"But now you melt for her," said Stella, leaning her chin on her hand when she propped her elbow on the table. "True?"
"True." I tapped Sam's chin with my finger and she kissed the tip of it. She remained quiet and observant, though the look in her eyes screamed something at me that I couldn't quite decode. I glanced to Scarlett and Vee who gazed at the two of us like a pair of goofy dorks. It made my body heat with shyness, but when I looked back to Stella, she and Sam shared a long gaze only broken by my attention.
Alice broke the tension by spilling the contents off the top of her bruschetta down the front of her shirt. "For shit's sake."
"Allie," Vee said, laughing at her as she stood up. "Such grace."
"Shut your pie hole, Veronica." She tossed a piece of tomato at her before picking up her mess.
Stella chuckled and handed her a napkin before hopping up when the timer went off in the kitchen. She turned on her heel suddenly, and met Sam's gaze. "Sami, come h
elp me a minute."
"Don't trust your wife?" Sam rose from her seat and smooched my cheek before heading off to the kitchen.
"Not after that fumble." Stella snickered as they disappeared into the kitchen.
"Very funny. Look out or I'm going to rescind my request for Vee and Scarlett to watch the girls tonight while we take advantage of their empty apartment," Alice called over her shoulder, and the two women in the kitchen laughed.
"You know we're going to watch them anyway," said Vee after Alice returned to her seat.
"I know, but it's fun to threaten."
"Do they sleep all night?" I asked, glancing between them.
"Oh yeah." Alice nodded, glancing down the hall. "All three of them are out-colders. Even the baby. We lucked out."
"It's because you bring them everywhere with you, including work. They're constantly playing and learning while actively engaging. Rare television, rare video games." Scarlett smiled as she thought of the girls. "It makes for a better adjusted crew."
"Only when they're sick do they fuss during the night. Luckily, their doctor lives down the hall." Alice grinned at Scarlett. "Fastest cures ever."
"Ear infections. Always ear infections." Scarlett laughed and drew her gaze from Alice to Vee. The two of them shared a knowing smile until Vee said, "That's how she formally met Finn, too. She was just about ten."
"You've all been together a long time," I said, mildly intimidated by their dedication to each other.
"Every minute has been worth it," answered Vee first, and Scarlett hugged her around the middle.
"Right back at you, baby," she said, and kissed her neck.
"It wasn't easy for me and Stella in the beginning." Alice glanced to the kitchen when the murmurs grew a little louder. "But I agree. Every minute, worth it."
The sound of a sob, or what I perceived to be one, echoed in the kitchen. Alice turned around to gaze around the corner before looking to me. I made to stand, but she caught me around the middle and urged me away.
"Shh," she whispered, guiding me toward the living room. Vee and Scarlett followed, in a gesture that told me they offered Stella and Sam privacy.
My heart pounded in my chest, and Alice held onto my elbow as we made it to the living room. I looked back at the kitchen, but Alice drew my attention to her the moment the worry for Sam and anxiety struck my chest. I held my breath, fighting the uprising of tears.
"Listen," Alice said, glancing to Vee and Scarlett who sat on the sofa together and turned on the television. "If you go charging in there, Sami will get angry."
"Not at me…"
"Maybe not at you, but anyone or anything else. Let her confide in Stella what she needs to, okay? Be there for her after."
"Why do you know this?" I sniffled and Alice kept her grip on my shoulder. I didn't mind it at the moment and for some reason, her steady posture and words grounded me.
"Because Stella and Sami are friends. And Stella's given me fair warning about the fragility of that at times."
"I don't want her to see me upset." I swiped at my eyes and drew in a deep breath.
"Come out on the balcony. We have a different view than Sam's." Alice nodded toward the double doors that led to the balcony from the living room, and we headed out together.
Unlike Sam's apartment that overlooked the harbor, Alice's exposed us to the great expanse of cityscape. Cars passed below in varied waves, the breeze blew my hair off my face, and the city lights further quelled the unease in my stomach. Alone with Alice, I glanced at her and she offered me a gentle smile.
"I thought something was bothering her. She's quiet and hasn't eaten much," I said, leaning my elbows on the ledge of the balcony as we both looked out.
"I'm pretty sure Stella did, too."
I nodded and let out a slow breath, the anxiety passing as it had been lately with my efforts. "I really love her, Alice."
"I know." Her smile broadened as she watched me for a moment. "Have you told her?"
"Not yet."
"Maybe you should."
"What if she doesn't feel the same way?"
"Only one way to know, Rosie. Stella's told me that Sami trusts no one. Not a soul. She rarely, if ever, dates anyone seriously, but chooses brief pairings. And that day at Ainsley's, she only meant to hook-up with you. Before she followed you outside when you were playing with the girls, she and Ainsley got into a brief exchange. Ainsley wanted her to leave you alone because she knows how Sami can be." Alice's explanation clarified everything that happened during the earlier portion of our relationship.
"It wasn't a hook-up. It isn't," I defended, glancing back to see if Sam emerged yet.
"We know." Alice gestured toward the apartment. "We all know. And this is new for her. She's been through a lot."
Alice's reflection brought me pause, and I glanced at her. "What do you mean?"
"Moving around a lot. Her father's death. Her mother returning to strict cultural roots which kind of left Sam on the outs. Marriage. Divorce. Coming out later in life. It's a lot."
"Oh." I nodded, gulping down the emotions that tangled with the missing piece of Alice's reply. "I understand that."
"You've been through a lot, too. You both have and the two of you are very connected."
"I feel like we are. I just...I've never felt so strongly for someone."
"Honestly, Rosie, it's probably the same for her."
I wasn't sure how much time passed, but eventually, movement inside dragged our attention to our friends. Vee and Scarlett returned to the table with their wine glasses while Stella and Sam brought dinner to the table. Sam's eyes searched the room immediately until she saw me outside. She set down a dish of meatballs, before breaking away from the others to head outside with us. Alice winked at me before jogging inside.
"Let me help, babe," she called out to her wife.
"Hi." I greeted Sam with open arms and she pulled me into an immediate hug. If I hadn't known her as well as I did, I wouldn't have noticed the shimmer in her eyes that spoke of past tears. Otherwise, her perfectly poised doctor face remained in place.
"Hi, baby," she whispered, her lips against my neck as she rubbed my back in slow circles as if soothing me. I mimicked her gesture and her shoulders relaxed a little.
"Do you want to go home, honey?" I asked her and she leaned back, her gaze meeting mine.
"Not yet," she said, stroking her knuckles over my cheeks.
"Okay." I turned to kiss her hand. "Are you hungry now?"
"More than before." She nodded and I took her hand as we returned to the kitchen for dinner.
Unlike before, Sam ate readily and joined the conversations around the table. Stella now became the quieter one of the crew, though if something bothered her, it wasn't evident in her finely chiseled expression. Spending so much time around doctors lately gave me a keen awareness to when they wore their doctor face versus a relaxed expression. Scarlett was the easiest to read of the three. Ainsley, however, rarely had a doctor face at all.
After dinner, the six of us headed to the living room where Alice lit a fire and coffee replaced wine. Samirah leaned against the arm of the couch with me tucked against her. She draped her arm over my shoulder while we listened to Scarlett tell the story of how she and Finn became so close. Following that discussion, Alice recounted how she approached her best friend Marc about donating sperm for her daughters.
"If you ask Nova about Papa Marc, she'll say, 'he helped make us be born,' which is the cutest thing to hear. They don't quite understand it yet, but I'm very happy we made that decision," commented Stella. "We didn't plan for Marc to be so involved, but when we saw how much he loved Nova, we knew we had to expand our family."
"That's such a lovely story," I said, leaning my head back on Sam's shoulder.
"Are you sure that you don't want kids, Rosie?" asked Alice, her lips curved with a smile.
Sam's fingers tensed against me until I shook my head. "I don't think so. I like other people's kids,
but the thought of having to be responsible for the well-being of another is beyond me."
"Understood." Alice's gaze flickered to Sam. "Do you agree?"
"I do. I can hardly take care of myself," she answered and they chuckled.
"Same. And I don't trust myself." The words tumbled from me before I could stop them. "What if I turn out like my mother? What if I hurt them the same way?" I stopped myself then, and all of the women in the room quieted save for Alice.
"You're not your mother, Rosie," she said, her brow narrowing.
Scarlett glanced between Vee and Alice, though Stella's gaze locked on Sam.
"You're not your mother," reiterated Vee. She held her hand out to me from her spot beside the sofa. I looked between it and her eyes, before accepting the gesture. She gave my hand a squeeze of support before releasing me.
"Are you very afraid of that? Of being your mother?" asked Stella and I nodded.
"I am. I see you and Alice with the girls and Vee with Finnley. I know what good mothers look like. I could never be like that...I'm too at risk," I admitted.
Sam's arms wrapped around my middle, and her lips pressed against my ear. "You're not broken, baby. You don't hurt other people."
I hugged her arms and leaned into her as a wave of emotion tightened my stomach.
"Rosie," called Stella, rolling to her knees as she neared. "I've seen you with my daughters." Her deep sapphire eyes bore into mine. "I trust that you're going to keep them safe. I trust that you have their best interest at heart. And I trust that you would protect them, no matter what. Know why?"
I shook my head as her words scorched places in my psyche once scarred by the pain of my experiences.
"Some people who survive what you have become superheroes in their own right. I have no doubt that if it came down to it, you would protect my girls with your own life if given the choice." She gestured around us. "And the rest of us as well."
A small smile crept to my lips and I blinked away a few tears. "I would protect your girls if I could. And everyone."
"We know, Rosie," said Alice, smiling. "We know."
Chapter Fourteen
Ainsley joined me for lunch later that week, and we sat in my office amidst my paperwork on the ongoing serial case. I tucked away some of the papers in neat piles so we had space to share a pizza.
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