by Staci Hart
27
Hope Not
STELLA
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, hoping she’d say no.
Elsie’s doe eyes peered up at me as she nodded. “I believe you, Stella, and I’m grateful you came to tell me about Dex. But if I’m not here, I won’t hear the truth with my own ears. He’ll lie. And I’m afraid I’ll believe him.”
A heavy sigh slid out of me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked.
“Bust Dex and humiliate him? I’m always in for that, but I’m more worried about what it’ll do to you.”
“It was my idea, so try not to think about me. I’ll be okay, especially if there’s booze on the premises.”
“Plenty for you and me both.”
“Thank you for doing this. Especially since … well, I heard about your breakup. I’m sorry, Stella. I don’t know what happened, but I’ve seen you two together. You were … I don’t know. You just looked right together, does that make sense?”
I did my best to smile. “Well, things aren’t always what they seem. Like Dex.”
It was her turn to sigh. “Like Dex. Although I hope Levi didn’t treat you like Dex did.”
“No,” I answered with a pang in my chest. “No, he was much better than that. But sometimes things are just too broken to glue back together. And when trust is broken, it’s almost impossible to mend. Especially the second time.”
She nodded just as the doorbell rang. The two of us jumped at the sound, and Elsie hurried into my bathroom and shut off the light, closing the door but for a crack.
I turned for the door, wiping my damp palms and smoothing my dress in the same motion. The last thing I’d expected when I told Elsie the truth about Dex hitting on me was for her to suggest we set him up. But I couldn’t pretend like I wouldn’t enjoy it, as nervous as I was.
At least it was a distraction from Levi. And I would take all the distractions I could get, especially if they got me out of my pajamas.
I took a deep breath as I approached the door, telling myself I was prepared for what was on the other side. My hand paused over the doorknob just long enough for me to take another fortifying breath and put on a smile. And when I opened that door, I found exactly what I was looking for.
Dex looked like a dream, a tall, blond, familiar dream. A dream that had turned into a nightmare, wearing a jackal smile, wielding thieving hands.
“You came,” I said wistfully, doing my best not to flinch when he leaned in and kissed me.
The connection was unexpected and alien and utterly wrong—noted with an aching heart now that I knew what the right lips felt like—but I endured the gentle brush of his mouth with the patience of a hunter.
When he backed away, it was with a smile and a hot look. “I’ve missed that.”
“Me too,” I lied. “Come on in.”
He slithered past me, surveying the room.
“Want a drink?”
“Sure. Scotch.”
With that bullshit smile on my face, I headed to the bar cart and poured him a finger of scotch and another for myself, walking them back to him. He watched me approach like the opportunistic fuck that he was. How had I not noticed it before? How had it taken two full years of neglect, a painful rejection, and Levi for me to realize that Dex was the very last thing I wanted in a man? It baffled me that I could be so dense.
But tonight, I’d pretend like he was the center of the universe so I could settle the score.
He took the crystal glass and held it out for a toast. “To us.”
I couldn’t repeat him, so I just smiled and said, “Cheers.”
A clink of glass, and I took a sip that turned into a searing gulp that burned its way through my chest. I coughed, lips closed, and he laughed.
“You’re not fucking around tonight, are you, Stell?”
“Nope,” I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward my bedroom, depositing my glass on an end table as we passed.
He chuckled like a patronizing shit and followed without argument, just like I knew he would.
My room had been sexified with low lights and quiet music. I’d considered candles, but Dex didn’t deserve candles any more than he deserved the kiss he’d stolen. The second we crossed the threshold, he stopped and turned with hungry eyes, leaning in for another kiss, but I backed away playfully, smiling at him as I shut the door. And he watched every step while he kicked back the rest of his drink and set the glass on my dresser.
When I approached again, I laid a hand on his chest and applied enough pressure that he knew where to go, which was backward toward my bed.
Here we go.
“I’m glad you came,” I cooed as I walked him back. “You were right the other night to try to talk me into this.”
“Anytime you need somebody to talk sense into you, give me a call.”
I laughed like he was the funniest and guided him to sit. I found I liked looking down at him very much. “I just didn’t know if you were serious until then. You know, because of Elsie. I just”—I tucked my hair behind my ear—“I thought you didn’t believe in monogamy. So when you moved in with her so soon, I didn’t understand.”
Everything about him smacked of starvation, from his greedy hands to his smiling lips to the smoldering heat in his eyes. Those hands traced the curves of my waist and ass as he spoke. “Elsie was just a phase. I thought I could do it, the whole settle-down thing, but I couldn’t. Especially not when I saw you with him.”
I stroked his face, sliding one leg along the outside of his, then the other until I straddled his waist. “Poor thing. When are you going to tell her?”
Hypnotized by my lips, he hummed into a question mark, “Hmm?”
“When are you going to tell her? About this. I assume you haven’t.”
“You assume right, but I will. I’ll tell her soon.”
I pouted. “But you’re still going to live with her?”
He shrugged. “Dunno. But come on, Stell. You know sharing me is part of the deal. Does it matter that I’m living with Elsie?”
“Not to me, but don’t you think maybe she should know?”
“Listen,” he soothed, “Elsie isn’t like you and me. She has all these … feelings, you know? She wouldn’t get it. So let me handle her. I’ll tell her when the time is right. And in the meantime”—he flipped me over—“I’m gonna fuck you until you can’t walk. God, I’ve missed you.”
He descended for a kiss, but I stopped him with both hands on his chest. I hardened to steel, cut by a knife smile. “Heard enough, Elsie?”
His eyes flew open, wide and shocked and snapping to the sound of my bathroom door opening. Sweet Elsie stood in the doorway, her cheeks shining with tears and her face twisted in pain. Even crying, she was heartbreakingly beautiful.
Dex scrambled off of me, sputtering. “Elsie? What … how did you … where …” It didn’t dawn on him until he looked back at me and saw sheer retribution in my eyes. A flash of fury shot across his face before he wiped it smooth and turned back to her. “Babe, this isn’t what you think. I swear—”
She shook her head and backed away when he reached for her, bumping into my nightstand, the jolt of which knocked the books to the floor. My planner hit the ground with a thump, and the contents spurted out of the top in a brazen display of my secret.
I tore my eyes from that to Elsie and Dex as he tried to mollify her.
“Stop,” she whispered.
“Els, you have to believe me. I love you—I’d never hurt you. Especially not with her.” He spat the pronoun like his mouth was full of sour milk.
“Stop,” she said again, a little louder.
“What happened to fucking me until I couldn’t walk?” I asked smartly. “Don’t listen to him, Elsie. He’s a fucking liar and a cheat. I wasted two years on him. Don’t make my mistake.”
“I … I didn’t want to believe her,” Elsie said, her breath hitching and eyes searching his face. “I couldn’t believe
it was true. But Stella has no reason to lie—”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he shot. “She has every reason to lie. She’s jealous that I love you when I never loved her. I never chose her like I chose you, and it kills her.”
The hot slice of pain in my heart stole my breath. “Maybe once, but not anymore. Now I know better.”
His face swiveled, bent in fury. “Shut the fuck up, Stella. You’ve done enough.”
“The way I see it, you’ve done enough.”
Ignoring me, he turned back to Elsie, pinned against the wall with nothing more than his presence. “Elsie, let’s go home and talk about this,” he soothed. “You know I love you.”
“Please, Dex. Please stop.” She tried to slide away, but he stopped her with his hand on the wall.
“Don’t do this.”
My hackles rose at the sight of her trapped and searching for escape like a baby deer in front of a wolf. The tone of his voice, the strength of his stance.
He’s going to hit her.
Danger sparked, alive and electric in the room. I moved to intervene, prepared for a blow and ready for a fight, if that was what it took to get her away from him.
But before I could get there, her face wrenched up, her eyes full of anger and betrayal.
“I said, stop!” she yelled, shoving him hard enough to knock him back in surprise.
She slipped away, but he snagged her arm. And when she whirled around, it was with an open palm.
The smack of flesh rang in the room. Elsie was fury, and Dex was defeat.
“Don’t do this?” she asked. “I didn’t do anything. It was you, you asshole. You.”
Again, he reached for her, and again, she spun away, hurrying to my side where we stood to face him.
“You need to leave, Dex,” I said.
He stank of spite. “You have really fucked with the wrong guy, Stella. If you think I’m keeping quiet about your little secret, you’re fucking wrong.”
“You know, I remembered something the other day, something I think your father would be very interested in. Your stepmom too. It’d be a shame if your dad got so angry you fucked his wife that he tampered with your trust, wouldn’t it?”
He growled. “You wouldn’t.”
“I won’t if you won’t. Food for thought. Now get the fuck out of my apartment.”
“And don’t show up at mine,” Elsie added.
Dex’s raging eyes bounced between the two of us a few times before he finally accepted his position. “Fuck you, Stella,” he said as he passed.
I ignored him, not wanting to goad him any more than I already had as I followed him to the door, giving him a wide berth, just in case. Just in case of what, I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
“This isn’t over,” he said from the doorway.
“Pretty sure it is. Don’t fuck with me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t text me or call me. And that goes for Elsie too.”
He watched me through a long pause. “I never thought I could hate you. But here we are.”
“Here we are,” I echoed. “See you around, Dex.”
“You’d better hope not.”
The door slammed shut, and I sighed my relief, hurrying back to my bedroom where I found Elsie sitting on the edge of my bed, crying.
I sat silently beside her, gathering her up. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Elsie.”
But she shook her head. “This was m-m-my idea—don’t be s-sorry. I always do this. I always trust the wrong guys.”
“You and me both.”
We were quiet for a minute, aside from her shuddering breath as she tried to collect herself.
“You’re a good friend, Stella. A good person. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel any less than that.”
“Hey, us suckers have to stick together, right?”
A sad chuckle. “Right.” She sighed. “What are the odds of him actually staying away tonight?”
“Slim to none. If you don’t want to go home, you’re welcome to stay here. I have a spare room.”
“Don’t, like, ten people live here?”
I laughed. “You’d think. I collect strays.”
Another sigh. “Thank you, Stella.”
“You’re welcome. What do you say to that drink?”
“I’d say fill ’er up.”
“Good. There’s a bar cart in the kitchen—help yourself. I’ll be right behind you.”
She smiled at me for a long moment before launching herself at me. “You’re magic,” she whispered into my hair.
“Blood magic maybe,” I joked.
“No. Real live fairy godmother glitter magic. And I’m thankful to get a little stardust on me.”
Before I could argue, she bounded off, smiling at me over her shoulder.
Fuck Dex for mistreating her. Fuck him so hard. I found it no surprise that he’d been struck by her and, sadly, no surprise that he’d hurt her.
That happened to be his modus operandi, the spoiled fuck.
With a noisy exhale, I picked myself up and made my way around the bed to clean up the mess. As I knelt, I reached for my planner, stroking the invitations that had spilled out. It was so conspicuous, I wondered if the tables were turned, would I have looked? If I’d found something suspect, would I have fallen prey to my curiosity?
And I knew I’d have been no better than Levi.
I’d told myself a story, made up the mantra that he’d lied too many times to entertain another. But there was a reason under that reason, the truth of my fear.
I’d been fooled before—by him, no less—and the thought of being fooled again was too much to bear. So I’d pushed him out, sent him away, even though it wasn’t what I wanted. Even though it hurt us both. And as if that wasn’t enough, I’d offended him so deeply, I didn’t know if there would be any coming around.
No, it was too complicated between us to ask for forgiveness. Better to just walk away, even if it was through broken glass.
I slipped the invitations back inside and closed the planner, stacking it on my other books before pulling them into my chest, my fingers stroking the spine, wishing I could tell him how wrong I was.
And my heart was full of regret.
28
The Choice
LEVI
“You wanted to see me?” I asked from Marcella’s doorway, my senses zinging. Because I was pretty sure I was about to get either a good, old-fashioned dressing-down or I was about to get fired, and neither would be pleasant.
She offered me a smile, but it wasn’t particularly warm. “I did. Have a seat, Levi.”
I did as I’d been told, leaning back in the chair with an air of equanimity I didn’t feel. I didn’t speak.
She folded her hands on the desktop. “I hear you’ve lost your connection to the Bright Young Things.”
“That is true.”
“Yara says you can’t get it back, but I find that hard to believe. Getting into places you don’t belong has never been a problem for you before.”
“I didn’t say I couldn’t. I said I wouldn’t.”
“I see.” She sighed and sat back, feigning casualness. “Well, you promised me an eight-article series, plus a magazine feature, in exchange for a padded bank account and a trip to Syria. So what do you suggest we do from here?”
The words said negotiation, but that wasn’t what we were doing. My jaw tightened.
“You knew this was contingent on my ability to get into the parties. What do you suggest I do? Because using Stella isn’t an option. I’m a good liar, but I’ll never be that good.”
“I don’t really care how you do it.”
I exhaled a focused stream so I didn’t snap. “I have a lead on Warren. I could write one more article with what I have, then a big wrap-up, and a big-picture piece for the magazine feature.”
“That wasn’t our agreement.”
My nostrils flared. “I’ll still fulfill my commitment with the story itself, but you’ve gotta cut me so
me slack, Marcella.”
“I might be your boss, but I’m not the boss. Subscriptions jump with every article. Engagement is higher than it’s been in twenty years. They want more, and they’ve tasked me with delivering. It’s not just your neck on the line—it’s mine too.”
We held eyes for a long, assessing moment before I spoke. “I can promise you two more articles and the big-picture piece. If they want to fire me, that’s their prerogative. If you want to take Syria, be my guest. But I’m not going to lie my way back in.”
“Not even for your job?”
“There’s nothing you could offer me that would change my mind.”
“Seems a little shortsighted.”
“It does. Short-term gain—my job. Long-term loss—my self-respect. I’ll give you what you want and get a bunch of things that don’t really matter, but I’ll lose everything that does.”
“Stella Spencer’s good graces?”
“My dignity. My morals. And Stella Spencer’s well-being. Her good graces aren’t anything I could hope to find my way back into.”
“So that’s your final word?”
“That’s it. Tell whoever you need to tell. Or fire me on the spot. I’m sure I can find somebody to buy the piece, especially when I tell them I know who Cecelia Beaton is.”
Her face shot open in a rare moment of surprise. “You what?”
“I know who she is. The last piece in the series will be the exposé.”
A smile curled on her lips. “You should have led with that, Levi. I’m pretty sure you can have whatever you want if you write that piece.”
“I’ll settle for my job and the Syria gig.”
“Give me that article, and I’ll promote you and book your ticket to Syria right now.” She was all smiles. “So a lead on Warren?”
“A little one, but a lead nonetheless. In fact,” I said, standing, “I need to run if I’m going to follow it.”
“Go, go,” she urged, waving me out. “Learn all the things and make us famous.”
She’d never know how fucking annoyed I was that nobody seemed to give a shit about what’d happened with me and Stella, only how it affected them. Not that I would tell them if they asked, but their blatant disregard hadn’t gone unnoticed. And not that they were my friends. It just seemed the decent thing to do, something that would have made me feel more like a human and less like a commodity.