by Kay Lyons
Nick’s arms tightened around her. “What?”
“I think in his heart my dad tried to be helpful, but Todd pointed out my flaws simply to be mean. He did it when we were arguing about something or he wasn’t getting his way. I felt like a failure all the time, because no matter what I did I didn’t do it right. Didn’t look right.”
“According to Dixon or your father,” Nick said. “I’m sure you were fine, better than fine,” he soothed her. “Just like you are now.”
“Just like you are, Nick.” She lifted her head and stared up at him, able to see the pain in his eyes. “There’s a difference with your father. I see it, even if you don’t. Your father and mine are alike. Both might get upset with us, both might point out our flaws, but they still love us. Anger didn’t bring your father over to talk to us a little bit ago, love did. Concern.”
“You feel that way about Dixon?”
“No. I think I was convenient for Todd and that was all. I’d just graduated, so I was out of school and could work and take care of our home, pay the bills. I think for Todd I was a stand-in, until he found the woman he really wanted. I just wish I had seen it before I married him, so I wouldn’t feel like such a failure now.”
“You’re not a failure.” He squeezed her gently. “Hear me? If anyone is a failure here, it’s me,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I’ll never be what my father wants me to be. It’s impossible.”
“What does he want you to be that you aren’t already?”
Nick went silent, his expression becoming guarded. Jenn tried a different tactic. “Nick, you don’t have to be anyone but yourself. You’re an adult, a successful man people admire. Maybe the answer lies in you and your father having an honest heart-to-heart. Have you ever tried that with him?”
A look of longing flashed across his face and then it changed to resignation. “That work for you?”
She couldn’t hold the eye contact. “I’ve forgiven my sister, but some things can’t be forgotten. It would be foolish to turn a blind eye to them when I’m the one who’s usually hurt. Trust is…fragile.”
Nick lifted her face with a hand under her chin. “I meant with your self-image. You ever look in the mirror and decide to deal with what you see? The majority of the world isn’t a size six, sweetheart.”
Her shoulders sank. “I know, but—”
“No buts. Exercising for health, or to relieve stress, is one thing. Doing it because you have some impossible, unhealthy image in your head that you’re hoping to achieve is another. You do that, and you still tear yourself down. Just like Dixon and your father.”
“Is that why you were so insistent today? Trying to make me say that I…was worth it?”
“Not was. Are. You are worth fighting for. You need to exercise and eat right for you, because you want to do it for yourself, no one else, and not for some image.” He leaned back a bit as if to get a better look at her face. “That inner diva you’re looking for? The one who dances on tables?”
“Do you have to keep bringing that up?”
“Yeah, because to find her, you have to acknowledge your good qualities. That woman is a combination of things—health, happiness and inner strength. Attitude,” he said with a knowing expression, “takes self-confidence. Self-confidence means believing in yourself and your abilities as a woman. That takes strength, both physical and emotional and all of that,” he murmured, his finger sliding up to her temple to stroke it, “is right here.” A wry smile pulled at his lips. “And trust me, sweetheart, you’ve got more than enough brains to do this. All you need is the right attitude about yourself and you’ll be able to dance on any table you choose.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It’s not. But it is a decision. You have to make a choice, once and for all, to think, behave and be a certain way. We reap what we sow, that’s what my grandfather always said. If you’re negative, it shows. If you’re happy and feeling good about yourself, that shows. But you have to believe you are worth fighting for. You have to be able to say it, too.”
“I’m worth it,” she whispered softly, thinking of Todd, Megan, letting their cruel words fuel her drive to succeed. “We’re worth it, Nick.”
As Jen spoke, Nick’s gaze lowered, became hooded, silver-blue, fastening on her mouth until she felt compelled to part her lips to draw in more air.
Nick stilled at the sight, the tension between them rising like a flash flood, all rush and noise and chaotic thoughts before he lowered his head as if he simply couldn’t help himself, and gave her a serious open-mouthed kiss.
A low groan escaped him, rough and seductive, bone-meltingly hot. She shivered in response, her hands slipping beneath Nick’s lightweight suit jacket to the expanse of his back. The heat radiating off his body warmed her like no blanket ever could. Nick’s big, calloused hands slid down her neck to her shoulders, wrapped around her and moved lower to her hips. He cupped her behind.
“A confident woman turns me on,” he whispered against her mouth.
Oh, baby. She gasped, then held him tight as Nick kissed her. He had all the experience of a man familiar with women, but there was also a heartbreaking tenderness there, indicative of a tortured soul. Thanks to his father, Nick understood the hurt and pain that loved ones had the power to inflict; understood Jenn better than just about anyone, despite their differences.
In that moment, Jenn wasn’t big or overweight or fat. She was simply the woman Nick wanted. Honest with him and hot because of it. She might be above average in dress size but he was bigger, taller and broader, all hard muscle and man. Nick made her feel small and feminine. Made her appreciate her softness. Made her believe he appreciated it because she was worth appreciating.
Tears burned her eyelids, but Nick’s tongue stroked hers and distracted her from her thoughts. Molasses-slow and lazily erotic. Her senses reeled.
Their noses brushed, their breath mingled, but all she could focus on was the feel of Nick’s touch. His taste. The stroke of his tongue on hers, the nip of his lips and teeth as he played with her mouth before ravishing it with the sort of piratical delight she’d only read about in books and magazines. This was what she needed. Him.
Farther down, the patio the doors burst open and a laughing group of people emerged, loud and boisterous. Young. Jenn froze and broke away from the kiss, embarrassed to have been caught in such a public display. A quick peek at the group had her stifling a moan and praying the group didn’t look over their shoulders, but thankfully the parade of local teens disappeared down a set of stairs on the far end.
“Um…” She cleared her throat and slid sideways along the railing. She couldn’t look at Nick. If she did she was afraid she’d throw herself into his arms and beg him to continue. But where would that leave her at the end of summer, when his kisses made it nearly impossible for her to remain standing?
You know perfectly well he’s out of your league. He always has been. You want a summer of fun, not a broken heart.
“We should probably go back inside. Your family will be waiting for us.”
“They can wait.”
Nick might not care that his family loved him and wanted him to celebrate with them, but she did. She missed her parents. At times she even missed her sister. When they were little, they’d been close, and it wasn’t until they’d gotten older that the battles had really begun.
Nick took a few deep breaths. His profile was cast in moonlight, the harsh angles and planes sharpened by the shadows.
Out of your league.
The door opened nearby and Matt walked through. “Dad?”
Nick sighed, the sound rough and exhausted. “Over here, Matt.”
“Everyone is waiting for you and Ms. Rose.”
Nick looked at her, his expression growing dark again. “Half an hour. Then we’re out of here.”
Chapter 13
NICK DROPPED INTO THE comfortable leather recliner opposite his TV and stared at the blank screen, amazed he’d survived the nig
ht with his family.
When Jenn had finally said she was worth it, something had changed between them. He saw her fighting spirit, her determination, and he’d liked it. Jenn was a sweetheart, the kind of woman who’d say that having a diploma didn’t matter. But it would, it did. And he couldn’t expect anything from her other than a casual friendship/acquaintance, because she’d pity him and his lack of abilities when she finally learned the truth.
He wouldn’t have gone to the dinner without her, and he was man enough to admit that with Jenn there things had been a lot easier. They’d stayed longer than a half hour, too. Jenn had restarted the conversation whenever there’d been a lull, and more than once she’d looked at him with her sweet girl-next-door face. He’d found himself unable to look away. Found himself smiling, talking, not only to her but to his brothers. Occasionally to his parents, too.
“Dad?”
Nick got up and walked down the hall to Matt’s bedroom. He leaned against the doorway, noting Matt had chosen a T-shirt and basketball shorts over a pair of his traditional cartoon pajamas. His son was growing up too fast, just as Gram had said. Being a father wasn’t easy, but Nick had done it. And yet Gram had a point. Matt needed others to talk to, people Matt could trust. And despite his differences with his father, Nick knew his family would do anything for Matt. His son needed to know that. “Yeah, bub?”
“Do you like her? Ms. Rose?”
He stepped into the bedroom and walked over to sit on the side of Matt’s bed. “Why do you ask?”
“I heard Gram and Grandma talking about her. They said she was nice.”
“Jenn…Ms. Rose is nice. Do you like her?”
Matt nodded, his expression serious. “But…”
Nick braced a hand on the other side of Matt’s legs and waited patiently. “But what?”
“She’s nice ’n’ all, but what if I can’t do it? You know, learn all the stuff she’s trying to teach me? Then she won’t like me ’cause I’m a loser.”
The words struck deep and made a gaping wound. Matt’s fear was very real to Nick, one he understood. As a child, Matt still had the ability to overcome the problem with Jenn’s help. Nick didn’t—and it was a humiliation he’d never be able to change. Not even for her.
“Ms. Rose isn’t the type of person to do that, Matt. You can tell by the way she looks at people, especially kids. You saw those girls earlier tonight. They came over to give Ms. Rose hugs when they didn’t have to. They did it because they like her. She wouldn’t treat you any differently.”
But what about him?
“But she’s really smart, though and…I’m not. If I was, I wouldn’t need so much help.”
“Ms. Rose is smart, but so are you, and I don’t want to hear any more talk like that. Everybody needs help every now and again.” Thank God Matt was smarter than Nick had been at that age. He’d be fine, Jenn would see to it. Nick smiled and squeezed Matt’s shoulder. “She’s so smart, she knows a good thing when she sees it. That’s why she’ll like you no matter what.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Will you like me if I can’t do it?”
How many times had he asked that question in his head? Afraid to say it to his father? Afraid the answer wouldn’t be the one he needed to hear?
Nick pulled Matt into his arms and hugged him tight. “I love you, Matt. No matter what.”
Matt sniffled and buried his head deeper against Nick’s chest. “But what about Ms. Rose? Do you like her?”
There was a question in Matt’s eyes that Nick didn’t like. A hope and expectation. “Ms. Rose and I are just friends. You wouldn’t be trying to matchmake like Gram, would you?”
Matt ducked his head, a bashful grin on his lips. “She liked Ms. Rose an awful lot.”
Gram liked any woman who had the ability to get Nick to a family dinner. “No scheming with Gram, you hear me? Ms. Rose and I are friends, nothing more. She goes for guys like…like your uncle Ethan.”
“Oh. Why not you? Why wouldn’t she like you like that?”
Nick eased Matt back onto the bed and tucked the covers in around him. “People can’t pick who they like, son. They just do. And Ms. Rose has a lot in common with guys like your uncle Ethan—not guys like me. Good night, Matt.”
“’Night, Dad.”
Nick ruffled his son’s hair before leaving his bedroom, going into his own and dropping onto the mattress to stare up at the ceiling. He needed to go lock up, set the alarm. But he didn’t move.
Images flashed through his head. Jennifer’s smile, the lush feel of her against him. Her earnest expression and the dazed passion-glazed look she’d had right after he’d kissed her. Matt worried that he wasn’t smart enough for Ms. Rose. As for Nick, he knew he could stop worrying—he definitely wasn’t. And it was only a matter of time before she found that out. He’d thought he’d suffered enough humiliation in his life, but what happened fifteen years ago when he’d dropped out had only been the beginning.
SO, GIVE ME AN UPDATE,” Suzanne ordered as soon as Jenn pressed the phone to her ear and murmured hello. “How are things going between you and Nick? The diet? Matt? I want all the details—just skip the boring parts.”
Jenn rolled her eyes and searched for a decent pair of socks. Finding a set, she pulled them from the drawer. “It’s going. How was Hawaii?”
“Absolutely amazing. I’ll bring pictures over to show you in a day or so after I get some laundry done. You won’t believe how green and lush everything was. Now, about your gorgeous trainer?”
“I’ve lost a few pounds, I can walk three miles without keeling over and my suit fit from two Easters ago.”
“That’s great! I knew you could do it. But why are you being so quiet about Nick—did something happen?” Her voice took on an edge of excitement. “Did it?”
“Sort of. He, um, kissed me.”
“A real kiss?”
“Yeah.”
“You say that so calmly. Spill! And don’t leave anything out.”
“First off, I don’t think he meant for it to happen. Which makes it horrible and not a good thing.”
“How do you get that? Nick is a gorgeous hunk of male and he’s nice to boot. Oh, I was so hoping the guy-friend thing would turn into something more.”
“Yeah, you were pretty obvious about that. But kissing me was a huge mistake, Suzanne. He just did it because he was upset and angry at his family. And me.”
“Why was he angry at you?”
Jenn took a deep breath and sighed, then related the story of how she’d met Rosetta Tulane and pressured Nick into going to the rehearsal dinner.
“Oh, honey. Why did you push it when he said no? Nick gets along with his family the way you say you get along with your sister.”
“I know that now, but I didn’t realize it at the time or think it could be that bad. It didn’t take long to figure out Nick wasn’t kidding. To make it worse, Todd showed up.”
“What did he want?”
“To be himself. Todd got the promotion at the hospital, instead of Nick’s brother Ethan.”
“No.”
“Exactly. And since the family was all there for a wedding celebration, Todd just had to make a scene.”
“Where did the kiss come in?”
She sighed heavily. “Outside on the balcony.”
“Under the moonlight? How sweet!”
“It was…We were talking and…and connecting. And he kissed me. But then it ended and I realized I don’t stand a chance. Suzanne, get real. We have nothing in common.”
“Opposites attract.”
Opposites maybe, but polar opposites? Jenn held the phone between her shoulder and head as she struggled to pull on a pair of pants. “Weren’t you listening? He kissed me because he was angry and upset over what happened with his family and Todd. Not because he wanted to.”
“Did he say he didn’t want to kiss you? Because I’m not hearing it. And I’ve never known a
man to kiss a woman he didn’t want to kiss, except maybe a grandma with a hairy chin. Go back. What, exactly, did he say? When did this happen?”
Jenn did her best to fill in the gaps in her story and waited for Suzanne’s response to Nick’s suggestion about finding her diva side.
“He talked to you about that?”
“Yeah. But just for the summer. And I’d like to but…”
“Do it. There’s only one way to find out if it could lead to more.”
“You don’t get it. You weren’t there. Suzanne, after Nick kissed me we had to go back inside and sit through dinner, and when he took me home, he didn’t say a word. Not a word.”
“Was Matt with you?”
“Yes, but…”
“Well, there you go. Getting involved is one thing, but getting involved with kids who’d get attached is another. He probably just wanted to be discreet.”
Could it be?
“You don’t have to decide today, you know. Why not hang out and take things slow? If it’s meant to happen, it will.”
“I know, but…Maybe you’re right. I just don’t want to make another mistake like I made with Todd. I married one guy and then he became another. When people started calling Todd ‘Doctor’, he developed this God complex and started acting like a jerk. Lying and cheating, like it was okay because it was him.”
“Nick’s not Todd.”
“I know that, but I’m afraid. I don’t want to get my hopes up over a man who’s already setting limits on the relationship. Nick specifically talks only about the summer. Why would he do that if he was open to more?”
He wouldn’t and Jenn knew it. So did Suzanne, if her silence was anything to go by.
“So what’s next?”
“Ugh. How do I get myself into these things? This evening is the wedding. And I don’t have a dress. I have to look good for this, especially after last night.”
“So, we’ll go shopping.”
“I can’t. I’m getting ready to go work out, even though I keep praying Nick won’t be there.”