“Just tell me,” he laughed brokenly.
“Do you…have any feelings…for me?” My voice had gotten weaker as the sentence continued so I was not sure he heard me, but with the way he stilled suddenly, I knew he had, and his reaction made me very nervous. Then, he surprised me.
“Ugh, I was worried about this…” he sighed, putting his head in his hands and rubbing his face. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable during the Halloween party, I just…I don’t know, I did what I thought would be the least suspicious. I’m sorry.”
“Whoa, this isn’t about the Halloween party,” I said.
Clark looked at me suspiciously and a little nervously.
“Then…why do you ask?”
“Clark…” I said, feeling embarrassed and now very confused.
“Well, I can’t exactly say either answer without offending or weirding you out somehow,” he groaned.
“What do you mean?”
“If I say yes, things get awkward between us and then our plan goes bad,” he said. “But if I say no, you might think that there’s something wrong with you,” he said, looking at me innocently. Relief spread through me. “Which there’s not.”
“I won’t take it that way,” I assured, unable to keep myself from smiling as the relief allowed me to breathe again. He let out a breath and smiled.
“No, Lily,” he shook his head. “I don’t, it’s okay.”
I smiled.
“Do you have feelings for me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Would you be offended if I said no?” I smiled carefully.
“No,” he shook his head. “I would be relieved actually.” He turned to me quickly. “Wait, that came out wrong!”
“Clark, it’s okay,” I assured with a laugh. “I know you don’t mean anything against me. I’m pretty relieved as well.”
“Okay, I’m glad,” he nodded with a bark of laughter. “What brought this up all of a sudden?”
“Well…I was thinking,” I started, turning back to my drawing. “My friends have been asking if we’re dating because we’re spending so much time together, and our parents also think we’re going out.” I looked at him seriously. “We could say we are so that it doesn’t seem weird when we’re going out on the weekends and spending so much time together.”
He raised an eyebrow at me.
“Would you be okay with that?” he asked. “What if word got back to Dana?”
“We would just say it’s a stupid rumor,” I shrugged. “I mean…no matter what, we’re going to piss him off somehow, so we might as well try to appease as many people as possible by saying we’re together.”
“If you’re alright with that, I’ll play along,” Clark nodded.
“Are you alright with that?”
“I think it’s a good idea,” he agreed, turning back to his laptop and sighing heavily. “And it would keep my mother from pestering me about asking you out.”
“Has she been doing that?” I laughed.
“Yes…” he groaned.
We both went back to what we were doing, but two minutes later, my brain clicked.
“Hey, Clark…have you ever had a girlfriend?”
His typing stopped, caught off guard by the question.
“…no…”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“Really?” he asked. “That’s unexpected.”
“Why?”
“You’re beautiful and smart…it just seems surprising that no one would ask you out.”
“Most guys our age are scared of me,” I chuckled brokenly. “What’s your excuse?”
“Have we met?” he chuckled brokenly. “One, I look like this,” he motioned to his face, “and two, I’m shy. I can’t just walk up to girls I like and talk to them.”
“Do you have anyone you like right now?” I leered teasingly. He glanced at me, looking defensive.
“Do you?”
“We’re not talking about me,” I said quickly. “What was that look? You do have someone you like right now,” I said with a smile. “Who is it? Tell me!”
“No!” he snapped, turning back to his computer, his face turning red.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s none of your business…”
“What are you, twelve?” I teased. “It’s fine, just tell me.”
“No…” he said. “You’ll laugh…”
“Why would I laugh?” I asked, brushing the statement off. I wanted him to trust me. I figured, maybe, if he told me who he liked, I could also tell him about my relationship with Mykail. I knew as soon as the revolution got underway, I would be unable to hide the relationship, and since Mykail wanted to remove his tracers, that meant that he would be participating in our revolution, which would mean that Clark would see the two of us together.
“Because it’s stupid…” he said quietly, trying to disappear behind his laptop screen.
“No, I’m sure it’s not stupid,” I gently assured. “And I do mean that. You could tell me that you liked Mark and I would not laugh.”
Clark glanced at me sideways, glaring slightly.
“Do you really get that vibe from me?” he asked jokingly, trying to take the attention off of the question I had asked.
“No, but I still wouldn’t laugh,” I said. “Come on, tell me.”
“Why should I?”
“Because maybe I could help you,” I said. “I could see if she likes you, too. That’s the great thing about having a friend who is a girl. You can get all the inside information.”
“She doesn’t like me,” he shook his head, looking away.
“You don’t know that.”
“I’m pretty damn sure.”
“Please, Clark, just tell me,” I said, curiosity getting the better of me. “Please, please, please…”
Clark groaned and rolled his eyes, hiding his face in his hands. I was reminded of the first time I saw Clark and how shy he was. With all the time I had been spending with him, I had forgotten how utterly shy he was until that moment.
“…promise you won’t laugh?” he pled.
“I promise.”
He took a deep breath and, with his face hidden in his hands, he said a name, though I only caught the end of it. However, that did not keep me from quickly understanding who he was talking about.
“…cca…”
I blinked.
Oh…
The situation was awkward now. Clark did not know that Becca was a lesbian who was in love with Jill who was infatuated with Devon who seemed to be interested in me…
The situation was worse than I thought it would be.
“See? Was that so hard?” I said with a smile, trying to stop the horrible pain in my heart at realizing Clark’s obliviousness to his own situation and the situation of the girl he liked.
“Yes,” he groaned. “Listen, don’t tell her, okay?” he pled, looking at me seriously. “I know she doesn’t have feelings for me. It’s just a stupid crush, okay? Don’t say anything. Promise me that you won’t say anything!”
“I won’t say anything.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
I knew that breaking experiments out of the Commission was going to be difficult, but I did not expect it to be so difficult. Clark and I were arguing hopelessly about the picture I had drawn to represent a simplified version of the blueprints Clark compiled together.
Our biggest problem was figuring out how we were going to get the experiments out of their cells and then get them to a location where we could break them out without tipping off the security and bringing the entire Commission on us. The cells that we needed to get to were spread out, and with how far the Commission extended, it was difficult to determine how long we would need to get everyone to the same spot where we could potentially break out.
When Clark and I were sick of arguing, we finished our Wednesday with me giving him the finished sketched email message and telling him to make seven versions
with pictures of different people who had been taken into the Commission. As a tribute, I also told him to use a picture of Miranda and Julie that I had asked Becca for. It was a very sweet picture with Miranda hugging her little sister, and I knew that with the message “Why did the Commission of the People take me?” people would question who the people in the picture were.
I wanted that one to be our most widespread message.
Clark told me also that he was going to hack into the Commission computers from home and look over the prisoners of the holding cells to narrow down the cells we could reach easily before splitting up the cells between the two of us and researching the four people in each cell, deciding who would be safe to let out and be beneficial to our revolution. Clark told me he would print a copy of the list and give it to me when I went to his house on Sunday.
Stifling his yawns and trying to make his tired voice stronger, Clark told me Thursday that he had spoken to Cody the previous night and knew what kind of system the Censor Board used for tracking the computers in the nation. I had to remind Clark several times that I did not speak that language and he was telling me things that just confused me. Even though I was not at all good with computers, I was invited to Clark’s house Saturday before the Commission meeting for the programming of our mass message with Melody and Cody.
The reality made my heart pound, not only from worry, but also from excitement.
Clark was exhausted from staying up all night. When the typing of my English paper was too annoying, he went to his mother’s office to sleep in the quiet. Mark seemed torn about who to follow and I watched him take a few steps in Clark’s direction, even though Clark told him to stay, and then back up and return to his position by the door of the conference room, turning around once more as if to follow Clark.
I tried not to laugh at the display of confusion, but when he looked back and forth between the conference room and the direction Clark had gone with his confused, expressive eyes, the smile broke out over my face.
Eventually, he settled for standing outside the conference room door after he disappeared for three minutes to, I assumed, check on Clark.
I was alone for only twenty minutes before the door opened and my stomach somersaulted.
“Little Lily,” Dana smiled, closing the door behind him. “Long time no see.”
“Not long enough,” I bit back. He chuckled and shook his head, standing across the table from me. I tried to ignore him, staring at my computer, clicking my fingernails along the keyboard.
I saw Dana lean forward, his uncovered eyes locked on the table top. I could not see his hand, though I saw his arm moving closer. I could have sworn he was walking his fingers along the surface of the table.
I jumped when the lid of the laptop slowly closed, almost capturing my hands. I glanced at Dana as he pulled the closed laptop away, smiling, his eyes focused on mine.
“Pay attention to me…” he cooed.
“What are you, five?” I groaned, making a grab for the computer. He caught my wrist.
“I haven’t seen you in so long and that’s all you can say to me?” he pouted, though his eyes were entirely predatory. I felt my hair rise on end and I shivered at the look. Whether I shivered in fear or from some other feeling, I did not know.
“I didn’t want to see you,” I snarled as strongly as I could manage, which was not nearly strong enough.
“Really?” Dana asked, a smile creeping over his features. “Then why were you watching me with your mother last week?”
I sharply pulled my hand out of his grip, glaring, feeling the angry fire lick the sides of my belly. Dana chuckled and straightened, walking around the table. He stepped over to me, only the chair separating us.
“Did it excite you?” he breathed. “You’re proving to be quite the voyeur, Little Lily. First with Jasmine and then with your mother…”
“You wish,” I growled. “You’re the one going around and whoring yourself out.”
“Whoring myself?” Dana chuckled. “Oh, darling, let me assure you, I am expensive. Most people would not have the money to buy me.”
“Then why are you sleeping with everyone like a whore?”
“If an opportunity presents itself, I take it,” Dana shrugged. I blinked, unable to stop my jaw from dropping.
“Are you serious?”
“Karen was willing,” Dana said with a confident smile. “I did not force her to do anything.”
“Did you ever think that maybe it would hurt my family—my father—if you decide to go sticking your dick where it doesn’t belong?” I snarled.
“Then where does it belong?” Dana smiled, pushing the chair between us away and taking a step closer.
“In your pants!” I snapped. “Away from the married women and men!”
“What about the unmarried ones?” he pressed. I stumbled when I found my heel connecting to the metal base of another chair. “Like you?”
“Stay away from me.”
“I love when you play hard to get,” Dana grinned. He lurched forward and grabbed my wrist, pulling me to him. I was momentarily caught off-guard but when I felt myself connect with his hard chest, I tried to immediately push away. His other arm wound around my waist. I succeeded in turning, my arm crossing over my chest as he kept a firm hold of my wrist. He laid his hand flat against my pelvis, pulling me backward toward him, pressing us together firmly as his leg slipped between mine.
I gasped and my back arched as the intense spark ran through my body.
“Ah…there we go…” Dana whispered against my ear. I shivered from the vibrations.
“Le…let me go…”
“Shh…” Dana whispered, the air whistling past my ear causing my skin to tingle. I bit my lip to stop the whimper that threatened to bubble out of me. I felt his touch so acutely. His leg between mine…his hand around my wrist…his other hand against my abdomen, holding us together…his breath against my ear…it was electrifying, feeling each cell of his skin transferring a pulse to mine, feeding feelings I had been trying to ignore.
“Don’t…please, stop…”
My voice was so weak I didn’t recognize it.
“I’m teaching you something, Little Lily,” Dana whispered, moving his head to rest against the back of my hair, causing his breath to fan against the back of my neck. I shivered again and my eyes fluttered shut. My brain ceased function, every spark of activity that would be dedicated to thought now focused on my skin, sparking electricity between Dana and myself.
His hand on my wrist moved to cover my hand, pressing my fingers flat against my shoulder and collarbone. My breath hitched at the movement. He put pressure over my hand and guided it downward. My eyes flashed open as I remembered the fantasy I had at Archangel. I remembered the thrumming of the music as it moved our bodies together, the electricity and need I felt being with him, the feeling in my belly that caused my body to ache…
His hand pushed mine further until I reacted almost violently to the feeling of my hand brushing the top of my breast.
“Don’t be frightened…”
“Stop…” I pled. It was too intense. Too much…
“Don’t be frightened,” he repeated, his voice thick with something that almost pulled a moan out of some dark part of my soul.
His hand pushed mine until it slipped under the collar of my shirt and into my bra. I felt my hand slip over my breast, his larger hand covering mine. The sound that left my mouth was more of a choked sob than anything.
“It’s alright…”
“Stop…don’t…” I tried to form a coherent sentence, my brain filled with static. My other hand was grabbing at the fabric of his jacket as his hand pressed tighter to my abdomen.
“What are you thinking right now?”
I shook my head violently, feeling tears in my eyes. The intense feelings coursing through me were too strong and frightening. Why did Dana make my body react this way? Why couldn’t I control my reaction to him?
“Are you
thinking about what you saw with Jasmine?” he asked, his deep whisper setting my skin on fire. I choked on the breath I tried to take. “Are you thinking about how you felt when you saw her on her knees in front of me?”
I shook my head again, closing my eyes tight against everything he was saying, though the image was burned into my eyelids.
“Or are you thinking about watching your mother with me?” he breathed against my neck as I bent forward, trying to escape. I could feel the thrumming of my heart, causing my breast to heat up and pulse under my hand. “Did it excite you? Even though it was your mother you were watching?”
“No, sto…”
“You’re moving your hips, Little Lily…” he chuckled. He took a breath through his teeth, making a hissing sound that caused the fire in my belly to consume me. “I love your reactions…so innocent…so virginal…” His hand ghosted further down my pelvis until it was resting over my jeans just above the junction of my legs, his thumb hooking into the band. I felt the smooth nail of his thumb pressing into my skin. I did not understand how such a small touch over such a small area could light a wildfire in my veins.
“I want to change that…” he purred. “I want to change your reactions from those of a virgin to those of a powerful woman who knows what she wants…admits it to herself…” his mouth pressed to my cheekbone just below my fluttering eyelid, “and takes it.”
This time, the moan did bubble out of me.
“You want that, don’t you?” he smiled, the molecules of his breath moving over my hypersensitive skin like a hurricane. “What stops you? What stops you from taking what you want?”
I was not sure how he expected me to form a coherent thought when he was touching me, speaking to me in that voice, causing every nerve ending in my body to fire until it was raw.
My eyes looked around the room, wild in my sockets, until they rested on the face of Mark, watching us in the window. If my brain had been working at all, I would have seen the horrified and angry look on his face.
“Stop! Mark is—” I tried to fight Dana, but he held me tight and I faltered. “He’s watching us…”
“Who can blame him,” Dana smiled, running his face along the side of my head, his voice heavy and powerful, “when you’re putting on such a delicious show?”
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