Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  “Well…I mean…of course, you should spend time with her, but…did you talk to Dana about this? He might get worried if he finds out that she wasn’t at the Commission today…”

  “I’ll call him,” my father assured. “Or maybe you could tell him for me. Could you do that?”

  Clark looked at me and I became concerned for Clark’s safety. If he told Dana that I was not there that day, there was a large probability that he would punish Clark just as he had done when I was attacked outside of Archangel.

  “Uh, sure…” Clark said slowly.

  “Thank you,” my father smiled, rubbing my shoulder. “It’s cold. Come on.” He guided me to our car as I threw a worried glance at Clark and Mark.

  At first, all I could think about was what kind of torture I might have subjected Clark to by agreeing to go with my father for the afternoon, but when I started spending the “quality time” with my father that he had wanted, my thoughts of the Commission and Dana faded away. I did not even think about how Dana and my mother had been together. I was just enjoying time with my father as I had during times before the Commission.

  My father and I had always had a special relationship. While I did not like that he was in politics and that meant that I was also likely going to be going into politics when I got older, he tried his best to leave the politician outside when he got home. He was always loving and caring toward me and my mother and tried to give us everything we wanted.

  We used to spend one weekend out of the month for just the two of us. When I was a child in First Tier, our time would involve activities such as playing at the park, or going to the zoo, or spending money on ice cream and candy that my mother never wanted me to have because it would make me hyper. As I had grown older, those days changed to shopping and going to concerts that my father never really liked, but it would always end with a wonderful dinner out and some fun times where we would talk about everything and nothing.

  When I entered Third Tier, schoolwork got in the way of those weekends, and we had them less and less. By the time we got to Central, those times had disappeared.

  As my father took me shopping for some new clothes—even though he was bored and horrified by some of the things I tried on—I started to realize how much I missed those days and how much I should have valued those times when we had them.

  After shopping for clothes, my dad was an even greater sport by going shoe shopping with me. He played along when I started trying on ridiculous shoes just to make him smile. I loved his smile and his laugh and I found myself sitting down and hugging him in between every pair of shoes I tried. I never wanted the day to end. I always wanted to be able to wrap my arms around him and feel him kiss the top of my head. I wanted to hear him call me “sweetie” all the time and spend time with me as if we didn’t have the shadow of Dana Christenson looming behind us.

  After a pair of new shoes, we went to a café that my father had become fond of, though I had never been there before. Where ice cream had been in our days of the past, coffee now stood in its place.

  We sat on the second floor, which was almost completely empty apart from one elderly gentleman in the corner falling asleep behind the evening paper.

  “Thanks for taking me out today, Dad,” I smiled, taking a fork full of coffee cake from the piece we were sharing.

  “I don’t know when we stopped having these days…” he admitted with a small smile.

  “Well…I had school, and then we moved to Central…” I said slowly, looking at the cake. “I guess it just kind of happened…”

  “You’ve really grown into a beautiful young woman,” my father said, looking me over with sad eyes. “It was like I blinked and suddenly you were all grown up.”

  “I’m not all grown up, yet,” I corrected with a laugh.

  “You’ll be eighteen in three months,” he said. “Then you graduate and go off to university, and three years from now you will be getting your driver’s license…” He smiled and shook his head. “It’s amazing…you even have a boyfriend, now.”

  I blinked at him stupidly before I realized he was talking about Clark. I backed away awkwardly, hiding my face behind my coffee cup.

  “I’m really glad that you’re willing to look past Clark’s face and shy demeanor and see what a sweet guy he is,” my father commented. “You make me very proud to be your father.”

  “Dad…” I said, laughing nervously.

  “Am I embarrassing you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he laughed, raising a hand peacefully. There was a silence that fell between us and I could feel the conversation about to get serious.

  “Lily,” he started.

  “Uh oh…” I chuckled before I could help myself.

  My father smiled, using the side of his fork to collect the final crumbs of the coffee cake, his eyes pensive.

  “I want to talk to you about your mother,” he started, as if he was not entirely sure he wanted to discuss the subject. I felt my anger flare and my heart break at the same time. “I know that you and her have been at odds lately…” he breathed, “but…I need you to cut her a break.”

  “Cut her a break?” I gaped. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?!”

  “I know it’s a lot to ask of you right now, but—”

  “No, Dad, don’t you understand, she’s cheating on you!” I hissed. As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. He looked up at me sharply and I backed away, looking away from his eyes, not wanting to see his reaction.

  For several long seconds that felt more like hours, we were still and silent.

  Finally, my father took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I mustered the courage to look at him. His face looked resigned, saddened, and dark.

  “So, it is true…”

  “You didn’t know?” I asked stupidly.

  “I suspected,” he admitted. “With Dana?”

  I nodded. He nodded as well and took another deep breath, pensive.

  “I’m sorry, Dad…”

  “It’s not something you need to be sorry for, Lily,” he shook his head. “Your mother found Dana attractive and I was not paying attention to her. I saw it coming a long time ago…”

  “Do…” I swallowed hard, feeling a lump harden in my throat. “Do you not love her anymore?” I barely managed to say in a choked whisper.

  “Of course I love her,” he said. “More than anything. But…she’s fallen under Dana’s spell…”

  “So, you know that Dana’s manipulating her,” I said quickly. “You know that it’s him.”

  “Lily, Dana is very powerful and very influential in many respects. It makes sense that he would be attractive to many people.”

  “But…there is something wrong with him.”

  “I’ve noticed,” he agreed. “But that something is addictive, it’s powerful. He’s like a drug. Once you get a taste of him and his power, you keep going back. And after a few times, you realize that he’s allowing you to feel what he feels every day.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Powerful…like nothing can touch you…like, you’re more than human, and that there will never be another struggle in your life ever again,” my father whispered. “Why do you think everyone falls so easily? No one wants to feel burdened. Everyone wants to be able to take what they want without consequences and hardship as he does.”

  “But it’s an illusion.”

  “I know that,” he nodded. “Some of the others also know that, but your mother is addicted now.”

  “Are…are you addicted?” I asked worriedly.

  “A little…” he admitted. “What about you?”

  I thought for a moment, thinking about how little I had been fighting against Dana, how easily it was for him to turn me into putty at his hands.

  “A little…”

  We sat in silence.

  * *** *

  It wasn’t until I was already at school the following day that I reme
mbered Dana saying he would meet with me after school on Friday. I was frightened that he knew I had not been at the Commission the previous day and that he had harmed Clark, fears that were confirmed when I saw Clark after school.

  I stood nervously with Mark by the car and, when Clark walked up, he refused to look at me.

  “Hey,” he greeted, his head low.

  “Oh my God, what happened?”

  “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” He shook his head, still looking at the ground.

  “Like hell,” I growled. “What happened? Did Dana do something?”

  “Just…I don’t want to talk about it,” he shook his head quickly. “Dana wanted me to remind you that he wants to meet with you in his office as soon as you show up today.”

  “Clark, I’m really sorry…” I murmured.

  “It’s not anything you did.”

  Mark gently placed a hand on both of our shoulders, guiding us to the car, probably in response to seeing Clark shivering in the stormy November weather.

  We sat in the back seat and I quickly turned to Clark.

  “I’m so sorry, I should have told my dad that it was a bad idea not to talk to Dana first.”

  “Why should you need to ask to spend time with your father?” he hissed. “Lily, even if you had been there, he probably would have…” He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Before I could help myself, I hugged him tightly, trying to convey how apologetic I was. It broke my heart to think that I subjected Clark to anything. Clark had said that Dana probably would have attacked him even if I had been there, but at least if I had been there, I would know that it was not because of my absence that Clark had suffered.

  Clark hugged me back before clearing his throat, backing away.

  “Sorry,” I said, worried I had made him uncomfortable.

  “No, it’s not that…” he said, glancing at the silent driver before turning to me and nodding his head toward Mark. “He’s already agitated after yesterday. I don’t want to make him more upset because I start crying or anything.”

  I cleared my throat, feeling my own tears trying to break free.

  When we pulled into the Commission, we went through the normal security procedures and rode the elevator down to find a conference room as if nothing about our routine was out of the ordinary from other kids’ after school activities.

  When I sat at the table and pulled out my homework, Clark stared at me.

  “Lily,” he said, his tone incredulous.

  “What?”

  “Dana said he wanted to see you when you got here.” He looked at me expectantly.

  “So?”

  “So? He will come and get you if you don’t go to him.”

  “Then let him come and get me,” I growled. “I’m fucking pissed at him. I don’t know what he did to you yesterday, but I’m furious. So he can come and get me, because I won’t go to him just because that’s what he wants.”

  “Lily,” Clark said, his voice desperate. “Don’t you realize how he plays his games? If you don’t listen because you’re pissed about what he did to me, he will do it again and again until you do what he says.”

  “No, he won’t.”

  “Yes, he will, Lily!” he hissed, his voice choked. “And he would do the same thing to you if I disobeyed him.”

  “I am going to play him right back,” I said coldly. “He doesn’t need to know that I am upset about what he did to you. He just needs to know that I’m upset.”

  “I know you’re strong, but there is a certain limit you have and he knows exactly how to push it. Don’t do this to yourself, or to me.”

  “I know what I’m doing, Clark.”

  I knew I would need a few minutes before I could convince myself of that.

  I pretended to be working on my homework while an extremely nervous Clark drummed his fingers along the table, unable to focus on his own work, staring around the room, agitated. A part of me was very curious about what Dana had done to Clark and how I could get revenge on the leader of the Commission of the People while still playing by his rules. But another part of me was still unsure I would even be able to hold my own against Dana, let alone try to manipulate him in my favor.

  I looked up, startled when I saw movement outside the windows of the conference room, more agitated than I was willing to admit to myself. I saw Sean in front of the door, turned to Mark, saying something before placing a hand on the shorter man’s shoulder, finally opening the door to the conference room.

  “Hello Lily, Clark,” Sean greeted.

  “Hello,” we echoed.

  “Lily,” he turned to me, “Dana would like to speak with you in his office. Will you please follow me?”

  I glanced at Clark and then stood, walking to Sean. The head of security allowed me to step outside first and then led me toward Dana’s office at a slow pace. I was sure he wanted to say something to me, which was the reason for his slow progression, but he seemed uncomfortable and did not say anything until we were about to round the final corner into the hallway of Dana’s door.

  He stopped me, standing directly in front of me to grab my attention.

  “Lily,” he started, his voice nervous, “Dana is…in a weird mood these days. So, please, watch your step around him.”

  “What do you mean he’s in a weird mood?”

  “He actually has to work constantly right now and he really does not like that,” Sean explained. “He’s getting bored and restless since his day is structured, so he’s more aggressive than usual. He’s looking for some entertainment, and he’s not as tactful about it as usual.”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “You mean he normally is tactful?”

  He made a face.

  “Good point,” he admitted. “I’ve been trying to keep him entertained, but he’s been around me all day every day for the last two weeks or so and he is bored with me as well. You have no idea what bored Dana can do. Please, please, be careful. I will be just outside if you need me.”

  “Sean, I’ll be okay.”

  “Don’t go in there cocky,” he said, his voice stern. “He will see it as a challenge and he will tear you down. Please…”

  “Okay,” I said, starting to feel concerned.

  “I’ll be right outside,” Sean reminded me again.

  I nodded, unable to speak, feeling the anxiety creep into my stomach. Sean led me around the last corner to Dana’s office. He knocked twice.

  “Dana,” he called, stepping to the side to let me in as he opened the door, “Miss Sandover is here.”

  “Ah, Little Lily,” Dana smiled, turning away from his table where he was looking over some papers and motioning me in. He looked as impeccable as always in his expensive, well-tailored suit and slicked-back hair. His glasses were sitting on his desk across the room, leaving me victim to his intense, golden stare. He glanced over me at Sean and nodded once.

  “Leave,” he bit sharply.

  I heard the door close and took a deep breath. I decided to ignore the warnings from Sean and Clark. I was going to try and play with Dana on his level. I was going to see how well I could match him if I pushed my fear aside and let myself feel my anger.

  “You didn’t come to me when you were told,” he said, his eyes sharp. “Didn’t Clark give you my message?”

  “He did,” I said, surprised to find my voice strong. “But he wouldn’t tell me what you did to him yesterday. He refuses to talk about it. So I didn’t want to come.”

  “Yesterday?” Dana asked, his eyebrows furrowing. “That was nothing. I just needed to remind him that I own him, and he needs to respect me as such.”

  “You do not own him.”

  “Yes, I do,” Dana chuckled. “I own his future, so I do, in fact, own him.” He sighed and looked at the table briefly before stepping closer, looming over me. I stayed strong, staring at him, trying to keep my expression neutral. He lifted his hand and his fingers brushed over my left cheek.
It took everything I had not to flinch.

  “It looks healed,” he murmured. He pressed his fingers tenderly into my flesh. “Is it still tender?”

  “No.”

  “I’m glad to see that you heal quickly,” he nodded, his hand remaining on my face. “Are you going to tell me who hit you?”

  “Why does it matter?”

  “Because I will not stand for it,” he said simply, as if it was an already apparent answer. “Tell me. Who hit you?”

  “I am willing to bet that you already know who it was,” I said, staring at him. He stared back, trying to read my eyes. “And I’m sure that you know why it happened.”

  He was silent and then his lips curled upward ever-so-slightly into a smirk.

  “Suppose I do,” he whispered. He leaned closer. “I still want to hear you say it.”

  “I won’t,” I said as strongly as I could in the hushed tone. He remained still.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I have no reason to. You already know. If I tell you who, you know it will make me feel guilty and, therefore, weak to your influences.”

  His head tilted just slightly to the side in a slow, calculated movement. I was challenging him and he was prepared to meet me full force. His mouth broke into a smile and his eyes turned dangerous and predatory.

  “Then why didn’t you hide it from me when I saw you on Saturday?” he questioned. “You wanted me to see it. You wanted me to know…”

  “Because I knew this was how you would react,” I nodded. “I wanted to see if I was right in assuming what you would do.”

  “And did I meet your expectations?”

  “Perfectly,” I told him with a smile of my own.

  “Oh, you’re feeling playful today,” he chuckled, his breath moving over his teeth in a stream that carried his voice flawlessly. Rather than let it overpower me, I tried to make that energy my own and meet it with the same seductive power.

  “Playful was not the word I would have used,” I corrected. “I am angry, and I don’t want to deal with any of your bullshit.”

  “Angry? Why?”

  “Many reasons,” I said. “You do a lot that pisses me off.” He chuckled and backed away, a light dancing in his powerful eyes that should have frightened me. I could not let him overwhelm me. He was like an animal. As soon as he sensed that I had backed down or weakened even a little, he would pounce.