“No, the people have been making the most fuss,” Dana disagreed. “The experiments have only appeared once in public, and then they made those trivial sob-story videos…otherwise, they have been largely out of sight…”
I tried to resist grinding my teeth together in frustration. There had been a lot of talks about other ways to get the experiments out in the open, but with my current doubts about the revolution, I had been heavily opposed to all ideas presented. I knew we could not continue to keep them hidden if we wanted to succeed, but I was unsure how to proceed safely.
“Anyway, that was what I wanted to talk to you about,” Dana declared, putting his hands in his pockets. “And Little Lily,” he added, “remember what I said. Embrace what’s coming…because it will be your fate.”
* *** *
Monday was another day of terror for the country as York & Brothers, the most powerful investment company in infrastructure and development across the country, cut funding for the government. All day, politicians and news crews were talking about how, without York & Brothers, it was entirely possible that America would have to resort to borrowing money from other countries to keep up with the maintenance, stability, and basic needs of the people. However, most speculated that the international community would be unwilling to provide financial aid to America with the rumors circulating about the Commission’s experiments and the tensions that were making the country so unstable.
I could not grasp the severity of the situation at all.
I had problems within my own world. Specifically with Mark.
The leader of the Eight Group was obviously worried about even looking at me after I had been so harsh to him through the previous week. Since I had found the courage to stand up against Dana and tell him that I was not involved—even though he knew that I was—I felt nearly ready to discuss my insecurities with Mark. However, seeing him so worried around me, looking away as if he was a dog I had kicked too many times, I was beginning to feel as though I needed to mend our relationship before I spoke to him about such sensitive material.
It was harder than I expected.
Tuesday night, after Mark brought me home from the Commission, I had planned on speaking to him, but backed out at the last minute, kicking myself for my cowardice the entire cold walk from the car to the door.
My parents were talking worriedly about the trouble with York & Brothers while I sat at the dinner table, listening half-heartedly. I never understood investments or the reason why this would be such a problem for the country, but everyone who was older than twenty seemed to understand the gravity of the situation.
I went to my room and paced like a moron for three hours, something that had become my nightly routine. I went through hundreds of scenarios where I could approach Mark and talk to him, tell him what was wrong and how I felt, but it was more difficult to get the experiment alone than I expected, which was my first major barrier.
As I was sitting on my bed, trying to find some peace of mind that would help me fall asleep, I watched Dexter blankly, who had finally gotten annoyed with my nervousness and moved to his spot on the windowsill.
Dex turned his attention out the window, his ears perked up and his forequarters low.
Confused, I stood.
“What is it, Dex?” I whispered, walking to him and cupping my hands around my eyes as I pressed my face to the window. Near the end of the driveway, passed the darkened windows of the kitchen, there was a figure clad in a simple black suit, hands in his pockets, walking back and forth in the same spot, bouncing on his heels to fight the cold.
“…Mark?”
I grabbed my heavy coat, pulling it on over my pajamas, and slipping on my boots, making my way downstairs to the garage, where I slipped out of the door to the backyard and around the side of the house.
When I opened the gate, the person near the corner of the house turned. I tried to see if it was Mark, but I could not make out any features in the dark.
“Mark?” I hissed, closing the gate behind me and walking cautiously over the ice, listening to the snow crystals crunch under my feet from the frozen, clear night air.
“No,” a voice chuckled, also cautiously stepping to me. “Sorry, just me.”
“Josh,” I smiled, hugging him as he wrapped his arms around me. “What are you doing here?”
“Sorry for standing outside your house,” he chuckled guiltily, his lips blue from the cold, his hands deep in his pockets. “It is probably creepy…”
“A little,” I laughed. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Well…I think…”
“What do you mean, you think?”
“Why did Hyunwoo ask me to check on you?” he asked slowly. “Why did he tell me he could not talk to you? Well… I mean…he can’t talk, but he couldn’t…um…”
“I know what you mean,” I assured. I swallowed hard and looked away.
“Did he…do something?” Josh pressed. “Because…I know sometimes he can be intense, but…he would never hurt you. He loves you.”
“I know,” I whispered, my voice pained. “He didn’t do anything. I’m just…I’m a little worried. There’s a lot of things going on, and it’s happening really fast…”
Josh nodded.
“But…what did Hyunwoo do?”
“Nothing,” I repeated, pinching the bridge of my nose and sighing. I could feel Josh’s eyes on me. “I just…”
Josh smiled.
“I don’t have sister,” he told me with a chuckle, “so…I don’t understand women…but I think you should talk to him, regardless.”
I grinned, still looking at the ground.
“Is that what he sent you here to tell me?”
“No,” Josh shook his head. “He just wants you to be okay…he worried that you’d do something bad to yourself…”
“Oh, no,” I gasped quickly. “I’m fine, just…trying to wrap my head around everything.”
Josh walked forward, hugging me again. I rested my head on his shoulder. For being so thin, hugging Josh made me feel safe.
He pulled away and grinned.
“It’s cold,” he whispered. “You should get inside and sleep.”
I nodded with a grin and turned, carefully jogging to the backyard gate. When I reached it, managing not to slip on the ice, I turned back to Josh.
“It’s cold!” I repeated with a laugh. “Go get warm!”
He smiled and nodded. As I turned to unlatch the gate and go back to the warmth of the house, Josh called to me again.
“Lily!” I turned back quickly. “Talk to Hyunwoo…”
I nodded, assuring him that I would, and then quickly moved into the house, running up the stairs and waving to Josh from my window as he waved back, walking backwards. I could not help but laugh when he slipped and fell, though I was sure to watch him run across the street to his car to be sure he was not hurt.
* *** *
I had every intension of finding a way to pull Mark aside and tell him I wanted to talk to him that Wednesday, but something captured my attention as soon as we got to the Commission. Unlike when the Hampshire Peace Fund pulled away from the Commission, no one was running around, desperately trying to figure out how to deal with the sudden dilemma, but there was a small group of people, walking quickly, whispering to one another.
“How do we shut them down? If we shut them down, then the people will know it was us,” one woman hissed.
“What choice do we have?!”
“First the paper, now this…”
The group disappeared and I turned to Clark, wondering if he knew what they were talking about.
“I saw the thing in the newspaper, but…I don’t know what else happened.”
“Wait, what happed in the newspaper?”
“There was an editorial about the rebellion,” he said vaguely. “I’ll show you.”
We quickly found a conference room and Clark pulled out his computer. Mark seemed hesitant, wanting to see wha
t we were talking about, but knowing he had to keep appearances in the constantly-monitored hallways. The leader of the Eight Group ended up standing outside the door, occasionally throwing looks over his shoulder at us.
Clark pulled up the website for the Central Daily and showed me the editorial about the rebellion, talking about how strategic the group had been at unveiling themselves and how it put the Commission of the People in a very difficult position, where they could neither confirm nor deny what the members of the rebellion had claimed about them. Because the Commission was in such a difficult position, the editorial said that it was important for the people to find out the truth on their own.
“That’s good…” I said, blinking in surprise.
“Let’s see what else is going on…” Clark whispered, opening up another tab and searching the latest stories.
After a little bit of searching, we found a live-stream titled: “Carolina Media CEO Denies Commission Censorship.”
Clark clicked on the video and we both anxiously waited for it to load. When the picture finally came on, there was a gaunt man with brown hair sitting at a desk.
“—ays that he will no longer support the quote ‘sneaky manner’ that the Commission of the People is using to handle the problem with the rebels. He says that Carolina Media is now dedicated to bringing the people of America news about the rebellion without the interference of the Commission of the People.”
Clark and I looked at each other in shock.
We watched in dumbfounded fascination as the live stream showed footage of the parade reveal, the different demonstrations across the country of people supporting the quest to unveil the secrets of the Commission, and even replaying some of the highlights of the videos we posted of the weapons showing their particular abilities.
The fear came back, consuming me.
The whole world was watching this.
Rather than me taking the step off that precipice, I found it crumbling underneath me, threatening to plunge me into the abyss of war with Dana Christenson.
I did not use that day to pull Mark aside, deciding to wait. I wanted to walk around Fort Daniels again, feel the energy there and see if I could clear my own thoughts before I went dragging Mark into my troubles.
Therefore, Friday, instead of going to Archangel, several of the Commish Kids went to the fort. The Commish Kids would wander around and talk with the people in the fort as if they had been friends for years. The people we had broken free seemed to harbor no grudge against anyone in the Commission other than Dana and the scientists. Everyone treated the Commish Kids with immense respect, enjoying their company and talking congenially.
To me, it made sense that the Commish Kids were more comfortable in the fort.
With the exception of some, the Commish Kids were only putting on strong fronts and angry exteriors in school because they were trying to find a way to deal with the reality of what they knew about our government and the way it tortured people and ran the country from underground. They felt powerful in the school, but when it came to Dana, they were powerless and frightened.
I also spent a lot of time walking around, saying hello to people and asking them how they were doing, keeping everything causal. I was trying to gain energy from them, not feeling confident in our revolution and hoping to recapture my motive.
However, the more I walked around and saw the smiling, happy faces, the more I remembered my nightmares about everyone in the revolution dying, their faces pale and eyes glassy, robbed of the spirit and happiness that I saw around the fort.
Seeing how lighthearted everyone was, I saw no reason for the revolution anymore.
I spotted Mark from across the bunker. He was watching me, straightening when my eyes landed on him. I smiled and walked over, deciding I could no longer avoid him.
“Hey, Mark…” I said as I approached. He nodded once, his eyes looking everywhere but my face. “I want to say I’m sorry…for everything…it’s just been a lot to process…”
Mark glanced at me worriedly and I sighed heavily, biting my bottom lip as I looked at the floor.
“I wanted to ask you something,” I started awkwardly, looking up at him briefly. I realized I was just as awkward as he was with the confrontation. “Dana said that most of the experiments need some sort of medical care…can we take care of that? I mean, I don’t know if he was lying, but…”
Mark nodded slowly, reaching into his coat and pulling out a small note pad and pen, scribbling a note.
“The Eight Group steals what they need from the lab for now.”
“Oh, good,” I said. I had been hoping that we would need to figure out how to help the experiments, giving me time to talk to Mark and find a way to mend our wounded relationship. I stood stupidly by his side, waiting to find something to say, though my mind remained stubbornly blank.
Someone came to my rescue.
“Hey!” a voice boomed. I turned quickly to Josh, who was walking over, his arms open.
“Hey, Josh.”
“How are you?” he asked, backing away from our hug.
“Okay,” I nodded, not sure what else to say. He looked between the two of us, pointing a finger.
“Have you two talked, yet?”
“Ah…no…” I admitted, looking nervously at Mark. Josh was still for a moment, watching as the two of us looked to the ground, awkward and feeling as though we were being scolded.
“Okay.” Josh nodded once. He grabbed both of our hands, pulling us roughly to the dry-supply room. Josh pushed us inside and then turned on the light. “Talk,” he ordered sharply, closing the door, leaving us in the dim room, staring stupidly at the door before blinking at one another.
I looked away from Mark’s eyes, not sure how to begin. I was about to open my mouth when the door opened again and Josh haphazardly threw in a pad of paper and a pen.
“You will need this,” he called.
Mark fumbled to catch the items before taking two steps toward the door that latched shut. He sighed and rolled his eyes before stooping to pick up the fallen pad of paper. He straightened out the distorted sheets and then placed it on one of the crates next to us, setting the pen on top.
I stared at the two harmless objects, realizing he wanted me to talk first.
He turned to face me, his eyes full of warm understanding. Slowly, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, holding me in a tender hug. For a few moments, I could do nothing but stand completely still, surprised. Then I wrapped my arms around him, closing my eyes and relaxing into the hug.
He took a deep breath and continued to hold me, communicating the sentiment the only way he still could. I could feel him telling me he was there for me, that he wanted to know what was wrong so he could help.
The overwhelming feeling made me tear up.
What had felt like years of troubled thoughts and fears about the revolution finally bubbled into a stream of steady tears that had Mark holding me tighter. I sobbed, unable to even try to regain control of my emotions.
I do not know how long it was before I finally found the strength to pull away from him, my hands immediately going to my face to wipe away the tears and snot that was running down my face in the least attractive way possible, as always happened when I cried. Mark kept his hands on my shoulders, waiting for me to lift my head.
Finally steadying myself, even though I knew how horrible I looked, I glanced at him.
“I’m sorry…” I whispered. “I’m alright…”
He continued to stare, waiting for me to continue.
Sniffing and clearing my throat for the umpteenth time, I took a stuttered breath and locked eyes with him.
“I’m scared, Mark…” I hissed. “I don’t…I don’t think we should do this anymore. Dana is more powerful than any of us…and all I can see is him killing everyone if we go up against him. The Commission is too big, and too many people are going to get hurt…” I swallowed hard and looked at the ground, thankful that Mark’s h
ands were still around my shoulders, holding me steady.
After a few seconds of me standing, staring at the ground, Mark moved his hand to hold one finger in front of me, telling me to wait as he grabbed the notepad and pen, sitting against the crates and beginning to write.
I watched him focus on the paper in front of him. After several long minutes of me standing there and staring at him like an idiot, I finally moved to sit next to him.
Several more long minutes later, he finally let me read what he wrote.
“This has never been a fight against the Commission of the People, Central, or Dana. This is a fight against everything that the Commission and Central have come to stand for. Both promote the ideology of ‘us versus them,’ both demote the idea of humanity to being right and wrong, evil and righteous, powerful dichotomies that blind everyone to the one truth that we are all human. Regardless of what we look like, whether we were born male or female, who we love, what higher power we choose to believe in, we are all human. Every one of us can feel love, can feel joy, can feel pain…We all know that when a human is in love, they are happy. When a human feels joy, they laugh. When a human is hurt, they cry. Empathy is the strongest bond that people have to one another. So the harm people do to one another is not the thing that tears society apart, it’s apathy and indifference that bring ruin to a nation’s people.
“When we start to lose contact with our fellow humans, lose the ability to understand their pain, we become something that’s not human or beast, but something far colder, like metal, incapable of feeling, incapable of everything that makes us human. When we turn a blind eye to those who are suffering because we think it has nothing to do with us, it harms us even more as a people, because as soon as we stop seeing one creature in pain as being worthy of our time, we lose sight of the people around us and then we quickly lose sight of ourselves and the power we have inside to change things for the better.
“While Dana tortured and hurt the people on the table and made them into machines and weapons, he has done nothing more than awaken the strength of the human spirit. Because those people did not break to his will. They still had faith in their humanity, still held on to the love they remembered from their mothers and fathers, and the joy they got from their friends and loved ones. They remembered that they were human because of the people who brought them up to be human.
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