Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  “Hiroki said your father…tried to kill you,” I hissed. Josh bit his lip, stalling as he thought about how to answer.

  “Things…were different,” Josh tried to explain. “He stopped doing that when I was…fourteen?” He furrowed his eyebrows, thinking carefully.

  “That doesn’t really change anything,” I said. “What about your mother? What was she like?”

  “My mom?” Josh blinked, surprised by my interest. “She was very sick. She died when I was seventeen. I don’t really remember her…she was always sleeping or lying in bed. My father said I made her sick…”

  “No offense, but your father sounds like a horrible father,” I said simply. Josh laughed and looked at the ground.

  “He was alright…” he murmured, though it was obvious he did not believe that himself.

  “Mark’s parents were nicer to you though, right?” I started. Josh opened his mouth to speak and then let out a little laugh.

  “Lily…not all parents are loving,” he said. My heart fell.

  “What were Mark’s parents like?”

  “His mother was very nice, but…quiet,” he told me, looking into the space of the bunker to avoid eye contact. “His father was…” He trailed off for several moments. “He was a…hard person…” he said slowly, trying to find a way to explain. “But he let me sleep in the house with them, so I thought he was nice.”

  “You don’t have any brothers or sisters?”

  “No,” Josh shook his head. “Our parents were trying to stop having children, but some families still had them.” He nodded slowly, thinking carefully about the life he led before the Commission. I watched his face, wondering what kind of memories he had of his childhood. I could only imagine what it was like to be raised in such seclusion and fear.

  “Did you ever think about leaving the country?”

  Josh laughed.

  “A lot,” he said. “But…it was not possible with so many people…we look different.” He folded one leg to his chest and hooked his fingers over his knee.

  “Did you ever think about what kind of life you would have liked to have? You know, if you could?” I pressed. He was thoughtful for a very long time, and after an intense silence, I continued. “What do you like to do? What did you do for fun when you were younger?”

  His face broke into a big smile and he finally turned to face me fully, light playing in his eyes.

  “Dance.”

  I blinked at him and then laughed, confused.

  “Dance?”

  “I love to dance.”

  “What kind of dance?”

  “Any kind,” the experiment shrugged. I stared at him, not sure what to say in response. “You don’t like to dance?”

  “Well…no, I guess, I don’t know. I can’t dance.” Josh looked skeptical and shook his head, not believing me. “No, really, I can’t,” I chuckled.

  “Then why do you go to the club?” he asked. I laughed.

  “That’s different,” I defended. “In the club, you’re just in a group, jumping up and down and moving with everyone else. It’s not really dance.”

  “Is there music? Are you moving because of the music? Then you’re dancing,” Josh nodded strongly. I laughed.

  “So, really, you like music,” I deduced.

  “I like music and I like dancing,” Josh agreed.

  “I remember when you did the dance while you sang after the parade,” I giggled. “You were good.”

  “You think so?” he smiled. “I should be on TV, then.”

  “Yes,” I agreed, playing along. He clapped his hands together, standing up.

  “Okay,” he declared, reaching a hand out to me. I stared at it for a moment before I took it slowly, not sure what he wanted me to do. “We are going to dance.”

  “We are?” I gaped. He took both my hands and pulled me closer, though I backed away. “Josh, come on, I can’t dance.”

  “Oh, come on,” he whined, looking at me hopefully. I groaned and caved in. I let him pull me closer, one hand settling on my waist and the other taking mine. I looked at him skeptically, listening to the song that was playing on the radio.

  “We’re going to dance to this?”

  “Why not?” Josh smiled. “You can always dance, there’s no music you can’t dance to.” I laughed, letting him lead as we moved awkwardly around the bunker. Some people turned to watch, which made me embarrassed and, therefore, clumsy.

  “Relax,” he teased.

  “People are staring…”

  “So?”

  “You don’t think this is weird?”

  “No.” He shook his head, spinning me under his arm. I looked at him with a look of confusion now.

  “Where did you learn how to partner dance?” I asked, coming back to him and putting my hand on his shoulder.

  “Mana and I would dance sometimes…” Josh said, turning me again.

  “Mana? Mark’s sister?” I blinked. He nodded, turning me, crossing my arms and holding me for another part of the dance before spinning me outward again. “Was she your girlfriend?”

  “No,” Josh chuckled. “Like my older sister, too.”

  “You would just randomly dance with her? Where did you get the music?”

  “Sometimes we got radio,” Josh explained, continuing to dance, even though the radio had moved to another song with a completely different beat. He picked up the pace and I had to struggle to keep up. “But the community would sing and dance, too.”

  “Why?”

  “Entertainment.” Josh spun me a few times. “Yoshiro, Hyunwoo’s father, told me I had been dancing since I was really small.”

  “Well, I must say that I am impressed,” I chuckled, starting to relax and have fun as we moved around the improvised dance floor. “I did not know you could dance like this.”

  “I would dip you, but I don’t know if I could,” he said with a small smile. After a few moments of me staring, not sure what he meant, I laughed, deciding to tease him.

  “Are you calling me fat?”

  “Fat?” he blinked, horrified. He looked me over and then shook his head quickly. I laughed harder.

  “When a woman says that, you don’t look her over,” I gawked playfully. He stopped, backed away, and stared at me, confused and concerned that he had offended me.

  “What does that mean?” he asked hesitantly. “Look her over?”

  “I asked if I was fat, and then you,” I looked him over in an exaggerated manner and then laughed, “looked at me, as if you were trying to decide if I was fat or not.”

  “No, no, you’re not fat,” Josh said quickly.

  “Josh, you better be careful,” one of the men laughed from the fringes of the card game group. “Never call a woman fat.”

  “I wouldn’t!” Josh protested, looking frantic, though he was laughing in his confusion. “When did I call you fat?” he breathed, turning back to me.

  “You said you couldn’t dip me.”

  “No, it’s because you’re taller than me! I might lose balance and fall on top of you!”

  “Better not do that, either,” a woman leered. “Might give people the wrong impression!”

  “What?” Josh looked around at those in the bunker, a confused but amused expression over his features. I giggled and walked over, hugging Josh and patting him on the back.

  “It’s okay,” I assured.

  “I don’t understand,” Josh chuckled, hugging me back.

  “We’re just teasing you,” I assured, breaking the hug and taking his hand. “Really, it’s okay. Come on,” I grabbed his other hand, pulling it to my waist. “Dance with me again.”

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  I sat with the same people I always did during lunch, but there was an unusual addition to the group. Josh had spent the last two nights with us. When we asked how he was able to stay away from the Commission, he told us that he was supposed to go on a small reconnaissance mission somewhere just south of the city with a few others of the Ei
ght Group and they had taken his tracers with them while he stayed behind to keep an eye on us, under Mark’s request.

  I had been in the fort for a week and we were still waiting for some of the fuss to calm down. The people were getting angrier as Central tried to keep the chaos to a minimum. There had been three attempts to storm the Commission building, but the small groups had been quickly apprehended by the military forces that had surrounded all buildings in the Leading District since the Rhodes Parade Massacre.

  I was getting worried about our food supplies, but was waiting for Mark before discussing any plans. Mark had been busy with whatever he was doing up on the surface, not even visiting after Clark had come to live in the fort the night after our encounter with the Commission team. If anything, Mark was even busier since then. Several members of the Eight Group regularly checked in and gave us gossip on what Dana was up to. However, the leader of the Eight Group had only checked in once, though he had not come into the fort. Josh, who had come to stay in the fort on Monday, suddenly started up the stairs toward the passage into the abandoned Makay Power Plant. When I asked where he was going, he told me that Mark was there.

  Eager to see the experiment that I had not seen since he killed the Commission team, I had quickly followed.

  Mark was obviously exhausted. I had assumed he was tired before, but I had never seen the signs on his face. In the dark shadows of the power plant, I could see the deep crevices in his features caused from lack of sleep.

  Before Josh could say anything to Mark, I had run forward and thrown my arms around the leader of the Eight Group, hugging him though I knew he disliked it, feeling as though we were reuniting after several months.

  He hugged me back, but only stayed long enough to show something to Josh on his phone.

  That was when Josh had started his stay with us.

  It was Wednesday and I knew that, very soon, the core strategy group would have to sit down and discuss what we were going to do about the dwindling supplies and the public’s demands for our action in helping those imprisoned for supporting our cause.

  But we were talking about nothing of the sort as we ate our tasteless rations.

  “I’m really impressed with you two,” Cody said, pointing at me and Mykail when our previous conversation about the crowded bunk rooms had exhausted itself. I blinked, confused.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You two have successfully kept your hands to yourselves,” Cody teased. I laughed and looked at the ground, embarrassed, but also surprised. I had not even thought about how long it had been since Mykail and I had had sex.

  “Yeah, guys, you know, we don’t mind if you want to slip away into one of the store rooms,” Paula, a former teachers, teased. “I mean, it’s not like you’re the only ones sneaking off…” She looked at Griffin, who blinked in surprise before pointing to his chest.

  “Me?”

  “You and Tori have a tendency to disappear together,” Paula pointed out. I turned quickly to the two of them as they both laughed heartily.

  “Don’t you play for the other team, Tori?” Meg laughed.

  “I do,” she laughed. She turned to Griffin and wrapped her arms around one of his arms. “Although, I am rather fond of these. He gives great hugs,” she teased, leaning against Griffin and smiling broadly. “Like a big ol’ teddy bear!”

  “C’mon, Griff,” Cody teased. “Aren’t you a little interested in Tori? She is gorgeous.”

  “She’s like my little sister!” Griffin growled playfully, flicking a crumb of the ration at the younger experiment.

  “Josh,” Tori said, turning to the member of the Eight Group sitting between Mark’s younger sister and me. “Would you say you know Mark better than anyone?”

  “Uh…yes?” he answered slowly. “Why?”

  “It’s just…you know, you two seem…close,” she said, trying to sidestep the question I had asked myself before. While I had not seen a lot of interactions between Mark and Josh, there were moments where it was obvious how well the two of them knew one another and cared about one another deeply. I had wondered if their relationship was beyond friendship.

  “We are,” Josh nodded, looking around, seeing that we were all uncomfortable trying to ask the question.

  “Do you love him?” Paula asked, trying to be a little more direct.

  “Yes, I love him,” he affirmed. We all turned to one another, wondering if he had just confessed to a romantic relationship with the leader of the Eight Group.

  “So, you have…” Cody tried to press, trailing off.

  “What?”

  “I don’t know if he understands,” I mumbled.

  “Understands what?” Josh asked, glancing at the various faces in the circle.

  “Have you two slept together?” Clark tried, still being careful about how he phrased the question.

  “Yes, we sleep together all the time,” Josh said, looking confused about why we were so interested in the information.

  “Okay, you know what, don’t worry about it,” Tori laughed, shaking her head and waving the question away. I could tell that she was just as awkward as we were about the topic, though it had nothing to do with the question. We felt more awkward gossiping behind Mark’s back in such an immature manner.

  “No, wait, what are you talking about?”

  “Have you two kissed?” Mykail chimed in.

  “Uh, yes, we have kissed…” he said. I blinked at him, surprised. “What?” he said, shrugging. Mark’s little sister asked a question to Josh, who turned and answered, though it was obvious that he did not entirely know what was going on in the conversation either.

  “Okay, let’s just say no,” Griffin chuckled, shaking his head. “I doubt it…”

  “No, I want to know what you’re talking about,” Josh laughed.

  “Just ask him,” Paula grinned, pointing at the opening door to the medical room. Mark stepped into the fort.

  Though the entire circle lit up from the sight of the leader of the Eight Group and cries immediately erupted, first from us, and then the entire bunker, greeting the experiment as he walked in. He waved awkwardly at everyone before his eyes were immediately brought to the two figures moving toward him. As she always did when Mark showed up, Eun hugged her older brother, keeping close to him. Josh also approached Mark, speaking quickly to him, asking him what we were talking about.

  Everyone in the lunch group shared an embarrassed, yet extremely curious, glance with one another.

  Mark’s eyes went wide and then he rolled his eyes, exasperated. He lifted one of his hands and crossed his fingers, looking at the experiment in front of him expectantly. Josh gasped and smacked Mark’s hand, starting to snap at him before he rounded on us.

  “No!” he practically screeched. Without meaning to, we laughed at his terrified reaction. “With him?! No!”

  Mark just sighed and shook his head, joining the circle, Eun and Josh in tow.

  “Mark, we’ve missed you,” Tori greeted. “You look really tired…” she noted sympathetically. Mark just smiled as he sat, his back close to the wall.

  “Everything okay?” Griffin asked. Mark nodded with a small, weary smile. Everyone could see the exhaustion on his face. Some of us were sliding our eyes sideways to one another, nodding minutely when we understood the general concern for Mark’s health. “Nothing bad?”

  Mark shook his head.

  “Did you just come to say hi?” Clark laughed gently. Mark nodded slowly, smiling.

  “Well, you know what we were just talking about,” Tori teased.

  “How can you think that?” Josh whined as Mark laughed silently, looking at the ground.

  “You two are very close,” Paula defended. “We just assumed…”

  Josh looked at Mark before making a face and shaking his head.

  “No,” he snapped.

  “Do a lot of people have relationships in here?” I asked.

  “Not so much,” Griffin shook his head. “A few
reunited couples and families, but as far as I know, no one has been forging relationships.”

  “Seriously, you two, if you want to have some time alone, that’s totally fine,” Tori laughed, pointing between Mykail and me.

  “Oh…” I was not sure what else to say, embarrassed. I looked away from Tori, trying to stop the blush from rising to my cheeks. I turned to see Mark’s eyes sliding shut as he sat with his arms folded over his chest. As his head dipped, his eyes fluttered open and he straightened. I pursed my lips against smiling and turned to the rest of the group, pretending not to notice, though many shared my knowing smile.

  “Actually,” Mykail started, “I think we would like to have some time to ourselves tomorrow…for her birthday.”

  My eyes went wide as I realized that the following day was my birthday. I always used to laugh at those people who said that they had forgotten their birthday, but with how busy we had been with the revolution and then me moving into the fort permanently, I really had forgotten.

  “Tomorrow is your birthday?” almost everyone in the group gasped. I opened my mouth a few times, trying to say something. I just laughed and shrugged.

  “I guess so,” I chuckled. “I forgot.”

  “Oh my God, we should do something for your birthday!” Tori beamed.

  “Like what?” Griffin teased. “We can’t just go to the store and buy her something.” His smile grew wider when he turned to Mark and saw the experiment leaning forward, his head hanging as he dozed.

  “It’s okay, really,” I shook my head. “I don’t need anything.”

  “Well, we should figure something out,” Tori said. “Mykail, you can have her for as long as you want, but you have to share her with us for at least a couple hours tomorrow. Deal?”

  “Deal,” Mykail laughed, looking at Mark. His head had dropped, sitting at an angle I knew would be painful, his arms crossed over his chest as he slept. Everyone was looking at him with a smile, though I knew we were all feeling sorry for the exhausted leader of the Eight Group.

  “Mark,” Tori called gently.

  His head shot up and startled all of us as he looked around the circle, blinking as he tried to wake up.