What should have taken forty minutes took only thirty as we rushed to the fort, frantic.
As we turned the final bend that would take us to the main bunker, I darted ahead to look at Josh.
My stomach flipped over. His breathing was still very labored and pained, but his face was much paler and there was a sheen of sweat on his face. His body was shaking violently and his fingers were clawing at Mark’s shoulder and the fabric pressing to the wounds in his stomach. My shirt was saturated in dark crimson and some of the blood was dripping down Josh’s wrist into his sleeve.
I ran and opened the door to the fort, holding it open for Mark and the others before sprinting ahead again and forcing the big door open for the main bunker.
“We need help!” I screamed hoarsely. The people in the main bunker quickly stood, worried, and several others came out of the nearby rooms and hallways, watching Mark walk in with Josh.
There were collective gasps when they saw Josh. Tori and Griffin ran forward with Clark.
“When was he shot?” Griffin asked immediately.
“About thirty minutes ago,” Dan answered.
“Okay, we need water and alcohol!” Tori called. “Someone find the scalpels in the medical room! And someone get Peter!”
“Someone get a sheet!” Griffin ordered.
Almost as he finished the sentence, someone ran out with one of the sheets, laying it on the ground. I did not think it was possible to regret the mishap with the dynamite in the medical room more until that moment.
“Set him down, Mark…” Griffin whispered.
Mark lowered himself to his knees, which caused Josh to let out a yelp of pain when Mark’s knees hit the ground, jarring his body. Tori and Griffin helped guide Josh out of Mark’s arms and onto the sheet, though he cringed and cried out in pain, his hands clawing at Mark and the fabric against his belly.
Griffin grabbed Josh’s hand and tried to pry it loose from the fabric, but Josh let out another agonized shout and yelled something. Mark quickly grabbed his flailing hand and held it tight as he steadied one shoulder to the ground. Hiroki and Rin ran forward and tried to steady Josh as he cringed, grinding his teeth together, his eyes tightly shut, trying to move away from the hands and causing his pain to spiral higher.
Minsoo was suddenly at my side, looking over Josh, his eyes filled with fear and tears. He grabbed Josh’s legs, pinning them as Josh let out a sob of pain, murmuring something.
I watched as Griffin finally got the shirt away from Josh’s skin.
“Here are some scalpels and alcohol,” Jeanie said, running forward and setting them at Griffin’s side.
“Where the hell is Peter?” Tori hissed.
“Can someone get some scissors?” Griffin asked. Another person scurried away.
I looked over Josh’s pale and pained expression as he tried to move away from the hands holding him. Mark’s hand held his tightly. His eyes were locked on Josh, worried and filled with more fear than I had ever seen before.
As the man came hurrying back with scissors, Tori looked at those around Josh, holding her hand out for the scissors.
“Hold him still.”
Even I tried to assist in holding him down as Tori cut away the shirt from Josh’s stomach, revealing the gaping, angry wounds.
“This one hit his stomach,” Griffin whispered. “This one is inside his intestine…” He looked over Josh. “The other wounds can wait. His stomach might have ruptured…”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
Griffin looked at me seriously.
“He was shot thirty minutes ago?”
“About,” I confirmed.
Josh murmured something, his body shivering violently. Everyone from the Eight Group turned to look at him quickly.
“What did he say?” Griffin asked. Rin shook her head, not knowing, but Hiroki, Minsoo, and Mark all shared a look with one another before turning to look at Ichiro and Keiko, whose eyes were wide and filled with tears.
“What did he say?!” Griffin repeated angrily.
“I’m here!” Peter called, running forward and falling to his knees next to Josh. He looked over the wound as Griffin poured alcohol on the med-students hands. Peter rubbed the alcohol over his skin as his eyes scanned the wounds.
“When was he shot?”
“About thirty minutes ago.”
Peter reached to the wound in Josh’s side, further away from the two he had been trying to cover.
“That’s in the large intestine,” Peter hissed. He looked at the other two bullets and his eyes turned serious. “Fuck…” he whispered. “Okay, get into the medical room and find anything you can. There must be some morphine shots that made it through. We can’t treat him like this, we need to get him calmed down, maybe even put him under.”
“We would need facilitated breathing…” Griffin hissed.
“See if you can find a mask!” Peter called to the people who were darting into the medical room.
Peter gently touched the edge of the wound. Josh’s reaction was violent. His body bowed and his cry of pain echoed hauntingly around the bunker as everyone tried to steady him.
“…it’s in his stomach…” Peter whispered under his breath.
“Is it…” Griffin didn’t complete his thought and I looked between the two, frightened.
Josh murmured the same thing again and Mark bowed his head, closing his eyes. Josh’s other close friends turned away. Minsoo lifted a hand to his face, swallowing hard as the tears gathered in his eyes.
“What did he say?” Peter asked.
Mark shook his head sharply.
Peter took a deep breath and carefully pressed his hand to Josh’s stomach, causing the experiment to shout in pain again, sobbing breaths heaving out of him. Peter backed away, startled and worried.
“We don’t have a lot of time…” he hissed. He grabbed one of the scalpels and Tori poured alcohol over it. “Griffin, are your hands clean?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” Peter nodded. “I’m going to try and make an incision. Tori, hold him down as hard as you can.”
Tori moved to push on his chest though Josh let out a small choked sob and his eyes snapped shut.
“Hold on, Josh…” Tori whispered. “Please…hold on…”
Peter reached out with the scalpel and gently touched it to the skin below the highest bullet wound, cutting into the flesh and causing another river of blood to run down Josh’s side. The experiment on the ground grit his teeth and turned his head away, breathing heavily and cringing in pain. I heard the sound of rubble being moved from the direction of the medical room.
After an incision had been made, Peter placed the scalpel on the ground, dipping his fingers into the wound to the last knuckle. Josh’s cry of agony pierced my ears and his body convulsed violently. We tried to hold him down, but his altered strength had us struggling to keep him still.
Peter’s hand slipped out of the incision as Josh writhed in pain on the sheet on the ground.
“Putting him under is the only way we’re going to keep him still enough…” Peter hissed.
“What’s the word on a mask?!” Griffin called.
“Can’t find one!!”
“Can we do manual CPR?” Tori hissed.
“With his stomach ruptured, that will do more harm than good.”
My stomach was tying itself into knots with my lungs and made me a tense and frightened mess. I glanced around, seeing that everyone was crowding around us. The bunker was quite empty with people out gathering food, but there were still far too many eyes on the situation. I felt frightened, enclosed, angry at them for just standing there and watching Josh suffer.
Peter reached out once again and put one hand on the other side of Josh’s abdomen, resting the other one just inside the area that had been shot, pushing lightly with his fingers. Josh let out a gurgled cry of pain and his eyes clenched tightly shut. Peter backed away quickly, his eyes locked on Josh as the experimen
t moved in pain against the hands holding him down.
Griffin looked at Peter and then they both turned to Mark. I watched the exchanged glances and felt the impending darkness settle over the group.
Slowly, Peter dropped his head and rocked back on his heels, standing and backing away. I watched, horrified, as Tori and Griffin also backed away. Rin moved away and Hiroki removed his hand from Josh’s shoulder, sitting back on his heels and bowing his head, swallowing hard. Minsoo released Josh’s legs and sat silently, his hand over his nose and mouth as the tears began to fall down his face.
“No…” I choked. I glared at Peter, storming to him. “No! You do not just give up on him!”
“Lily—”
“Help him!!”
“There’s nothing I can do…” Peter breathed. I couldn’t hear the pain in his voice.
“Bullshit!”
“Lily,” Griffin said, his hands on my shoulders, “it’s too late. We can’t save him…”
“You can’t just let him die!” I cried, the tears choking me. Griffin held me close, though I tried to fight him. “No! Help him! He can’t just die!!”
“There’s nothing we can do…” he repeated quietly, his own voice choked.
I turned to Josh. I was completely helpless, watching him die in agony in front of me. I took a step forward, but Griffin’s arms were around me again, holding me back as my eyes blurred from tears. The pain tore my body in half.
Mark took a deep breath, watching Josh cringe and breathe in labored pants as he held his hand. He was the only one still holding on to Josh.
Carefully, he reached down and pulled Josh toward him. Even though Josh let out a pained shout and his body was wracked with a violent shudder, his hands went to Mark’s jacket, clawing at the cloth as Mark held him close, hugging him to his chest and bowing his head over him. Josh whispered something through chattering teeth. Mark’s eyes closed and he cringed as though the words physically struck him.
Josh shuddered and his breathing started to sound choked, even as he murmured the same word over and over again against Mark’s jacket.
Holding his head carefully, Mark kept his dying friend close, his eyes starting to well with tears, though none broke free. Josh’s trembling hands moved down Mark’s jacket and grabbed at his torso desperately. Mark flinched away from the touch and tried to grab Josh’s hand as it went inside his jacket. Violently, Mark ripped away the gun Josh had grabbed and threw it angrily aside before his hand went back around Josh’s head, holding him close, a few tears escaping.
My heart shattered into a thousand pieces. The pain was too much.
Several people turned away, crying, unable to witness the death as it slowly happened. Josh was breathing hard, pain clear across his features. Every time his body shuddered, he let out a pained noise that made me realize how horribly he was suffering.
The tears blurred my vision, but I watched Mark hold his dying friend close, his head bent.
It was twenty-three minutes later when Josh’s labored breath stopped hitching in his throat and the shuddering of his body slowed from constant, to sporadic, to non-existent. His hands that had been grabbing Mark, anchoring him to the living, slowly relaxed and slipped from their position, limp, falling at his sides.
Mark curled forward, feeling the life leave his friend. The tears fell from his eyes, but his face did not contort in pain. He was trying to hold his composure, and even though his jaw remained clenched tight against the sobs and cries, his eyes showed more pain than should ever exist for one person.
Long after Josh had stilled, Mark still held him close.
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Watching earth being moved by three shovels was the only thing I could focus on that dark day.
I glanced down at the sheet wrapped body next to me, imagining the pale face underneath, feeling my heart tighten as the pain ripped through me again.
Hiroki placed a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. I smiled meekly at him before turning back to watch three shovels moving dirt and rocks away. I followed the spade of one shovel upward and saw the concentrating face of Mark as he focused on moving each shovel full of dirt, like it was the most important task he had ever undertaken.
“I can’t believe this happened…” I murmured.
Clark placed a hand on my other shoulder.
“Mark’s handling it a lot better than I expected,” I hissed, looking at his face carefully. I heard a scoff next to me and turned to Hiroki, who was watching his friend dig.
“If you think he’s handling it,” he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, “then you really don’t know him at all…”
I turned back to Mark, watching how focused his eyes were on each shovel-full of dirt, widening the hole where Josh was to be buried. I wanted to ask Hiroki what to do to help Mark. I wanted to ask how to help him handle the death, but with the way Mark’s close friends were watching him, it was clear that no one knew.
The Eight Group surrounded the widening grave. Griffin and Tori were helping Mark dig, but they would stop occasionally and throw glances at us, their eyes settling on Mark.
He was concentrating too intently to notice the audience.
Mark never stopped digging, jumping in and digging further down. He was joined shortly by Tori, but she eventually climbed back out.
“I can’t stand to see him like this…” she choked, shaking her head, her hand over her nose and mouth as the tears welled in her eyes. My own eyes started to burn. I hugged Tori, who hugged me back, both of us letting tears fall as we embraced.
The overcast sky made the air colder, threatening rain, and fit the mood of the burial.
Tori and I stood within the Eight Group members, Clark next to me, trying to keep himself from crying again. I was trying to avoid looking at the covered body. There was a large part of me that felt guilty, thinking about the other stupid move I had made by contacting Becca, by not noticing something was wrong much earlier and getting away before it had a chance to take the life of such a dear friend.
However, in that moment, standing at Josh’s unmarked grave, I could only recall my times with Josh, remembering when I first met him and he and Mark joking with one another. I remembered imagining about how Josh had comforted Mark, and how he had always been the support for the strong leader of the Eight Group who helped so many others.
I remembered Josh standing outside my house, worried about my immature grudge against Mark, and the way he slipped on the ice on the way to the car. I thought about how he celebrated in the bunker, singing and dancing. I remembered the little times when he would talk with others of the Eight Group, smiling and laughing, always the loudest one. I thought about the way we danced together to the inappropriate radio music, both enjoying something so simple.
I thought about the recent times. I replayed the day when he and Mark killed the Commission team to protect me and Clark…the way his expression had changed, serious and focused on his task…
Just like Mark, digging Josh’s grave.
I thought about the store room, the way he had held me as I broke down, telling me that it was alright, sitting with me in the bunk room, his arm around my shoulders.
And the bridge.
I remembered his words on the bridge. His smile and his distant eyes that could see to something better in the future.
I wished he would put his arm around my shoulders again and hug me, telling me that as long as I believed in what I was doing, everything was going to be alright.
Instead, he was lying on the ground, covered in the bed sheet he had died on while his best friend dug an unmarked grave among the many trees of the dense forest.
No one would know he was there. No one would be able to find his grave easily after today. There would be no one coming to pay their respects, no one bringing him flowers and telling him how much they missed him. He would fade into nature, unknown to everyone except us.
“It’s not fair to put him in an unmarked grave…�
� I murmured.
No one turned to me, their eyes focused on the diggers as they moved the dirt to the growing piles.
“He should be buried with the same honors as a soldier,” Clark agreed.
“Why do you suppose military graves are still marked with a cross?” I asked, my eyes focused on Mark working diligently. “Religion is banned…why would the military still use a cross?”
“Tradition,” Tori whispered. “And maybe…with how gruesomely those men and women die, one still wants to cling to the hope that there is something better after death. That there is some higher power that is watching over them…”
“Even though they’re no longer fighting for God?” I pressed.
“I think that it’s not about the purpose anymore,” Clark breathed. “Whether they were fighting for God or not, God is seen as the creator…the all-powerful and all-knowing.” Clark cleared his throat. “We want to believe that He sees something better about the death of the people who die for some greater cause.”
Mark continued to move dirt, acting like he was possessed. Despite the sweat that broke out over his face from the work, he continued to dig. Griffin was working much slower, glancing at Mark before each shovel full of dirt to be sure that Mark was not about to hurt himself.
“And yet, Josh won’t have a cross…” I hissed. I swallowed hard, my vision blurry. “Does that mean God won’t see him?”
“He sees him,” Tori said, her voice breaking. “He has to…”
There was no more conversation while the final depth of the grave was carved out of the cold earth. Mark continued to dig until we could no longer see him, and Griffin’s head disappeared not long after. The dirt was thrown out of the hole, and with the speed of each jut of earth, we could tell whose shovel had thrown the dirt.
Griffin’s voice could be heard in the pit.
“Mark…that’s enough…”
Both shovels came out of the hole and Griffin climbed out, turning to help the other experiment, but Mark remained in the grave. Griffin stared into the pit and then nodded. He walked to the body in the stained sheet, carefully picking Josh up while we watched. He brought the body to the edge of the grave and carefully lowered Josh’s limp shoulders into the pit.
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