“…you could not have stopped him, Lily,” Griffin murmured.
“Yes, I could have!”
“No, you could not have,” the experiment said strongly. “You could not have stopped him from dying. It was becoming a matter of days before he would have died. His choice to end that suffering was one he made long ago. He was just waiting for the opportunity.”
“And I shouldn’t have let him have that opportunity!” I snarled. “But I walked away, and left him alone somewhere where he could get a gun and kill himself. I was not there with him when he died. So I refuse to not be there with him again when his body gets put at that construction site. And nothing you can say will change my mind.”
I was still panting heavily from the weight in my chest as the silence gripped all of us. I was ready to start screaming if I had to, anything to be sure that I was there to properly say goodbye to Mykail, and to ensure that if the others were captured, I could use myself as a bargaining chip to give them a better chance of leaving the country.
“…I understand,” Griffin agreed.
Mark strode forward quickly, his incredulous eyes on Griffin. The larger experiment lifted his hands peacefully.
“I know, I know, I don’t like the idea either,” he assured. “But it would be easier to keep her safe if she is with us. We can’t not being able to protect her because she tries to follow us on her own.”
Mark stared at Griffin, clearly upset. I knew that if there was anyone that would be impossible to convince, it would be Mark. His constant staring over the past week had only intensified, and it was as if he was sure I would disappear at any moment. Briefly I wondered if he knew of my plan, but put those thoughts aside when I saw him hang his head on able to come up with an argument to keep me in the bunker while they went through with their plan.
His eyes slowly turned to me, holding my gaze, telling me that he was not keen on the idea of me joining them. However there was a softer light to his eyes that told me he understood why I wanted to go.
“Are you sure, Lily? “Clark asked.
“Are you going? “I asked, turning to him and ignoring his question.
“No. I’m going to stay here, and make sure that everyone knows when to leave the bunker, if anything happens.” He stared at me for a moment. “I think they’re right. It would be safer for you to stay here with me and the others.”
“When are you leaving? “I asked turning my attention back to Griffin and Mark, ignoring Clark again. They glanced at one another, as if still debating whether I needed to know the information, despite the fact that I was going to join them.
“Around midnight, “Griffin answered. “There are a few things that we need to get ready. Once we are sure that there is no one at the construction site, we’re going to take the tunnels into the city, and meet up with someone driving the van. From there we’ll take him to the construction site. “
“What do I need to do?”
“Nothing,” Griffin assured. “We just need to gather a few tools. Then we will just wait until night.”
“I want to help,” I insisted.
“You can help us once we get him to the construction site,” Griffin assured, though I was sure by his tone that he didn’t really mean it. I understood that there was not much I could do, as I was not strong enough to help carry Mykail, nor was I able to drive the van without a legal license, but I felt like I needed to do everything in my power to help with the plan to be sure that Mykail was treated with as much respect as possible for the gruesome situation.
I nodded once, turned, and left the store room, waiting for the moment when we would leave the bunker.
It was a long wait, and it wasn’t until hours after my declaration that I would join them on the journey, that I looked at the clock. I watched the hours tick bye, wondering if that would be the last time I would see anyone in the bunker. My stomach was doing angry somersaults, and my heart was racing so fast I was worried that it any moment it would give out in exhaustion. There was a different type of fear consuming me that I had never experienced before. It was deep, primal, as if I was just helpless prey awaiting the moment that the predator would finally pounce.
As it you’re close to 10 o’clock I moved my way to the bunker, looking around at the people who were eating the few rations that we had left. Everyone seemed to have a dark cloud hanging over them. No one knew what we would do, or if we would even be able to make it across the border, and despite the successes of the previous groups,I knew that rather than increase our chances of success it decreased them. Then it would become more strict on border control.
I could feel Clark’s eyes watching me as I moved around the bunker, quietly asking if everyone was all right, which always ended with the mechanical response that everyone was fine, even though there was no way for anyone to be fine in the situation. I glanced a few times in his direction, but he never made any moves to approach me. As the time to move Mykail came closer, I sat across the bunker from the hallway leading to the wreck room. I watched silently, waiting for the moment that Mark or Griffin would go into the room to collect Mykail’s body. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see him. It just seemed like a foggy nightmare when I we don’t do that the memory of that day seemed like a foggy nightmare, one that was just made up of shapes and colors rather than people he felt The same as I, that we had rally of these people in hopes of changing the country, only to risk their lives, and finally tell them that they had fought for nothing. The defeat hit much harder for those of us who had organized the revolution. We felt as if we had betrayed those that had supported us even knowing the danger of the enemy we were facing.
I did not feel that I deserved to make it across the border.
As the time to move Mykail game closer, I sat across the bunker from the hallway leading to the rec room. I watched silently, waiting for the moment that Mark or Griffin would go into the room to collect Mykail’s body. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see him. The memory of that night to seem like a foggy nightmare, made up of shapes and colors. None of the events seem to fit right in my mind. I still could not grasp the reality of his suicide.
When Griffin walked into the rec room carrying a large white sheet that we had used to wrap the other bodies that had been in the bunker, I stood up quickly, my heart skipping a beat. I was surprisingly afraid to see Mykail’s body. I stood completely still, my back pressed against the wall. Jeff, a former soldier who would be in the group with Mark and I as we journeyed cross the border, walked out of the supply room behind Griffin and turned to go to the bunker.
“Everyone!” he called. “We are moving Mykail now. If you want to go into the bunkroom and wait until we have moved him, now would be the time. “
No one moved. There was a small part of me that was touched to think that they all wanted to say goodbye to him. But there was a more logical part of me that realized that no one in the bunker was at all squeamish after everything we had seen during the revolution. No one would be upset by the sight of Mykail’s dead body, except for me. Clark walked over to stand next to me, obviously feeling the same thing. I did not look at him, watching the whole way, waiting for the door to open and for Griffin to walk out.
When he did, I saw Mykail’s body wrapped in a sheet.The large bulge of his wings against his back was clearly outlined by the white sheet. The sheet had been tied around his body, allowing them to move him more easily, as the rope also tied his wings closer to his body. Griffin held his shoulders, wall marks held his feet both of them walking awkwardly and slowly into the main bunker. I was grateful I could not see Mykail’s face, but I could see the light stains of red through the sheet where he had sat in his blood.
Jeff walked over to the large door leading to the sewer system keeping it open and allowing Mark and Griffin to walk through. Jessica, the other person who would be in the group with me and Mark on the way to Mexico, picked up the large flashlight that had been sat by the door and followed everyone out. I threw one quick look to Cl
ark, trying to memorize his face in case I did not see him again. Then I fell in line at the back of the group, leaving the bunker with a heavy heart and fear in my gut.
It was a very slow truck through the sewer system to the exit where we would load Mykail body into the van. I was not sure who was bringing the van to the designated location, but my brain was too foggy to even think of who it could be. Griffin and Mark had to constantly adjust their hold on Mykail, trying to find the best way to carry his body. I was surprised that the sheet he was bound in was not becoming saturated with blood. That was just another reminder that he was no longer bleeding, because his heart was no longer beating.
Lost in my own thoughts, I followed behind. Jessica used her flashlight to help illuminate the dark tunnels. Jeff walked in front, keeping a close eye on our location based on the street names etched into plates next to each letter we passed. I tried not to recall the last time I had been in those tunnels. There had been another body being carried that that time, only then that body was riving in pain as we tried to get him to the bunker for help.
The understanding that this was also the way we had brought Josh only for him today as well in our field revolution made me realize how much we had lost in our foolish attempt to take down the Commission of the People. Perhaps it was the darkness of the tunnels, or perhaps it was the realization of how much death had already occurred around me, but the understanding that I was not worthy enough to escape due to the amount of pain I had caused to those around me became heavier with every step.
We finally reached the connector tunnel to the active sewer under central. It was further in the tunnels and I had ever been before, and the smell had become more pungent the closer we got to the main city. But before we used the connector tunnel, we found the ladder that Mark had been waiting for. Jeff announced the street name, and we all stopped, allowing Griffin and Mark to catch their breath before they had to hold Michaela‘s body out of the grade above. Jeff ascended ladder first, having to use a shoulder to push it open a pair of hands from above helping him move the heavy metal out of the way. Minsoo stood above, waiting to help us out of the tunnels and load Mykail’s body.
Griffin carefully poked his arm around Mykail’s body, trying to climb the ladder as quickly as possible without making too much noise. Once at the top, Jeff and Minsoo helped him move the sheet covered corpse. Mark motioned for Jessica to us on the latter and then for me, being sure that he was the last one.
Once the cover had been replaced replaced over the latter, we all climbed into the open back doors of the van and then Sue climbed into the driver seat pulling away from the dark alley and turning on to another alley being sure to keep the lights off, so that we would not be spotted.
Had I been thinking more clearly, I would have realized that it was dangerous for us to be driving the van past curfew. There were no other cars on the streets, which meant that we had to be very careful about which routes we took. Minsoo drove in the alleys, though the engine sound was probably enough to attract attention from anyone in the nearby buildings.
Thankfully we did not have to go far. Being so close to the middle of town meant that it was three short minutes that we were weaving around buildings and narrow alleyways. Minsoo stopped at the corner of one office building and turned off the car.
Jessica was about to get out of the car when Mark grabbed her hand, shaking his head.
Everyone waited in silence for at least five minutes in the car, being sure that we had not been spotted or heard in the short drive towards the construction site for central hall. Well everyone else was clearly very tense, and worried that we were about to be caught, I did not feel the same tension. I already knew that it was an avid the inevitability that I would be captured. It was only a matter of time.
Once Mark was assured that we were safe enough to move, he opened the back door and looked around. With a nod everyone began to get out of the car, Griffin and Mark collecting Mykail’s body and carefully moving it around the side of the van, keeping a sharp eye on the street to be sure we were not spotted.
Across the street was a large chain-link fence surrounding the construction site for the new Central Hall. There were signs tied to the metal fence depicting the images of the new central hall that was to be built at that location. I had only seen the destruction on television, but in the dim street lights in the middle of the night, the stacks of mangled metal, and debris, looked like a ghostly skeletons stacked on one another, as if the bodies of those who had perished in the attack were still tangled in the rubble.
Mark motion for us to follow him as he darted quickly across the street. Jeff helped Griffin put Mykail over his shoulder for the short sprinted to the chain-link fence. Jessica grabbed my hand, being sure I kept up with everyone else. Mark moved quickly along the chain-link fence, reaching into his pocket to pull out a small tool that I could not quite make out in the shadows. When he had safely ducked behind one of the dumpsters outside of the chain-link fence, he lifted the tool and began slipping away at the thin metal wires creating enough of an opening for us to slip inside the construction site. I stood watch with Jessica next to the dumpster, though I was feeling only half there. It was like a strange out of body experience, as if I knew that I should feel nervous about being caught, and that I should be watching out for any member of the commission who could be watching in case we tried to attack the site, but all of those emotions and fears were absent. Only the single fear of knowing but there was no way for me to escape my feet lingered in my mind.
Mark held the chain-link fence panel back allowing the rest of us to duck into the narrow hole. Griffin had to set Mykail’s body on the ground and then drag him along the dirt into the construction site, adding another color to his already stained sheet. I found it almost impossible to look at the corpse bound in a white cloth. Knowing the face beneath that shroud was enough to make my heart break 1000 times over again.
As Jessica and Jeff slipped through the narrow opening, I began looking around the construction site, scanning each pile of new building materials next to the pile of destroyed ones. I remember my whore at seen the helicopter crash into central hall on television. It had seemed like such a large explosion at the time, but standing in the middle of the construction site, looking around the site felt surprisingly small.
A hand around my wrist yanking me further into the construction site broke me out of my stupor. Jessica gave me an exasperated look before hauling me across the dirt, following the man as they carry Mykail’s body towards the middle of the construction site. The New foundation had already been laid in the construction site, and the start of walls was evidenced by the beams that’s took out vertically, becoming the new skeleton for the new central hall. I could not stop looking around the building, wondering if it would be the same as the last one, or if there would be changes to the structure. I wondered if the new central hall would have even more symbolic meaning than the previous.
Jessica suddenly stopped, looking around the construction site, I thought that she had heard something, or seeing someone coming closer. But she had stopped when Griffin and Mark had stopped. There was a pallet of materials, wrapped in plastic, sitting in the middle of the concrete slab that would make up the foundation of the new building. It was there that Griffin set down Mykail’s shroud-covered body, and began to unwrap him.
Mark and Griffin meticulously on wound the rope from Mykail’s body, and then finally drew back the shroud.
I stared, unable to recognize Mykail. Even though some of his facial features had been destroyed by the bullet, most of his face was still intact. Despite that, he did not look the same as he had in life. Unfortunately, I had noticed that to be a theme with corpses. No one looked the same and death as they did in life.
My eyes were locked on him the entire time that Mark and Griffin unwrapped him, on able to look away. There was a lot that I wish I had said to me kill. I wish I had told him that I completely forgive him. I wish I had told him that despite ev
erything, I still wanted him to have the life that had been robbed from him. I wanted to tell him that I was thankful for his part in making me a stronger woman than I was when I first came to Central.
But he could not hear that now. It would not matter if I had told him.
Griffin and Mark moved tales mostly stiff body into position, forcing the courts to sit upright against the pallet of plastic wrapped materials. Jeff had to step in and help, since the two experiments were struggling to put him in place. His mouth formed and rotting wings we’re set on either side of him allowing for more so support to keep her upright.
Griffin rummaged through the tangled shroud, pulling out a small can of spray paint. It was at that moment, that I realized I actually had no idea how they were going to stage Mykail’s body. I watched as Griffin shook the spray paint before turning it to the plastic behind Mykail, spray painting quick letters above his head.
Once we kill was upright in the sitting position, Mark stood and walked over to me. He stood in front of me for a few moments, blocking my view of the corpse. I stared back at him, unsure what I could say. There was a part of me that was still in enough pain to make me want to cry, but I had no tears left. It was as if the pain that now resonated in my body was so deep that even tears would not help me heal it. By the look in Marks eyes, I realized that he knew exactly how I felt.
Placing a gentle hand on my shoulder, Mark helped me step forward four steps until I was directly in front of Mykail’s body. I stared at it for a few seconds longer, and finally lowered myself into a Crouch.
I looked him over, trying to find any semblance of the 18-year-old boy I had first med in a cage in the commission of the people. I tried to match the facial features of the body in front of me to the boy I had fallen in love with, to the one who had been the symbol of our revolution, but there was none.
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