Even the writing of all of this had a lot of careful thought put into it—and many hours of frustrating edits. As Lily turns into Dana 2.0, the tense of her action changes. The entire book is written in past tense until that moment. Then, any action she takes is written in present tense while everyone else is in past tense, showing that she is moving at a different pace than everyone else. However, once she completes the transformation, gets cleaned up, and begins acting as another leader of the Commission of the People, the book moves into present tense entirely, showing her command of the present moment.
Now, in the first published ending, after Lily’s transformation, we go through some of her actions as another leader of the Commission, which allows us to learn about the D.E.M.O.N. project and the general direction the world is about to follow. But, I was exhausted after writing her final scene in the back of the Commission where she kills the scientist with Dana’s help and removes his eyes. I was so drained and in such a dark place mentally that I wanted the torture of writing the novel to be over. Therefore, there is a third ending that was written, but was finally thrown out as I picked myself off the floor and decided to limp on to the end I wanted with the D.E.M.O.N. project coming to full fruition.
In the third ending, when Lily is first introduced as Dana’s assistant to the Commission, much to the horror of her parents and other parents of the Commish Kids of the Central Angels, she makes a long speech about working together to build America even stronger so that when the world comes crashing down, America will be the last one standing. She goes through many terrifying prospects about taking over the world with the D.E.M.O.N. and building an army that would tear down everything humans built and she gets the entire room into a terrified stupor. After she has everyone good and scared, she goes up to Dana and kisses him in front of everyone, making a lot of claims about how he made her see the world as it really is. At which point, she pulls a gun on him and shoots him in the head, killing him, telling him that she doesn’t need him anymore. That is when she goes on another tirade, telling everyone that she cannot run his Commission, and she tells the guards to guide everyone into the back to process them for testing.
It is not difficult to understand why I scrapped this ending entirely. It was written one afternoon when I just wanted the novel to end. However, I eventually found the strength to soldier through and finally bring the novel to the ending I wanted.
Is there anything I regret about the original published ending? Absolutely. If there was anything I could change about the ending I originally published, it would be Mark’s death.
I was sobbing when I had to kill Mark—no, not figuratively, I literally cried writing his death. But I knew that, unless he was dead, he would fight to get Lily and the others captured free of the Commission and the book would never ever end. It was just a matter of deciding how he would die. Since I was already being extremely cruel with the deaths in the book, I decided to make Mark’s death completely unfitting of his character. Just as Josh had suffered immeasurably in his death, I wanted Mark’s death to be nearly instant, no drawn out goodbye, no fight to the death, nothing. I wanted it to hurt how easily his character dies because I wanted to cut deep to the bone. Therefore, he had two paragraphs and that was the end of him. If there was any way I could have realistically avoided it, I would have kept Mark alive.
Now, you have the alternate ending to enjoy. If you would like to see this as the end Lily and Mark, I understand completely. However, you have to remember that there is one character introduced in the published ending that is not really explained in the alternate ending—Veronica Harris. I know, she doesn’t show up much and I did not answer any questions about her in either ending, but that is because you can get a lot of information on this character in my other novels. This character, whether under the name Veronica Harris or not, whether male or female, appears in every one of my books. That’s right, this character is in The Significant, The Faith, the Dimension Guardian Series, the Roadside Paradise Series, and every other publication I put out in the future. If you find this character, it should tell you just how everything connects to one another. Happy hunting!
Special Edition Extra Scenes
In celebration of the 5th anniversary of Inside, I would like to share with you some extra scenes not included in the original novel. As the entire novel is written from Lily’s perspective, there is a lot going on behind the scenes that you are not privy to. But there were some things going on that I felt compelled to write about because I knew what Dana was up to when Lily was not around.
The following is a collection of short scenes that focus mostly on Dana and what he got up to while we were focusing on Lily’s story. These are presented in chronological order and occurred regardless of which ending you prefer to see as the end of the novel.
Enjoy!
Target Acquired
Sean did not know how he continued to end up in such situations, but he was, once again, pinned to his bed with Dana Christenson straddling him. As he stared at Dana, wondering what the leader of the Commission of the People planned to do that night, he ran through all the events of the day in his mind, trying to discern the exact moment when he should have known Dana would appear in his room that night.
“You’re so tense…” Dana murmured, his voice coated in honey as he flashed a perfect smile. “Shall we do something to relieve that?”
“No,” Sean said shortly.
“Oh, come on, it was so boring today. Surely you want to do something fun.”
“Dana, this is not fun for me,” Sean said strongly, his eyes boring into Dana, not wanting to show any fear to the leader of the Commission. “I do not want to have sex with you.”
“You always enjoy it in the end,” Dana stated, his movements slow and precise as he dragged his fingertips down Sean’s arms and to his chest, his eyes locked with the younger man’s. “You know I don’t give this sort of attention to anyone else.”
“You fuck everyone in the Commission, I’m hardly special,” Sean snarled. Dana gave him a patient look, silently reminding the head of security just how special his attention towards Sean was. Sean was aware that he was likely the only person in the Commission to see Dana naked—long enough to even count the scars on his body. He also knew that Dana was submissive only with him, something that he did not understand no matter how often Dana crept into his room and climbed on top of him.
“Even you know that’s not true…” Dana murmured gently. “You know you’re very special.”
“Dana, leave me alone,” Sean said, shaking his head, his voice exhausted, showing the years of torment he had suffered at Dana’s hand. “I don’t enjoy having sex with you. And I know that you’re just doing this to test me. I’m not in the mood today.”
“Why do you think I have an ulterior motive?” the older man asked. “Can’t I just want to have you fuck me?”
“No, never,” Sean said simply. “It’s always something more with you. I’m beginning to wonder if you enjoy sex at all or if you just know it’s a weapon to use against people.”
“Oh, believe me, I enjoy it more than anyone else on the planet,” Dana said with a grin. His hands ran over the fabric on Sean’s chest, his eyes breaking away long enough to follow the path his hands took. He took a deep breath and pinched the fabric in his fingers. “And I know you enjoy fucking me.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Oh, are we playing this game? The let-me-convince-you-otherwise game?” Dana leaned forward, his face hovering about Sean’s as he grinned. “I can play that game.”
He started forward to kiss Sean, but the other man turned his head away immediately. In an instant, Dana’s hand had taken Sean’s jaw and forced him to turn his head. Fear bolted through him like lightening. He could feel the power in Dana’s grip, the way the muscles in his arm tensed, being sure to use enough strength to startle Sean, but not enough to break bones—which Sean knew he could do easily.
“Look at me,” Dana snarled.
Sean froze, staring at Dana with fear-filled eyes. He knew that Dana would likely be the one to kill him and it was only a matter of time before the leader of the Commission of the People became bored with him and would do just that. But no matter how Sean tried to mentally prepare himself for that, every time Dana flexed his strength, or let the anger show in his expression, the primal fear for survival surged in his chest.
He knew he was, quite literally, flirting with death.
After what felt like an eternity, Dana shook his head slowly, his eyes never wavering from Sean’s.
“You are a puzzle, Mr. Jacobsen.”
Sean was not sure how long they stared at one another, silent. He spent the length of time trying to figure out the feelings between them, though he was certain that Dana did not need to spend time on such musings—the leader of the Commission of the People knew everything already. Sean had spent much of his time over the years contemplating his relationship with the mysterious man. Every brief moment of relief when he was not around Dana was a moment where he tried to understand what his life had become.
When Dana blinked, slow and cat-like, a deliberate motion meant to break Sean free of his gaze, the head of security let out a long breath and closed his eyes, tilting his head back and waiting for Dana to surprise him with his next move.
His entire body tensed when Dana’s finger deftly worked into the knot of his tie and pulled it from his neck, the silk slipping away from his collar slowly. Sean did not open his eyes, feeling the way Dana’s weight shifted as he loosened each button on Sean’s shirt, opening the fabric to reveal his undershirt. With a yank, he hauled Sean upright and finished undressing his torso. Sean did not protest, but did not assist Dana, either. He let the other man move him as he wished. He knew that protesting further would lead to Dana becoming violent.
With a surprisingly chaste kiss on his lips, Dana lowered Sean back to the bed, running his hands over the ridges of muscle and inked skin from Sean’s time in the armed forces. Sean never knew how to react to Dana’s fascination so he remained still, closing his eyes once more.
When Dana’s hands disappeared from his body, Sean had to open his eyes. The leader of the Commission of the People was undressing, tossing his clothes haphazardly to the side. Sean waited, unfortunately accustomed to the events that would soon follow.
However, when Dana was fully naked—Sean knew he was the only person in the Commission to see his naked body in its entirety—Dana smiled and leaned over his head of security, his hand going to the bedside table.
Dana pulled off a leather-bound folder that he had brought with him to Sean’s bedroom and set it next to Sean’s head. The younger man watched in confusion as Dana shifted his body to lay atop Sean’s bare chest, opening the file as he made himself comfortable.
“What are you doing?” Sean finally asked, too perplexed by Dana’s actions to keep silent.
“The Regional Regulators election is around the corner,” Dana answered, resting his head on his hand on Sean’s chest as he lifted the first stapled stack of papers. “I need to look over the candidates and decide if we need to rig anything.”
Sean already knew that Dana basically ran the country and decided who would take what position, but it was the first time he had seen Dana do so.
“…and you have to do that here? Like this?”
Dana turned his eyes to his head of security and smiled.
“Would you prefer we do the other thing I wanted to do tonight?”
“No, no, you better read through those,” Sean said quickly.
For several long minutes, the two remained in silence. Sean was uncomfortable with the intimate contact, but Dana did not seem interested in anything sexual that night. Instead, Sean tried to make himself disappear, remaining as still as possible, worried that any move out of the ordinary would cause Dana to change his mind about the proceedings of the night. However, Dana’s body heat combined with his own made it stifling, and he soon found his eyes slipping shut, exhaustion taking over. He had never felt comfortable sleeping around Dana, but as the leader of the Commission of the People never slept, it was impossible to avoid. While he fought sleep as long as he could, it was not long before his heavy eyelids slid completely shut and slipped barely into unconsciousness.
Dana continued to look through his papers silently, enjoying the heat of Sean’s body and the skin contact. As he rarely undressed more than was absolutely necessary to have sex, there were rare moments when he craved full skin contact, and Sean was the only one he longed for such contact. The steady energy of his head of security, coupled by the fact that he was physically larger than Dana made him the perfect person for Dana to satisfy the craving.
However, he was starting to get bored with glancing through the papers, and as Sean had fallen asleep, Dana’s mind began to slow to a pace that made him feel lethargic, even though he was not tired--he was never tired anymore.
With a heavy sigh, he shifted, causing Sean to wake with a start and Dana to smile.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
Sean pressed his fingers into his eyes as he tried to resurface to the waking world under the stifling heat.
Dana flipped to the page outlining the next candidate for the Western Region Regulator election and his entire frame went completely still, his body tensing. Sean shifted slightly, turning his head to look at Dana’s face, seeing the golden eyes fixed sharply on the paper in front of him. When Sean saw the expression he stopped as well, staring at the leader of the Commission of the People in confusion.
“What is it?” he asked, trying to see the information on the paper, though he could not from his vantage point.
“…I’ll be damned…”
“What?”
Sean was about to forcefully move Dana off of him so he could see the paper, worried by the look in Dana’s eyes, but he did not have to. Dana half-lunged to the floor and snatched his cell phone from his pants pocket. As he was hurriedly dialing a number, Sean turned onto his side and saw the paper Dana had been studying intensely.
The candidate outlined was Thomas Sandover. He had an impressive list of accomplishments below his name and his picture showed his greying hair pushed out of his face to show his hazel eyes. Sean was not sure what it was about the man that had caught Dana’s attention, but when he heard Dana’s conversation over the phone, he became nervous for the candidate.
“Michael, it’s Dana,” he said hurriedly. “I need you to send me all the information you have on Thomas Sandover…yes, the candidate for Western Region Regulator.” He drummed his fingers along the bedspread. “No, I got the folder. I’m not talking about career. I mean everything…yes, now.”
“Dana, it’s two in the morning, let—”
Dana raised his hand sharply, stopping Sean from speaking further.
“Fine, email it.”
Dana abruptly ended the phone call, turning to sit upright for a moment as he looked through various things on his phone, typing quickly. Sean also sat up, bringing the folder with him, Thomas Sandover’s information still at the top.
“What’s going on, Dana? Why do you need to know about this guy?”
“I clearly have a lot of catching up to do,” Dana murmured, still staring at his phone. He smiled, that cold, dark smile that told Sean the other man was excited about something that should worry everyone else. His heart began to race. He glanced back at the picture of the man, trying to think if he had seen him anywhere before, though he could not think of how the name would be familiar to Dana.
“Is he someone you want out of the running?”
“No, no! Not at all!” Dana exclaimed, tearing his eyes away from his phone for only a moment to glance at Sean. With a big smile, he shook his head. “We’re going to make sure he wins.”
Dana moved to lay on his belly on Sean’s bed, propped up on his elbows as he searched Thomas Sandover’s name over the internet, kicking his feet back and forth as if he were a teenager stalking a crush. Sea
n leaned over Dana’s shoulder to look at the information as well, but he was not thinking about Thomas as the Regulator for the Western Region—he was trying to discern Dana’s interest in him so that he could protect the younger man from Dana’s plans.
“…Oh, this is so perfect…”
“How do you know him?” Sean pressed.
“I don’t.”
“Then why do you want to rig it? Just based on his qualifications, he’ll likely win anyway.”
“This is about so much more than just the Western Region Regulator,” Dana explained. “This is…this could change everything.”
“You’re worrying me…”
Dana turned coyly over his shoulder, pecking a quick kiss on Sean’s lips with a devious smile.
“That’s what makes this fun.”
The ping of an email sounded over Dana’s phone, and like a child at his birthday party, Dana let out an excited sound and quickly opened the email. Sean was sure to stay close to Dana, half-laying on top of him so he could read the information on the small screen as well. He had long grown accustomed to the amount of information Central Intelligence gathered on American citizens, but not knowing what Dana was going to do with all the information had him extremely nervous.
“A daughter…” Dana whispered. “Seventeen…”
Inside Page 190