by Kip Nelson
Chapter Nine
When they returned Brent and Darren told JR and the others about what they had seen. Brent spoke excitedly and gave them a harrowing account of how they had come upon the man in the chair.
“We laid him to rest, but perhaps you could say a few words if you come to the farm with us,” Darren said to JR.
The minister bowed his head and closed his eyes, happy to oblige in such a task. Darren imagined that the minister was pleased whenever he got a chance to do what he had been trained to do.
Darren told them of his plan to move their things to the farmhouse the following day. They all were excited to experience a new beginning. And once again he invited JR to come along with them, thinking it was the least he could do. JR said that he’d come to help them move, but then he would be on his way. Because there were more people out there who needed his assistance.
“You’re a brave man to face this world alone. I hope you know that,” Darren said. JR offered a modest smile.
“I am merely doing God’s work,” he said.
They settled down for the night. Darren hoped that it would be easier for everyone to sleep with the hope of a new home tomorrow, and more space to move around. But he found sleeping difficult, and not in the least because the mother mountain lion was mewing and groaning with pain. These mountain lions almost had come to be a part of the family. It was difficult to think of leaving them here, for with the mother’s inability to hunt, the cubs surely would die.
The cries of pain were almost too much to bear, but there was nothing Darren could do because the mountain lion only would turn away from him. It broke his heart that she couldn’t trust him enough and suffered, but it seemed as though she was a prisoner of her nature.
However, JR couldn’t bear the pain. Darren felt him move.
“What are you doing?” Darren asked in a harsh whisper.
“I can’t sit by while one of God’s creatures is suffering. I’ve seen how she cares for her cubs, and she deserves the same care as anyone else. You’ve shown that to me in your treatment of her. If we don’t help her, those cubs are going to die, and I just can’t sit by and let that happen. I’ll be okay. I’ll be like Daniel. God will protect me. And I’m sure that once I begin treating her, she will understand what I’m doing.”
Darren tried pulling him back, but JR already was out of reach. Darren roused himself and looked toward the mountain lion, which was illuminated by the faint glow of the fire. To his relief the animal seemed to be asleep, and was groaning and whimpering, her legs shaking. Maybe she wouldn’t wake up. Maybe it all would all be okay.
JR walked over to the supplies and wet a cloth with some water. He gingerly moved toward the animal and held out his hand. Darren could see how it trembled. The rest of the kids were sleeping, tired out from another rigorous day. So, he stood alone to watch the horror as JR reached toward the mountain lion with a tender hand, only to freeze in fear when he touched the animal’s wound. The mother mountain lion’s eyes snapped open and it let forth an almighty roar that shook the very Earth and awoke the others.
Darren gripped the rock in front of him as he saw the animal move more quickly than he believed. Her tail swiped across the ground and she lashed out with her good paw, slamming it against JR’s head. JR cried out helplessly and fell backward, his body landing with a dull thud and crumpling on the ground. The mountain lion roared and dragged herself away from him, into the darkness.
Darren ran to JR’s side and almost threw up. JR’s throat and face were gutted, with deep gash marks from the animal’s claws. Blood came out in huge gushes. JR tried to speak, but blood bubbled up from his throat and drowned his words. His hand found Darren’s and squeezed it tightly, with all his strength.
“Damn. I should have stopped you. I should have tried,” Darren said, searching for a way to stem the flow of blood, but JR had lost too much already.
“I’m sorry, JR. I want you to know that you helped me and my family. You were a good man. We’re never going to forget you,” Darren said.
He thought he saw a smile on JR’s face, and then JR let go of Darren’s hand. Darren bowed his head. Tears cascaded down his cheeks. He turned to the mountain lion.
“Why? Why did you do it? Goddamn you! He only was trying to help… he only was trying to help…” then Darren collapsed into sorrow, his entire body shuddering with sobs as the blood from JR’s wounds pooled over the rocky ground like slick oil.
Chapter Ten
Darren was a wreck. He knelt by JR’s body. The life had slipped from his eyes, taken from him by the mountain lion he had tried to help. The minister had done nothing more than tend to the animal’s wounds despite Darren’s efforts to stop him. And in the end, the mountain lion had lashed out, adhering to its nature.
The animal didn’t know right from wrong. It didn’t think about philosophical matters or consider the ethics of its actions. It wasn’t evil. It just was following its instincts. So when JR had approached with a wet cloth and tried cleaning its wounds, the mountain lion had awoken and assumed it was being attacked again.
It all had happened so quickly that Darren hadn’t had a chance to prevent it, nor did he have the medical expertise to save JR from the wounds he’d suffered. Perhaps if there had been a doctor around, or a working hospital, something could have been done. But they were in a cave and all alone.
JR was dead and Darren couldn’t help but feel responsible. Maybe if he had been more insistent on driving the mountain lions off into the wild JR wouldn’t be dead now. It seemed galling, a cruel twist of fate when Darren just had delivered the news of hope to JR, the news that they had found a farmhouse that offered refuge, sanctuary, salvation.
The noise of the attack was enough to wake the children. They rose and called out to their father, looking shocked when they saw JR’s condition and the blood that surrounded his body. The mother mountain lion had recoiled and was staring warily at them. She placed herself between them and her cubs.
Darren wondered what was going through her mind. Had she not come to the same level of understanding as he had? Had she not developed the same kind of bond? He’d identified with her over the course of her stay in his cave, had come to see them as kindred spirits, but now when he looked at her he saw the wild animal. They were worlds apart.
Darren placed his hands upon the rocks around him to steady himself, leaving a crimson palm print. He turned to the children. Brent and Betsy were shielding Michelle and Tara’s eyes from the sight, but it was too late. They’d already seen everything. Blood dripped from the mountain lion’s claws.
Darren looked down at his hand and once again was taken aback by the parallels between the two of them. His soul twisted inside him, hating the fact that the longer he survived in this world the more he turned into an animal. How long would it be before he ended up hurting someone close to him? He couldn’t bear the thought that he could hurt his children, nor could he bear the thought of losing his identity.
Darren bowed his head and clamped his eyes shut, trying to wish away the turbulent thoughts that ran through is mind, except nothing worked. His breathing was heavy and his heart hammered in his chest. Sweat beaded on his temples and his hands clenched in anger. This world had taken so much from him but he swore it never would take away his sanity or his humanity. He’d never become an animal.
But as long as the mountain lions were there they reminded him of what he could turn into, of how fate was a slippery slope and no matter how much he tried to climb he never would ascend, only fall into madness.
They had to go. There was nothing else to do. He’d indulged the animals for too long, had projected too much of himself onto them. They weren’t the Dawkins family. They weren’t going to take care of him. It only was a matter of time before the mountain lions got hungry enough that they saw Darren and his family as prey, and then it would be too late to fight them off. The cubs were growing and soon they would be big enough to pose a huge challenge to Darren.
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br /> He had to end it before they could grow up.
He snarled as he rose from above JR’s body and strode across the cave. Brent called out to him, asking him what was happening, but Darren was deaf to everything apart from the voice inside his head. The mother mountain lion recoiled and braced herself for defense. Darren marched over to the supplies and retrieved the gun. Without hesitation he swung it around and pointed it at the mountain lions. As he pulled the trigger Brent and Betsy called out, distracting him momentarily, and the bullet shot into the side of the cave, sending up a cloud of rubble and dust.
The mountain lions were startled and they high-tailed it out of the cave, swallowed by the darkness. Darren chased after them, firing into the night. He reached the mouth of the cave just before Brent reached him and pulled him back.
“Dad! What are you doing?” he asked.
“I can’t let them change us! I can’t let them kill us!” he said, his voice raw, cracking with emotion.
Brent pulled him back and Darren relented to his son’s gesture. Darren was exhausted and weak. He didn’t want to keep fighting, but fighting was the only thing he knew how to do in this world. There had been so many people he’d had to kill. When would it end? Would it end at all?
“Dad,” Brent said, trying to focus his father. Darren still held the weapon in his trembling hands.
“I have to go,” he said, turning toward the mouth of the cave.
While the mountain lions were out there, they posed a threat. And while they posed a threat Darren had to stop them from hurting his family. But then he looked around at his family and saw how frightened they all were. Brent was in front of him, his face a mask of concern. Betsy was white as a sheet and stood with Tara and Michelle on either side of her. The little girls looked at Darren with wide eyes and his jaw went slack. He knew in that moment they weren’t scared of the animals; they were scared of him.
The gun dropped from his hands and he fell to his knees. He opened his palms and stared at the blood on them. He closed his eyes and started weeping. JR’s death had brought everything to the fore, all the emotional turmoil that had plagued him since this whole thing had started, and perhaps even before that, with the dissolution of his marriage.
“Dad,” Brent said.
There was mercy and emotion in his voice. He too sank to his knees and wrapped his arms around Darren. Darren felt his son’s embrace and allowed the love to pour in. With blood still on his hands, it was heart wrenching for Darren to keep his hands down and not hug his son. A few moments later Betsy and the other girls came up to him and joined in with the hug. They all cried for each other, and for JR, but they also strengthened the bond they shared.
The cave was filled with the sounds of despair, but eventually one by one they collected themselves. They extricated themselves from the hug and enjoyed the freedom of the cave once more, for now the mountain lions weren’t there taking up most of it. They did avoid the area where JR had fallen, though. Blood trickled from his body, but it did not sweep across the cave, although the smell filled the area and the sight of it brought up horrid visions. Soon after Darren gathered some water and washed the blood from his hands. Then he walked over to Michelle and Tara, who were playing with Applejack.
“Was the mommy mountain lion evil, Daddy?” Michelle asked.
“I thought you said it was our friend,” Tara added.
The girls were the picture of innocence and Darren hated how he had behaved so recklessly in front of them. All he’d wanted to do in this world was protect them and their innocence, but now he realized it was an impossible task. They had seen the savage ferocity of nature first hand, witnessed a man they had trusted die while doing something good. There could be no harsher lesson to learn, and one of his greatest challenges yet was going to be parenting them through this.
“I thought it was. I hoped it was,” Darren began, speaking patiently.
He’d found that one of the most difficult things as a parent was forcing himself to sound calmer than he actually was for the sake of his kids. They were so sensitive and didn’t understand the context of different emotions. So, if he was angry at something else, they might take it as being directed at them. So, even though he was in turmoil over JR’s death, he had to remain measured so his kids wouldn’t be afraid of him or think they had done something wrong.
“But the thing we have to remember is that the mountain lion was a wild animal. I think we got too relaxed in treating it like a pet. There’s a reason animals like her are placed behind fences and cages in a zoo. JR tried to help her, and I’m sure that the mommy mountain lion didn’t mean to hurt him, but it doesn’t really matter what she meant. The end result is the same. JR is dead because of the mountain lion and I don’t want the same thing to happen to any of us. I’m sorry for scaring you, but I have to protect you. And if that means driving off the mountain lion, then so be it,” he said.
“What’s going to happen to them?” Michelle asked.
Darren inhaled. “I don’t know. But they’re tough. They’re born to survive in this kind of world. So, I’m sure they’ll make it. And maybe they’ll come back here if we move on, but I’m not going to welcome them back. Now I want the two of you to try going back to bed. Betsy, Brent and I will clean up and make sure the mountain lions don’t return.”
“Can we say goodbye to JR?” Tara asked.
“We’ll say goodbye to him in the morning. We’ll do it properly,” he said.
The girls nodded. He walked over to them and hugged both of them tightly. They really were remarkable girls, and he doubted they knew how strong they were being. For everything they had seen in this new world they had not crumbled into despair, and they had maintained their innocence. Darren wished he could be as strong as them.
He took them to bed and tucked them in. They looked like two peas in a pod and their eyes were drowsy. He stroked their cheeks and they yawned and fell asleep, leaving Darren to turn back to Brent and Betsy.
“We have to get this body out of the cave before everything starts smelling, and I don’t want us to have to breathe in the odor either. We might get infected. Also, we need to keep a close eye on the surrounding area. That mother mountain lion isn’t going to take too kindly to me shooting at her. As far as she’s concerned this is her home and I’ve just driven her out. I won’t be surprised if she’s back.”
Darren feared at some point he would have to go hunting for the mountain lion to ensure the threat was ended. He couldn’t just leave her out there while her anger and hunger festered. He and that mountain lion were linked. And even if they left the cave, he had a feeling she would be able to find him and take her vengeance upon him. But, for now, they had work to do. Darren shoved the gun into his pants where it rested against the small of his back and directed Brent and Betsy to work.
“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Betsy said, looking down at the dead body. The look of shock was permanently etched upon JR’s face. Darren wondered what had been going through his mind when he died.
“He’s with his Lord now,” Darren said.
“I can’t believe it actually happened. I always knew it was dangerous having the mountain lions around, but after all the time we spent together I didn’t think they’d actually hurt any of us. We were just talking as well…”
Darren noticed how Brent trailed off. It piqued his curiosity.
“What were you talking about?” Darren asked.
“Oh, nothing really, just things,” Brent said, casting his eyes away.
“We spoke as well. I think he talked to all of us. He helped me see things from a different point of view,” Betsy said.
“He was a good minister. We have to make sure to pay him the proper respect. What happened to him was a tragedy. But I hope the both of you take stock of this and realize that this is the kind of world we live in now. I’ve tried my best to shield you from it, and certainly Tara and Michelle can’t understand the true brutality of it, but this is how things are n
ow. There are no second chances. If you make a mistake, chances are you’ll die. And if you trust too easily, you’re going to get punished.
“I’ve tried to strike a balance between hope and fear. I’m not sure I’ve succeeded yet, but I hope the two of you learn from whatever mistakes I make. Look, I don’t want to get too maudlin on you, but there are some things we haven’t spoken about that we probably should.
“If anything happens to me, I want the two of you to take care of Michelle and Tara. Try finding somewhere safe, somewhere away from people you can’t trust. You all have the skills and the knowledge to survive. You’re a good team, and if anything happens to me, I know that the girls are in good hands. I’m proud of you both, and I hope that you don’t have to learn things the hard way, like I did.”
Betsy folded her arms across her chest and chewed on her bottom lip. There were shadows under Brent’s eyes.
“Dad, I…I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Neither do I, Son, but sometimes we don’t get to choose the way we go out.” Darren cast his gaze down to JR.
“Seeing what happened to him reminded me that anything can happen at any moment. The mountain lions might come right back here and maul me to death as far as I know. So, it’s important to not leave anything unsaid between us. We might never get another chance to say it again. So, here it is, Son. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make the marriage work. I’m sorry that I had to make you grow up sooner than you were ready to. There are so many times I wish things had gone differently. So many times when I wish I had done things differently, and I just hope you can forgive me for that.”