by Kip Nelson
“My current plans are for us each to have our own rooms and for Tara and Michelle to share, but I don’t want you to get comfortable and make any rash decisions. Just keep in mind that other people share the world you inhabit and, believe me, the walls are a lot thinner than you imagine.”
Brent put his hands in his lap and Betsy stifled a giggle as she looked over at Brent.
“I really appreciate this, Darren, and you can rest assured that Brent and I will do as you ask. We won’t let our natures get the better of us,” she said.
“Thank you for saying that, Betsy, and that leads me to my next point. This is the part none of us particularly wants to talk about, but we’re going to have to talk about it anyway. Now, look, I’m not going to get involved in your relationship. So, I don’t even know if you’ve had this discussion yet and, quite frankly, I don’t want to know. That’s your business. So, just listen to what I have to say and file it away for whenever you need it.
“When it comes to sex, I want you to be careful. I want you to be responsible. And I want you to be safe. You are both smart kids and I am proud of you both, but I know how hormones and desire can play havoc with the mind. It happens to the best of us, and sometimes you just think you can’t live without tearing off each other’s clothes--”
“Dad!” Brent cried, throwing his hands up in the air. This time Betsy wasn’t able to stifle her laugh at all and she almost doubled over with the snort that erupted from her mouth.
Darren frowned and gestured an apology. Perhaps he had gone too far. This kind of thing was more difficult than it seemed. “My point is that I’d like you to come to me so we can go scavenging for medical supplies if you need them. And to try remembering that all your actions have consequences. Even if, in the heat of the moment, that gets lost in everything else that’s going on. We’re barely surviving as it is and we don’t know what the immediate future is going to hold for us. The last thing we need is another mouth to feed, if you get my drift.”
Brent cringed and Betsy suddenly was silent. It was clear they hadn’t fully thought out what being in a relationship meant, which was understandable. They were kids. Darren hoped he hadn’t put too much of a dampener on their feelings for each other. It was important they know that some things couldn’t be taken back, though, before they realized it too late.
“I don’t want to be a downer, but it’s important to keep these things in mind, and I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t tell you. Now, the other thing is that I know if the world hadn’t changed, you’d both have your friends to talk to about any problems you’re having. And it’s fine if there are some things you don’t think you can talk about with each other. I want you to know that you can come to me with whatever bothers you and I promise I won’t reveal it to the other person. I can offer you advice. I can just listen. Whatever you need. I am here for you. I want you both to be happy. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve found each other. And there, I’ve said my peace, so I will leave you to it.”
Darren slapped his thighs and stood up, feeling like Betsy and Brent were hoping he would leave as soon as possible. He nodded at them and then left them to themselves, even though he didn’t really have anywhere else to go or anything else to do. He heard Brent and Betsy muttering to each other, and then Betsy giggled again. No doubt they were laughing at his ineptitude, but at least he had planted the seeds of the ideas in their minds. That was all he could do. Their lives were theirs to lead. He only could give them the tools they needed to best prepare for the coming storms.
When he looked at them, he remembered how young and innocent he and Stacie had been, how simple life had seemed before adulthood came along, with all its financial responsibilities and parenthood and having to keep up with a car and a house and all the bills. Darren wondered what he would say to his younger self if he could go back. Would he warn younger Darren not to go through with that life, to choose a different path? Looking at Brent and Michelle, he knew that he wouldn’t have done anything differently. No matter how much sorrow there was in his life, the mere fact of their presence made all of it worthwhile.
“Only some years until I’ll be having this conversation again,” he sighed to himself as he thought about how Michelle and Tara were going to get older.
There were a lot of years that had to pass yet. By that time it might be the case that Betsy and Brent were expecting a child, if Brent was anything like his father. The thought that one day he could be a grandfather filled Darren with immense hope, and was almost enough to bring a tear to his eye.
“Please let us live that long,” he said, lifting his face toward the sky. The gray clouds drifted by without saying anything as he pleaded for mercy. He had no idea if the heavens listened to him or not.
Chapter Fourteen
Tara and Michelle slept for a couple of hours before Darren woke them. They blinked slowly and yawned, as annoyed at having to wake up as they had been to go to sleep in the first place. Once they regained their senses they were fine, though, and were excited when Darren told them that it was time for them to go.
While the girls had been sleeping Darren, Brent, and Betsy had gathered together everything they needed to bring with them. In some ways they had a lot less than they had brought with them to this place, but in other ways they had more. The bags they had brought with them had been filled with cans of food and bottles of water, but those all had been used up. Instead, they had filled the empty cans with nuts and berries and other things they had gathered to eat. They also took with them the tools they had made and their dirty clothes, which were tattered and looking the worse for wear. At some point they would have to find new ones, especially for Tara and Michelle, who were growing quickly, and even now, the clothes they were wearing didn’t seem to fit.
Brent carried the spears and knives in his bag, while the others divided up the rest of the gear. Tara and Michelle had the lightest bags. Michelle still had Applejack after all this time, and the small wooden pony that Darren had carved for her as a birthday gift. He’d intended to make one for each of the children as a Christmas present, but so much had happened that he’d lost track of time. It was one of those things that had slipped away from him. He made a vow to finish that project once they reached their new home, even though Christmas surely had passed by now.
When he looked up at the bleak sky he was filled with frustration. In this new world he had lost track of the days and wasn’t sure which month it was, but it seemed as though many moons had passed, and spring should be coming. Winter had been hard and, quite frankly, Darren was tired of it. The sooner spring came, the better. It would lead to summer and the warmth would give them solace. There would be a wider variety of animals to hunt and there would be more opportunity for things to grow. But, at that moment, winter seemed perennial, and he just wanted it to be over.
Once they had gathered up all their things Darren told them to make one last check just to be sure they hadn’t left anything behind. He didn’t want to risk coming back here. While they did that Darren took a last lingering gaze around the cave. He remembered when he first had found it, way before the world had ended, and how he had been so excited to share this secret spot with his family.
As it happened, Stacie had met his enthusiasm with derision. He should have known they weren’t meant to last when he brought her to the cave and she turned up her nose, unable to see the wonder that greeted them. When he talked about having a family outing to this cave she shook her head vehemently, put up a hand, and marched straight out of the cave, not even willing to discuss the matter. Darren had been left standing there alone. Over the years the cave had become his secret hideaway, the one place in the world where he had been able to leave everything behind and focus on himself. It had symbolized freedom, and it had taken care of him and his family.
He’d miss the jagged rocks and the uncomfortable ground. It wasn’t the ideal place to live out a wintry apocalypse, but it had been home, and that meant a great deal to him. H
e put out the fire for the last time, stamping out the dying embers. The brittle leaves and twigs he’d used as kindling crunched under the weight of his boot. Then they left the cave for somebody else to use.
It was with great shame now that he thought back to the mountain lions and wished he hadn’t driven them off. If he hadn’t given in to his anger, they would be able to reap the benefits of this place. They wouldn’t have been so vulnerable as to fall prey to the hunters he’d encountered. More blood was on his hands, but he vowed to make sure it was the last of it.
Brent wheeled the bike out and Betsy stood by his side. Tara and Michelle stayed close to Darren. He had one bag on his back and was holding another, carrying the greatest weight.
“Say goodbye to the cave, girls,” he said.
“Are we ever going to come back here?” Betsy asked.
“Maybe we’ll visit now and then, but we’re going to have a new home,” Darren replied.
The girls waved to the cave and the Dawkins family moved away. They walked back along the path they had walked so many times before. But this time, instead of venturing into the forest and toward the stream, they moved away, back along the path that Darren, Brent, and Michelle had traveled the first night of the apocalypse. Back then, Darren had been filled with fear and trepidation. It seemed as though they were going to be hunted to the ends of the Earth. The night had been dark and full of terrors and, in truth, he hadn’t imagined they actually would make it this far.
There were always so many things that could go wrong, so many threats to their lives. They’d survived wild animals, wild men, fevers, floods. Nothing had taken away their lives yet, and now they were beginning a new chapter, one that was going to start with hope rather than fear.
They left behind the shelter, but took with them all the lessons they had learned during their time living there. They took their fortitude and their determination. They took their strength and skills. They were better, hardier people than when they had entered the cave, and they were a closer group as well. Darren felt as though he knew his kids better. He’d watched them grow and endure things that no kids should have had to endure. He’d help them through moral crises and tough decisions, and had seen how they all protected one another.
He knew himself better as well. For so long it felt as though he had lost himself, since he had lost everything except his kids. When Stacie left she had taken his dignity with her, and it had taken him this long to get it back. His confidence and self-belief had been eroded when she left. He wondered if he could be a good father, if he had any worth. But he had proven himself to be a survivor while many other more successful people had lost their lives.
The Dawkins family was the future of humanity. If it was ever to survive and take its place as the apex species in the world again, it would have to reflect the attitudes and behavior displayed by Darren and his children. It had to embrace the virtues of hope and inspiration, not the sins of hatred and violence.
Darren had witnessed how easily the human race could fall prey to their flaws. He’d seen men desperate to cause harm to other people because their own lives lacked purpose and they didn’t know how to handle their fear. He’d met cannibals and thieves, but among them there were other people he’d encountered. He’d met people who had offered him a glimpse of hope, a glimmer to suggest that out there were other people like him, just ordinary people struggling against the tide of despair. They all were in it together, even if they felt alone.
The chilled wintry wind whipped around them as they left the cave. The path before them was long, and they all faced forward, ready to meet their destiny. Betsy and Brent walked ahead, deep in conversation with each other and always in close physical proximity, while Tara and Michelle each took one of Darren’s hands. He walked slowly to keep pace with them and kept giving them encouraging comments, not wanting to see them become disheartened at the long journey. And, as always, he gazed around at his surroundings, looking for threats. It had been something of a habit for him. He was glad to see that nothing was on the horizon.
The farther away they got from the cave and the closer they drew to their new home, the more anxious Darren felt. He started to feel the same as he had felt all those nights ago; that they were leaving one safe home for something new, something uncertain, and it wasn’t clear if it was going to work out for them. Darren didn’t share his fears as he didn’t want to unduly worry his children. And, once again, he lamented the fact that JR wasn’t with them. It would have been a relief to speak with another adult.
Occasionally they heard a noise close to them, but it turned out to be the brief rustling of a bird. There weren’t any signs of other humans, and that was a great relief to Darren. It was also a relief to know there were animals and birds around to be hunted. As much as he liked living off the land with nuts and berries, he longed to have a steady diet of meat, and he looked forward to planting his own vegetables as well. The fields were ripe for plowing and when he thought about what he could grow his mouth watered. He could grow potatoes and enjoy their versatility. He could almost taste the sweetness of carrots. And if he grew tomatoes, they could make some nice sauces to give their meals flavor. It promised to be a tasty time for all.
After a while, as Darren had assumed would happen, Tara and Michelle started to whine that they were feeling tired and wanted to be carried. Darren had managed to delay them for a while, but then he had to relent, since they were dragging their feet and barely making any progress. Darren whisked Michelle up into his arms, but he couldn’t hold Tara as well as the bags, so Brent and Betsy helped her onto the seat of the bike.
Now, when Michelle had been swept into Darren’s arms, Tara had pouted with envy. But now that Tara was on the bike it was Michelle who was envious, and they agreed to swap positions regularly. So, as they walked along Michelle and Tara would switch places and they would express great joy whenever they were on the bike. Brent made it fun for them by wobbling the bike, making them scared that they might fall off. Sadly, it wasn’t possible to teach them how to ride yet, since there were no training wheels.
In moments like these it was easy to forget that they were living in a post-apocalyptic world. They were simply a family out for an afternoon stroll, just like old times. It was idyllic in a way, and when the farmhouse came into view they all rejoiced.
The farmhouse still looked grim and gloomy, as though it harbored memories of death and despair. There were no signs of life in it. Brent and Darren had buried the farmer they’d found inside, a man who must have died a long time ago, alone. Darren was glad that at least that fate wouldn’t befall him. Whenever he died he wanted it to be while he was surrounded by his loved ones, by his family, and he wanted to look upon them and know that he had given life to the world.
“There it is,” he said, pointing. Tara, Michelle, and Betsy only had heard Brent’s account of the farmhouse, so it was the first time they had laid eyes on it.
“It looks scary,” Tara said, burying her head into Darren’s neck. It was Michelle’s turn on the bike.
“I know it looks a little dark right now, but it’ll be different when we’re in there and we’ve had a chance to spruce the place up a bit. I think you girls really will grow to like it, and you’ll get to share a room with Michelle so you won’t be lonely. You can have sleepovers and you can look out of the windows at the stars at night. And you even have a yard that you can run around and play in,” he said, trying to make them see that it wasn’t all going to be so bad. It allayed the girls’ fears somewhat, but they still were uneasy.
Brent didn’t help either when he said, “And there are ghosts in there. We found a man who used to live in that house and he’s still there.”
The girls cringed and Betsy slapped him on the arm.
“Brent,” Darren said, frowning at his son. Brent shrugged and offered an apologetic look.
“There are no such things as ghosts, and there certainly aren’t any ghosts where we’re going to be living. This
house is our new home and we’re going to be completely safe here,” he said. “We won’t even have to go to the stream because there’s a well. So, that means we can have regular baths as well!”
The girls rolled their eyes at this and shook their heads, which was preferable to them being scared about ghosts. Darren had to insist on them having regular baths, and a regular bedtime. They’d been getting too used to living without a proper schedule, but once they were in a proper home it would be easier to develop a routine.
Betsy opened the gate and Michelle got down from the bike, while Darren dropped Tara to the ground. Now that they were at the house they seemed to have gathered some new energy and ran up to the door. Darren called after them to stop because he was afraid that in the hours since his last visit someone else had found the farmhouse, but nobody raised any alarm.
The girls ran up to the door, but didn’t open it until the others had joined them.
“Welcome to your new home,” Darren said.
He opened the door and showed the others in. The place was still cold, and the gloom hung inside like an old shadow. The air was stale and it would take a little while for them to breathe life into it.
They deposited their bags in the kitchen and then Darren gave them the grand tour. He showed them their rooms; he would have the master bedroom, which was the biggest room in the house. It had a double bed, a wide closet, and a desk with a mirror. Darren caught a glimpse of himself in it and chuckled to himself, surprised that he did actually recognize himself behind the wiry beard and the tousled hair. The closet was filled with clothes. They weren’t things he ordinarily would find himself wearing. But they were sturdy clothes that would serve him well when tending the fields, and there was plenty of material to be used to make new clothes.