by Eden Fortae
Donny was out by four-thirty. His mind time-traveling had him up, dressed in ten minutes, and running shortly after. Sleep was rarely restful. Once his brain cut on, so did the lights. Chris and Jay joked about his early morning runs. His parents stressed over them. Antonio accompanied him once, observed, and never mentioned it again.
The city was already alive, his pace and journey through his route were perfectly timed. At the second corner, the bus pulled up. The same two women in scrubs got off. At the fourth corner, the streetlights ahead of the fire station blinked. One, two, three, four, five times until they were behind him. He crossed in front of the playground, his eyes landing on the homeless man sleeping on busted cardboard rather than the bench. He placed a hundred-dollar-bill near the man’s hand, per usual. Cutting through the apartment building, counting them his steps as he passed, he named every street until he reached his destination.
Donny couldn’t go beyond the cemetery gate, but he didn’t have to. The feeling was still there. It always was. Mentally, he saw himself walking the path past the mausoleum to the second row from the tree, five tombstones back. His breathing changed, and immediately, he calmed himself. Being there served no purpose other than reassurance. Turning and running back to his place, meant to find the peace needed to go about his day as a picture of calm, definition of loyalty, and silent threat.
After rounds with his punching bag, a series of sit-ups, and push-ups, he typically found himself focused on the day ahead of him and who he had to be. This time, his focus was on someone else.
It started with her eyes, shaped like almonds slanted upward. Her skin was golden, intensified by the darkness of thick curls falling over her shoulders. Her lips were the most memorable. The bottom was fuller than the top, but they were still perfect. The first time he laid eyes on her, she was biting that lip. When he had her withering beneath him, she’d done it again. Her lips had become his obsession, and his need to taste them turned out to be the reason she disappeared. Now, she was back. So close and yet so far away.
The woman with pain in her beautiful dark eyes didn’t want to be pursued. That much, he gathered. She was as focused as he wanted and needed to be. For that, he should give her the distance she sought. The idea created a feeling of loss and missed opportunity. She was so beautiful to him. Outward and seemingly inward. He sensed her sadness but her vibes were addictive.
He felt like Antonio. His cousin had been so head over heels for Kya, he could have convinced the world she hung the moon. Now, it was his turn. Only, he was fighting demons his world need not know about. Such demons plagued him with indecision. He wanted to leave her be and, at the same time, chase her the way his instincts demanded. The demons made him feel like a beast unworthy of her beauty. But he could have her friendship, and that was enough. Wasn’t it?
Dull light crept around the side of his blinds. Standing from his position on the floor, he walked to the window. The driving force behind his early start usually gripped him until the sun rose, but it wasn’t there. In its place was a beauty unknowingly defeating a monster.
Feeling weightless and thankful for it, Donny went for his phone. Being more potent than his run and workout combined, friendship was enough.
“Buenos días hermosa.”
He was under the first layer of her protective armor, and he knew it. What pissed Eden off more than her reaction to the text was that there was a reaction. It didn’t matter what language he used. She read it in his voice and shivered.
Replying right away could send the wrong impression so Eden didn’t reply at all. That fact didn’t sit well. Especially when he texted again later that day wishing her a good day. Why did he have to be a nice guy? Why couldn’t he be a self-serving ass with nothing but decent dick like most? Painting all men with a broad stroke kept her walls strong. Telling herself the ones who came her way only wanted to hurt her added a layer of steel around her heart.
But that wasn’t Donny. Being in his company alone made that clear. The way he continued to wish her a good morning, check-in throughout the day, and bid her goodnight, despite being ignored, solidified that fact. It was the same words issued around the same time of the day. Yet, the turmoil grew greater.
Against her will, Eden became dependent on those texts. Like a good book, she’d curl up in bed and read those texts each night. She envisioned encounters with him that were both sweet and sexy but closed off those thoughts by dawn. She knew she was flirting with danger and traveling to a world of hurt, but it was hard to resist. The excitement his texts caused her was new, calming, and encouraging. So much that in recent days, she’d turned to those texts more than her vibrator. His attention was better than an orgasmic-high. That realization put her back where she started, trying to avoid him at all costs no matter how difficult it’d become.
On the surface, Eden was poised. She smiled often, sat with her back perfectly straight, answering each question confidently.
Internally, her stomach was twisted into knots. Beneath the table, her palms were sweaty, tucked into a tight ball in her lap.
Snagging an interview with a company like Regal & Ellis could be a game-changer. A job with them would provide a smooth transition from underwear to more elegant and casual designs most never got to see.
The brand was founded by three siblings who rose to popularity fairly quickly due to their range of reasonably priced but high-quality threads. Together they exuded an elegance that defined the brand perfectly. Separately, it was evident the only one who saw beyond her appearance was the only male in the room. More apparent than the look on the sisters’ faces was the realization that she'd never step foot in that building as their employee.
"Ok, Ms. Parks, we thank you for coming out today," as Bradley stood, he reached for her hand, "we'll be in touch." In his grip was a gentleness that she took as sympathy. His sisters, Allison and Olivia, settled on a curt nod and tight smiles.
On the way out, Eden kept her composure. Just as she had entered the building, she smiled at everyone. On the street, she clutched her purse, thinking of the lipstick-sized vibrator concealed within her makeup bag. In her head, she chanted encouraging words, telling herself that she'd faced worse and would achieve better. As she walked toward the subway, she took in one large breath. Deciding to call Kya, she managed a smile as her friend answered on the first ring.
"How'd it go?"
"One-third of the trio was friendly and actually looked at my work. I'll give you one guess."
Kya sighed, "I'm sorry, boo. It's their loss. They're going to see you doing better than them, and when that day comes, they'll have to pay you just to speak to you."
Optimus was a rarity and greatly appreciated. "I hope so. I'm way overdue for petty laughter."
"We can put Rina's crazy to work. She could go in and show them a picture of your work and act like she doesn't know a lick of English. Then again, they'd probably call the police because she'd threaten them in English despite claiming she can't speak it."
Much needed laughter passed between them. Those negative feelings boiling beneath Eden's skin ceased and the outcome of her interview mattered a little less.
"I'd pay big to see that, but you're right. It's their loss. There are far too many other doors in this city for me to worry about one shut window."
"Damn right! And if all else fails, I'll go out wearing everything you make and say your name whenever I'm asked a question. By the way, you need social media."
That was a hard no for Eden. Any place your life was on display was an invitation to be judged. She had enough of that in the real world.
"On that note, I'm about to hop on the train. I'll call you when I get home."
"Uh huh. Bye."
"Bye." She tucked the phone into her bag and stopped near the stairs. Closing her eyes, Eden let Kya's premonition wash over her. With it, more of the negativity melted away. When she opened her eyes, she was looking at the sky. The tall buildings and millions of windows were symbolic. There woul
d be more opportunities. There always were.
"Eden?"
She frowned, turning left and right, unsure if she imagined her name being called.
"Eden!"
This time, she scanned the faces ahead of her, and her expression deepened. Eve was eagerly walking toward her, shopping bags in hand with the other raised and waving.
Looking up at the sky again, she swore. In a city filled with millions of people, she was spotted by one of the few she could do without. Whispering a quick prayer while thumbing her purse's strap, she was rushed with a hug.
" Hi! It's so good to see you! You didn't get my text?" Pulling back, she looked Eden up and down, "You look great! Where'd you get this dress? Where are you coming from?"
"Thanks. You too," she bit out, taking in her sister's designer clothes and names on the bags. "I made it for my interview."
Eve gasped, grinning like a child. "You made it? But it's not slutty!" As if she weren't aware of her rudeness, she proceeded to marvel over the calf-length smoky grey dress. "Who'd you interview with? How'd you do? That means you're back for good? That's wonderful! If you're not busy now, I know this awesome cafe' just down the street."
"Actually I—"
"Great! We haven't seen each other since my wedding. We have lots to catch up on." Eve looped her arm in Eden's, successfully leading her to a small shop sandwiched between a bookstore and corner bakery. It seemed too laid back for Eve's taste. The customers were ordinary people, the decor, quaint, and the prices on the food incredibly low.
"How do you know about this place?"
"Cute, isn't it? Joey brought me here for one of our dates. He and his friends used to come a lot. I was pissed at first, but the food and service are so awesome that you forget it isn't upscale. But anyway, who did you interview with? You think you got the job?"
"Uh," she hesitated, not wanting to say too much, "just some clothing company that put up an ad for a designer."
"Oh, you're trying to get into design now? That's a great career change. I imagine taking your clothes off for pictures doesn't pay all that well."
Eden bite back laughter, taking that jab on the chin, "It paid for me to leave the nest, earn a degree, and travel the country, so I'd say it pays well enough."
Eve sipped her lemonade and nodded nonchalantly. "I guess you have a point. Sex work isn't actual work, but it pays. Anyway, how long have you been back?"
It took all she had not to react. "About two weeks."
"And you didn't text me? Where are you staying?"
"I have an apartment in Brooklyn."
Her sister made a face, laughing it off with a wave. "Why? Especially after your friend was almost killed in an area like that? Then again, you've always been fearless. As a kid, you would get dirty in a heartbeat, and then you grew up to take dirty pictures without a care in the world, so it kind of makes sense that you wouldn't be afraid to live in that part of town."
Eden gritted her teeth, smiling through them as their server approached to take their orders. Everything in her wanted to get up and leave. Yet, she remained seated, hoping that God wouldn't put any more of these chance encounters in her path if she made it through this one. Internally, she cursed Chace for being right when she insisted she could avoid her family. If he found out, he'd gloat but pity her at the same time.
Although lacking an appetite, Eden ordered a chicken dish and didn't miss her sister's reaction as she did. No sooner than the server walked away, the expression was voiced.
"What I wouldn't give to not have to worry about my figure."
"You're like one-hundred-twenty-pounds, Eve. A chicken breast is not going to hurt you."
"It starts with a chicken breast, then it's one cookie, and a whole pan of brownies. I'd never hear the end of it from mom and Egypt. Especially before having kids."
Eden scoffed, "If you live your life based on how other people view you, you'll look back and realize you never really lived."
"Yeah," she tossed her straightened black hair over her shoulder, "it's not people, though. It's mom and Egypt. You know better than anyone how critical they are about everything. One look at Joey and they were on me about keeping my hair and nails done. They told me not to speak out of turn, and after we were married, never deny his wants."
"What about your wants?"
Eve sat up a little straighter. Although a few months older, her sister still looked like an innocent little girl. Smooth, dark brown skin free of cosmetics besides mascara and eyeliner played into her youthfulness. Her big brown eyes displayed both kindness and weakness.
Unlike their older sister Egypt, Eve was softer, sweet, and obviously sheltered. Unlike Eden, Eve was pliable and sought approval. Seeing that brief flash of emotion spoke to Eve's inner desire to be her own person, and Eden pounced onto it.
"Eve," when she looked up, Eden softened her tone, "do you know what you want?"
She played with her napkin, shrugging her shoulders, "I think. I don't know. Joey asks me that all the time, but all I hear is mom and Egypt."
"He asks you that because he wants you to be happy. Think about it, you started dating because he liked you for you, right?"
"Yes."
"So, why change that? Why let anyone turn you into someone he didn't fall in love with?"
Eve considered it and nodded. "That makes sense." She paused, smiling warmly. "This is why I miss you. You always knew how to cheer me up, and despite all the bad, you're so understanding. If you came around more, you'd keep me from making terrible mistakes."
Eden scoffed again, "If I came around more, everyone would be more focused on my mistakes to notice yours."
"Well," Eve's eyes brows rose," when you consider everything, you've made some pretty big ones."
"No bigger than when Egypt was caught smoking or you secretly talking to grown men in chat rooms when you were thirteen."
"Yeah, but those things are small and stupid. You did things to make the congregation gossip about us like cutting up your clothes to show more skin, and then ran off because you had a crush on your future brother-in-law."
Absently, Eden's fists balled with one moving toward her lap. She clenched her thighs without thinking, trying to create enough friction to calm her, and failed with Eve's next words.
"I mean, I'm not trying to sound like I'm judging you, but you have to know that's why things are the way they are. I mean, seriously. We all have crushes but did you ever stop to think that you could get him in trouble? You were in his shadow so often, people thought the two of you were actually sleeping together."
"I was in his shadow?"
"You could have stopped your sessions with him the moment you felt something. If you weren't just thinking about you, you would have cared about how that would make Kenneth look."
"You're aware that dad forced me into that, right? Meaning I had no choice.”
"Egypt told me everything Kenneth told her. You could have asked daddy to stop the same way you always went to him, claiming mom was treating you differently."
"I wasn't claiming anything, Eve. She did treat me differently. A perfect example is how you keep calling her mom, but when I did it, she would tell me her name is Ms. Sandra."
"This is a part of the problem too, Eden. When are you going to let go of the past? We took you in and treated you like family, and all you can do is see everyone's faults but your own. You've ruined your own relationships with everyone, and instead of dealing with it, you run away and play the victim."
Eden pushed back in her seat, not caring that she was causing a scene, and caused their server to stop where she was with their food.
"That's where we differ, Eve. I don't just see everyone's faults. I see mine, too, and one of them was walking in here with you despite knowing things were going to take this turn."
As she pulled through her bag for her wallet, Eve motioned the waiter forward.
"So, not only are you going to be immature, you're going to blame me, too, Eden?"
/> "No, because I'm leaving. You can give my food to the first homeless person you encounter, throw it away, or whatever. Goodbye, Eve."
"Really? You're proving my point."
Instead of responding, she walked out with the subway in mind, but the fuse was lit. Her feelings were too raw, her emotions mixed. Reaching for her phone, she touched her vibrator instead. Moving past the stairs, Eden headed to the hotel at the next corner. Thoughts of approaching one of the men along the way crossed her mind, but she feared the barely contained breakdown a few blinks away if she stopped.
Inside the lobby, she made a beeline to the restroom, all while maintaining a graceful step to avoid trouble. Once inside, she checked the other stalls, picking the one in the corner. Thankful that she was alone, she quickly lined the toilet and set the scene in case someone came in.
The low vibration had a meditative hum. Despite those coming from her phone, Eden focused on buzz against her sensitive skin. They set her mind free, with each circle, drawing out that tension, feeding a need.
Guilt.
Shame.
Blame.
Switching to the highest speed, her breaths deepened. Dropping her head, tears rushed from her eyes. After a few more minutes, it was over. Her body radiated the aftermath of her pleasure, the weight on her heart was lifted just enough to silence those three words.
FOUR
The morning after a breakdown was always rough. Eden felt drained like she hadn’t slept and ached as if she’d been in a fight. It took all her strength to pull herself out of bed just to see who was at the door. On her toes, Eden peered through the peephole. The familiar man, dressed in a suit, frequently checked his surroundings and raised his hand to knock again.
“Yes?”
“Good Morning, ma’am. My name’s Samuel Westridge. Is Eden Parks staying here?”
Westridge. Wasn’t that his lawyer’s name? She froze. Panic quickening her heart, two fingers slid over the chain lock to ensure it was in place.