by Eden Fortae
Another deep breath and his lone tear caused Eden to stiffen once more.
“The Friday before school let out for Christmas, Tonito came to school and didn’t even try to talk to me. I’d lost my best friend and spent the entire day mourning him. Vanessa picked me up from school early and took me to McDonald’s. She was acting funny. More so when we got to the apartment where Hank and one of his friends were drinking beer and laughing in the kitchen. I was rushed off to my room, told not to come out. For a little over an hour, I had my ear pressed to the door. When I heard footsteps, I ran to my bed and sat on it, pretending I was doing school work. Hank came in first, Vanessa and his friend followed. He held his hand out to me, and out of fear, I took it. He stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders. His friend stooped down, looking me over, smiling.”
The next pause and deep breath came with another tear.
“He’s beautiful. Is he mixed?”
“I still hear them and the emotions in their words.”
“According to the Agency, his mother was black or Dominican. His father was listed as Mexican. That’s ok, right?”
“Perfect.”
“It went from Hank and Vanessa to the three of them. I begged them to stop. I cried and tried to get away, and they kept going long after I let my mind take me back to Tonito’s house. I imagined us watching Christmas movies with his mother and sisters, baking cookies, trying to stay up late enough to catch a glimpse of Santa. I saw us waking up extra early to creep downstairs to see what he’d left us. Instead of waking up to my best friend on the most magical day of the year, I woke up in my bed, sore, and to Vanessa sitting next to me, armed with a threat. It happened two more times during the winter break. I didn’t get a single Christmas gift from them, but Tonito and Elía came by on Christmas Eve with one for me. I watched through my cracked bedroom door as Hank blocked their view and told them I had gone shopping with Vanessa. Once they were gone, he opened my gift and tossed it in the garbage.
“He and Vanessa got into a huge fight that night. He was pissed at her for allowing me to get close to Tonito. He said she was stupid for letting anyone close enough to get suspicious and that she needed to take me out of that school as soon as possible. That was the first time Hank had ever hit me, and it was going to be the last. On New Year’s Eve, he went out, leaving Vanessa and me behind. She’d fallen asleep on the sofa, and I saw my chance. As quietly as I could, I went into her bedroom and opened the window. I wrote Tonito a letter telling him he was my best friend, apologizing for making him sad, and thanked him at the same time. I put it in my back pocket foolishly hoping that it would somehow find its way to him. I looked out over the railing with no fear until there was a loud knock.
“Hank’s friend had been the only one to knock that way, so I panicked. Just as I got one leg through the window, I heard her. Ms. Livingston, my social worker. She hadn’t noticed the shit they were putting me through, so I swung my other leg over and out. I heard arguing. In it was an unmistakable accent. I’d only made it halfway into the doorway before I saw them, and they saw me. I was going to jump from the ninth floor terrace when Fredo and Hae came to get me.”
The solo tears turned into steady streams. The calm and strength in his voice, lost.
“Tonito knew what he was doing. It’s because of him that I have parents who would rather die than hurt me. He’s never told my secret and still doesn’t see me differently. I owe him my life. It’s because of him that I still have a life.” When he turned to her, his handsome face streaked with tears and beautiful light brown eyes reddened with sorrow. Eden cried with him, allowing his hand to slide along her jaw until it rested on the back of her neck. “I didn’t tell you my secret to make you feel sorry for me. I told you because the same feeling I had about Tonito when I met him, I have about you. You’re important. I feel it. I don’t care what demons you have or how many skeletons are in your closet. My heart was right about Tonito. It has to be right about you, too.”
That broke her. His story made her cry, but those words pushed her into full-blown sobs. Gently, he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. This time, there was no panic, although she didn’t embrace him back.
“He had me. Now, I’ve got you.”
THIRTEEN
Feeling the slightest shift beneath him, Donny’s eyes opened. An orange glow washed over a corner of the room. Where they sat was almost entirely dark. Eden was touching him. Absently, she’d wrapped her arms around him for comfort. Although he suspected pity muted her intimacy issues, Donny relished the placement of her head on his chest, her arm thrown across his stomach. He couldn’t help but touch her. His hand found her back, trailing gently before finding his way to her hair.
Eden tipped her head back, locking eyes with him immediately. His were barely open, lowered as half asleep. Her bone structure struck him from that angle. Curly locks stuck to her face where there had been tears. Her lips, pouty and appealing.
Eden’s eyes scanned his face as he had, settling on his lips until the right corner of his mouth to tick upward.
“You can’t look at me like that if you don’t want what I’m offering.”
“How am I looking at you, Donovan?”
“Like you want a kiss to prove this isn’t a dream.”
“Is it not? I told you I have hoe tendencies, among other things, and you’re still here.”
“It’s going to take more than a murky past to scare me off.”
“Even if it’s the not-so-distant past?”
His fingers moved in her hair, “Are you seeing me with new eyes after what I told you?”
Eden stiffened. She looked away and pushed up to end their embrace. She kept her back to him, running her hands through her hair. “I thought you were an amazing guy before. I think you’re the definition of strength, now.” She glanced at him over her shoulder, “And I think you’re beautiful.”
“Because of my pain?”
“Because of the man you’ve become despite the pain. You could’ve become an addict or done something worse. Yet, you’re strong, sweet, and successful. Not destructive like me.”
“So there is pain behind your actions? More than just the family stuff?”
Eden turned back to the dark TV screen. Using the reflection, Donny watched her look down and twiddle her thumbs. Meeting her on the edge of the seat, he grabbed her chin, forcing eye contact. For several seconds, neither said anything.
Once again, the Earth stilled, and Eden scanned his face. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“We covered this, love. I don’t trust easily. You know why, now.”
“You trusted me enough to have a one night stand.”
“Only after I thought it over.”
“And other women haven’t piqued your interest?”
“Not like you.”
That made her pulse spike. In all the years of men saying what they needed to advance, none had ever provoked that kind of reaction. Easing off the chair, Eden stretched, moving toward the kitchen for breathing room. She wasn’t surprised when Donny followed, closing the distance to about five feet as she stopped in front of the window.
“You have no intention of just being my friend, do you?”
Unlike every other time, there wasn’t a quick retort or witty comeback. He watched her still, but with more intensity than before.
“My intention is to be here for you in any way you want.”
“You think I deserve that?”
“We discussed this, too.” He paused for a beat, “What caused the bad blood?”
“My existence,” she shrugged, crossing her arms.
“They adopted you and treated you like shit?”
She hesitated, looking down at her feet, “What if I don’t want to talk about this?”
“We’ll revisit the subject later.”
“Excuse me?”
“I told you I want to be your friend. You told me you use sex to feel better about yourself. I told you I
’m going to be here for you. For the good, the bad, and the fucked up. So here I am.” He closed the distance, opening his arms wide, drawing her eyes to the dragon tattoo.
“So, what?—you’re telling me is to put my shit on your shoulders and use you any and every time I need my fix?” She laughed. He didn’t.
“I’m offering you a place to speak your truth and begin to heal. If you need my dick, you can have that, too. At least I could sleep knowing you’re not putting yourself in dangerous situations.”
“You mean like you are, right now?”
His smile didn’t match the hardness in his eyes. Two steps were all it took to close the gap between them. Toe to toe, he looked down at her. They weren’t touching, but the warmth was still there, growing into a fire.
“I’ve been places and done things that would make your nightmares feel like an orgasm. If you’re a dangerous situation, I’d dive in headfirst. And I mean, head first.”
Her breathing hitched as she blinked long and hard. “Kya told me Antonio has a street life. If he’s the king, what does that make you?”
“The Executioner. Stick to the conversation.”
Her thighs clenched.
“Let’s be real, Donovan. All of this is because you want me to ride you into the sunset regularly.” Purposely, she let her eyes trail to his lips and back. “You’re not going to psychoanalyze your way into my panties.”
“I could send you home with them in my back pocket and still have you smiling when I call.”
“You’re an arrogant asshole.”
He winked, grabbing water from the refrigerator, and held the open bottle to her lips.
“I can do it myself.”
“Because all you’ve ever had was you.” Stepping closer, he pressed the bottle to her lips, “until now.”
They maintained eye contact as the cold liquid touched her lips. That paired with silence made an act so simple, feel intimate. As Eden closed her eyes, the tension visibly fell from her shoulders.
“Why is sex your outlet?”
She opened her eyes and pulled away from the bottle to look away. Donny lifted her chin with the warm, rough pads of his fingertips, then stroked her jaw the moment he saw her eyes well.
“It’s all I know.” He caught her first tear, breaking the dam. “He was the Minister of Youth and my dad’s protégé. My father thought his psychology background would help me. It did. Kenneth didn’t compare me to Eve and Egypt.” Eden diverted her eyes, clasping her hands together so tightly that it hurt. “One day, he told me that I never felt loved because I didn’t know what it meant to love. He said,” her voice cracked, “he could show me. I wanted that. So badly, I wanted to belong to someone. I was so desperate for it.
“I couldn’t accept that the only love I had was wrong although I was going on sixteen and he was twenty-six. A few weeks before I turned eighteen, he said he was done with keeping secrets. I thought he was going to tell my parents about us,” she trailed off, dropping her gaze. “He would make my parents proud of me if we were together. That made me happy. Really happy. That Sunday, he was distant. He didn’t sneak hold my hand like he normally would. He didn’t even sit by me and avoided my eyes completely after he pulled out the most beautiful ring and proposed to my oldest sister in front of the entire congregation.”
Eden paused once more, still looking down as she took several deep breaths. “He proposed to her but said he could still love me. That would have to remain our secret. My family saw my anger as jealousy. Every chance she could, Egypt rubbed her engagement in my face and belittled me. I left for Atlanta to escape that life. No more Ms. Sandra instead of mom. No more nicknames based on my light skin. No more being ignored by my dad while my sisters were praised. And no more wondering why I was hard to love. Thinking of them and being in the same space triggers me. Certain touches remind me of him. There’s control through sex. Love, my way. That’s how I cope.”
“That’s not love,” Donny’s expression was unreadable. His voice, however, was laced with anger.
“It is for me. When I was with you, your focus was on me. You put your energy into pleasing me. I gave you a reason to remember me.”
“That’s lust, not love. You’re loaning your body to men who couldn’t care less if you live or die.”
“It’s enough for me, Donovan. Accept it or don’t.” Harshly she wiped her face and walked away.
“I’ve proven time and time again that I accept you. When will you accept you?”
Eden whipped around, her face twisted with anger. “You worked through your shit, so you think you can judge me? Do you think these talks make a difference? Guess what? Kenneth did that, and all I got out of it was embarrassment and guilt. If you’re volunteering yourself to be in my life, remember that I didn’t ask you to fight my battles, and I damned sure didn’t ask for your help.”
Her story angered him. Her defensiveness pissed him off more. Looking into her eyes and witnessing the way she went about life denoted the damage done to her. She didn’t ask for his presence in any shape or form, but she had it. And she was going to get his tough love as long as she kept the only other person who truly cared for her in the dark.
“No, you didn’t ask because a pedophile taught you to only open your mouth if you’re on your knees.” Her gasp and the hurt instantly washing over her features almost silenced him. Those same reactions kept him focused. “I don’t have the solutions you think you need, Eden, but I have the heart, courage, and time to get you through this shit. I know for a fact you’re sick of this life. You put on a pretty face and false smile no one has seen through but me. So you’ve got me whether you want me or not.”
He saw the gleam in her eyes, the darkness filling each tear as she calmly walked to him. She came with fire. He felt the heat the moment she stopped.
“You’re not Antonio. You can’t save me because I’m not a victim. Don’t let that eat you up inside.”
“Is that how you feel, or is that another one of his manipulative teachings that you can’t function without?”
That was a low blow. Truth hurts, and that one stung. Eden’s lip trembled. She moved to the side. As Donny grabbed her arm, Eden spun around, her arms swinging wildly. She connected with his chin and chest before he had her restrained. The moment he stilled her, she burst into tears.
Seeing her cry like that broke him. His hands slid from her arms to her back, pulling her near just as she went limp. As Donny leveled their eyes, she broke down even more.
“I don’t know how to not be like this. I don’t want to feel.”
Donny let her remove her shirt, backing him to the bedroom. In the time it took him to look back and sit down on the bed, Eden was completely naked. He froze, still as entranced by her body as he’d been the first time. All thoughts of stopping died the moment she straddled him. She was still crying. Silently, but steadily. She took control of everything from retrieving a condom and the pace. She moved in his lap frantically, her hands exploring his chest, nails digging into his flesh, and her head thrown back.
It felt like heaven. She felt as good as always, but this was different. This was what she took from the men she met. It wasn’t pleasure. It was control. The glances down at him only lasted long enough to take in his reaction. She didn’t look down at him again until she brought him to an end and what he saw in her teary eyes gripped him. What he saw changed everything.
FOURTEEN
She hadn’t moved from her spot at that foot of the bed. He’d gotten up, went to the bathroom, and came back to find her eyes still focused on the window. Donny sat beside Eden. His hand slid over the skin left exposed by the sheet wrapped around her.
“We’re on the sixth floor. I want you to keep that in mind before you think of the window as an escape route.”
The humor in his tone went over her head. She barely blinked and didn’t react outside of a small intake of air.
“I couldn’t run if I wanted to.” She sighed heavily, “You’d ju
st hunt me down.”
“I would.”
Silence circled them once more. Eden’s eyes remained on the buildings as a tear rolled down her cheek. The moment Donny saw it, he inched closer, forcing her head to his shoulder.
“When I went to Atlanta, I talked to another doctor. After I broke down and told her everything, she said she was obligated to report it because I was underage when—” She trailed off and sniffled. “Egypt called me first. My mother and father after that. Kenneth was the last, but instead of calling me a lying bitch like the others, he tried to convince me that I misinterpreted things. He wanted me to tell the police that it was all in my head. I refused. My parents backed him up. When the state dropped their case against him, I changed my number and hadn’t spoken to any of them until Eve emailed me about her wedding. I was so afraid all of that would get back to Kya, I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to her.”
“She would’ve had your back.”
“I was too afraid to risk it. After my family called me and bashed me, I realized Kya was all I had. I couldn’t lose her, so I stayed away. When I heard about the shooting,” she trailed off again, turning her face into Donny’s neck as she cried.
“She’s still here. She’ll understand.”
“She’s all I have now. How do I look her in the eyes and tell her I kept so much from her? How do I tell her I started sleeping around to deal with it?”
“The same way you told me. Kya will be hurt that you didn’t come to her, but you won’t lose her. I promise you that.”
“Can I punch you in the dick if I do?”
Donny chuckled, wiping the remainder of her tears. It was like a glimpse of sunlight between thunderstorms. Warm and soothing. “When I said if you need my dick, you could have it, that’s not what I meant. Speaking of punching, I want you to do me a favor.” She sniffled, looking up at him with saddened eyes but no more tears. “Let me teach you other ways to cope. It’s not going to be pretty, but I think I can help you. You can beat this.”