“I do as well,” he said, nodding a final goodbye and stepping out through the door.
Walking to the center of the room, I harbored a few fantasies about bodily dunking Dorian in a fresh vat of Jallina’s vegetable noodle soup. Right over his arrogant, dismissive, aggravating head. I chuckled as my brain supplied carrots and celery and broad noodles all stuck in that magnificent mane of hair he sported—the one I liked to dig my fingers into when he fucked me hard.
I slipped to the floor, crossing my legs and blowing out my breath. I’d come here to clear my head of all the bullshit that was swirling around my life. Meditation usually did that for me.
Meditation in the Breaker’s cave had been the best.
It had been, after all, my cave.
Now it was the Chasm that let vampires and druids cross the Scar… but it was still a chasm between us.
Pushing all of my thoughts out of my head, I just let myself breathe, feeling the cool tile below and warm sun above. I let in a little magic and let it drift around me lazily.…look up…
I shook my head. It had sounded like my own voice in my head. It happened once in a while when I was extremely tired and trying to meditate. My own voice had things to say to my subconscious. I wasn’t tired, not sleep tired, but I was physically exhausted.
Mentally, too.
Resuming the breathing, I let the world drop away behind my magic a little bit and just tried to stay calm.
…look up…
The twins this time. Once upon a time, Cely had told me I had music in my soul. I could be a singer or play an instrument if wanted to. I could remember sounds like no one else I’d ever met in those short years with her.
It was probably that ability that allowed me to hear the twins in my head.
I sank back again.
…look up!...
That was angry Dorian voice. Of course it was.
He’d only been angry in the past few days. He hadn’t even come to our rooms at night. I had no idea where he was sleeping. Or if he was.
…look up…
This time I snapped my eyes open.
Celine’s voice.
My eyes brimmed with tears. I hadn’t remembered her voice until that moment. Gods and savior, I wanted to hear her voice again—especially now that I knew who she was.
…look up, my little one…
“Mom…” I whispered, smearing tears away.
…look up, sweet Kimber…
I turned my face up to the miraculously unbroken ceiling. Through the sheen of tears, the reds and golds swirled and blurred and ran together, then apart again.
I blinked to clear the tears.
Red and gold.
A teardrop of red with bursts of gold on opposite sides, swirling and elongating as they chased each other through the glass above, the same red drop of blood and burst of gold that had sat in the glass above the doors of the Stronghold.
I leapt to my feet and spun with the swirling colors.
Red.
Gold.
The colors that had flashed over Dorian and Belshazzar as they had fought the day before.
But in the middle, I saw something I had never noticed before.
Two crowns. One black, one white, fitted into each other, glittering in the daylight.
A druid crown of gold.
A vampire crown of onyx.
What the hell?
I rushed down the hall to where our room was. I wanted answers. There was more going on around me than I suspected, and I was damn tired of being left out of the equations.
I was tired of being treated as a child.
Druids reached the age of maturity by law at twenty-five. I was nearing a century.
No, I was not as old as my twins, not by a long shot. Nor was I anywhere near Dorian’s age.
Even Queen Gwynnore, Odom, and Aiko were older.
No matter what they all thought, I wasn’t immature. I wasn’t a little girl. I was not a child.
I was the Breaker of the Spine. I held a place in the power of S’Kir that no one else held. My magic was just as strong as any of the ancient old jackasses who surrounded me.
And I wanted answers.
The hallway was annoyingly long, and I saw that while Aiko’s door had been replaced, it didn’t match, and it hung crooked. It felt like a metaphor for how Dorian felt about him and treated him.
As I neared our door, I could hear three voices on the other side, raised in anger.
Dorian was back.
Had he left? Or had he just been hiding in the dorms and buildings that were still standing?
I didn’t like it when the three of them fought, but it seemed since I was awakened, it was all the three of them—four of us—had been doing. Fighting, arguing, not speaking to one another. It wasn’t helping anything, and it seemed like it was starting to affect the mood of S’Kir.
“You haven’t seen her take blood!”
That was Rilen. His tone was angry, unwelcoming. I gasped and stopped just outside the open door.
All the questions I had in my head just moments before were gone.
“Neither of you have bothered to see what happens when she gives and takes from Aiko!”
“That’s not our business,” Dorian snapped.
“She is our business, you old ass! You love her just as much as Roran and I do, even though you’re too thoroughly pig-headed to admit it.”
“What’s your point, brother?” I could imagine Roran folding his arms over his chest.
“My point is that for as much as you two love her and care for her, you don’t know her. All of her. The druid and the vampire. Whether you like it or not, she’s both. Yes, yes, I get it—she was born and raised a druid and will always lean toward that. But she’s also vampire. Being around Gwynnore, Belshazzar, Odom, and Aiko is showing her that she doesn’t have to shrink from that.”
Dorian snorted at his brother’s name.
Rilen ignored him.
There was a pause, and I could imagine Rilen walking to the window and opening the curtain to peer at the destroyed gardens beyond.
“Brother, when she came back and told you she was half vampire, you pushed Aiko away from her. We didn’t know what was needed, and you pushed that lifeline away. Don’t you think she was terrified? That it wasn’t only you that she needed, but one of the few good things that had followed her from the Stronghold?
“Gods and stars, you know what a hellhole Savion made that place! Even before the Spine rose! Children being trafficked. Women being raped and murdered. Men being beheaded for daring to look at him wrong. The crown he wore was stolen through blood and bone and death.”
His step was angry as I imagined him turning. “That is her legacy. Savion was her sire. She needs blood, but her heart—and Aiko’s—are good. They are kind and gentle, and for the love of all that’s holy behind the Shroud, she needs to be shown that sharing blood, sharing life and power can be kind and gentle as well.”
“You are turning soft,” Dorian growled.
“Soft? Soft is killing men to get to the woman you love? Soft is getting her what she needs? Soft is accepting that she’s just as strong as we are and that half of her is vampire?”
I heard a hand slap a thigh in frustration, and Rilen went on. “Your twin brother is a vampire, Dorian! Fuck if I know how that happened! Fuck if I know how Kimber happened. But she did, and we cannot deny that!”
There was a silence, full of tension and expectation. No one moved, no one even seemed to breathe. But heartbeats later, Rilen took up the argument again, this time quiet and inquisitive.
“Have either of you held her when she needs blood? When she takes it? When she gives it? I know you haven’t because I’ve tried to be there every time. Aiko loves her. You were in that room. You watched the two of them. Gods and damnation, he loves her so much. It physically hurts to see them together.”
I put a hand over my mouth in shock. I hadn’t realized Rilen had tried to be there.
Gods, wh
y was he doing that to himself?
“So what if he loves her?” Roran was nonchalant.
This time I heard Rilen whirl and march up to his twin. “Because, you ninny-headed cow-pie, she’s in love with him, too.”
Dead silence.
I clutched my chest over my heart.
I did love Aiko, no matter how much I tried not to. And I had tried desperately. I’d hoped Dorian would pull me gently away from him once we knew I could have druid blood and didn’t need him. I’d hoped Aiko would pull away, request that Odom give him a ration of the blood they had brought.
But it didn’t happen that way. Not at all.
“I’m not giving her up,” Roran said a moment later.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t say much of anything.”
Dorian was now being deliberately obtuse.
“I just explained everything about Kimber that you have completely and totally overlooked or purposefully pushed away,” Rilen snapped.
“She can take blood from us.”
Roran huffed, and then sided with his twin. “You’re a fucking idiot, Dorian.”
“Aiko goes back to the other vampires.”
“I knew it. I knew you’d react like this. You can’t toss her in a tower and send Aiko away forever. At best, she’d lose a friend, at worst you’d break her heart and send her away from us forever.”
“She’s ours, Rilen.” Dorian’s voice was a growl.
“I didn’t say she wasn’t!”
The silence in the room was crushing me. I wanted to walk in and ask what he meant. But for a long few heartbeats, the silence held.
“Then what are you saying, brother?” Roran asked, his voice oddly quiet.
“I’m saying that he is ours, as well.”
My breath rushed out of my body, nearly driving me to my knees. I couldn’t get the suddenly over-thick air to comply and let me breathe. I hauled in the air anyway, burning my lungs.
Rilen spoke, quietly. “I’ve watched him, how careful he is with her, how respectful. Kind, caring. He’s been an ally to all of us. No, Dorian. All of us. He’s invaluable. His reckless decision to follow us to the gate saved our asses. And watch them together… he’s respectful, keeps his distance except to ask her for blood.”
He paused just a moment. “I find myself falling in love with him, as well.”
The night Rilen was there with Aiko and me flashed through my head. Aiko had been unsure of Rilen’s offer to help relieve his lust. He had no experience with men and had never considered one as a sexual partner. After only a moment of Rilen’s hand around his shaft, he clearly realized it wasn’t something he’d object to.
Now, I understood why Rilen had offered.
There was no stopping me. I marched out and halted in the doorway. Roran’s and Dorian’s jaws dropped. Rilen whirled around at their expressions.
The air finally let me breathe again. I inhaled slowly, steadying myself. “I’m not mincing words. I heard everything.”
I took a few slow steps into the room.
Rilen hung his head and stared down at the floor. I reached him a moment later and tipped his chin back up. I studied his mismatched eyes and strong gaze.
Stepping closer to him, I gave him a sweet, soft kiss on his lips. “I didn’t realize what you were doing but thank you. Thank you for making me feel like less of an abomination.”
Roran growled and stepped forward. “Who called you that?”
I looked over Rilen’s shoulder at him. “You. In not so many words. Both of you.”
Rilen stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around me like a shield. “You both dismissed her whenever she had the hints of blood need. Which, really Roran? When you used to like that?”
“Now hold on—” Roran started.
“You never asked, after that first time, if I wanted to taste you,” I said. “And I do. I have. Since I realized how pleasurable the whole exchange could be.”
Dorian twisted his lip. “Pleasurable.”
I stepped forward and stared at Dorian. “I want to taste you, too.”
“You have been around the vampire too long.”
“I am a vampire!” I roared. “What aren’t you getting about that? They are magnificent fighters, loyal to their race, powerful allies. The Queen and her jabs and insults and smartass remarks have made me realize that there is nothing wrong with speaking my mind, telling you exactly what I like, what I want. And that I am not an abomination or a freak!”
“No one has called you that!” Dorian snapped off the words.
“You two both have.” My answer was quiet, and I let the silence hang for a moment. “What Rilen said was that he thinks Aiko belongs to all of us.” I tipped my head to look at Rilen. “He asked me, not all that long ago, if I loved Aiko. I said I could. I’ve been trying not to because I don’t want to lose any of you—not a one. But Aiko and I are tied together in way I can’t describe to you. He’s another part of me.”
Dorian snarled. “Do you really need another dick?”
His snide attitude was starting to wear on me.
“Clearly not, since you’re being a big enough one to crowd all the others out.”
Dorian walked out.
The three of us watched him go, and my urge to trip him as he passed me was overwhelming. I curbed it and just listened to his footsteps receding.
Roran let out a breath and stared at his brother. “Do you really want to bring him into your bed?”
“I want to bring him into our bed,” Rilen answered. “My feelings for him stem from his feelings for Kimber. He’s tender and reverent with her. He never oversteps, never demands. The sweet notes he sends asking for her blood—sweet notes. Have you ever once picked up a pen and written our ilati a letter? Because when I saw those, I knew that I had failed on the most basic levels of romance.”
“So writing her a note is going to solve all this?”
I stepped out of Rilen’s arms and stared hard at Roren. “I’ll be sleeping alone until all of you figure your shit out.”
I marched out and headed for the training range.
The bull’s-eyes would look more like Roran and Dorian than anything else.
11
KIMBER
The king was standing on the roof, looking out at the Scar and Chasm.
I pulled the coat around me a bit tighter as I walked over to him. It wasn’t cold. It rarely reached truly cold in S’Kir, but it did snow once or twice in the winter months. We were still far from that, but the bitter chill nipped at my skin.
“Your Majesty,” I whispered.
He glanced over his shoulder, only to confirm that it was just me standing there. “Mistress.” His tone betrayed his anger.
Moving to stand next to him, I accidentally looked up to see the top of the Spine. I sighed and brought my chin back down to the Scar.
“Can’t get used to that,” I said.
Belshazzar tossed a chin at the Scar. “I can’t get used to that. It wasn’t there when… It was green, rolling hills, not jagged, broken rocks.”
“I didn’t realize that… The mountains were beautiful, even if they did divide us.” I stared through the wreck of S’Kir, grateful it no longer burned or smoked.
It was strange to stand next to Dorian’s twin. A brother none of us had known about, who had delivered the head of his son—that none of us knew about—to his feet. And now to have him stare at the same height of the Scar as I did, for different reasons, was wholly bizarre on so many levels.
“She’s going to be fine, sire,” I said.
He laughed lightly. “Gwen will pluck their eyeballs from their heads at the first bad look she gets from them.”
“That seems a little merciless.”
Another mirthless laugh slipped out. “Ruthless, Princess. Gwen is ruthless, not cruel.”
“Princess.” The word hissed out from between my teeth. “I’m not…”
“Your father was Savion,” he sai
d. “He was a king. As his child, you are a blooded Princess of S’Kir. As Gwen was blooded Princess of Earth.”
“Her father was a king?”
“Lord Otto is the biggest pain in my ass, ever. But yes. Her father was king.”
“He’s alive?”
“Kings are not meant to be beheaded, Princess. They are meant to rule and step down with their queen.” Belshazzar shook his head. “That doesn’t always happen, of course, but that’s the way it’s meant to be.”
“Do you hate your brother?”
This time, the laugh was full and round and genuine. “Like any brothers, yes. Of course, I do. I hate his fucking guts. And at the same time, I was a bit lost without him.”
“Just like Roran and Rilen.”
“Just like your twins,” he nodded. “Splendid job landing three men in your bed, Princess. Few vampires could do that. It would end in a jealous blood bath.”
“What makes you think that it isn’t?”
Belshazzar nodded, the smile clear on his face. “I don’t think there’s so much blood as… other things, Kimber.”
I coughed, my cheeks flaming red with embarrassment. “Yes. Well. Indoor plumbing is a very pleasant and helpful invention.”
“Indeed, it is.”
The night was quiet, and we stood watching the city grow darker. The king leaned over to me a few minutes later.
“And Gwen wouldn’t bother with the eyeballs. If she were that close, she’d just slash their throats.”
Shaking my head, I couldn’t stop the smirk. “She would at that.” I pulled the blanket a little tighter and sighed.
“You need blood, Kimber.” He turned and looked at me. He cocked his hip against the wall. “I know you are only half, but our gifts include resistance to temperature.”
“I need more than just blood, Your Highness.”
“You deny yourself pleasure?”
“I am angry at my bedmates,” I corrected. “I don’t like to deny myself power. Not after what nearly happened with the Spine.”
“My brother.” He sighed.
“And Roran, to some degree.”
“What is your complaint?”
Shaking my head, I let out a sigh. “I am having enough trouble dealing with being half vampire, and the daughter of Savion. I’m impossible and yet…” I gestured to myself, “here I am. Living. Breathing. A blend of the magic of druids and vampire. None of this has been easy for me, but they act as if half of me doesn’t exist. I’ve had to use… that word isn’t right. I’ve had to ask Aiko to help me through this. He’s been willing and able, but I can’t keep sneaking away to ask him for his vein, and he doesn’t want to keep asking me.”
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