“I never dreamed I’d ever dance.”
“Well here you are doing it. I think you are a very capable woman. Very pretty too.”
Her eyes widened then she dropped her gaze. Obviously, she didn’t believe him. If it took him a lifetime, he planned to convince her she was beautiful.
He saw one of the bachelors walking toward them, and he didn’t want to have to tell someone he couldn’t cut in. It was Aaron Stills. He walked closer with a hopeful look on his face. Eli glared him down, and he turned and walked away.
“Let’s go sit, sweetheart,” he whispered in her ear. She nodded, and he led her to a circle of crates near Smitty’s fire. “It’s a fine night.”
Amy sat down. “It turned out much better than I thought. Somehow, I thought everyone would laugh at you for having to marry me. They probably pity you but are too polite to show it.”
“Amy, look at me. You are a kind, capable, sweet person and there is no reason to pity me.”
“You never planned to marry.”
He shrugged. “True, but here we are. I plan to try to make the best of it.”
He wanted to swear at the doubt that filled her eyes. She’d never believe him. He reached out and gave her hand a quick squeeze. It would take some time but he’d erase all doubt from her mind someday.
Amelia walked beside the wagon all morning. Smitty asked her to ride with him but she’d declined. She wanted to be alone to think. She and Eli had slept in one of the extra wagons that Smitty cleared out for them. Smitty wanted them to have some privacy. That had been thoughtful of him.
But she had stayed on her side and Eli on his. She thought she’d prefer it that way, but it made her feel lonesome. Whatever happened she couldn’t allow Eli to see her hip. Her hip and leg was so scarred, twisted and ugly. He’d sleep elsewhere for sure if he saw those scars. A small smile played at her lips as she remembered how he mumbled in his sleep. She couldn’t tell what he was saying, but it amused her. It was a private thing that a wife would know.
Her smile turned into a frown. She’d play along with being married until they got to Oregon and then she was going to get to the bottom of all the lies the Cruthers told her. Was her name even Amelia? She wished she could slow down the thoughts in her mind. Too many questions and no answers.
She still walked alone. Getting married hadn’t changed people’s feelings about her. She’d always be different and always an outcast. What if Eli lost friends because of her? She wouldn’t be able to bear it.
So lost in thought she was, she didn’t notice the horse next to her at first but when she did, she jumped.
Eli swung down off his horse. “You looked so deep in thought. Care to share what’s bothering you?”
She gazed at his profile as they walked together. He was such a handsome man. She liked his brown eyes the best. They had a hint of gold flecks in them. “The usual. Why aren’t my parents my parents? What happened to my real parents? You know, things a girl thinks about as she walks.”
He smiled and shook his head. “Those same thoughts keep running through my head too but I doubt we’ll get any answers. Come, I want to take you for a ride.”
She started to shake her head, but the thought of his arms around her was too tempting, so she gave in with a nod. When he put his hands around her waist, she felt a spark between them. It was odd, and she wished she knew what it meant. He set her on top of Roman and then he got into the saddle behind her. Then she was in the circle of his arms, and it gave her a feeling of security along with a hint of a promise of things to come. She was being fanciful, but she allowed herself to hold on to the feeling as they rode to the front of the train and then beyond.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m going to teach you how to swim. We’ll be crossing rivers, creeks, streams and you need to know how to save yourself if the worst happens.”
She shuddered at the thought of drowning and then panicked. “I don’t have anything to swim in. I think we should wait.”
“Don’t worry, you can leave your chemise on. I just want you safe.” He sounded so matter-of-fact and right.
“You won’t let go?”
He kissed the back of her neck. “I’m not letting you go.”
Of course, he meant just in the water but it would have been grand if he meant forever.
“What about the others?” she asked.
“We’ll have privacy. They’ll stop for the nooning in a few minutes, and we’re way out in front of them. We’ve got a good few hours.”
She expected a rushing river but he brought her to a pond. It wasn’t too awfully big and it looked to be quite private. The thought of him seeing her scared her more than the water did. She wasn’t opposed to learning. She’d never been allowed to swim before.
Eli reined Roman to a stop, and then he jumped to the ground. He immediately reached up for her and helped her down. She tried to think of anything but getting undressed. Something splashed in the pond. The grass surrounding the pond was quite lush. How cold was the water? Eli really had very broad shoulders.
Her heart seemed to stutter at that sudden thought.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” Eli asked as he smiled.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re studying me or something.”
Her face heated. “I was just noticing how broad your shoulders are. I mean most men have big shoulders but yours look a bit wider.”
A rumbled started from deep inside him and then he threw back his head and laughed. “My brother Mike has me beat in the shoulder department, but it’s nice to know you like them. Now, turn your back and I’ll shuck some of my clothes and get into the water. I’ll turn my back while you take off your dress. Then I’ll teach you to swim.”
He made it sound so easy. She turned her back to him and it only took him less than a minute to get into the water. She’d been hoping for a few more minutes to brace herself.
“Your turn.”
She glanced over her shoulder to make sure he wasn’t peeking. But he was a man of his word. She took off her dress and stockings and then walked to the edge of the pond. The fresh breeze on her skin felt freeing somehow. “I’m ready.”
He walked to the edge exposing more of his chest with each step. A patch of dark hair drew her gaze. And when she was caught staring, her cheeks heated.
He extended his arm and held out his hand. She put her hand in his and slowly walked into the water.
“It’s not as cold as I imagined,” she said.
“Smaller ponds heat up a bit faster. I expect the rivers to still be cold.” He took both hands and pulled until she floated a bit. “Kick your feet a bit to keep you afloat. It also helps to keep you moving forward.”
“My hip doesn’t hurt. I thought for sure it would.”
“Good! Now watch how I use my arms.”
She stood in the water as he swam back and forth a few times. “I think I can try it.”
Eli was by her side and he put his hands under her stomach to keep her up. Before long, he backed away and she was swimming.
The feel of the water on her along with the nice breeze and the beautiful sunshine gave her a sense of peace she’d never experienced before. Finally, here was an activity she could do despite her lameness.
“You have a beautiful smile.”
She glanced at Eli. “I think I’ve smiled more here than I have in a whole year. Thank you for teaching me.”
“My pleasure, but I think we’d best get dried off. Our lead time is closing.”
Amelia scrambled up the bank and stood in the sun. Eli stared at her. Glancing down, she realized her wet chemise was almost see-through. She quickly turned around and grabbed her dress. Had he seen her hip and leg? She shouldn’t have let her guard down. She picked up her ugly brown dress and put it on. She didn’t care if she was still wet. She quickly put on her stockings and shoes keeping her back to him the whole time.
“I wish I’d had thought to bring dr
y clothes for you to put on.”
“I’m fine. Look, I see a wagon.”
Eli stood next to her and stared into the distance. She dared to glance at him, and he didn’t seem upset.
Chapter Five
Eli pretended to be asleep as Amy hurried and dressed. She always made sure her back was to him. His lips twitched. She certainly was a shy one. What she didn’t know was that she sought out the warmth of his body each night. He’d often found her sprawled on top of him in the mornings. He always eased her back to her side. Not because he didn’t enjoy the contact, but out of respect for her. It would embarrass her to no end.
She allowed casual touching such as handholding. She didn’t seem to object to a kiss on the cheek either, but anything more intimate seemed to scare the stuffing out of her. He’d hoped she’d grow used to him but he’d need more patience. She did smile much more often now. She got along great with his outfit of men, and both Jed and Smitty doted on her. Not that she didn’t do her share of the work. She acted insulted if he told her she could take it easy.
She certainly was a puzzle at times, but he liked that about her. No two days were ever alike. They’d reached Fort Laramie by noon, and they’d spend a few days there to rest both the folks and the livestock. Perhaps he could buy Amy some cloth so she could make a new dress. Did she even sew?
“Do you know how to sew?”
She jumped, startled and then turned toward him. “I didn’t realize you were awake. Yes, I do sew. Do you need something mended? I’m pretty good with a needle.”
“What about knitting? Do you knit?”
She drew her brows together. “Why do you ask? Do you need something?”
“No, not really. I can buy new socks at the fort. I just don’t know all that much about you. We’ll be there today. Would you like to visit the store there?”
She looked at her clasped hands. “I don’t need anything, and our food stocks are good.”
He tried not to smile. All she had were the clothes she now wore. And a few odds and ends of men’s clothing. He didn’t know another woman who’d think that was all she needed.
“What’s your favorite color?”
She looked up and met his gaze. “Green is my favorite, followed by blue. Why are you asking so many questions?”
“Can’t a man have a conversation with his wife?”
She blushed when he referred to her as his wife. “I suppose so, and I’m sorry for being suspicious. I still can’t get past what the Cruthers have done and what they tried to do. I wish we could leave them behind. I think the worst part is that no one else knows the whole story and they all think badly of me. I try not to let it bother me, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve never had a friend. My parents, I mean the Cruthers discouraged anyone who came around.”
“Didn’t you go to school?”
“No, I’m well educated, but no I wasn’t allowed to attend school. I was taught at home. You grow used to things, I suppose. I was always lonely, but that was just how it was. The most I’ve ever talked to a person is you.” A wavering smile wiped the melancholy from her face. “You take the loneliness away.”
“I’m glad, and don’t you worry. I’ve noticed in life that people who lie and cheat end up getting what they deserve. They can only fool people for so long.”
She went to the back of the wagon. “I’d best go help Smitty with breakfast. I’ll have your coffee ready for you when you come out.”
Before he could say thank you she was gone. He laid back and smiled. She’d fallen into his life but somehow he didn’t think he could have found a better wife if he had looked for one himself. Her independence would make his work as a guide easier. She wouldn’t need him around year round. Yes, he was a lucky man.
Amelia sat on the wagon bench with Smitty as they approached Fort Laramie. She’d taken him up on his offer for her to ride in the wagon so she could get a better view. There were wagons everywhere. The whole countryside was dotted with them. So many people wanted to go to Oregon? She shook her head amazed.
“What’s so great in Oregon, Smitty?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, look at all the people who up and left their homes to travel to Oregon. What’s there?”
Smitty smiled. “Some of the folks will split off and go to California. Most people are looking for a better life. Some left failing farms or jobs they didn’t like hoping for something better.”
“Is it? Is it better?”
Smitty glanced at her and nodded. “I think so but then again I already have a place to live. The Todd ranch is making strides and it gets better and bigger each year. Those poor boys didn’t have much but they made something out of the land they did get.”
“What happened to their parents?”
“I’m no teller of tales. Ask Eli, he’d be happy to tell you. Looks like we’re going to camp here. Good a spot as any. Lots of fresh water to wash clothes with.”
She smiled. “I’d love to wash some of this trail dust off.”
He reined in the oxen and tied the lines around the brake. “You’ll get your chance.”
Jed rode up. “I’ll check on everyone before making my trip to the fort. Tell Eli he can go first this time.” He rode off as quickly as he rode up.
Amelia scrambled off the wagon. She hated it when everyone wanted to help her down. She went to the back of the wagon and put down the back end.
“Do you have a list ready?” Smitty asked as he joined her.
She shook her head. “I don’t need anything.”
“They have plenty of pretty things women like. They even have pretty soap. I’m going as soon as I get the oxen taken care of. You can come if you’d like.”
“I’m fine. I’ll get the fire made and get some bread baking. Don’t worry about me.” She turned away from him and grabbed some wood. She was better off not going. She didn’t want to be around people who didn’t respect her. She frowned. What was pretty soap? That might be something she’d like to see.
She felt him come up behind her. He had a special warmth she recognized when he was near. “Jed said you could go first.” She turned and smiled at him.
“That’s the plan. I’ll be back in a bit unless you’ve changed your mind?” He stared right into her eyes.
“You can tell me all about it when you get back.” She closed her eyes when he kissed her cheek.
“See you later.” He turned and left.
She stood there with her hand on her cheek where his lips had rested so briefly. He was a good man, and she was lucky to have him. At the sound of a snicker, she glanced over her shoulder. Cheryl Cruthers stood a short distance away. She continued getting the fire ready.
“He doesn’t give one fig about you, and you know it. Why would he? You have nothing to offer a virile man like him. He has needs that only a whole woman can give him. How long do you think it will be before he strays?”
Putting her hands on her hips, Amelia faced the woman she’d once believed was her mother. “What makes you think he needs to stray?” Her face heated.
Cheryl laughed. “The look on your face says it all. You never could school your thoughts.”
“I’d like you to leave now. You are not welcome at my fire,” Amelia said in a tight voice. Her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. She’d never spoken to her mother that way before. She’d always been a dutiful daughter. She waited for the backlash, but Cheryl left with only a glare.
Amelia dropped down onto one of the crates and took a deep breath. Was Cheryl right? Did Eli think of her as a damaged woman? She’d sentenced him to a lifetime of regret when she married him. He’d have no choice but to stray. Didn’t men need to…?
Eli deserved so much better than he got. She would have to swallow her pride for the rest of her life and look the other way. Why hadn’t that occurred to her before now? That was why no man would ever want her. Words echoed in her head, no man will ever want you. She’d heard them so many times. She
should have listened instead of marrying a man who had needs.
She’d always been a disappointment to her so-called parents. She’d always worked extra hard, trying to make up for the fact that she was, indeed, a cripple. It didn’t matter how hard she worked, nothing could change what she was. They told her so every chance they got. Nothing was ever right, nothing. They always had something bad to say.
Was that why Eli had accepted her declining his invitation to go to the fort so easily? Would he take care of his manly needs? She gulped. She could handle that. She would have to. She wouldn’t think of it. Just act like it was a normal day, and if he didn’t return for the night; she’d have to pretend it didn’t matter. Her heart squeezed. She’d have to avoid people, she wasn’t sure if she could hide the anguish. Most people didn’t give her a second look anyway except for Smitty, Jed and she thought Eli.
The fire spluttered and hissed as she heaped more wood on it. She set about getting the coffee made. Jed and Smitty would be back, she hoped. There was just so much she didn’t know about men—or marriage for that matter. She might be educated, but when it came to real life, she was ignorant. Her throat felt scratchy, and tears threatened.
Tilting her head back, she took a deep breath. Grin and bear it. That had been her motto since her fall. Her leg and hip had never been properly set. She’d spent over a week in bed before a doctor was called. By that time, he tried to do the best he could. She remembered the excruciating pain. Broken bone had been sticking out through her skin and the skin around the break had started to fester. The doctor had wanted to put her under but her mother insisted Amelia be awake for it. How cruel it had been to make her suffer so. Her hate for Cheryl grew stronger. But she had told Cheryl to get away from her fire. It might seem like a small thing, but it made her feel stronger for having stood up to that woman.
Smitty came back with a pack mule loaded down. “I found a lot of great things at the store. I borrowed Old Sam here to help me get it all here. I even bought some preserves. They don’t usually have those in stock. Eli said to tell you he’ll be a few hours. He has some business to attend to.” Smitty got busy unloading the mule and finding the right place to put everything.
A Lifetime to Share Page 5