I slowly rose to my feet, giggled to cover my nerves and backed myself against a wall. Truth was, I wasn’t scared. He was Mufasa, not Scar. A lopsided grin touched his lips.
Once he was within two feet of me, I lifted my chin and met him square in the eye to prove I wasn’t scared.
“Why do you have to do that?” I whispered.
“What’s that?”
The proximity between us was so close that I could smell his breath as the air blew past my nose. I closed my eyes, relishing his fresh, clean scent.
“Why do I do what, Ren?”
My eyes shot wide. “Why do you act all badass?”
“I am a badass. Don’t play with fire, princess.”
“Ohhhh. Am I gonna get burned?” I cocked my right brow.
“I told you once, you are who you are, and I am who I am, and there is no room for confusion.”
Annoyed, I shook my head. “What’s that even mean?”
“We talked about this already. Your father. Enough said.”
“My father’s not here, Joss. It’s just me and you.” I took a step forward and placed my hands gently on his hard chest.
It seemed to steal the air from his lungs—he sounded as if he inhaled his last breath. “I can’t forget where I am.”
His body leaned closer, putting pressure on my hands.
“Can’t you forget, just for a second?” I begged.
My hands moved in and out with the effort of his next breath. But it was when his tongue licked over his lips that my own breath got caught in my throat.
Before I knew it, his lips met mine. Three of the softest pecks and then his lips parted as our mouths moved together, effortlessly. His fingers clawed through my hair until his hand wrapped the back of my neck, holding me in place. Evan and I had kissed a thousand times, but this was the first time I’d ever felt kissed…right.
Our tongues carried on a conversation all their own as they met and mingled, working around one another in a harmonious moment. Joss returned to a series of pecks as he feasted on my lips. My body weakened. My knees wobbled, and as if expecting it, his left arm caught my waist. But, when my arms fell from his chest, they hit the knot of his towel and released it from his waist. My eyes opened mid-kiss to find his wide too. His teeth came lightly down on my bottom lip.
“Scared, now?”
I shook my head, fighting the urge to look down.
Unexpectedly, he lifted me off the ground, forcing my back against the wall. As natural as anything ever felt, my legs instinctively wrapped around his bare waist. It hurt my calf, but the pain subsided when his lips bore down on mine again. I’d never had sex, but the movements felt so right. My hips instinctively arched into him. My shorts rode up when his hand slid up, gripping my butt cheek.
“Mmmm” I moaned into his mouth. I had never felt this swept away before. I wasn’t stupid though, I felt every inch of him ramming against my inner thigh about three inches to the left of where my body wanted him…needed him…to be.
Unable to catch my breath, I broke free from the kiss, arching my neck back.
“God, Joss,” I cried. “I want you so much.”
And just like that, he stopped. Slowly, he lowered me to the ground and then spun around and started to walk away.
“I don’t want to have this discussion again,” he grumbled, picking up his towel and disappearing into the bedroom.
Chapter 18
Fire and explosions…
joss
“WHY’D YOU STOP?” she asked panting from the kiss and following me. I grabbed a pair of boxer briefs and slid them on, which did little to hide my bulging erection.
“Jesus, bird. That was about to get way outta hand.”
“So! Let it.”
“No. We have to remember my role on this ranch.”
“Stop, Joss,” she said, grabbing my bicep.
Her touch was my undoing every time, so I jerked away. I thought about Abby and how I had denied her that night. Now she was dead. I raked my fingers through my hair, trying to rid my head of the thoughts. I didn’t want to deny Ren.
“You don’t want me?” she asked.
I pointed to my hard dick.
“Tell me you want me,” she said with a strained voice.
I grabbed the comforter on my bed and yanked it down. “Leave, Ren.”
“Say it! Say you want me. Because so many things you say and do contradict that.”
“You’re acting like a spoiled teenager. And you’re being ridiculous.”
“Why is that so hard to say?” Her voice escalated and she leaned against the bedroom wall as if she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Look, I get it. You’ve gotten everything you’ve always wanted in your life and now you feel sorry for yourself because there’s something you want, and you can’t have it.”
“I want you. And I know you want me too.” I hated how much she was right.
“Please, just go.”
“No.”
“Ren, it’s time for you to go.” Going with the risky move, I touched her elbow, trying to lead her out of my bedroom. This couldn’t be more dangerous ground for me. I wanted to lay her on the bed and fuck her five different ways.
“Fine, I’ll call Evan. He won’t turn me down.”
My head snapped toward her. I’m not sure if fire shot from my nose but if it could have, it would have.
“Is that what you want?” she continued. “Since you obviously won’t finish the job, should I give myself to Evan instead?” This girl knew exactly how to push my buttons. And though that thought had me ready to annihilate Evan, I knew she was just pulling my chain. Controlling my breathing, I fought any urge to lash out.
“Stop, Ren. I’m serious.” A threat lingered in my response.
“I’ll bet you never told Abby no? If she wanted sex, would you have said no?”
The rage that had festered over Abby’s death for months, surfaced, and without thinking, my fist smashed through the sheet rock about two feet from Ren’s face. She froze. First fear registered in her eyes, and then they flooded. Her entire body trembled.
“You don’t know her and you don’t get to talk about Abby. Ever,” I growled.
“I want to leave,” she cried, her face paralyzed with a terrified expression.
“Ren, listen,” I said, wanting to explain my violent reaction and hating that this was the second time I’d put tears on her face.
“Don’t, Joss,” she whispered, but her voice shook.
When I reached for her, she cowered…actually recoiled away from my touch. Didn’t she know I’d never hurt her? Jesus, I’d legit scared her. What the fuck was wrong with me?
“Ren.”
“Leave me alone, Joss,” she sobbed, staggering past me.
Guilt and remorse gushed through my veins when I heard the door close. Hearing Abby’s name come out of Ren’s mouth had shocked me at first. Now her words echoed in my head—Would you have told Abby no? I did tell her no, right before she died.
Ren’s scent still floated through the air. I stared at the hole in the wall then glanced at my knuckles. She’d cowered away from me. I closed my eyes and paced trying to calm myself. Finally, I walked to the kitchen where this whole nightmare had started. Two cookies sat on a napkin. Written below the cookies: Something sweet for Mr. Salty. Thank you for saving my life. My turn to save yours.
Fuck! Trudging over to the sofa, I fell face first into the leather. I’d never hurt a girl. Ever. But I’d scared the one girl that meant shit to me. How was I going to fix this?
_______________
Ren had been at the breakfast table every morning for the past several weeks waiting for me to show up. That next morning, however, and for several after, she wasn’t there. I hadn’t realized how much I looked forward to seeing her each morning until she wasn’t there. I didn’t like it. She’d become the vitamin C part of my day. Her smile. Those twinkling, mischievous eyes watching me. I was a fool. I saw her coming like
a hurricane coming ashore. There were plenty of warnings. She was a category 5 that I ignored until I couldn’t ignore her any longer. I didn’t evacuate and I was paying the price. I wasn’t sure if I was in the eye of the storm yet, but I was damn close.
I spent the next few days watching for her, staying near the stable for the majority of the mornings in the hopes that she would want to take Juliet out for a ride. She didn’t.
One afternoon about a week later, Sal and I headed out to the east fields to herd some cattle in closer to the ranch. A fire burned in a wooded area east of the Hess property. The smoke burned black in the eastern sky and the closer we got the worse it looked.
“Wow,” I said. “Oh my God.”
“Shit. That wind has taken a turn,” Sal responded, pulling out his cell phone and punching in a number. “Cal, the wind has shifted. It’s gotten to the fields. We’re gonna need more men.”
Sal hung up, navigating the gator around the outlying fence and peering off into the distance.
“The cattle aren’t here,” he said.
I didn’t know where they were supposed to be exactly, but I didn’t see them either.
When we reached the opposite side of the field, the fence was flattened.
“Damn it. The fire spooked ‘em. They trampled the fence.”
I’d never been around a fire like this before but the intimidating roar was nothing compared to the heat firing into our faces. On the phone again, Sal shouted over the roar of the fire. “They’re out. Fence is down.”
The flames of the fire spanned across several acres, every once in awhile shooting high with the wind. Trees caught fire in a matter of seconds. The fire seemed to float in the wind. Two firefighters in a brush truck popped over the hill in front of us, spraying water on the spreading flames, but making little headway.
Sal’s finger jetted out in front of my face pointing at something. My stinging eyes followed his finger and settled on two cows eating grass in the next pasture. Slinging a rope over his shoulder, Sal headed in that direction on foot. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined myself playing rodeo cowboy, but I followed him anyway.
A high-pitched mewling sort of sound penetrated through the flames. A cow and her calf were wedged behind a tree that had fallen right near the edge of the fire. As I ran toward them, the air temperature increased drastically. The calf began bleating loudly, panicked by the approaching inferno. By the time, I reached them, the fire had inched closer—the heat fucking unbearable.
Jesus. The calf’s bloody leg was caught in some sort of metal trap. Momma cow was bawling and pawing at the ground as I knelt next to her baby. I attempted to calm the calf so I could attempt to free its leg, but it was in a pure panic. With my foot wedging the trap against the ground, I tried to pull the trap jaws apart. Sweat spilled out of every single pore of my skin. The hot metal made it impossible for my hands to get a good grip as they slid off the trap.
“God!” I let out a frustrated scream.
“Joss! What are you doing? That fire is too close!” Cal Briscoe yelled, running toward me through the smoke.
Sweat burned my eyes.
“She’s in a trap. I can’t get it open,” I hollered.
“That isn’t going to work,” Cal huffed as he reached the struggling calf. “We need to snap the chain with something.”
“Would it work to shoot it?” I was desperate enough to try anything at this point.
“Worth a try,” Cal grunted as he tried to hold the calf still. “You’re faster. Run back to the gator, there’s a shotgun in the back.”
With my forearm, I wiped the sweat off my forehead as I sprinted for the gator. I felt lightheaded from breathing in the ashy air, but I grabbed the gun and headed back. The entire area was now engulfed in the black smoke.
“Cal!” I shouted.
Sal and Preston, who had four cows roped, looked at me in alarm.
“Cal’s in there!” I screamed, still running straight for the smoke. The wind shifted, opening a window of visibility. Cal smacked the ass of the momma cow, trying to get her to go. I hurdled the broken tree and cocked the lever on the shotgun as a billow of smoke blasted me in the face.
Through watery eyes, I aimed the gun at the chain connected to the trap.
Cal’s hands rested on his knees as he choked—coughing until he threw up. “Get outta here!” I shouted and then fired the gun.
“Again!” He coughed.
I cocked the lever again. Fired
“Again!”
The third time, the chain broke free. Sal and Preston came hurtling through the smoke at the same time. Preston easily roped the momma cow but had a hard time wrangling her away from us. Cal vomited again.
“Get to the gator, Cal!” I screamed. There was no way I was going to let someone else die on my watch.
Sal bent down, threw me a silent nod and we both hoisted the wounded calf up to where we could carry her. Damn, she was heavy. The chain dangled from her leg, but we got her out. The momma stopped fighting Preston and followed us away from the fire. A dually truck loaded with ranch hands screeched to a halt near us. Preston shouted orders about rounding up the other cows, and the ranch hands spanned out.
Cal coughed somewhere behind us, but a high-pitched, raspy gasp for breath shot us all around just as he fell to his knees.
_______________
At the hospital, the doctors put me on oxygen for about a half hour while they ran a battery of tests. Sal and I sat in the same room while we were both fed IV fluids. It was the same hospital we’d brought Ren to. Even when they finally released us, we’d still heard nothing about Cal’s condition.
When we rounded the corner to the waiting room, we found Preston and some of the other hands waiting for news, as well. Then, I spotted Ren, in a pair of baggy sweats and a t-shirt. No make-up. Eyes red. Her hair knotted up in a bun.
Without a second thought and without reservation, I walked straight to her. My only motive was to comfort her. Her eyes rounded and her chin trembled as I approached, as if she wasn’t sure what to do. But then, she reached out to me, burying herself in my chest. I felt every single person’s eyes in that room boring into my back. But so much was going into this hug. The biggest I’m sorry ever, and an even bigger I’ve missed you. I knew I was outing what we’d become to everyone who was watching. That scared me.
“Any news?”
She shook her head, pulling away to sit down, so I took the seat next to her. The silence wasn’t a bad thing, but I knew she was anxious for answers. A note pad and pen sat next to the telephone I’d called Braxton on. I grabbed the pen and pad, drew the hangman noose and then wrote the blanks.
___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
I handed it to her.
She guessed every single vowel right off the bat.
I a__ __o__ __ y
A slight smile touched her lips as she took the pen and filled in the rest.
I am sorry
My eyes rested on hers. I took the pen back and wrote another one.
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
Once again, she went with the vowels. I grinned.
I __ou__ __ __e__ e__ __u__ __ you
She studied the letters and words for the longest time. Then guessed s, m p—nearly hanging herself. But then she guessed t, n, r and h, and I waited for the letters and words to register.
I __ou__ __ ne__er hurt you
Ren mouthed the words, I would never hurt you. Her rounded eyes flitted up to mine.
“You scared me,” she whispered.
“Yes. I’m sorry.” My words were just as quiet.
I felt her pinky wrap around my pinky. Our hands were hidden where no one could see, but I still glanced around the room. Preston was the only one staring at us. Instead of the tobacco typically sloshing around his mouth, a lone toothpick hung out of his mouth. The toothpick darted out and back in before a shitty smile crept over his lips. Fuck him.
__________
_____
The hospital kept Cal overnight for observation due to the smoke inhalation. They wanted to monitor him, but assured Ren it was strictly routine. I rode back to the ranch with Sal. Ren drove her own car in front of us. I didn’t take my eyes off her vehicle.
“Cal would kill us if he knew we let her drive alone.”
“Why? What do you mean?” I asked Sal.
“He doesn’t like her driving at night because of Reece.”
“Reece, her brother?”
I glanced at the speedometer, she was driving 65 in a 65.
“Yeah. Reece was killed in a car accident.”
“She told me a little bit before that snake bit her last week. So, Cal’s afraid of losing her too?”
The truck lurched forward when Sal hit the brakes after Ren did. She had slowed for an Armadillo. How very Ren like to stop for a damn animal rather than just hitting it.
“He makes her drive that damn SUV in hopes that if she’s in an accident, it will protect her. His rationale is a little off.”
“I get it, though.”
“The entire family fell apart after that. Caroline and Cal divorced. Ren caught in the middle. Blame being thrown between them.”
“Blame? Wasn’t it an accident.?”
Sal blew out a full breath. “Reece’s blood alcohol level was .18. He’d wanted to have a pool party with friends. Cal said no. Caroline was devastated by his death. I wouldn’t say she blamed Cal exactly, but Cal was opposed to Reece drinking and…” Sal’s words trailed off.
“So opposed, that he built his daughter a tavern and provides her with alcohol and a ride home.” It wasn’t a question. It was putting the pieces of insanity together.
“That’s pretty much it. Ren feels forgotten. The devastation of losing a child is so all consuming, and somewhere in the grief, Ren became a young lady being raised by ranch hands—with the divorce, she’s only here in the summer and Christmas now. Tons of days in between. But, she’s still our little girl.”
The SUV’s blinker flashed as she turned onto the ranch road. I wasn’t going to lie, I breathed a sigh of relief. Our conversation had been cut short when the snake had bitten her. I had learned more tonight from Sal than I’d learned from her.
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