“Why don’t we talk about some coping mechanisms to help you when you start to feel overwhelmed?”
“I think I need that.” I took a deep breath and settled in to listen, giving Dr. Li my undivided attention.
-
18
Trystan
♪ Ever Since the World Began by Survivor
My head rolled along the glass behind me as the subway rumbled down the line, carrying me to the studio. I sat between a college kid with a neon green mohawk and an elderly lady with cat hair all over her flannel sweater. People watching provided a welcome distraction.
For days, I’d been living on the high of performing in the studio. I’d stayed up late every night since then, tweaking the songs. I was exhausted. The days at the garage had been long so I could get ahead on the engine job I’d been working on.
I must have dozed off because my phone ringing in my pocket jarred me back to reality. With fumbling fingers, I pulled it out. Sydney’s name flashed across the screen. Panic surged in my heart. She’d never called me before.
I accepted the call. “Hey, Sydney. Is Willa OK?” I croaked out.
“She’s fine. Sorry to have alarmed you. I meant to call you the other day after I saw her, but I forgot. She told me you came by her hospital room,” Syd said.
I sagged back in relief. “Yeah. I tried to stay away. I didn’t want to confuse her or make things harder for her, but I just couldn’t help myself. I had to see her.”
“I wanted to let you know Willa feels a connection to you. She can’t explain it, but she feels something. I’m guessing you must feel something too since you keep visiting her. Your one-night stand had to have meant more … to both of you,” Syd said matter-of-factly.
A heavy sigh escaped me as I dragged my fingers through my hair. “I can’t explain it. It’s never happened to me before. But I feel strongly for her. I felt something from the moment I met her. I know I can’t push though. And the clock is ticking.” There was a note of despair in my voice.
“I know it’s hard, but you have to be patient. Keep building a friendship with Willa. You make her happy. Even though as far as she knows, you’re pretty much strangers.” The sounds of the city filtered through the speaker with her voice.
“How am I supposed to build a friendship with her when she’s going to be released from the hospital any day now? She’ll be living at Cade’s. I won’t be able to just visit her.” The thought of her living with him, spending her days and nights with him, made me nauseous.
“She’s being released tomorrow, and I’m actually planning to try to convince her to move back into the apartment she shared with me for years.”
“I hope she listens to you. I can’t imagine her staying with him after what he did to her. I know she doesn’t remember, but we do. It’s not right,” I argued, though I knew it wasn’t Syd’s fault.
“I know. I promise I’m going to try hard to keep her from doing something she can’t take back while still trying to do as the doctor advised. I think we should try to jog her memory,” Syd proclaimed.
“And how do you propose we do that?” I asked, a hint of sarcasm in my tone.
“We should try to recreate that night at Mind Meld. Maybe she’ll get a sense of déjà vu or something.” She sounded hopeful.
We made plans until I had to go because I’d arrived at the studio. I bid Syd goodbye as I rushed up the stairs to the street level.
When I opened the door to Matthews’ Melodies, the guys were goofing off in the lobby waiting for me.
“Dude, you’ve got to see the platinum records and awards down this hallway,” Rafe said, tugging me down a corridor we hadn’t seen last time.
In awe, I gazed at the wall of fame in Matthews’ Melodies. There were three from Forging Fusion. Then there were several from Merry Melodymakers. And Lyrical Odyssey. And so many others we’d admired over the years.
“Maybe one day we’ll be on this wall,” I whispered, reaching out to brush my fingers along a framed platinum record.
“Count on it,” Mack said from behind us.
We turned around guiltily. “Sorry we got distracted,” Nix said with a shrug.
“Don’t worry about it. Whenever I start to get sick of all the bullshit that sometimes comes up in this industry, I take a stroll down here. It’s humbling to see all the greatness that this place had a small hand in helping rise to the top,” Mack said, his voice lost in the past.
“It’s an honor to even occupy the same space as these guys once did,” Nix said.
“You ready to rock?” Mack asked with a wide grin.
“Hell yeah,” I said.
19
Willa
“How’s my girl?” Cade beamed at me as he sauntered into my hospital room after being MIA for the past couple of days. He pressed a kiss to my lips when he reached my side.
“OK I guess,” I offered noncommittally. I was a little miffed at his absence and lack of communication.
“I’ve come to spring you from this joint. I saw Dr. Askew on the way in. He said he’d bring your discharge papers down in a few minutes.” He squeezed my shoulder.
The nurse had already been by earlier and helped me pack my stuff, which rested on the foot of my bed.
Cade sank onto the edge of the mattress and tugged me down next to him. “So, have any of your memories come back?” he asked tentatively.
I huffed. “Ugh. No. But I’m hoping when I get out and am in my own place something there will jog my memory.” I hoped.
“I’m not so sure it’ll work that way, babe. Half of your stuff is already at my place. I mean, our place. Which is all the more reason for you to just come home with me. You can go through your stuff. And I can take care of you. We can tackle wedding stuff together. It’ll be the perfect solution,” he said like it was obvious. He brushed his fingers along my jaw. “And don’t worry if you don’t regain your memories. We’re about to pledge for better or worse and in sickness and health. It’s not a big deal if we start those vows now.”
My heart should’ve swooned at his declaration of devotion, but for some reason, I was uneasy. Maybe because I’d been living my worse the past few days without him here to help.
“You ready to blow this popsicle stand?” Dr. Askew said with a bright smile on his face as he strode in, a stack of papers in hand.
“Yes. Please,” I said, my hands folded in a pleading position.
“So, you’re going to feel some discomfort due to your cracked ribs for a while. They usually heal slowly. Keep them wrapped to help keep them immobilized and cushioned. No heavy lifting or straining. And you’re probably going to experience headaches for a while longer. I’ve called you in a prescription for pain reliever. I’m not concerned about the hematoma on your brain. In general, those like yours heal on their own. If the headaches get a lot more severe or start to interfere with your ability to function, call me. Otherwise, I’ll see you for a checkup in a couple of weeks.” Dr. Askew handed me a handful of papers right as Misha walked in with a wheelchair.
“I’m your ride out of here, girl.” She patted the seat.
Begrudgingly, I shifted into the wheelchair and let her roll me out after I bid Dr. Askew goodbye.
When the elevator reached the ground floor, Cade hustled out the door to bring his car around. He gently eased me into the passenger seat. I glanced in the back where he’d tossed my stuff on the backseat.
The ride across town was relatively quiet and quick considering traffic was always crazy in New York City. The sights I normally loved passed by in a blur. Before I even realized it, we left the bright sunshine and drove into the shade of the parking garage. As we rounded the levels on the way to Cade’s normal parking space, we passed by a pink VW bug. It was a really cute car; one I would’ve loved when I was in high school.
Smoothly, Cade parked in his space. After he grabbed my bags from the back, he came around to help me out like a gentleman. As luck would have it, the elevator was waitin
g when Cade pushed the button.
Memories washed over me of countless trips I’d taken with Cade in that metal box. We’d made out in more rides than not. At least, that was the way we were six months ago. The past six months, I had no idea what we were like. Maybe we were completely different.
We didn’t kiss this time. The awkwardness stretched between us. When we reached the top floor, he unlocked the door and held it open for me.
Hesitantly, I walked inside. Just inside the entryway, I toed off my shoes from force of habit. Cade watched me anxiously.
“Do you want to go lie down?” he asked.
“Not yet. I kind of want to wander around. See if I get any flashes of memory.”
“Don’t rush it. You’ve got the rest of your life to try to recover the missing six months.” Cade dragged his fingers down my spine, soothing some of the tension away.
I shuffled to the bookshelf filled with framed photos. My fingers brushed along each one. The family photos were familiar, as were most of the images of Cade and me. There was only one I couldn’t recall the circumstances surrounding. With trembling fingers, I lifted it. My fingertips traced the smiles on our faces. The setting was Central Park, that much I knew, though the dress I wore was unfamiliar.
Cade wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Do you remember that?”
Sighing, I set the frame back on the shelf. “No.”
“It was from our engagement photo shoot. Our moms insisted we get them done, even though we’d been engaged for months already at that point. That pose was your favorite.”
He lifted his chin and stepped to my side, leaving one arm around my waist and led me to the couch. “Sit down. I’ll be right back.”
After I sank into the welcoming softness of the sofa, he disappeared down the hallway. While he was gone, I hugged the throw pillow and begged the memories to come back. I couldn’t describe what it felt like having these pieces of myself missing that I couldn’t even search for because I didn’t know what they looked like. I didn’t know if they were corner pieces, edges or middle parts. The patterns and colors were a mystery too.
“Here. This might help.” Cade sat next to me, his thigh brushing mine. He placed our wedding binder on my legs and opened the cover, spreading the notebook across our laps. “At least you can see for yourself that everything is on track for our wedding, so you can quit worrying about that.”
Together, we flipped through the book. When we got to some of the pages concerning the reception, I frowned.
My nose wrinkled in disgust. “There’s no way I would’ve picked scallops for the dinner. I hate scallops.” Don’t I? “And so do you.”
Cade looked at me sheepishly. “They were my mom’s idea.”
“And this place setting …” I examined the plates with a dusty rose line scrolled around the edges. “This wasn’t the one I liked.”
“Your mom,” Cade explained simply.
I had a vague recollection of meeting with the caterer and both moms being present. There had been much discussion over the place settings, among other things.
I turned the page. A sketched cake was taped to the paper. I smiled. “Your mom didn’t like the cake flavor we picked,” I said casually.
“No, she didn’t. She thought lemon-raspberry wasn’t elegant enough.” He laughed, and I did too. Our moms could be so pretentious.
He turned his head and gaped at me, his eyes wide. “You remembered something,” he whispered.
“I did,” I exclaimed. I threw my arms around him, nearly sending the binder to the floor.
It was a small memory. Something insignificant. But it felt good to grab that tiny grain of a recollection.
“That’s great, babe. Maybe you’ll remember some more. But even if you don’t, all the details are taken care of. I checked our paperwork. We can’t really push the wedding back. A marriage license in New York is only good for ninety days. We got ours so early that there’s only a few weeks left on it. And I was unable to change the bookings we had by even a few days. I’ve hired someone to help with the last-minute stuff, so it won’t be a strain on you,” Cade said, still hugging me.
Panic caused my heart to flutter. I drew some deep breaths, trying to quell the anxiety.
“Are you OK?” he asked, his words ruffling the hair on top of my head.
“Yes. Just panicked there for a second. Maybe that’s normal at this stage in wedding planning. Maybe all brides have a meltdown. I mean, I’m not sure I wasn’t panicked in the days before the attack.” I sucked in a deep breath then blew it out slowly. “I just need to trust that I did everything I was supposed to do.”
Cade leaned back, studying me closely. “You definitely weren’t stressed before the attack. You were excited. So was I. I think it’ll be fine for us to continue as planned. Maybe it’s a sign or karma or something that we couldn’t reschedule. It’s time for us to start our lives together.” Hope shimmered in his eyes.
My lips tipped up. I hoped he was right. I might not remember the past six months or whatever made me give the ring back, but I did remember falling for this man and loving him for the past three years.
Next in the binder was the guest list. Silently I read the names and noted which ones seemed to be missing a check mark or an X. “Lila hasn’t RSVPed yet. Family’s supposed to show up for your wedding.”
Sadness took up residence on Cade’s features. “No, she hasn’t. I don’t think she’ll come. She didn’t leave the company on the best of terms, and we haven’t talked to her since. Dad is still upset about the label losing Lyrical Odyssey. He thinks she’s partly responsible. Mom’s on Dad’s side. I just want to keep the peace.” He dragged his fingers through his hair, making it stick up in that adorable way of his.
Unable to resist, I smoothed out the wayward strands. My nails scraped lightly along his scalp. He shivered beneath my touch and closed his eyes.
“Things will work out with your family. They just need time,” I said in a soothing tone.
He pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. “I’m so glad you’re home,” he whispered.
His attention turned back to the binder. “Maybe something else in here will trigger a memory.”
I concentrated as he flipped the pages, though nothing else came to mind. When we were done, I yawned loudly.
He closed the lid with a heavy thump and set the book of my dreams and compromises on the coffee table. “Why don’t you go put on some comfy clothes and rest?” he suggested.
I kissed him quickly and headed to his bedroom. Our bedroom. I wondered if I’d gotten used to referring to it as ours before I lost my memory. Inhaling deeply, I filled my lungs with Cade’s expensive cologne—sandalwood and ocean.
I opened the large walk in closet and went to my side. A few boxes were stashed in the corner. My handwriting scrawled on the side labeled them as purses and shoes. I could almost picture myself sealing the boxes closed and labeling them.
Methodically, I tugged off my shirt then pushed down my jeans. I stripped off the rest of my clothes. Naked, I moved to the built-in drawers and pulled out Cade’s NYU sweatshirt I always lounged around in. It hung down to the tops of my thighs. The right cuff had a thin spot from wear. I brought the neck of it up to my nose. The fabric smelled like him, even now. On his side of the closet, I opened the top drawer and grabbed a pair of his boxers and slipped them on.
Cade beamed at me when I came back out. The TV was tuned to Sports Center. “Not going to take a nap?” he asked when I sank down next to him on the couch.
“I am. But I thought I’d take it in your lap. If that’s OK?” I asked shyly.
Cade immediately set aside the remote and propped a pillow on his lap. I lowered myself to the cushions and wrapped my arms around his middle. He yanked the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over me. My eyes drifted closed as his fingers stroked through my long locks. I felt so weary. Exhaustion quickly claimed me.
Sometime
later, a knock on the door woke me. “Why didn’t the intercom buzz?” I grumbled.
“Shh, you keep sleeping. I’ll see who it is,” Cade whispered as he leaned over my face. Gently, he eased out from under me then strode to the door with fast, heavy steps.
Muffled voices carried to my sleepy mind, but I couldn’t make out what they were staying.
“You shouldn’t be here. It’s not a good time,” Cade said a little louder. His tone was tense.
I sat up, rubbing my eyes.
“Nonsense. I brought some food,” a sweet feminine voice responded.
I blinked hard as Bridgette strolled past Cade and into the kitchen. I watched from the couch as she began unpacking some canvas bags and putting stuff away. How did she know where Cade kept the chips?
She glanced over at me.
“Hi. Looks like you’ve settled back in and made yourself at home.” She nodded at my attire.
“Same goes for you,” I replied without thinking.
She laughed. “I knew Cade was picking you up. He’s been working so many long hours with me at the studio, I figured he wouldn’t have had time to stock up on food. So, I just picked up a few things.” She shrugged and pulled a carton of eggs out of the bag.
“That’s so sweet. But you didn’t have to go to all the trouble.” I forced a smile.
“It’s no trouble. I stopped by the store on my way home. And if you think of anything you need or want, just have Cade let me know. I’d be happy to help.” This girl was just a bundle of helpful energy, bouncing around the kitchen.
“I’d hate to put you out. You’re young and in New York City. Surely you have more fun things to do than playing errand girl for us,” I said, getting to my feet quickly. I swayed slightly from standing up too fast.
Cade was by my side in an instant, his arm around my waist tightly.
Memory of a Melody Page 11