Being with Trystan had felt so natural. We had a connection. No wonder. I’d slept with him.
I stared at the photo. In it, I looked happy. Enamored. He did too. Along his open shirt collar were the faint lines of a tattoo. A tattoo I could envision now. From my dream. It wasn’t some random fantasy. It was a memory. The feelings I had in my dream must have been real too. The passion in the dream was more intense than any I’d ever felt before.
I darted to the bathroom, collapsed to my knees and threw up.
“Oh, sweetie,” Syd said as she came in behind me and gathered my hair back.
“How could I sleep with someone else when I’ve loved Cade for three years?” I sobbed.
Syd was quiet for a moment. “You wanted a break from being responsible Willa for a bit. You wanted to escape. You were hurt. Emotional. When you recover all your memories, you’ll understand better. Be gentle with yourself.” Her fingers stroked through my hair.
I was gutted. “I’m going to go lie down,” I mumbled. I just wanted sleep to take me, free me from the shame I felt.
I burrowed under the blankets on my bed. Tears dampened my pillow. As I drifted off to sleep, I dreamed of passionate kisses and gentle caresses and soulful melodies.
26
Trystan
After leaving the hospital yesterday, I met up with Nix and Rafe for a celebratory dinner. Though my mind had been on Willa the entire time. I wanted to share the news with her. But given the unexpected complication of finding Cade at Matthews’ Melodies, I had to play things smartly. At least that was the decision I’d convinced myself of last night when I went to bed.
This morning, though, all my good sense was gone. So as soon as I’d had breakfast, I texted Syd to find out where Willa was. And that was how I found myself retracing the route to their shared apartment.
Unable to suppress my joy, my cheeks hurt from the smile that had been plastered on my face since I’d decided to come see her. I lightly rapped on the door.
As soon as Willa saw me, she burst into tears, and my smile was immediately replaced with concern.
“Are you OK?” Gently, I ushered her backward into the apartment and eased the door shut behind us with a click.
“Y-you didn’t just r-rescue me from the attack, d-did you?” she hiccupped as she peered into my eyes.
Hope took flight and began to flutter around in my heart. I shook my head. My fingers squeezed involuntarily on her shoulders.
She inhaled deeply. “I was at your place the night before.”
I nodded. Relief blossomed in my chest. She remembered. My thumb drifted to her face to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
Emotions warred in her gaze. “Th-this connection I feel with you, the sense of familiarity … it isn’t just because you saved me,” she whispered.
I couldn’t get a lock on any of the emotions passing over her face. “I’d like to think it’s more,” I admitted softly. I drew her into my arms while she violently sobbed.
She held onto me too, clutching me to her. The feeling surging in me was even better than hearing the record label execs tell us how much they’d liked our music.
I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You remember me. Remember us?” Awe filled my tone.
She shook her head against my chest. “Not exactly. It’s just a feeling.” She lifted her head. “But I saw a picture of the two of us from the night before the attack on Syd’s phone. I don’t know when we met or any details about … us. I just know we looked happy in the photo.”
The relief and hope in my heart vanished in an instant.
She planted her palms on my chest and pushed me backward. “I can’t do this. This isn’t who I am. This isn’t who I want to be. You need to go.” The words were rapid fire bullets to my heart.
I searched her face. Her eyes were shuttered now, locking me out. Those lips I loved to kiss were pressed into a thin line. Her posture shouted, “back off”. So, I did what I had to for now. I took a step back and conceded, “I’ll go … for now. But I’ll check on you later.”
Her teeth captured her lower lip for a second. “It would probably be better if you didn’t.”
I didn’t respond. I just spun on my heel and did the last thing I wanted to do. I walked out. Agony filled my heart as her sobs reverberated through me.
Thankfully, the elevator hadn’t returned to the first floor. If I’d had to stand in the hallway, listening to her cry, I wasn’t sure I could’ve left. The doors closed, blocking her muffled cries, and I began my descent to the first floor.
Downstairs, I shuffled out, my head down. I wasn’t watching where I was going, so it was no surprise that I bumped into someone. “Sorry,” I mumbled, looking up.
“Visiting Willa?” Cade asked me, an odd look on his face. He reached up and straightened his tie, which our collision had knocked askew.
Stunned to see him, it took me a second to answer. “Yeah. Just for a minute.”
“Thanks for helping her that day, but you don’t have to keep popping in on her. I’ll look out for her. It’s my job after all,” he said as he rocked on his heels.
“I … I care about her,” I found myself admitting.
“If you really do, then back off and let her rebuild her life. She’s feeling shaky and uncertain. Your presence doesn’t help.” Cade gave me an encouraging smile.
“If you care about her, then you’ll come clean about what you did to hurt her.” The words spewed out of my mouth of their own volition. As soon as they were loose in the world, part of me longed to drag them back, but it was too late.
Cade’s friendly smile turned sardonic. He shook his head. “Syd always did have a big mouth. You overheard part of a disagreement, and Syd filled in the blanks with her version of things. You should really consider what you believe from what other people say. And I think you should worry about your future instead of Willa’s. She’s going to be fine. I’ll make sure of it. And you have the power to launch your band to superstardom. After you guys left the other day, I took it upon myself to do a little research. You know, I wanted to know more about the group my board was so anxious to sign.” He shrugged nonchalantly and brushed an imaginary piece of lint from his jacket lapel. “With the signing bonus I’m going to propose, Rafe will be able to help out his parents’ restaurant. Nix will be able to pay off all his student loans. And you’ll be able to pay for a round of those new treatments for your sister. Once the first single is released, the money should really start coming in, and you’ll be able to take care of little Daniella without your mom having to work so much.” He patted me on the shoulder. “You just need to focus on you and your future … and your band’s. I’d hate to see you throw all that away.”
I swallowed hard.
Taking my silence as agreement, he continued, “Not to mention, making music would be your dream come true. You’ll get to hear your songs on the radio, see the world, play to sold out venues, have fans shouting your name, groupies lining up to be with you.” He paused, letting the words sink in. “Anyway … just think about it. I’ll have the terms for your new offer drafted and sent to you soon. I’m sure you’ll find them very favorable.” Cade squeezed my shoulder one last time and then turned his back to me and headed for the elevator.
Shit.
27
Willa
After Trystan walked out, with a look of utter devastation on his face, my legs gave out. I curled up on the cold, hard floor and cried like the world was ending. In a way, mine was. I wasn’t the person I thought I was. And even knowing I’d somehow done something so despicable, my heart still ached for Trystan, the man I couldn’t have and shouldn’t want.
A knock on the door made my breath freeze in my lungs. Had Trystan come back? I got to my feet quickly, my heart leaping at the possibility. I wouldn’t send him away again. I didn’t have the strength to.
Without thought, I threw the door open. But it wasn’t Trystan on the other side. No, it was the man I’d promised my forever to
yet had betrayed. The tears came even harder. I couldn’t draw a good breath. My chest ached with each passage of air through it.
♪ Falling by Harry Styles
“Cade, I’m so sorry. So very sorry. I can’t believe I … My heart aches just thinking about what you said I did,” I blubbered as he made his way inside and pressed me against his chest. My tears stained the expensive dress shirt he wore beneath his suit jacket.
Careful hands cradled my face, tipping my head back so I had to stare up into his classically handsome face and see the pain and love brimming in his eyes. Slowly, he lowered his lips to mine. He coaxed my mouth open so his tongue could caress the inside. I focused on the man who’d I’d happily kissed for years. I tried to make myself feel what I used to.
But the spark and heat just weren’t there anymore. Instead, I started to imagine the kiss from my dream—the passion, the fire, the aching need. The kiss I was certain was a memory of Trystan’s kiss.
At my lackluster response, Cade eased back. “What’s wrong, babe?” his voice was husky with desire.
“I’m just still feeling really overwhelmed by everything,” I admitted.
He nodded in understanding. His hands ran down my arms until they pressed against my palms. He laced our fingers together. “You know, you should get out of the apartment. Go to the boutique for a little while. And then you can meet with the wedding planner. I’ve had her taking care of some things. She can bring you up to speed. It’ll take your mind off things. I’ll drop you off.”
“You’re right. A change of scenery might make me feel better. Let me go get dressed.” I squeezed his hands and then let go of them. Spinning, I headed down the hall. I hoped he wouldn’t follow me.
He didn’t. Quickly, I shed my sweatshirt and shorts. I slipped on a cute sweater dress in a deep plum color. After I dragged a brush through my hair, I put on a touch of makeup and stepped into my shoes.
Cade perked up when I appeared back in the living room. “You look gorgeous, babe.” He kissed my cheek.
“Thanks.” I already felt better. Just making a little effort yanked me out of my funk a little.
Traffic was light on the streets since it wasn’t rush hour anymore. In no time, Cade was pulling up to the curb outside the boutique. “Sorry I can’t hang out right now. I’ve got a quick meeting with the legal team to draft a contract. But I’ll arrange for the wedding planner to meet with us at … How about four o’clock?”
“That works,” I agreed.
“I’ll set it up for that cute café you like near my building. That way I’ll be able to meet you guys there,” Cade suggested.
“OK. I’ll see you soon then.” I opened the door, ready to escape into the safe haven Syd and I had created.
“Willa,” Cade called before I could ease out.
I glanced at him.
He was turned fully in his seat toward me. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll get through this. I have enough faith in our love for both of us.”
I gave him a slight smile. I was glad one of us believed in our future. I didn’t. I wasn’t even sure I if loved him anymore. Or myself. I was so lost and couldn’t figure out if I’d become lost because of the attack and my missing memories, or if I was already lost before that.
“See you soon,” I said and unfolded myself from the car’s interior. I watched as he pulled back into the flow of traffic. Then I made my way inside the chic storefront Syd and I had labored for months over. A chime sounded as the door closed behind me.
“Be right there,” Syd called out from the back room.
“No need. I’ll come to you,” I shouted back.
Syd’s eyes were wide, and her jaw hung open when I stepped into the workroom. “Willa, what are you doing here?”
“Cade thought I should get out of the apartment for a little while before our meeting with the wedding planner this afternoon. He was right. I’ve been cowering and wallowing in my … feelings for too long. I needed to let all that go for a little while at least. So, what are you working on?” I asked, not giving her a chance to weigh in on my behavior as of late.
“Sorting all these bolts that arrived a few days ago and unpacking the clothes that were just delivered.” She waved her arm around to indicate the various boxes and wrapped fabrics.
I grabbed a blade so I could start opening boxes. “Let’s do this.” She grinned at me, and we got to work. We made a good team.
In companionable silence, we worked until all the various fabrics had been sorted and most of the garments had been hung on racks, ready to be tagged and put on display. The mindless work helped distract me. A couple of hours later, I was at a good stopping point so I could leave to meet up with Cade and the wedding planner.
Syd wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her side. “So glad you came in today. I’ve missed working alongside you.”
“I’ve missed being here. Maybe we can finish the clothes tomorrow and make some displays for the windows,” I offered hopefully.
“That sounds like a great idea. I think the customers are going to love these.” She held up a crimson sweater dress.
“They’re perfect for holiday parties. We should get Christmas decorations for the window up front,” I said, making a mental note to get one of the dresses for myself for the annual Matthews’ Melodies Christmas party.
“See you tomorrow,” Syd said.
“Probably tonight,” I corrected her.
“I figured you’d just go home with Cade after the wedding planner meeting,” she said with a sigh.
“I don’t know. Part of me knows I should push past this, but part of me isn’t there yet.” I shrugged helplessly. “I’ll let you know what I decide once I figure it out.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything else as I made my way to the street so I could hail a cab. As luck would have it, one was stopping just down the street to let out a fare. I rushed over and climbed into the backseat. After giving the driver the name of the café and address, I leaned back against the seat.
As the hum of the tires on the street and sounds of the city lulled me into a place of quiet contemplation, I let the thoughts rush to the front of my mind that I’d been pushing back all afternoon.
I was determined to be true to myself whether I got all my memories back or not. I wasn’t the type of person who’d devalue another person’s feelings. I wasn’t someone who would cheat. I refused to be that person. Cade had pledged to take on the world with me and guard my heart; the very least I could do was do the same for his. With all that resolved, a weight lifted off my shoulders.
My heart was conflicted, but it felt lighter. I texted Syd to let her know I was probably going to go home with Cade. We needed time together so I could work on moving beyond my transgressions and confusion.
The car stopped in front of the trendy café with the hot pink and black sign. I paid my cab fare and headed inside. I glanced around, but Cade wasn’t there yet. Deciding to surprise him, I approached the counter and ordered hot chocolate and croissants for both of us. With my hands full, I carefully crossed the checkered floor to claim a table in the corner.
Unable to resist the call of rich chocolate, I took a sip of my drink. My phone buzzed in my purse with a text alert. I figured it would be Syd messaging me back.
I dug around in my bag until I unearthed my phone. The message was from Cade.
Cade: Sorry babe. I won’t make it. Have to work late. The wedding planner’s name is Mandy.
Me: K. See you at home.
Before I could tap out anything else, the sound of heels clicking in my direction had me lifting my head.
“Willa?” a woman with golden hair and dressed in a hunter green pantsuit said.
“Yes. You must be Mandy.” I offered her my hand.
She sank down across from me. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Cade has told me so much about you.” She reached into her leather satchel and pulled out a binder. “He brought me up to speed on everything that had a
lready been taken care of and gave me a list of what he knew was left to be sorted out. I’ve taken care of several of those things for you with his approval, of course. My job is to make sure everything runs smoothly from here on out. I don’t want you to have to stress at all. Shall we get started or wait for your lovely fiancé?”
“Cade just messaged to let me know he got tied up at work, so it’s just us,” I explained.
“Let’s get started then. How about we start with the guest list and seating arrangements? Cade gave me everything. Here’s what I drafted up based on the diagram the venue sent me of your setup. Take a look and see if there are any issues with who I placed together. And I saw that Cade’s sister still hasn’t RSVPed. Should we plan for her to show up anyway?”
“I don’t think Lila will be attending. There was a falling out that hasn’t been resolved,” I said and took the diagram from her.
I settled in for what would likely be a long meeting of getting every detail ironed out. I leaned over the paper and took the pen she offered me. I began to mark out and draw arrows to fix the few problem areas I could see.
28
Trystan
The days had passed in a strange mixture of drudgingly slow moments and insanely rapid ones. They were punctuated by my realization that in a matter of days, Willa would be walking down the aisle to marry Cade while I was scheduled to do a radio interview for the release of our first single.
The guys and I had been in the studio every spare moment since our meeting with the label, perfecting the two songs we’d be releasing into the world in the coming weeks. It was a long but satisfying process.
I sat at my kitchen table, reading over the paperwork that had been couriered to me at the garage today. We’d met with the legal team and gone through their proposal. This represented the finalized version. All it needed was all of our signatures. Rafe and Nix had stopped by already and signed the agreement.
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