“It is such a pleasure to finally meet you!” Cassia exclaimed as she elbowed Larce out of the way. Her mate growled playfully as he moved aside, his mouth brushing a brief kiss at the top of her head as he made his way into the house.
Diana, however, had barely been able to form a polite greeting in return as she rudely stared at the woman. Though Cassia looked as young and beautiful as she likely was since the day that she and Larce bonded, her appearance was entirely human, from the sun-bronzed olive skin to the fall of dark curly hair and large, brown, expressive eyes. Her simple violet dress hung gracefully from her curves as she led them into the small sitting room.
“Please come in and make yourselves comfortable. It is so nice to have company. I was just speaking to Larce some days ago that we never have company anymore. There used to be silvani and fauns in and out of our domus daily.”
“My love, you are thinking of how things were hundreds of years ago,” he chuckled. “Besides, things have become far busier with the human world opened up.”
She snorted and rolled her eyes. “I know, I know. Every being thinking they are going to make some name and reputation for themselves in the human world like the days of long ago. You and I both remember what that was like. Idiot men trying to kidnap you from the monster, sacrificed virgins—the human world has always been a mess, and it isn’t going to get any better any time soon,” she rebuked with a snap of her fingers. Switching gears, Cassia gestured to a comfortable chair. “Please do sit.”
It was only after everyone was seated that Cassia, with the satisfied look of a woman completely in her element, went about attending to her hostess duties. Refreshments were brought and set out, along with nuts, olives, cheeses, and small sweets of honey drizzled dates in pastry. Diana’s eyes widened at the food set lavishly in front of her. Although she had some of the hard cheeses that the local farmers traded for, it had been years since she had tasted nuts or had an olive. She had never had the sweet before, but she sighed with pleasure as it hit her tongue.
“Good, isn’t it?” Cassia asked. “There are cultivated groves all throughout the Eternal Forest attended by the various beings who call this place their home. Many parts of the forest are dark and frightening, but when I see the crops like this… it reminds me of the potential it has for life,” she murmured as she popped an almond into her mouth.
Diana raised an eyebrow. What little she had seen of the forest beyond the palace grounds had been creepy as fuck. Cassia took note of her expression and laughed.
“I recognize that look. I have eyes and know exactly what you see when you look at the Eternal Forest. It is sad, because I remember what it used to be like before its decline.” She sighed and sat back on the thick cushion on the couch. “It was absolutely magical. It is no wonder that the monokerata no longer flourish here. But I wish you could have seen it the way I saw it then.”
Cassia began to describe the Eternal Forest in ages past and Diana listened with awe. She couldn’t even imagine this forest that the other woman spoke of. It sounded magical. Yet, even with such tales to entertain her imagination, practically the entire time, when she was not looking around awestruck at the beauty of the room, she was staring at their hostess. Cassia didn’t seem to even notice since, after a while, she had begun to spend just as much time attempting to wrangle answers from Diana and Silvas about how they met and their time together—most of which Diana fielded.
Diana hadn’t missed the flash of despair on Silvas’s face, however, when bonding stories were exchanged. Instinctively, she reached forward and took his hand in hers. He froze, but then on the next breath, his fingers wrapped tightly around hers and she felt something within her respond to him on a primal level. It was an answering to whatever call he had initiated. She couldn’t imagine hearing of a powerful, life-changing experience, knowing that he had participated in it, and yet to him it was like it never happened. He didn’t speak. He just listened. But as the minutes slipped by, his grief for what he couldn’t remember grew and became so palpable, even with their bond blocked, that Diana couldn’t ignore it. She quickly changed the subject.
It was just as well. Her curiosity was killing her.
Leaning forward, she pinned Cassia with a curious look. “I’m sorry, this is terribly rude, but it’s been eating at me and I just have to know. Why do you still look human?” For emphasis she allowed her tail to lightly slap the couch.
Cassia blinked at her in surprise. Diana almost thought that perhaps she had overstepped with the question when the woman threw her head back and laughed. Diana stared at her in bewilderment as she waved her hand and worked to control her laughter.
“I don’t mean to laugh. Of course, you wouldn’t know. I mean, I am surprised Silvas didn’t discuss this with you, but I’m sure there is a reason. Larce told me before he bonded me, but I can imagine that the situation would be different between you and Silvas, since he’s a god and not a silvanus spirit. Our experiences are thus different. As a bride of a silvanus, I am still human, but my life is bound to his. The bond extends my life naturally, but it doesn’t change me. Brides of gods, who share a very particular, special bond, become elevated. You are taking a form that compliments his because your power is attached to his and balances his by nature.”
A small frown appeared on Silvas’s face. “Balances,” he murmured to himself.
Diana would have given anything to know what he was thinking. It remained in the back of her mind throughout the rest of their visit. Their open affection was so sweet and yet it pierced her heart. She didn’t dare glance toward Silvas lest he see just how much she wished to have that closeness. They were close… She wanted the words and the shows of affection. She just didn’t know how to get there with him.
When they finally parted for the evening, Larce hugged her as if she were long-lost family and Cassia extracted a promise from them that they would visit again soon. Although their hunt had not been profitable in game, when they returned to her home, Diana felt a new lightness in her step.
Chapter 44
As weeks bled together and the winter passed, Selvans was true to his word. He left Nocis in a hidden place and set aside his fruitless hunt to openly explored the visceral pull he felt toward Diana. It was so intense that he had observed, with some amusement, that he was practically stalking her in his attempt to stay close to her. He hated every moment of separation when night finally came and he was sent out, because he viscerally knew that it hadn’t been that way before. He was certain that he had held her close to him throughout the night. Unlike his brief affairs since he cast Alseida aside, the thought of having a female to hold close didn’t feel him with dread or make his muscles tighten with wariness.
Perhaps because it was never clearer that she made no pretenses to entice or manipulate him. She didn’t pretend to be anything other than who she wholly was. In that he found Diana to be crudely playful and possessing a stubbornness that rivaled his own. His lips twisted as he recalled their standoffs. Even when he was at his worst, she did not quake or break before him. She didn’t hesitate to stand up to him even if it led to an uncomfortable impasse. That direct honesty sparked adoration within him, so it was natural that he instinctively sought to cleave to her.
Logically he knew that it was building on foundations started, locked away in the depths of his memory. If he ever wanted to enjoy that again or perhaps find his memories of her, he would need to relearn everything that his lack of wisdom had caused him to forget.
He desperately wanted to remember. It pained him that when he allowed himself to slumber, he was haunted by her, and fragments of what he suspected were memories faded before he woke. Whatever the visions were, he woke hard and aching, his heart breaking from the void within his soul where his bonded mate would have glowed within him. He finally understood what Dorinda had been speaking of when it came to light, and what the Gatekeeper’s mate had been to him—Diana’s presence was the only thing that brought light within him. She was
his light… Without her, he was filled with a dark emptiness, eternally alone. He needed her, and not to destroy Cacus. He needed her to be whole.
He just didn’t know how to bridge the distance between them that his mistakes had carved. Sometimes she looked at him and he got the vaguest impression of what it might have once been. To be able to freely touch, her affection raining down on him. Without that, his life felt colorless, though he strived to recapture his bond through every experience he enjoyed with his uxorem, every doubt that tormented his mind vanquished.
Selvans knew that many of his doubts were rooted in his poor experience with Alseida. It didn’t take him long through casually watching her and spending time with her to realize that she was far from sharing any similarity with the dryad. Alseida never enjoyed his company unless they were fucking, and she could enjoy the flavor of his passion. She had used him to get what she wanted.
He was not innocent in it, either. He had used her as well by taking her as his consort for some semblance of comfort when he knew that she was not his bonded. He had chosen to ignore her jealous nature when he took her to his bed. Because of that, he was partly responsible for her fate. She had returned to the palace rather than moving on and had died for her effort. She never would have accepted Diana as ati. Her behavior proved what he had known and ignored of her nature. She would have done anything to destroy her rival.
He glanced up at where Diana sat in her chair. “Alseida let Cacus into the palace, didn’t she?” he asked, disgust lacing his voice.
Diana jerked in surprise. Her lips pressed together, but she gave him an uncertain smile as she set down her book. The sadness and relief in her eyes made his heart lurch. He knew that she was remembering the terrible words he’d spoken when he had suspected her. How could he not have seen this then? How had he been so blind to the truth? He had been cruel and short-sighted. No wonder she had been hurt so badly and had been so angry with him.
“Yes, it was Alseida,” she said, a long sigh parting from her lips as she sank back into her chair, her eyes staring off, looking back into her memories. “She tried to kill us in the corridors of Arx as we fled to the inner sanctuary. I was weakening, suffering as I felt every bond I had developed with the forest in your absence suffering and dying. I could barely stand when Raskyuil had come for me. He removed me from our chambers and attempted to flee with me, but when it became apparent that Cacus was within the castle he chose to head to the hidden courtyard. We did not make it there before we lost the other guards, and not before we were found by Alseida.”
Her voice shook and choked cry roughened her speech. “She killed Borbekel with her own hands. She would have killed us too if Arx hadn’t saved us, but not even her alliance with Cacus saved her from his appetite when she failed him. While he was distracted with consuming her, Raskyuil hid me beneath the ground,” she choked out.
Easing himself onto his knees, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her close to his chest. To his relief, she didn’t fight his touch, but sank against him, tears pouring from her eyes with hard, ragged sobs. Only after she silenced did he drop slowly back to the floor again, his gaze trained, carefully observing her emotional state as his nostrils flared to provide more information. Once more he hated himself for blocking the bond. He would have felt her emotions and would have had some clues on how to soothe her if he hadn’t been so stupid.
“I still don’t understand how you escaped,” he murmured. “That very thing that had initially incited me toward action, still confused me even when I knew that there was no way it could have been you.”
She shook her head. “I don’t even know, really. My mind was muddled, and I was consumed with pain and fear. I remember hearing Raskyuil cry out, and there was a flash of white light. I passed out at that point, but it was for the best because it stopped all that terrible pain.”
Regret consumed him. She had suffered while he, with Nocis in his hand, had wanted nothing more at that time than to destroy her. He had thought so many horrible things and had thrown his suspicions at her.
Selvans groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. He really was a huge, arrogant idiot as his sister liked to claim. Gradually he let it drop and regarded her soberly. “I can never say enough how sorry I am. If I had known… No, it is no excuse. There is nothing that can forgive that.”
“Nothing may be able to excuse it, but I can forgive you,” she said softly. “I think I started to forgive you the day that you informed me that you knew that I didn’t do it. This, though… This means a lot.”
He grimaced. “I should have apologized sooner. I miscalculated how much you might have needed words of regret and apology. It very well may take me a few centuries to make it up to you… if you allow it.”
A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. “I’m sure we can find a way of offering amends that will be satisfactory for both of us,” she replied serenely before a wicked smile broke over her face. “I mean, groveling is fun and all, and you are free to do that for a little while, but I bet I can come up with something better.”
Just that easily, she brought a smile to his face. His cock tightened with interest. He would be happy to make amends in any way that brought her pleasure and happiness. Not only because of what he had done to her, but because he took a personal delight in her happiness. That she considered accepting pleasures from him in atonement was a step in the right direction, even if it was mostly jest.
Truthfully, her outlook on their changing relationship was a never-ending surprise to him. Just when he was worried that he pushed her too far and pressed his presence too much into her life, she did not react with hostility as he thought she might. Their initial reunion had not boded well for any sort of peace between them, much less any hope for their bond, but somehow things changed. Granted, sometimes she was frustrated and yelled at him, and he did his share of growling and snarling as well. She even threw a shoe a time or two, which was a surprisingly painful projectile. But she also frequently reacted with mirth and kindness, and sometimes just plain mischievousness. Her lips pulled in a small smirk as she went back to reading, betraying her teasing mood.
A purr rattled from his chest from where he stretched out on the floor, his own lips curling with pleasure as he enjoyed their companionable silence. Although he wanted her writhing beneath him, he treasured this too. If only his cock would stop aching. It was pressed uncomfortably against the floor, betraying his heightened need. It was getting more insistent, and his skin was beginning to crawl with their demands. He was surprised that either of them had held out as well as they had during this entire period, probably because they were already bonded and it was just the stress of their systems needing to reconnect.
He winced as a thought occurred to him. He owed his mother an apology. He had vehemently denied his bond with Diana to Turan, obviously not knowing what the hell he was talking about and confused by Nocis’s power. He would have to go before her to admit that she was right. Diana was the perfect half of him. Not only did she make him feel more whole, but she filled his days with warmth and laughter to such a degree that it was only in his moments alone that he found his mind turning to Cacus.
To his relief, he seldom thought about the creature during the day, his being filled with her presence. Whereas that might have concerned him before, he realized since his lengthy separation from the sword that his worry and aggression in searching for the creature was no longer immediately suffocating him with his failure to find his prey. He hadn’t realized just how close he had danced to the edge of madness.
Such reasons were why he had abandoned the sword before. He hated that he would need it to defeat the creature. Once all was said and done, it would be locked away in his armory where it would sleep. Instead, he could enjoy the small measure of quiet that he had at this moment while Cacus slept and steal time away from the world with his female.
He couldn’t get enough of her.
Even without yet joining his body with hers, he c
raved all her flavors. He desired her with an impatient, roaring need. He wanted more of her words, her touches and the clutch of her sex. He both wanted and needed her! No other being tasted as she did to him. Even the taste of her softer emotions was sweet on his tongue. It surprisingly satisfied him more than the tang of fear that he normally craved. In truth, her presence made him yearn to be closer to her more than any other ever had. Not only bodily, but within his mind and heart. They answered to the goodness within her that he had seen shine out when she met Larce and Cassia. She accepted his family and showed that she accepted him too, despite his darkness.
She was truly the light that Dorinda bade him to search for.
He felt a tear gather at the corner of his eye and blinked it away.
Sighing, he glanced toward the window where the day was rapidly fading away. Soon she would walk him to the door, and he would be forced to ignore the pain of separation washing through him to leave. He couldn’t complain—it was their agreement. It didn’t mean that he liked it, though. But still, he could give her this small thing. He would go and keep himself company in his tree. His lips quirked. It wasn’t like he had much of a choice. He discovered that no amount of sweet words could convince her to change her mind once it was made up. Every evening he was shoved out the door shortly following their shared meal.
He wrinkled his nose at the window. He was not looking forward to it. The air had warmed up enough to rain. Although he was not susceptible to temperature fluctuations like a mortal, it was going to be a soggy, miserable night regardless. He was not looking forward to it. At least she seemed not to be in a great hurry to escort him out this evening. She sat with coffee in hand and her blanket tucked around her. Her dark tail flicked lazily as she rocked in her chair. He smiled at the sight and leaned forward, his fingers wrapping lightly around the fuzz so that it tickled his palm as it slipped free.
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