Never.
I thought about Bailey when I put on my hoodie after practice and remembered what she looked like the last time I snuck into her room and she was wearing one of my shirts. I thought about Bailey at night when I should have been sleeping, but couldn’t get the feel of the petal soft skin of her cheek or the clean, shampoo scent of her hair out of my system.
I was thinking about her now, after a game, when I should be thinking about going to a party and having fun with my friends. But I didn’t want to. Instead, I wanted to give those butterfly kisses a try. I looked them up on my phone.
Freaking eyelashes.
Last time it was noses, next eyelashes. The sad part was I was looking forward to it. So much so that I’ve avoided talking to Bailey about it for almost a solid week. I wasn’t some sentimental sap. I didn’t get excited about eyelashes.
I was excited about Bailey’s.
Good hell. I was losing it. And Bailey was texting Dallin for a ride home.
“I can give her a ride.” I tried to sound as normal as possible. As far as I could tell, Dallin hadn’t realized I’d lost my mind.
Dallin shrugged. It wasn’t like we didn’t all live on the same street. “I don’t care. How about we all skip the party and do movie night on your big screen?” he asked through a yawn so big I could see his tonsils.
Now, we were talking. “Let’s see what Bailey wants to do.”
Bailey stood propped up against the outer wall of the locker room. I carefully watched her reaction to seeing me walk out with Dallin. I was sure she would assume I was going to the party. It’s what I did.
She didn’t give anything away. “You ready, Dal?”
“Yeah, but I think we’re gonna do a movie on the big screen. You in?” Dallin yawned again, his hand coming up to scrape over his face. Dude would be out before the opening credits. At least, that’s what I was counting on.
“Oh.” Bailey’s gaze shifted to me. “You aren’t going to the party?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m tired. Been a long week. You coming with me?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
The three of us headed toward the parking lot. Dallin and I usually drove our own cars and Bailey didn’t have one. Since I was next door and Dallin was across the street, Bailey almost always rode with me. Dallin never cared or thought anything of it, but I did. If Bailey had chosen to ride with Dallin, I would have been frustrated.
I was acting crazy. I knew I was. My emotions were so conflicted. On one hand, I wanted to avoid Bailey at all costs. The feelings our stupid Eskimo kisses had invoked were foreign and scary and so incredibly exciting. It was that excitement that had me all screwed up, scared and nervous and anxious all at once.
I’d been fighting it all week, but the time had come to face the music. Tonight.
“You could have asked me for a ride,” I said as soon as we were on our way. I was making a big deal out of this and I didn’t know why. Okay, I did know, but still.
“I know, but I thought you were going to the party.”
“Dallin usually goes out, too,” I pointed out. Rather petulantly.
Bailey rolled her eyes in my direction. “I know, he does, but you are the star of the show now, Mr. Quarterback. Isn’t it kind of expected that you’re gonna show up?”
Probably. In fact, my phone had vibrated in my pocket a dozen times since we’d pulled out of the parking lot. “They can live without me.”
“I don’t know. I think there might be some cheerleaders that will be disappointed.”
Now, she was just being confusing. What the hell did that mean? I thought the whole idea behind our make out sessions was to keep me from engaging in the other ones.
“Let them be.”
We made the rest of the drive in silence. Her thinking whatever crazy shit went through her head and me stewing about what the heck was going on. Maybe this was why I’d never thought about Bailey as girlfriend material or whatever. It was just too complicated. Since when was Bailey complicated?
“Are you coming over?” I asked once we were standing in my driveway.
She edged toward her house. “I want to change out of these jeans.”
Bailey hated jeans. Give the girl a pair of sweatpants or leggings and she was golden. But if she went inside her house, she’d get sucked in and have a hard time getting out.
“I have a pair of sweats you can borrow. Come on.” She hesitated for a few seconds before following me. I went right to my bedroom and dropped my gear. There was a basket of clean laundry on my bed. I shuffled through the contents until I came up with a pair of black sweats. I had a narrow waist and this pair had a drawstring. She’d have to roll the legs up about ten times, but they’d work. I held them out.
“You can change in here. I’ll go set up the movie. Do you want The Rock and a giant monkey or The Rock and a skyscraper?” I asked.
“Skyscraper.” She answered, taking the sweatpants and avoiding my eyes.
“Okay.” I wanted to press her to talk, but I wouldn’t. Yet. I could already hear Dallin getting a drink out of my refrigerator. I left her to change and tried not to think about Bailey half dressed in my room. It was bad enough she was going to be wearing my clothes again. That didn’t make me regret offering them to her, though. Not one bit.
“The Rock okay?” I asked Dallin, turning on the television.
“The new one? With the gorilla or where he’s dangling from a building?” Dallin asked. He walked over to the couch with three bottles of water, a package of Red Vines from my stash, and potato chips.
“Building. Do you want popcorn? I think Mom has some upstairs.” I sent her a text earlier to let her know I had company and she offered up her precious gourmet popcorn.
“Ooh, that good stuff she gets?” Dallin’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.
“I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll be right back.” I sprinted up the stairs to Mom’s office.
“Hey, honey. You here for popcorn?” Mom’s eyes sparkled behind her glasses.
I rolled my eyes a little and shook my head. “Dallin loves that stuff.”
“I should order him some for Christmas this year.” She reached behind her desk and grabbed a large plastic sleeve filled with multi-colored popcorn. It was half empty.
I accepted the bag and raised one brow. “You sure about this? He’s bound to eat the whole thing.”
She waved a hand dismissively. “In case you couldn’t tell, I’ve had plenty.”
“Okay, well, thanks.” I turned to leave, but she stopped me.
“I forgot to ask about the game. Did you have a good time?”
I knew she wasn’t asking about me playing because she still didn’t know, but that didn’t stop my heart rate from kicking up a notch. “Oh, yeah. It was fun. Our team won, so that’s good.”
Mom nodded. “Great. I wondered how they would do without their superstar. What was his name again? The quarterback?”
“Connor. He’s playing for State this year.” My pits began to sweat. I was going to have to change my shirt again. And change brands of deodorant.
“That’s right, Connor. Well, that’s two wins. The new guy must be doing alright, huh?”
That was a little close to home. I took just a second to study my mother’s clear blue eyes, looking for any sign she was trying to trip me up, that she knew what was really going on. But nothing. Maybe she was just honestly interested. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to be involved in my life.
“Yeah, he’s playing pretty well.” I almost choked on the words.
“That’s nice. Well, when’s the next cross-country meet?” she asked, further nailing on my guilty coffin.
“Wednesday.” I knew the schedule even though I wasn’t running anymore.
Mom nodded. “Okay, well, you guys enjoy your movie, sweetie.”
Whew! “Will do. Thanks again for the popcorn.” I called over my shoulder as I made a quick escape. Jeez. I sucked. How could I lie to my m
other like that? But how could I not?
I was going to tell her. I would tell her.
Soon.
Maybe.
Downstairs, Dallin was sprawled on one leg of the couch while Bailey lay curled in ball on the other, leaving me the center seat. I moved the ottoman closer and tossed the bag of popcorn to Dallin.
“Yes! This stuff is amazing.” He wasted no time breaking into the bag, not even offering to share.
“Hey! I want some.” Bailey uncurled herself and reached across me for the popcorn, her clean scent assaulting my senses.
Yeah, that wasn’t going to work. I yanked the bag out of Dallin’s grip and settled it on my lap.
“Share,” I admonished them both.
“No fair. She’s your favorite. You’ll let her have more,” Dallin pouted completely destroying his tough guy persona.
It was an innocent comment. One he’d made a million times over the course of our friendship, but after the last couple of weeks...let’s just say, his words took on a whole new meaning he didn’t even know about. And if the slight pink tinge to Bailey’s cheeks and her eyes avoidance of mine, I’d say she was feeling it, too.
Good.
“So, go get a bowl and we’ll split it up.” That would be better than the two of them digging out of the bag while I held it, anyway.
A few minutes later, Dallin produced a plastic bowl we often used for popcorn during our movie nights and ripped the popcorn out of my hands. He poured a generous amount into the bowl before tossing the bag back toward me.
“Come on. Start the movie,” he demanded around a mouthful of popcorn.
I shook my head and glanced at Bailey, who grinned at Dallin. He really was a big kid.
Bailey
Dallin made it almost to the end of the movie before falling asleep. He was curled up on his side under a blanket with his arm pillowing his head. His mouth was open and every few seconds a soft snore emerged from his throat.
“He looks like a little kid,” I whispered to Jamie who snorted and shook his head.
“He’s worse than a little kid. He didn’t even drink tonight.”
“He got buzzed on gourmet popcorn.” We both laughed softly at that. Dallin had eaten all of his popcorn before stealing the bag back and finishing off the rest of it, too.
Once our amusement quieted down, I became acutely aware of how close we were sitting. I mean, I’d been aware during the whole movie, but Dallin had been right there, awake and alert and ready to tease us if he noticed even the slightest indication of any anything. So, I’d spent the last hour and a half hiding the effects every brush of our arms, touch of our hands as we reached for popcorn, and glance in the other’s direction, had been having on me.
Dallin wasn’t the only one I wanted to hide from.
I had no clue what to think about what had gone on between us the other night. For one thing, I hadn’t at all expected nose kisses to be so, so bone melting. But they had been. Completely and utterly. And for once, I felt like Jamie and I were on the same page, that he was just as affected as I was.
Until, he shoved me out the door.
I’d never tell him this, but I’d gone home and cried my eyes out for two hours. I’d never felt such crushing rejection. And because of that, I hadn’t said anything about our next make out session.
Eyelashes.
How stupid was I, anyway? Jamie was the NCMO King. I wasn’t going to turn his head with noses and eyelashes. Why did I ever think my plan would work in the first place? Jamie’s had years to notice me. Why did I think I could change the way he saw me in one evening of rubbing noses together?
I wanted to be confident, but it was a lot more difficult than I imagined.
“Hey.” Jamie nudged my elbow with his, breaking me out of my own thoughts. He tilted his head toward the corner where the bean bag sat.
Oh, man. I couldn’t come up with any realistic number for the times we’d sat together in that bean bag, but the thought of doing it right now terrified me.
Jamie stood and held out his hand to me. Choking on my own anxiety, I placed my hand in his, allowing him to pull me to my feet. He kept hold of it as he led me across the room. I expected him to plop down immediately, but he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed the fabric and began hauling it and me further away from the couch. On his way, he turned off the only lamp that was still on so the only light in the room came from the television which was muted and playing infomercials.
When the bean bag was where he wanted it, Jamie stopped and faced me. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if Jamie wanted to continue our silly make out schedule.
I did know I didn’t want to be the first one to make a move. So, I didn’t.
Jamie dropped my hand and slowly reached out to place his on my hips. I was a lot shorter than him and had to tilt my head way back to look into his eyes. When I did, they were calm and steady.
It was awkward not to touch him. I gave into my own desire to feel the muscles of his chest and reached up. He felt firm. And warm. And so very Jamie.
“What about kiss number two, Bales?” His voice was soft, but in the quiet of the room, it still sounded loud. I shot a quick glance toward the couch. Dallin’s soft snores told me we hadn’t disturbed him.
“I wasn’t sure you still wanted to,” I answered truthfully, keeping my voice low.
Instead of answering, Jamie leaned down, down, down, his gentle gaze holding mine until his face went out of focus. When we were as close as we could get without our noses bumping, Jamie tilted his head and turned to just the right angle that when his eyelid closed, his lashes tangled with mine.
The sensation was so sweet and so surprising, I breathed out a little laugh. I could feel more than see his smile as he opened and closed his eyes again and again, his lashes brushing mine, tickling the top of my cheekbone.
My laughter grew. I pulled back enough to bury my face in his chest to muffle the sound. Jamie’s hands left my hips and came around my back, pulling me close. It was heaven.
Until he threw us down onto the bean bag.
I stifled a squeal of surprise.
“Shhh. You’re going to wake him up,” Jamie admonished quietly, his lips beside my ear.
“You should have thought of that before you tackled me,” I said just as softly.
Jamie simply grinned, his eyes sparkling in the dim light from the tv. We both listened, comforted by the continued sound of Dallin’s steady breathing.
“So…” Jamie started, one brow raised.
“Yeah?” I asked a little breathlessly.
“I was thinking about the rules.”
I hadn’t been expecting that. “Okay. What about them?”
Jamie didn’t answer right away. His hand reached out, absently picking up a lock of my hair and rubbing it through his fingers. His eyes followed the motion of his hands, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.
“Your hair is beautiful,” he whispered.
I knew Jamie liked my hair, he’d been playing with it just like he was doing for years. But he’d never voiced his thoughts before and the compliment warmed me.
“Thank you.”
I waited. He brought up the rules, I’d let him follow through. He studied my hair in his fingers for a moment more before speaking.
“I was thinking-” he cleared his throat. “I was thinking, if we both agree to going through with your five make out sessions,” he cringed a little, but continued. “That if we’re going to go through with it, we shouldn’t talk about it.”
I pulled back from him a little. Not talk about it? What did that mean?
“I mean, of course, we’ll talk about it. But I think we should wait until the end.” He sighed and raked his fingers through his own hair, leaving mine to fall to my shoulder. I still didn’t say anything. I could see the struggle he was having in the pinched expression on his face.
“This week- last weekend,” he cringed again.
&n
bsp; It was awkward, but we were going to have to get over that if we were going to follow through. That was kind of the whole point, right? Making out led to feelings. I’ve never felt as vulnerable around Jamie, ever, as I’d been feeling for the last six days.
“I know. It’s been-” Now, I was tongue-tied. It wasn’t easy to just lay it all out there.
Jamie sighed. “Yeah. It’s been.”
We shared a look before cracking up.
“I just,” Jamie started once we got ourselves back under control. “I think if we do this thing, we’ll pretend it’s like any other experiment and discuss the results at the end.”
His gaze was so sincere.
“I don’t want to pick apart everything either one of us is thinking every time we see each other. At the end, then we can talk about all of it. I just don’t think I can go through with this if I have to wonder each time what it’s going to be like the next time I see you.”
I understood what he meant. And maybe not talking about it until the end was a good idea. It would be hard not to speculate about what he was thinking and feeling, but in some ways, being in the dark would be better.
“Okay, deal.”
Relief shined in his eyes. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He sagged against me. His arms, which had been loosely wrapped around my waist, tightened. The air around us changed, charged with sudden awareness.
“I kind of liked those butterfly kisses,” he whispered. “I liked the Eskimo ones, too.” He moved in closer, his nose brushing against my jaw near my ear.
“Me, too,” I breathed lifting my own chin to give him better access to my face. His lashes fluttered against my cheek making me smile.
“What do you smell like, Bailey,” he asked against my ear before inhaling deeply.
“Shampoo. Cheap shampoo.”
Jamie’s shoulders shook as he chuckled softly. “Well, it smells good.”
“That’s a relief.” I’ve never thought about what I smelled like before, except to make sure I don’t smell bad. Maybe I should invest in some scented lotion or body spray.
The Perks of Kissing You (Perks Book 3) Page 10