But I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that. I would kiss her, remain unaffected, and send her on her way.
Right?
Except I was holding her hand. Bailey was melted against my side with her eyes closed and her breath unsteady. I needed to end this. Quickly. Clinically. I’d kissed dozens of girls, at least, I could kiss one more.
Except, I couldn't reach her. Before I could talk myself out of it, I lifted Bailey in my arms and settled her across my lap. She felt...dainty. Her tiny, heart-shaped face was swallowed up by her eyes which had opened impossibly wide.
Best friend. Best friend. Best friend.
I had to clear the desire from my throat before I could speak. “I couldn’t reach you,” I explained our new seating arrangement.
“Jamie-”
“Shh. We’ll talk later.” Lowering my face to hers, I had to remind myself we weren’t going to kiss tonight, that wanting to kiss her tonight was bad. But there was something so tantalizing about having to wait and I wondered if that had been her plan all along, to make me wait until I was ready to combust before letting me kiss her for real. If so, it was working.
I’d never paid much attention to kissing anything but lips. I’d kissed girls on the neck before and the ear once or twice, mostly to calm things down when they were getting too involved.
With Bailey, my mouth watered at the thought of tasting her skin. Kissing her cheek, her neck, her ear, it all seemed as exciting as kissing her lips would be.
I swallowed hard because kissing Bailey’s skin, any of it, felt like it would flay me right open, expose my soft underbelly, all the parts of me I worked so hard to shield.
My lips hovered over her. Could I really do this? Could I kiss Bailey and walk away. I was already hanging by a thread. Every part of me reached for her, even as the logical part of my brain rebelled. This was not what we had planned, Jamie, it was trying to tell me.
Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, my inner teenage boy had no interest in listening about consequences and immediately closed the gap between my lips and her skin.
And I discovered something. Something I could have gone my whole life not knowing and been perfectly, obliviously happy. Alone. Relationship less. Uncommitted.
Damn.
Kissing was fun, but I already knew that. Raging teenage hormones were excellent for relaying that kind of information. But what my hormones hadn’t taught me and my emotions were working overtime to drill into my stupid skull, was that when you combined basic with evolved, hormones with feelings, something magical happened.
Almost against my will, my lips devoured every inch of Bailey’s exposed skin. I couldn’t get enough. I couldn’t hold her close enough. Her cheek. Her eyes. Her jaw. Her neck.
And then, her lips sought my skin. Logical thought, what little of it was left, stopped and I stilled. My eyes slid closed. I didn’t want to miss a second of the sensation of her lips touching me. Her touch was tentative at first, then quickly reached the feverish pace I’d set, kissing my cheek, my jaw, her lips rasping over the day-old growth of whiskers on my chin.
It became too intense, I had to kiss her back. Soon, we were kissing each other’s faces, our lips straining to reach every inch of skin, barely missing the other’s lips. It was too much. Screw the list, the teenage boy cried. I was going to kiss this girl. Slowly, my lips brushed the corner of her mouth and I heard her quick intake of breath. Encouraged, I moved to kiss her chin and then her mouth again, only on the other side.
She trembled.
I shook.
Then, we were kissing. Lips to lips, we kissed over and over. My arms cradled her close as my hands wandered her back and sides and the nape of her neck, desperate to bring her as close as I could to myself. Bailey clutched the fabric of my t-shirt at my shoulders, her movements just as anxious.
“Jamie,” she whispered against my lips.
No.
“More.” I wasn’t ready to give her up, but I slowed. I gave her the first kiss I should have, soft, tender, lingering.
I had no idea how long we kissed, but by the time I lifted my head to look into her eyes, we both had swollen, red lips and I’d somehow moved us until we were lying beside each other on the couch. Bailey’s hair was tangled in all directions and I’d given her face whisker burn.
Whoa.
Scrambling off the couch, I stood beside it breathing hard like a crazy man.
I needed to walk this one off. Tearing my gaze from the beautiful girl I’d just kissed senseless, I skirted around the couch and headed straight for the door.
Chapter 17
Bailey
What just happened?
Jamie left me lying on the couch as he stormed outside. I had no idea what he was thinking, but if he was anything like me, he wasn’t thinking much. I was too stunned. I’d been feeling silly about my kissing schedule, worrying that Jamie hadn’t been affected at all. But then the last, I glanced at the time on my phone, two hours had blown that out of the water. Two hours! I’d been making out with Jamie for two hours.
Time had seemed to grind to a halt. All I’d been aware of was Jamie. His kisses. His touch. His firm body beside mine. Every other thought had fallen to the wayside in a hazy fog, while everything Jamie sharpened into clear focus until he was all I could see.
And then he was gone.
I sat up and worked to collect myself, running my fingers through my hair and straightening my clothes. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. I buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t believe what just happened.
Why did Jamie run away?
I might be inexperienced, but there was no way I was the only one affected by that. Jamie was still outside. Picking up my shoes, I waited, battling indecision. Were we going to talk about things now? Did what just happened mean something? Or was this just another night for the NCMO King?
I waited a full five minutes for Jamie to come back inside. When he still hadn’t returned, I slipped my shoes onto my feet and headed for the door.
Would he be right where I could see him? Was he going to avoid me now? After that? Anxiety made me feel slightly nauseous, but I couldn’t just hide out in his basement all night. Mustering all the courage I didn’t feel, I opened the door and stepped out.
Jamie paced in the darkness on the small patch of the concrete driveway in front of his car. He paused, looking up when he heard me approach. For several heartbeats, neither of us moved or said anything.
I wanted to scream at him. I saw it in his face, his indecision. Or was it regret? And it made me angry. Not because he didn’t have the right to not want me, but because I think he did. And he was scared.
Taking a deep breath, I held his gaze for just a moment more, giving him the chance to say something. Anything. He just stood there.
Right.
“No! Bales, wait!”
I’d made it several steps into the cool, damp grass before his arms wrapped around my waist stopping me.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He whispered the words over and over, his lips close to my ear.
“It’s okay.” Because I was a coward, I didn’t make any effort to turn around in his arms to face him. “We aren’t supposed to regret this, Jamie.”
“I don’t,” his reply came fast. Almost too fast. “I don’t. Geez, Bales.” His voice was a little shaky. He pulled me around to face him. His hands on my face were cool, but his body was warm.
“You should go in. It’s cold.” And I can’t deal with your rejection right now!
“I’m fine. We should talk about this don’t you think?”
No! I wanted to yell. I didn’t want to talk about this. Especially, if he was about to tell me it didn’t mean anything to him.
He must have sensed my hesitance. “That was a little intense in there, right?”
Intense? Yes. Mind-blowing? Definitely. Expected? Not at all. And now I had no idea how to react. We weren’t supposed to kiss like that for a while.
We’d blown my plan completely out of the water. I’d been counting on that time to get him to warm up to me, get used to the idea of us- long term.
“Bales?” He tilted my head with his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze. His blue-green eyes reflected a myriad of emotions.
“Jamie, that was-” I broke off, shaking my head. I didn’t even know what to say. I felt so vulnerable, so wide open.
“I know, I’m sorry. We agreed that we wouldn’t do that. I just, I mean-” He turned his face a little and blew out a long breath before his lips curved into a small grin and his eyes met mine again. “Wow, right?”
I let out a surprised little giggle. “Um, yeah.” Because, holy freaking heck, wow.
His smile grew. “Yeah.”
“So, what now?” I almost didn’t want to know. I wanted to just crawl in my bed and relive every second of what had happened tonight a hundred times. And then a hundred times more.
With one arm wrapped around my waist, Jamie reached up to trace my cheek with his fingertips. “Now, we sleep on it.”
I nodded. Part of me wanted to press him to tell me how he was feeling, to define what had happened and determine what was going to happen now that we crossed that line, while another part of me wanted to run away from him and just bask in the knowledge that we’d kissed. I felt as though I was on the brink of something, but I was terrified, too. How would I go on if Jamie just wanted to leave things the way they have always been between us?
It would break my heart. Crush it into millions of tiny pieces, leaving me incapable of ever loving again.
I should never have started this.
“Hey.” Jamie shook me, pulling me out of that downward spiral. “Listen, it’s okay. I just,” he cleared his throat. “I need to cool down. We both do.”
I nodded in agreement. Cooling down was probably a good idea.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Okay.”
He held my gaze for just a moment more before touching his lips to mine in a soft kiss that he held just long enough for me to want him to never let me go.
“I better walk you home.” He grabbed my hand and started across the lawn with an urgency that had me giggling again. By the time we reached my back door, we were both laughing.
“I’ll see you in the morning?” He hadn’t loosened his grip on my hand and I was slow to let him go.
“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Neither of us moved.
“Shit. Just one more.” And I was in his arms again, his lips moving over mine as though he’d done it a thousand times. My knees felt weak and I clung to his shoulders for support.
“Okay.”
Kiss.
“You should go in.”
Kiss.
“I’m leaving.”
Kiss.
“For real this time.”
Kiss.
I smiled against his lips. I’d imagined being with Jamie like this, but I hadn’t even been close. I wanted to crawl up his legs and live forever right where we were- together.
With one last kiss, Jamie took a long stride away from me, his fingers jabbing through his hair.
“You better go inside.” He stood there in his gym shorts, t-shirt, and no shoes or socks. He had to be freezing.
As much as I wanted to jump back into his arms, I took pity on the poor boy and opened the door.
“Goodnight, Jamie.”
He didn’t respond, just gestured for me to go, his expression equal parts amusement and determination.
Once inside, I didn’t waste any time making my way up to my room. If Jamie’s appearance was any indication, there would be no hiding the fact that I’d just been well and thoroughly kissed from anyone I might bump into.
Up in my room, I pulled aside the curtains to peer down into the backyard. Jamie was pacing in the grass, his hand occasionally reaching up to muss his hair. He finally made his way over to his own yard and through the door leading to the basement.
As soon as he closed the door, I fell back onto my bed and screamed into my pillow.
Jamie
I was so confused. What was I supposed to do now? Bailey would be out any second. I waited for her in the front seat of my car, watching her front door with what I was sure was a terrified expression on my face.
I kissed my best friend.
I didn’t just kiss her, I kissed her for hours. We made out. A lot. And it was freaking amazing. I felt things I’d never felt before. I cared about Bailey. For the first time, except for Allie, I wanted to kiss a girl a second time. And I didn’t want to just kiss her. I wanted to hold her hand. For the love of all that’s holy, I wanted to snuggle on the couch and watch movies together.
And I was scared shitless.
Because all of those things came with commitment, the one thing I promised myself to avoid at all costs. And for the last year I’d been doing a bang-up job of it. Then, over the course of a few weeks, Bailey smashed all of that to smithereens.
But was that what I really wanted?
Commitment to Bailey? A relationship with her? It was a concept so foreign I didn’t even know how to wrap my head around it. Could I do commitment if it was with my best friend? And if I couldn’t, did that mean I was going to lose her altogether?
And that was it right there.
We’d gone down this road and there was no going back.
Hell, I didn’t even know if I wanted to go back.
Bailey opened the front door to her house. Her pretty green eyes found mine almost immediately. Her smile was tentative and beautiful and heartbreaking. I hated that she was unsure of us even though I couldn’t blame her because I was, too. But I also wanted to kiss her, reassure her, tell her everything was okay. So, I smiled and hoped she understood.
Ha. Because I sure didn’t.
“I brought you a bagel,” she said as soon as she opened her door, her hand extended with a paper towel wrapped bagel in it.
“Wow, thanks.”
“Well, I woke up late and didn’t have time to eat before I left, so it was either bring you one or eat in front of you.”
I laughed appreciating her honesty. “I’ll take it however I can get it,” I told her as I took a huge bite of the French toast bagel smothered with cream cheese, glad for something to do with my hands that would keep me from reaching for her.
“Always thinking with your stomach, Barnes,” she teased around her own bite of breakfast.
“Well, not always,” I couldn’t help but tease her back. The blush staining her cheeks was worth it.
“Oh, my gosh.” She swatted at my arm. “I can’t believe you just said that!”
“Sure, you can,” I replied with a smirk.
“Okay, but stop. Just stop.” Her cheeks were still pink and she turned down the heater a notch.
We joked like we always did the rest of the way to school. I parked in my usual spot. We arrived later than most mornings and the crew of football players and jersey chasers had already made their way inside. I was glad, because Bailey and I had a few things we needed to discuss as much as I would rather avoid this conversation like a communicable disease.
“So, um, I was thinking-”
“Don’t worry, Jamie. I’m not expecting you to hold my hand and walk me to class or anything,” she interrupted, her expression a little pained.
As relieved as I was to hear that, it still made me feel bad. She should expect those things from me. Especially from me. I wanted to tell her that, but I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t push passed my throat.
“I just, uh, we haven’t talked and-”
“Dallin,” she interrupted my stumbling words again.
Shit. Dallin. Our other best friend hadn’t even crossed my mind. We definitely couldn’t spring anything us related on Dallin without talking to him first.
“Yeah,” I blew out a breath. “Dallin.” And everyone else at school. I wasn’t ready to label what was going on with Bailey and I just yet. And I hoped to heave
n that didn’t make me a dick.
“We’re on the same page, Barnes. No worries.” The words sounded good, but her face told a different story. Maybe I wasn’t a dick, but I sure felt like one.
“Bales.” I reached for her hand and held it tight, my eyes searching hers. Her guarded expression gutted me and I was desperate to reassure her. With my other hand, I tucked loose strands of her hair behind her ear. Man, my best friend was beautiful and I couldn’t have stopped myself if I’d wanted.
Her lips were soft and tasted of cream cheese and strawberry lip balm. My heart immediately reacted, beating faster even as it clenched with emotion that had nothing to do with the physical attraction I was feeling. Emotion that tripled when Bailey’s tiny fist gripped the front of my t-shirt and pulled me closer.
“Let’s just skip school,” I suggested when I finally pulled away.
Bailey giggled, her eyes twinkling. “Come on, Mr. Football, you can’t afford to get caught skipping.”
I sighed dramatically. “I guess you’re right,” I said making a big show of reluctance and making her laugh. It wasn’t all feigned. I really would have happily skipped school to stay right there kissing my best friend.
I was so screwed.
Chapter 18
Bailey
“We should stop,” I whispered breathlessly. It was late and we’d been making out forever.
“Okay.” Jamie’s lips, which I’d freed, roved over my jaw and neck.
Moaning a little, I wrapped my arms around his back and drew him closer. If I’d had any doubts as to why so many girls were willing to make out with Jamie, no strings attached, they’d been well and truly satisfied.
The boy was talented. And insatiable.
It blew my mind how much our relationship had changed in the few days since we’d first kissed, really kissed. I kept waiting for the inevitable define the relationship talk, but it just never happened. The drive to school in the morning was too quick and by the time we got home and I took care of my family obligations while Jamie and Dallin talked football or played video games, well, honestly, we were just too easily distracted. It seemed the moment the basement door closed behind Dallin, I was in Jamie’s arms, his lips eagerly parting mine and it was a long time before we came up for air, too tired to talk about anything important.
The Perks of Kissing You (Perks Book 3) Page 12