by Rose Marie
“It's complicated, or I mean it was complicated. Fuck. Whatever… just set the date up and anything is on the table now that we aren't together.”
“Josh, do you really think you should do this? You seem really broken up about this. Maybe you should just try to fix things with your girl and…” I shook my head and got up, setting the broken pieces of the phone on the table.
“Nah man that's done. Ain't nothing coming from that relationship.” I forced myself to say, though my chest felt like someone was sitting on it.
“Well… if you are sure I'll keep the plans.” He said sounding unsure, but I only shrug trying not to care anymore.
“Sure man, do whatever.” I wasn't even in the mood to really be around anyone but I had no choice. My mom was having company over so I had to put on a fake smile through my self-inflicted pain. Aaron and I were just about to go back to my room when dad came stomping upstairs, looking as if where about to pull his hair from his scalp and burn the house down.
I felt bad for him because I knew he and my mom have been arguing a lot more than usual lately, but today was especially bad. Ignoring us, my dad mutters to himself, no doubt about hating this front of happiness he had to put up anytime my mom had company over.
“I'm going to head out man, but I'll see you tomorrow ok?” He said eyeing my dad with a face that screamed ‘yikes’.
“Yeah man, see you tomorrow.” Once Aaron left, I pretty much get stuck in my own bubble. I wondered what my Prin… I meant Layla,… I was wondering what Layla was doing? Was she out with that guy? Oh god! Was she doing things with that guy? I jumped up, feeling sick to my stomach at the thought. I fucked up! I really fucked up! I need to get to her. Falling back into the bed, I curl into a ball holding my stomach. Is this what heartache feels like?
“Josh? Are you okay son? The guests are here. Your mom wants us to go down to greet them.”
“I'm not feeling well dad.” Another image popped up, making me groan. “Tell her I’m going to pass.” I tell him feeling extremely sorry for myself.
“Okay, but I'm sending one of the waiters up with soup, crackers, and juice. Drink that for me and if you need anything else, text me okay?”
“Thanks.” As promised the soup and crackers came, but the meal sat on my nightstand ignored. Instead of eating the food I call my uncle and have him order me another phone. My leg started trembling excessively as I started thinking about what she was doing. It was so bad I couldn’t think straight. “Fuck this.” I stand and grab my car keys, opening my window and cursing. There's no way I could make that drop, and I still haven’t asked my dad to switch rooms. Fuck!
I chuck my keys on the dresser and throw myself face down on my bed, wanting to cry. I’m so stupid. There is no way Layla, my Princess, would ever have done the things I accused her of, I was her everything. She told me so. I was just projecting my guilt onto her. I groan, rolling over in bed thinking. But who was that guy? Why was she with him? She said she was staying after school to watch Trey, Sean and Dro practice, but why? She'd never done it before? Was she staying to watch that guy?
“Fuck.” I curse for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. At this rate I wouldn't even be able to sleep. I’m tired. Frustrated, I get up and go downstairs, making sure to bypass my mom’s little soiree, and go to the housekeeper’s room. When I knock on her door, she comes out smiling.
“Josh how are you feeling? Did the food I sent you help your stomachache?”
“I’m actually still not feeling well enough to eat it yet, but I was wondering would you have something to help me sleep?” She looked concerned.
“Sure. Give me a second. Should I inform your father? He is most concerned.” After telling her not to bother telling my dad about how I’m feeling. She leaves then came back with two pills. “Make sure you eat your soup before taking these okay?”
“Thanks Yaya, You're a life saver.” Upstairs I do as she said, eating the lukewarm meal then I pop the tablets in my mouth, drinking them down with juice. It was only thirty minutes later that I was thanking God because the sleep aides were finally kicking in, and sleep started to overtake me.
~*~
That night I slept horribly, even with the pills. When I woke up I was groggy and bleary-eyed. I didn’t move because my body hated me. I just lay there in my self-pity, feeling like complete shit. When I hear a knock on my door, I only groan in response and want to cover my head when my mom comes in.
“Joshua it's time to…what in the world? JOHNNNNNNN!” My mom screamed, making me cover my ears. My dad ran into my room looking panicked, but calms down when he sees nothing’s wrong.
“What's the matter Sandy?” He frowned looking around.
“Your son! I think he's doing drugs.” She shrieked covering her mouth, and I just wanted to throw myself out the window. What the hell? I know I don’t look that damn bad. I roll from bed and stumble to my dresser, looking into the mirror and immediately grimacing. I do look that bad!
“Sandy calm down, Josh is not on drugs. Remember, I told you he was sick yesterday.” My dad rolled his eyes. My mom came over to me and cupped my face, feeling my head. “He does feel a little warm.” She pursed her lips. “Would you like me to have Yaya make you something?” I remove my face from her hands and shake my head.
“No I’m fine.” I tell her sounding unconvincing by how dry my voice sounded.
“Are you sure?” I roll my eyes and my muscles tense up in annoyance. My dad must have sensed this because he spoke up.
“Sandy, leave the boy alone. He said he's fine.” He grabbed my mom by her shoulders and lead her out of my room, closing the door firmly behind them. When their footsteps were unable to be heard anymore, I fall back into bed and think about my Princess. I reach under my pillow for my phone, but then I remembered that I broke up with her and I felt my heart squeezed. What the hell was I thinking yesterday?
Oh right! I wasn't thinking because I was too busy being dumb, not even willing to listen to her side of the story. I am the one who was really in the wrong for canceling a date that actually meant something to the person I love, only to plan to go out with someone I don't even give two shits about. Now I’ve lost my Princess. I need to get her back. She loves me and she's not going to let one stupid mistake break us up for good, right?
About an hour later I'm still there, kicking myself when my dad came in. He didn’t say anything and just sat on the bed and placed his head on his hands.
“What's her name?” He asked. I stared at the ceiling, debating if I should tell him the truth or not. My dad was the person I looked up to. He was always there for me. I knew he wouldn't judge if I told him some of the truth, but the whole truth?
“Layla Williams.” I tell him with pain laced in my voice. He stiffened but cleared his throat.
“So, uh… let me guess you’re you in..?“ he stopped and looked me over. “No you’re deeply in love with Layla and you, being my son, fucked things up.” That made me sit up. My dad NEVER cursed.
“Did you just…“
“I curse Josh. Quite a lot actually, just not around you. You are my son not my friend, but today I'll extend an olive branch. How about that?”
“Okay…“
“Cool, now tell me what’s going on. I'm not here to pass judgment, just trying to help.” He ruffled my hair, and I groan sitting back. I take a deep breath and told him the truth from when I met her up until now, only leaving out that one obvious thing; that she was black and well, the whole Daddy kink thing of course.
“…and I'm so stupid! She tried to explain, but I just cut her off and broke up with her. I even made her cry.” I finished. My dad sat there frowning with wide eyes biting his lip with an unreadable expression.
“Well son I know I said I'll be your friend on this, but I can't help but parent you. I'm just going to be honest and lay it all straight. You ready?” He took in a deep breath, looking at me shaking his head. I was ready for his knowledge and his wisdom, so I sat up a
nd waited to hear what he had to say. “There is no other way to put this Josh.”
“What is it dad?” He sighed, then groaned face palming.
“You’re an idiot son.” Uhm what?
“W-what? Huh?”
“You heard me. You. Are. An. I-di-ot.” He enunciated every syllable delivering an even harder blow.
“Well damn dad, tell me how you really feel.” I grumbled. He slapped me upside my head and raised his brow.
“Don't say damn, and I already did.” He smiled sadly. “Unfortunately, being an idiot runs in the family. One day when you are older, I'll even tell you my most idiotic mistakes.”
“You can tell me now dad.” He shook his head sadly looking at me.
“One day you’ll understand completely. You’ll be a man who’s matured and will be able to learn from what I did. Until then, I’ll keep that miserable tale to myself,” he said still shaking his head.
He said that, but I could only think of how disappointed my dad would be knowing that the girl I was so lovesick over was a black girl. I hated lying to him, but I didn't care, I had to get her back. My Princess was everything to me.
“If you're not going to listen Joshua, then you must have all the answers yourself huh?” My dad said sarcastically. Damn I hadn't even realized he was talking.
“So, as I was saying, w-”
“Josh you ready?” Aaron burst in room, cutting my dad off. “Oh sorry, Mr. Gates. I didn't mean to interrupt your father-son bonding time. Josh and I have a double date tonight and I'm here to pick him up.” Aaron turned to me cringing. “A date you obviously aren't ready for. Dude you look like you were run over by an eighteen-wheeler. Are you even okay?”
“Gee thanks!” I said, getting up and going to my bathroom. I look at the wall clock and see it's a little after twelve. Why the hell was Aaron even here? It was too damn early for a date. I don’t want to spend all day with him and Patricia of all people. No, I wanted to go out and get my Princess back.
Stripping, I hopped in the shower and stayed in there a whole hour, if not longer. The water felt nice against my skin. Refreshing . When I get out, I dry off go to my closet, and picked out something plain to wear to this date. After I throw on my sneakers I put on a hoodie, only to go back into my room to see Aaron sitting on my bed talking with my dad.
“Josh!” My dad looked up disappointed . “Aaron was just telling me about your date. You’re more of an idiot than I thought. Rebounding is never a good way to get your girl back. Women are too smart to fall for it. You think you’re making them jealous until you see her with another man, and-” My dad stopped and bit his lip. “Let’s just say men can't play the game like a woman can. I’m speaking from years of experience. This will blow up in your face. Do yourself a favor, cancel and go to your girl.” I look to Aaron who seemed disappointed that I might cancel and couldn’t do it. I sigh, and shake my head no.
“As much as I want to cancel dad, I made a promise so I'm keeping it.” I told him making Aaron jump up.
“See what I mean? An idiot. You boys don’t have to listen to an old timer like me, but mark my words you’ll both be in the same boat I am… I mean was in, if you keep up like this.” With that he got up and walked out the room. Well that was interesting.
“Come on man. The girls are meeting us at the mall first, then we’ll go to the movies.” He pulled me from the room laughing. Outside he tried to make me get in his car, but I politely decline knowing that I’ll head straight to Layla’s after this debacle is over with.
When we make it to the mall the girls waste no time spending our money. Yeah this was going to be hell.
3 hours later…
Oh my gosh! I could just strangle Aaron. This girl was on my last nerve! Aaron came up next to me while the girls “finished” up their shopping and all I could think about was what excuse I could conjure up to get the hell out of there. I can’t believe I canceled on my Princess for this stupid shit. Not to fucking mention, we still have to go to the damn movie.
All we were doing was walking around and following these two mildly attractive girls around. It didn't even feel like a date. I was just holding her bags so she could walk around empty fucking handed in case she wanted to go to another store. I was just about to say something to Aaron about how much this “date” sucked when I look up to see… Layla… and a guy.
My Princess…with another man? It was at that moment I understood what my dad meant, and I could hear his voice in my head. “See son? Stupid.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and watched as she smiled at the guy and gave him a hug. He cupped her chin and… Dear God, did he just kiss her? So what if it was on the cheek? His lips shouldn't be anywhere near her.
“Josh?” Aaron nudged me. “Dude the girls are leaving us, come on.” Fuck him and the girls. I could only focus on what was happening in front of me, or rather happened in front of me because they walked off. Turning to Aaron, I wanted to punch him for making me lose her, but he didn't know any better. Essentially this was all my fault for being a fucking dumb ass.
“Let's just go to the movies and get this date over with, I’ve got shit to do.” I mumbled, following him.
“Bro we’re having a good time, why rush?”
“No, YOU and THE GIRLS are having a good time. I'm being used as a personal bag handler. I want to go home.” His hurt expression made me calm down and think somewhat rationally. He only wanted to hang out and here I am taking my anger out on him like a dick.
“Fine, I’ll tell them we are going to an earlier showing.” When he went passed me, he bumped my shoulder and I knew right away he was hella pissed. Good going Josh.
At the movies, finally, we quickly buy our tickets and are standing in line for snacks, when Patricia grabbed my arm and pulled me to her. “Thanks for going out with me today Josh.” Ugh, can this be over with already! When it was our turn in line I I looked over the menu options when I felt eyes on me. Thinking it was Aaron, I turned with a smile of apology locking eyes with her .
The smile died from my lips and I quickly pulled out of Patricia’s grip, but it was too late; the damage was done. The way she looked at me was unreadable.
“Josh baby, what are you getting?” I heard Patricia ask me, making me take my eyes off my Princess for a second to tell her to leave me alone, but when I turn back around, she was gone again. Fuck my life. Why was she even here? This movie theater is far as hell from her apartment. And on top of that, why is she with someone else? More like wasn't she supposed to be at home crying and sick like I was last night?! Giving up, I tell Aaron and the girls that I’ll be back and to go into the movie without me. Walking off, I go outside because I needed some air. She saw me. She kissed him. Is this really the end? This time I wasn’t sure if it was my heart or my stomach hurting… I just felt numb and I just wanted to cry. I bite my wobbly lip and start walking towards my car. I can’t even make it inside before the tears start falling, so I just sit on the hood.
She doesn’t care. She’s here with another guy. She doesn’t care that I’m literally dying inside. She'd lied to me. She doesn’t love me. She'd found someone else to replace me. She- she wasn't my Princess anymore.
I shouldn't even care. I’m the most popular guy at school. Number one in my class, plus next year I’ll have my choice in picks between the most coveted Ivy League schools in America. Not only that, but I’m handsome, charismatic, and charming. I have it all. So why do I care if she doesn’t want me? I don’t care. I don’t. I lean back, feeling tears roll down my face. Why do I care so fucking much?
Wiping my tears, I manned the fuck up. I wasn't about to be sitting out here crying like a bitch because Layla didn't want me. I could have my pick of girls at school. It'll be easy forgetting her. I'm just going to walk in the movie and I'm going to cuddle with Patricia and then I'm going to take her home and fuck the daylights out of her. Yeah that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I set my face firm and walk back towards the mov
ie, but I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and bumped into someone. When I go to apologize, I pause.
“Layla.” First her eyes go wide but she then looks down.
“Uhm excuse me.” I tell her, walking past with heart suddenly in my throat. As I continued to walk, I give myself a pep talk the whole time telling myself not to look back. We’re over, done, and we aren’t meant to be. I can find another Princess.
“Josh, I love you.” Fuck me. I run back over to her and pick her up then run to my car. As soon as I unlock it, and I'm not proud of this, I push her in the passenger side and slam the door. I go around to the driver side yank the car door open, and again slammed it behind me. Inside, the car was still and neither of us said anything for a while, but I couldn't hold it in much longer. Pissed I fist the steering wheel, speaking as cool as I can.
“Who the hell was that guy?” I didn't know where the anger was coming from, but it was there. I knew it wasn't right that I was asking this when I broke up with her and I was seen with a girl as well, but I couldn't stop myself.
“He's just a fucking friend Josh!” She poked her lip out then reached for my hand, but I snatched it away. “He asked me out as friends. That’s all!“
“You let him kiss you. Put his hands on you. That shit I saw in there wasn't fucking friendly Layla.” I spoke looking out the window.
“I was hurting. I wanted to go out. You wouldn't return or answer any of my calls or texts. I just wanted to not hurt for a little bit. If it were a date I wouldn’t have caught the damn bus to this bougie ass movie plex. I would have made him pick me up. Besides who the heck was that you were with? She didn’t look none too friendly her damn self” She snapped, making me glare at her. I look back over her way, and I feel some of my anger die. Leaning my head down, I scratched it with frustration then I ran my hand down my face.