“Then can you tell me where they are?”
“No.”
I guess she expected me to give up, so when I stood there and waited for an explanation, she sighed.
“Look, I don’t want the CPA breathing down my neck again. They sent a mole in here last year begging to look at a book about witchcraft. Ten minutes later I’m in the principal’s office. . . . Why don’t you try Harry Potter?”
“Please,” I said. “I’m a special needs case.”
“You think so?” she asked, sounding kind of amused. She set her romance novel down and looked at me. So I was more interesting than a book called Home Is Where the Heart Is: A Darcy Sloane Mystery.
I knew she’d never believe me, and that, coupled with a mixture of exhaustion and exasperation, made me bold. I pulled up my sleeve to reveal the burn marks on my arm. “My little sister came into my locked bedroom last night and did this to me. And she showed up here this morning and did this.” I showed her the back of my hand, the crisscross of razor-fine cuts, amazed at how matter-of-fact my voice sounded. “I personally think she’s just crazy, but Megan Wiley? The cheerleader? She thinks Kasey’s possessed by the devil. Or possibly just a demon.”
The librarian sighed and opened her desk drawer and pulled out a book, plopping it on the counter. “How about this one?”
I looked at the title: Cutting Through the Pain: Helping Teens Who Harm Themselves.
“I’m sure this is a very good book for someone who has different problems than I do,” I said, pushing it back to her. Then I left the library.
When the bell rang and kids began streaming through the courtyard, I looked around for Carter. I felt a flutter in my stomach thinking about yesterday at the park. The heart is an amazing thing. Even on the verge of my entire life completely falling apart, I couldn’t make myself stop thinking about how blue Carter’s eyes were, how blond his hair was, how much he knew about architecture. . . .
After a minute or so, I gave up and started down the hallway toward my locker to pick up my Spanish book.
Megan Wiley was waiting for me.
And not ten feet away was a whole horde of cheerleaders.
Great. Where were the police when you needed them? I would have handcuffed myself and jumped into the cruiser.
I slowed down, hoping they would move on, but Megan just stood there. I decided that I’d rather brave Señora Gregory’s fury by showing up without my book than talk to Megan in the middle of the hallway.
But when Megan realized I wasn’t planning to stop, she walked over to block my path. She even put her hand on my arm.
“What did you mean when you said you won’t let her hurt me?” she asked.
“Megan, with all due respect, butt out.”
“You’re fooling yourself if you think things aren’t going to get worse,” she said.
I glanced at the cheermongers, who were practically drooling as they strained to hear what she was saying.
“Why are you so desperate to interfere with my life?” I asked.
But the thing was . . . secretly, I kind of knew I owed Megan an explanation. If she was in danger, didn’t she deserve to know what was going on? But I was like a freight train barreling toward the end of the tracks—no turning back.
And everything she said scared me more.
“I’m only trying to help you,” she said. She was indignant, not angry.
“Let me be clear. I don’t want your help,” I said.
Our audience had grown. The between-class crowds had stopped to eavesdrop.
“If you would just talk to me for a minute—”
“Talk to you?” I repeated. “Oh yeah, because we have such a wonderful, open relationship. I should pour my heart out to you.”
Anyone else would have walked away.
But Megan didn’t. She gritted her teeth and seemed to brace herself. “Okay, Alexis. I’m sorry we’re not better friends, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand what you’re going through.”
“Understand?” I asked.
I heard a murmur pass over the crowd, and I knew that this was a confrontation that some people in the school had been hoping to see for a long time.
I barreled ahead. “Sorry, this is a little more complex than spelling out words with your arms or getting your nails done. I somehow doubt that you comprehend the problems real people have.”
For the first time Megan noticed the gathered crowd. She lowered her voice even further and sounded genuinely confused. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
The thing was, just like with Carter and the architecture thing, I really did want to hear what she had to say. I just didn’t want to hear it from her.
Alexis’s universe, Megan’s universe. One is over here, and the other one is waaaaaay over there. Completely separate. And that’s how I liked them. But now Megan was stirring the pot.
I’d seen firsthand the damage her clique could do. No way was I going to let them loose on Kasey.
Crazy or not.
“You guys already messed with my best friend,” I said. “Now you’re coming after my little sister?”
And then I thought of the perfect thing to say, the thing that would put Megan in her place, hopefully make her go away. For good.
I took a deep breath. “I don’t want to be your next victim. I know you think because your mom is dead that you have the right to say whatever you want. But please. Leave me out of this. Leave my family out of this.”
Boom.
Silence.
Megan stepped backward and knocked into one of the kids who’d been watching us.
“Leave her alone,” someone said, and I assumed they were talking to me.
A tall, lanky guy, the star of the basketball team and arguably the single most popular boy in the entire school, took a step toward Megan. “Lay off her, Wiley.” He looked at all of the cheerleaders and shook his head, disgusted. “What’s wrong with you? Could you guys just try to be human for once?”
Megan looked at him in disbelief. Then she looked at me.
I hated myself.
She still didn’t look angry—just hurt and confused, which only made me hate myself more.
“I just wanted . . . to help. . . .” she said.
Then she walked off, a line of girls trailing after her in defeat.
The basketball player patted me on the back.
“Take it easy, Pink,” he said, and walked away. The crowd in the hall hovered for a moment, taking everything in, and then dispersed.
I stood alone in the hallway as the bell rang, feeling totally numb. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Mrs. Ames. She looked down at me, a deep frown on her face. “I need to see you in my office.”
MRS. AMES USHERED ME BACK TO HER OFFICE.
“You have a telephone call,” she said, waving me to her desk chair. The receiver sat off the cradle.
My father is dead. My mother is dead. Kasey is dead.
“Hello?” I said, surprised that I could formulate a proper word.
“Alexis, it’s Mom.”
“What happened?” I braced myself for the worst.
“What? Nothing. What do you mean?”
“Dad’s okay?”
“Oh . . . yes, sorry,” she said, sounding only a fraction as apologetic as she should have, for giving me such a scare.
I sighed out the huge breath I’d been holding.
“I talked to the police,” she said. “They made a mistake. The brakes weren’t tampered with.”
“They weren’t?”
“Yes, they went over the car just now—”
“They’re positive?”
“Yes, they’re definitely sure,” she said. She drew in a slow breath. “Alexis, I’m sorry about . . . the way it looked last night. . . .”
I had two options: one, tell her what Kasey did and try to explain the whole sordid mess, with Mrs. Ames breathing down my neck; or two, let it slide for now and explain later.
I went with Option Two.
“You know last night wasn’t what it looked like.”
She sighed. “I have a brother, Alexis. I know that siblings can be a little too rough sometimes.”
I couldn’t believe she had somehow rationalized it to herself that way. That she had convinced herself I was capable of hitting my sister in the face.
“It’s a long story,” I said, and I felt Option One bubbling up inside me, dying to get out.
“You can tell me when I get home from work,” Mom said. “We have a few things to talk about, actually.”
Like shipping me off to a psychologist?
“And don’t think I see Kasey as blameless. She’s been kind of high maintenance lately, hasn’t she?”
I shrugged, not that she could see it.
“Are you still there?”
“Um, yeah. But I have to get to class.”
“I’m so sorry, Alexis.”
“Yeah, well,” I said. “I’m glad about the brakes.”
“Me too. Okay, Lex. I’ll let you get going.”
“Hey, wait—”
“What?”
“Did Kasey go to school today?”
Mom paused. “I think so. Was she sick? No, I’m sure she went. She keeps talking about this research she’s doing. It’s all she can think about.”
Research?
“But she said she’d try to go by the hospital this afternoon and see your father.” Mom sighed. “I made her promise to take a break from her project—”
“What kind of project?” I asked.
“I don’t really know,” Mom said. “Something with genealogy, maybe? Did you have to do one of those?”
“. . . Yeah.”
“I’ve never seen her so intense about schoolwork. Maybe you two can go to the hospital together. Will you remind her?”
My mind was already swimming with thoughts of Kasey and what this newest information meant.
“Okay, if I see her,” I said. “I’d better go. Bye.”
“Bye,” she said.
I hung up before she had a chance to say anything else.
Mrs. Ames sat quietly on the far side of the sofa, looking around the room curiously. A new perspective for her, I guess.
“Good news?” she asked.
“Great,” I answered. I couldn’t force myself to sound cheerful.
She stood up, giving me the look that means she knows I’m not a bad person, no matter what anybody else thinks. “Off to class, then,” she said gently.
“Sure thing,” I said, scooping up my bag and walking out the door.
When the final bell rang at the end of sixth period, dread washed over me. I sat at my desk for an extra ten minutes, pretending to be organizing my notes, but finally the teacher stood up and grabbed her purse.
Where was I supposed to go now? My first priority was, of course, to avoid Megan. My second was to avoid having to go home and face my mother or sister. My third (and this might win for second if the circumstances were right) was to find Carter.
Megan wasn’t waiting by my locker, thank God, but someone else was.
Pepper Laird.
I waited for her to say something about Mimi—or Megan—and I racked my brain, trying to figure out what I could say to shut her down.
But she spoke before I had a chance to.
“Did you know that Carter and I have been sort of on the verge of seeing each other for a while?” she asked in a loud, clear voice.
Um, no. And to be honest, I didn’t really care. The idea of them together wasn’t upsetting to me—because it seemed so completely impossible.
“Good for you,” I said.
Pepper twisted her sweet sixteen ring around and around her finger as we spoke.
“Nothing too serious,” she said. “But I thought for a while he might ask me to the dance.”
“Maybe he will,” I said.
“Noooooo,” she said. She was being altogether too calm for my taste, talking in a really smooth voice, like we were business associates or something. “No, you couldn’t possibly think that, because he’s taking you.”
“Not your business,” I said, slamming my locker shut and starting to walk away.
Her voice got louder. “I just thought you cared about him,” she called.
I turned around.
“You know, whether he has friends or not. Whether he fits in.” She stared straight into my eyes. “Whether he’s happy.”
I shook my head. “I have no idea what you’re—”
“My cousin was a senior at All Saints when Carter was there,” she said, her voice hardly louder than a whisper. “She told me what happened.”
I felt like a balloon that someone had let the air out of. “What are you . . . ?” I took a step closer to her. “You know nobody here knows about that. You wouldn’t say anything—”
To Pepper’s credit, she looked truly shocked at the idea. “No!” she cried. “Hello, I have morals.”
Right. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “Then why are you saying this to me like you have something hanging over Carter’s head?”
“Because you’re the one with something hanging over his head,” she said, her lips in an almost sneer. “And since you’re clearly too blind to see it, I thought I’d point it out. What do you think his life would be like if he started hanging out with you and your grotesque friends?”
I tried to imagine Carter interacting with the Doom Squad, but just couldn’t form the mental picture. Then I thought of how nice it had been at the park, just the two of us. And then I pictured an endless string of days sitting at the park—just the two of us.
It seemed a little monotonous, to be honest.
“Do you think they’d be nice to him? Wouldn’t it be embarrassing, watching him try to fit in? And then, if you ever break up, do you think his old friends will take him back?” She frowned and leaned closer to me. “Do you think he could handle being as completely alone as you are?”
Up close, Pepper’s skin was a blanket of freckles, her eyes shallow hazel pools that seemed to let light pass right through. Her eyelashes were so pale you could hardly see them.
“I know how meaningless this must sound to someone like you. But I actually do care about Carter.” She stepped back and arranged her bag over her shoulder. “Do you?”
Was it possible that I’d become so much of a loner that I’d never be able to have a boyfriend without feeling smothered? What if I got in over my head—and then discovered that I’d dragged Carter in over his head too? But by then it’d be too late. I’d be over him. And I’d be trapped.
I watched Pepper walk all the way to the end of the hall and through the double doors.
Of all the many thoughts that sprang into my head about her, this was the one that got my attention: She was right.
It was one of those perfect fall afternoons where people can’t stop telling each other what a beautiful day it is.
“Beautiful day,” the crossing guard said helpfully.
The sky stretched huge and dark blue and seemed to press down on the edges of the earth. It was warm in the sunlight, but a cool hint of breeze shook the leaves on the trees. They shimmied and quaked and reminded me of that dance move called “jazz hands,” where you stretch out your hands and wiggle your fingers.
I forced myself to stop thinking about Carter and focused on Kasey instead.
Possessed.
That had to be, like, the stupidest thing I’d ever heard.
I mean, how ridiculous was it to assume that just because Kasey was acting a little crazy, doing a few weird things, that she was actually possessed?
And anyway, Dad’s brake wires hadn’t been cut. That was big, because it proved that Kasey didn’t do it. And that was really important because “not trying to kill someone” ranked a lot lower on the psycho scale than “trying to kill someone.” And that meant that Kasey was maybe only slightly nutso instead of downright padded-room-worthy.
I slowly made my way toward Whitley Street, excuses for my
sister’s behavior knitting together in my head. By the time I reached the house I practically had it all rationalized as a figment of my imagination.
But I still felt a spike of dread in my spine as I put my key in the dead bolt.
The front hall was quiet. The whole place was quiet. Surrey Middle didn’t let out until 3:15 p.m., and it was only 3:00. So, according to my fresh, optimistic outlook, I wouldn’t see my sister for a half hour or so.
Which gave me time to snoop around her bedroom. Kasey did still steal those reports. That was worth looking into, right?
First I went to the kitchen, pulled out the phone book, and called the main office of Surrey Middle School. When the secretary answered, I put on my best “adult” voice.
“Hello,” I said. “I’d like to see if one of your students was absent today.”
“I’m sorry,” the woman replied. “We only release that information to family.”
“Oh,” I said, in my normal voice. “Well, it’s my sister.”
“What’s the name?”
“Kasey Warren.”
A pause, the clicking of keys on a keyboard. “Your sister is listed as ‘present.’”
“Great, thanks.”
I hung up and climbed the stairs, feeling even better.
I set my stuff down outside my door and hovered for a moment outside Kasey’s bedroom.
“Stop being a wimp,” I said out loud.
The sound of my voice gave me a burst of courage. I put my hand on the knob and turned, pushing the door open and stepping inside in one motion.
Kasey was sitting on her bed, looking out the window.
Fear flooded over me when I saw her, and I was about to say something in my own defense, when I suddenly realized she hadn’t even turned around.
I stood very still and watched her. Her eyes were wide open and she sat with her legs crossed, her long hair pulled back with barrettes, her fuzzy peach sweater glowing in the sun.
She didn’t seem to see or hear me at all.
I cleared my throat.
Nothing.
“Kase,” I whispered.
She didn’t move.
Fear seized me so fiercely that tears sprang into my eyes. I took a step backward toward the hall.
“Why are you leaving?” Her voice was flat, cold.
I stopped. My fists curled so tightly that my fingernails dug into my palm.
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