by E. L. Todd
I loved feeling his heaviness every time we were finished. It was much better than the condoms, to feel my man’s desire right between my legs.
He slowly pulled out of me and gave my ass a hard smack with his hand.
I groaned at the hit, feeling the burn in my cheek from his palm. I rolled over onto my back.
He was still standing there, his dick still hard. He grabbed on to my hips and dragged me to the edge before he shoved himself inside me again, moaning like he hadn’t just filled me seconds ago. He moved through my come and his and fucked me all over again. “Damn.”
“Could you wash the broccoli?” Dax stood at the kitchen counter and sliced the meat into strips so he could throw it into the hot pan.
I stood there and watched him prepare his own food instead of paying a chef to do it.
Dax stopped slicing and turned to look at me. “Sweetheart?”
When I heard his question, I met his look. “Sorry, what?”
“Could you wash the broccoli?”
“Yeah, sure thing.” I wore his t-shirt and walked to the fridge and grabbed the florets. Then I rinsed them under the sink before I patted them dry.
Dax returned to his food prep. “What were you thinking about?”
My eyes were on my hands as I handled the vegetables. “Just work…”
“About that guy you saw last night?”
That was exactly who I was thinking about. “Just my article and stuff like that.”
“I’ve never seen you distracted before.”
“Well, it happens.” When the broccoli was dry, I threw it into the other pan and added salt and pepper.
When he was done with his task, he placed the chicken in the pan, and it really began to sizzle. Now, there was nothing to do except wait, so he leaned against the counter and looked at me.
I’d washed off my makeup because it was better to have no makeup than shitty makeup. My hair was still curled from the night before, but by tomorrow, it would be straight again. “It already smells good.”
He continued to watch me with that dark stare, like he was the one who was distracted now. He crossed his arms over his chest.
I felt like I was being interrogated with silence instead of words. “What?”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I worry about you.”
“What did I do to make you so worried about me?” I met his concern with coldness, because I didn’t need someone to worry about me.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Blow me off. Push me away. We’ve made so much progress, so don’t start this shit now. I’m in love with you, and I have every right to worry about you.”
I held his gaze for a few seconds before I looked at the food on the stove. I grabbed the spatula and stirred things around before I looked at him again.
“I know you share those stories with a comical slant, but I also know that’s not how they really play out. I know you’re dealing with the head of a big corporation that probably has ties that go deep underground. Whatever happened was big enough for you to call Charlie in the middle of an event.”
“I was just excited. You’re reading too much into it.”
“I was there when some guy tried to hurt you in an alleyway. What if I hadn’t been there?”
“I would’ve gotten away. I always get away.”
His tone deepened. “Doesn’t mean you’ll always get away. I don’t like this. I’ll never tell you what to do, but this scares me.”
I didn’t want to deal with this right now. We’d just gotten together, and now we had another obstacle to face. “Dax, please don’t.”
“I have to. I love you.”
“Look, we’re finally together, and we’re finally happy. Can we not ruin that by having a serious conversation about my job? I love my job and I’m not gonna stop doing it, so this conversation is pointless. Please don’t sabotage what we have.”
“I’m not sabotaging anything.” His dark eyes burned into mine like he was truly upset but doing his best to suppress it. “I care about you. A lot. I’m going to keep caring about you, so this is going to come up.”
“Then let’s worry about it later.”
He shook his head. “You can worry about it later, but I’ll always worry about it. I know you’re strong and smart, but you can’t win every battle. I know I’m getting ahead of myself right now, but I want you to be my wife and I want to have kids. How is that going to work with us?”
We hadn’t talked that far into the future, but hearing him admit so candidly that he wanted forever with me, that he wasn’t afraid of commitment, that he wanted to have a family with me, touched me…deeply. “Let’s worry about it later.”
“Carson—”
“Later.” I pushed off the counter and walked toward him, knowing the broccoli was turning black because it was already burned. “It took so long for us to come back together, let’s not jeopardize that over something else. Let’s just be happy…at least for now.”
His hands automatically moved to my waist as he stared down at me, conflict in his eyes.
I knew it wasn’t out of line for him to worry about me, especially when a man had threatened to kill me in the middle of a crowded room. But my job was everything to me, and I didn’t want to walk away from it.
It took him a few seconds to calm down, but when he did, he came back to reality, came back to the moment. “Okay. For now.”
10
Carson
Lately, I hadn’t mentioned Kat much to either Charlie or Dax, but that didn’t mean the situation wasn’t on my mind. I usually thought about it right before I went to sleep and sometimes during breaks throughout the day.
I hoped that with enough time, Kat would come around…but she was still radio silent.
I decided to wait on the sidewalk outside her office for her to leave work. It was a cold afternoon, so I got two hot coffees and waited.
She opened the glass doors and emerged onto the sidewalk, wearing thigh-high boots and a long-sleeved sweater dress. It took her a moment to notice me.
I stood there with the coffees in my hand, and I tried to think of something witty to say, something to break the ice and make her laugh. But I couldn’t think of anything.
She looked like I’d just ruined her day. She turned around and walked the other way.
“Kat.” I tossed the coffees into the garbage can and caught up to her. “Come on, just talk to me.”
She turned back around and looked at me. “Talk about what? I’m pretty sure we said everything that needs to be said.”
It hurt me so deeply to see how much she despised me, how betrayed she felt at my dishonesty. “I’m sorry. I want you to forgive me so we can stay friends. I don’t want to lose you, Kat.”
“You lost me the moment you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie. What would you do if you were in my situation? Because I’ve gone over this in my head, like, literally a million times, and there was nothing I could’ve done that would’ve prevented all of this. I’m in this situation because of Charlie’s actions, so no matter what, I’m guilty. Cut me some slack.”
“Cut you some slack?” she asked incredulously. “I considered you to be my best friend, Carson. And when I say best friend, I mean the person I am most loyal to. If there’s something going on behind your back, you bet your ass I’ll tell you about it. You knew about all of this with Charlie, and you didn’t tell me. You picked your loyalty to him over me. That’s why I’m so upset. I was never your best friend. Otherwise, you would’ve betrayed him and told me.”
“It wasn’t like that—”
“That’s exactly what it was like. You chose to keep his secret and keep me in the dark. Period.”
“What would have happened if I’d told you?” I asked, having this intense conversation right on the sidewalk with other New Yorkers passing by. “It would’ve destroyed you. It would’ve made you feel worse than you already do. Why would I do t
hat to you? I assumed Charlie would get over Denise and then forget about her. So why tell you something that you didn’t really need to know? If it were me, I’d rather not know unless I absolutely had to.”
She shook her head. “You aren’t me. If you did tell me, I would’ve moved on a lot quicker, instead of waiting around, hoping we would get back together. I wasted so many months that could’ve been spent moving on.”
I didn’t have an argument against that.
“I just can’t believe you sat there while I talked about Charlie all those months, and the whole time you knew he wanted to be with Denise. Are you a psychopath?”
“Of course not—”
“I just feel completely different now. I don’t trust you. I’m embarrassed. I don’t want anything to do with you or Charlie…or the gorgeous Denise. Just move on with your lives and forget about me. Not a single one of you ever really cared about me anyway.” She turned to walk away.
“That’s not true.” I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back to me.
She twisted out of my grasp and backed away. “Don’t touch me again.” The threatening look in her eyes was brand-new, a look she’d never given me before, like she really hated me. “And don’t bother me again either. The three of you can live happily ever after…”
When I walked in the door, Charlie stood in front of the stove in sweatpants as he cooked dinner. “We’re having chicken parmesan.” His bare back was to me as he stirred the sauce in the pan.
I dropped my computer bag on the table and walked away. “Cool.” I went straight to my bedroom and took off my clothes and put on my pj’s before I got into bed. I shut the blinds, turned off the light, and just closed my eyes.
I felt so shitty right now.
I wanted to burst into tears and cry.
My bedroom door squeaked open a few minutes later. “Everything alright?”
“I’m fine.”
Footsteps didn’t sound, so I knew he continued to stand there. “You don’t look fine, Carson. What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
He sighed loudly before he stepped farther into the room and took a seat at the edge of my bed. The mattress creaked and shifted under his weight. “Talk to me.”
“I said I’m fine…” My tears were loud in my words, and that was when I realized I was crying. My lips trembled, and my eyes streamed with tears. I pulled my arms closer to my body to stop myself from shaking.
“Carson…” His hand moved to my back, and he started to rub me as he came closer. “Come on, talk to me. I’ve only seen you cry a couple times, so I know it’s really bad.”
With my face close to my bedroom wall, I continued to cry quietly, my eyes hurting as they became puffy.
“Did something happen with Dax?”
I sniffled before I gave my answer. “No.”
His hand stopped moving on my back because he figured out the subject of my misery. “Kat?”
I sniffled.
He pulled his hand away altogether and sighed. “What happened?”
“I tried to talk to her after work. She said none of us ever cared about her and she wants nothing to do with me. She called me a psychopath. She doesn’t want to be friends anymore.” I didn’t want to tell Charlie any of this to make him feel bad, but I couldn’t keep it from him, not when we lived and worked together.
He went quiet like he didn’t have anything to say. He continued to sit on the bed.
I took a couple deep breaths to stop myself from crying. The pain was too harsh to feel, so I did my best to pull my heart out of this darkness.
“You have no idea how sorry I am…”
I could hear the pain in his voice, feel the guilt in his energy. I knew he would do anything for me, and it was so hard, but there was nothing he could do now. “I know.”
He rose off the bed and headed to the door. “I’m going to finish dinner. Do you want me to bring you a plate?”
It was the first time in my life I wasn’t hungry. “No.”
I lay there and stared at the wall, the bedroom becoming darker and darker as the sun set over the city. My phone was in my bag out in the living room, so I didn’t have it on me.
I didn’t want to talk to anybody anyway.
The front door opened and closed, and two voices came from the living room. It was hard to make it out, but it sounded like two guys were talking. It could be Charlie and Matt, about to watch a game or something.
But then footsteps sounded down the hallway, and my bedroom door opened.
His voice was deep and affectionate, as if it pained him to see me balled up in bed like I didn’t want to get up again. “Sweetheart…”
I took a deep breath when I heard his comforting voice, my eyes becoming wet again instantly.
After he undressed, he pulled back the covers and got into bed behind me. His arm circled my waist, and he pressed his chest against my back, squeezing me tight.
I turned over and faced him, let him see my wet and puffy face, let him see the heartbreak in my eyes. My arm moved around his neck, and I placed our foreheads together, feeling a little better now that he was there.
He placed a kiss to my forehead then ran his fingers through my hair. “I’m here, sweetheart. I’m right here.”
11
Carson
Hours passed, and neither one of us spoke. I didn’t want to dump all my drama on him when I wanted him to make me feel better, not worse.
Just having him there made me feel better.
He spooned me from behind, his face resting against the back of my head.
Then my stomach made a loud rumble.
He inhaled a deep breath like he was trying to stop himself from laughing.
No amount of depression could eliminate my hunger.
“Do you want me to get you something to eat?”
“No. But I am hungry…”
“Charlie told me he would leave the leftovers in the fridge if we wanted any.”
Now that we were talking about food, my hunger only became worse. “Let’s go eat.”
We got dressed and went back into the kitchen. Charlie was sitting on the couch watching the game, but he didn’t say anything when we came out of my bedroom. It seemed like he wanted to give us space.
I pulled out the food from the fridge, my eyes still puffy and irritated, and put the meal in the microwave.
Dax helped himself to a bottle of water and stood with me in the kitchen as we waited for the food to warm up.
I leaned against the counter and stared at the floor.
He stared at me.
When the food was done, we sat together at the dining table, in silence.
Even when it wasn’t fresh, the food was great, and I did feel a little better having something in my stomach.
Dax watched me as he ate, taking big bites as he scarfed everything down.
Charlie picked up on the energy and turned off the TV and silently excused himself to bed.
Then it was just us.
“I wish I could fix it for you.”
My eyes softened at his confession, and I gave him a gentle look. “I know.”
“At the end of the day, you did your best. If that’s not enough for her, that’s her problem, not yours. She’s too emotional to see the situation pragmatically, and you would never intentionally hurt anybody.”
“Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but no matter what the circumstances are, losing a friend is always painful.”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for coming over.”
“Anytime, sweetheart. Rain or shine, I’m here.”
I didn’t say anything else and continued to eat. When my plate was empty, I wiped up the sauce with my finger and licked it off.
“Are you going to try talking to her again or…give it a rest?”
I shrugged. “I’m not a quitter, but…” I also didn’t waste time on lost causes. “I think it’s pretty pointless. If that’s how
she feels, nothing I say will make her feel differently. It is what it is.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t want to talk about her anymore. I shed my tears and said my goodbyes…time to move on.”
Dax bowed his head and looked at his plate as he considered what I’d said. It seemed like he might say something else, but he chose to stay quiet instead.
12
Charlie
Instead of going straight home from the office, I made a detour.
Nothing had happened between Denise and me, but she made flirty comments, stared at me a little longer than she should. So, I knew if I made a move…it would probably go somewhere. But instead of thinking about her, all I could think about was Kat.
And Carson.
Because of my idiocy, those two great people were ripped apart.
It fucking sucked.
I tried to think of something better I could have done, but there wasn’t anything. I felt the way I felt—and nothing I did could change that. The only reason I didn’t tell Kat was to protect her. It wasn’t because I was a coward.
So I stepped off the elevator and walked down the hallway I used to take all the time. Whenever I left work, I would stop by. Sometimes I would pick her up and we would get dinner. Sometimes we would just chill in her apartment. It seemed like a lifetime ago now.
We were happy…once upon a time.
I stopped in front of her door and held my fist to the wood.
But I didn’t knock.
Was this pointless?
Would this accomplish anything?
Should I just walk away and let it be?
Then I thought of Carson, the best person I’d ever known, and I let my knuckles hit the wood.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Footsteps sounded a moment later, then a long pause, like she was standing in front of the door and looking through the peephole.