by Ellie Messe
"Why don't you go to the cops?" Josh asks, grabbing my attention.
"Because I'll be dead before they can respond, he has everyone in his pocket, cops, lawyers, judges, you name it. Nothing happens that he doesn't know about, nothing can be done once he makes a decision, and nothing can protect you once you betray him." I shrug, "Cops have been around before, they can't touch him."
"Why didn't you leave with me?" Parker finally speaks.
"Because I couldn't."
"Why?"
"Because I was told not to." She waves at her face, "This is what happens for seeing you. Can you imagine the damage if I left with you? I told you before, there's a reason behind why I do things, behind the lies, trust me when I say or do things."
"And you want to go back to that?" He asks, clearly the anger is making a trip back for round two.
"I don't want to, but it's better than the alternative."
"And what alternative is that?"
Don’t ask that. Gah, I don’t want to know anymore.
"Having my wrists slit and being left for dead or watching him kill people and get away with it."
What, the fuck, man. My head shakes on its own.
"And you think we-" He points in a large circle around the room, "won't protect you from that?"
"You can't, Parker. It's not that you won't try, it's that-"
"You have no trust?" He cuts her off.
"No, asshole. It's that he'll take out Drew while he's on his bike.” She points to me.
Hey now. Fully alert, I look around the room as she continues, “You in some alley while you’re away, Josh in a burglary gone wrong. It's that he will kill you to get to me."
He throws his arms out, "Will he? Or is that what you’re afraid will happen? Cause I have a feeling you're so used to running, it's easier for you to do that than to stay and try. Face your fears, sweetheart."
His approach is all wrong, but I have to admit, I’ve had that exact same thought multiple times when she talks about the danger of her past.
"This isn't going into the ocean, Parker! This is death. And no, it isn't just a fear, this shit was my life. And that was for people who owed him money or pissed him off. Not his second highest income taking off in broad daylight. He wants blood, Parker! And I'll gladly spill all of mine before I spill yours."
"Do we get a say in any of this?" Fair question.
"No."
"And why not?" Also, fair.
"Because you have no self-preservation! You'll go toe to toe with the Devil, thinking you’re hot shit and get yourself killed!"
"You're damn right I'd go toe to toe with him!" He yells, taking a step towards her, "Because I love you! We love you."
For a second, I expected this to be some cheesy romcom where she’d launch herself into his arms. But that’s quickly proven wrong the second she opens her mouth.
"And that alone will get you killed. Think with the head that has a brain for once. I'm a piece of ass, Parker, they'll be plenty more like me to come around."
"I swear to God, Haley." He fumes, "Stop fucking saying that! You are not some piece of ass! You're the woman I want to fucking marry someday! The woman I want to have kids with, a future!" Stunned into silence, she just stands there as a corny smile totally overtakes my face. "There's your declaration of love."
Whistling, I stare at Parker, "Awe, the big idiot's kind of romantic."
"Shut up, Drew.” Haley growls.
Parker stares back, slightly shaking his head as hurt falls over eyes, "Still nothing?"
"What do you want me to say?"
“Quick, tell him you love him.” I stage whisper, but I don’t think she hears me.
"I want you to fucking say it back, Haley! You can tell everyone else how you feel but you refuse to tell me!"
"If I were to admit anything, you'd never give up! You'd waste your life trying to find me and I don't want that for you! I. am. not. worth. it. Get it through your thick skull!"
His laugh is hollow and empty as he looks around the room, rubbing his mouth he points to Josh, "He adopted you, so you could be a permanent part of this family." He points to Maria, "She has never allowed anyone but my mom to cook with her, until you." He points to me and I stiffen, "He risked his relationship with me and with this family, for you." He breathes heavy, shaking his head, "You think they're just going to give up? You think you can just walk away without them trying to stop you? Without them finding you? Without fighting for you?"
Haley looks at each of us, when her eyes lock on mine I give her a nod. Dude might be on my shitlist at the moment, but he ain’t wrong. "I'm not the only one willing to fight for you, Haley. Want to know why? Because you're worth it. Get that through your thick skull."
"I don't want you to fight for me. I just want you to let me go." Her voice breaks.
"Too bad." He shrugs, "We didn't get a say, neither do you."
"I'm protecting you!"
"I don't need to be protected!" He yells back. "They don't need to be protected!"
"Yes, you do! If you're dumb enough to risk not only your life, but the lives of everyone else, then yes you do!"
"Who's protecting you?"
Adjusting in my seat, I deadpan Parker. NOW he gets it.
"Me." She says annoyed. I wish she’d pull her head out of her ass and just acknowledge he’s right.
"You? The girl who was beat, burned, and forced into prostitution?"
Woah, broski! My eyes grow to saucers as I look at Maria and Josh who share similar expressions.
"Jesus Christ, Parker! What the fuck is wrong with you!" She slams her palms into his chest as she explodes. "God! Look around you, you fucking asshole! It's not just you and me in here!"
Fair point.
"No, but your family is. And not one person in here wants you to go back to that life."
Also, a fair point. Damn, I don’t know whose side I’m on at the moment.
"You don't get to decide that! It's my life! My body! My choice! So, fuck you! I can't believe you took something I told you in confidence and ran your mouth!"
Haley’s side. I’m on Haley’s side. Why you ask? Oh, cause Parker just shrugged at her.
Losing her mind, Haley starts pounding on his chest with all her midget might. Bear hugging her, he picks up and walks past me to pin her against the bookcase.
"Stop fighting. Baby, stop fighting."
Nope. Definitely on Parker’s side.
"Fuck you! Get off me!"
"Not until you stop fighting." She says something I can’t make out and Parker chuckles. "Why'd you hit me, sweetheart?"
"Cause you're the bastard I fucking trusted to keep a goddamn secret and you betrayed me in every way! Now, get the fuck off me."
"And that bothers you because..."
"Because I put my trust in the wrong guy. Drew didn't run his mouth and I didn't need to suck his dick to keep it shut."
I blow a humored breath out as I try not to laugh. She just said that in front of all of us.
"For being mad at who's listening, you sure are admitting to a lot."
"You just told everyone I'm a whore, pretty sure they know I've had a dick in my mouth."
At this, I do laugh. I mean...come on!
Josh glares at me, folding my lips in, I tune back into my own personal version of Days of our Lives.
"Do you love me?" Parker asks, still holding Haley against the built-in shelves.
"Fuck you, I'm not doing this."
"Because you're a coward."
"No. Because I don't get a happy ending, Parker! It's not in the cards for me! I fall for you more and more every goddamn day, but I end up hating myself more for it because I know we can never be together! I know in the end I will hurt you and you'll hate me because of it-"
Parker silences her, she tries to resist but eventually her arms wrap around his neck.
“There’s definitely tongue involved.” I state, watching them go at it.
“Andrew!” Mari
a hisses.
“Twenty bucks says they forget we’re here and start undressing each other.”
I half expect Josh to slap me, instead he shakes his head, “Twenty says she gets pissed and sits back down.”
“Joshua.” Maria gasps.
“Deal.”
Feeling like a creepy bastard I watch them suck each other’s face off. Ya know, creepy or not, twenty bucks is twenty bucks.
"That's all I wanted." Parker mumbles.
"And all I wanted was for you to wash that cunt's stink off you before fucking touching me." Shoving past him, she moves back to her seat.
Son of a bitch. I groan, throwing my head back.
"You can pretend to be mad all you want, sweetheart. Fact is, you kissed me back after admitting you loved me."
"I didn't admit to shit."
Leaning to the side, I pull my wallet out and hand a twenty to Josh. I hate losing. Hales gives me a look. "Bet twenty bucks you guys were going to forget we were here and start undressing each other."
"So," Josh says abruptly. He’s wears a slight smile as he speaks, "Drew- you and Parker good now?"
"Yep." I groan.
"Parker- you good with your brother?" He meets my eyes and nods, "You finished with the Lacy bullshit?” Another nod, this time to Josh, “You done pushing Haley to the breaking point?” And another. “Good. Haley?"
Looking at her, I see her face is buried in her elbow, "Hmm?"
"You good with Parker?"
"Are we done if I say, yes?"
"More or less."
"Fine. We're peachy."
"You good with Lacy?"
"FUCK no."
Chuckles happen around the room.
"Fair enough. Alright, children of mine. Stop fucking hitting each other! You're too old to punish- I get that. But we don't hit each other, it doesn't matter what the reason is. We're a family. We support each other even if we don't agree, if you're so upset that you feel the need to invoke violence, then come to me or Maria- let us mediate. Understood?"
We all mumble our in agreement.
"It's Christmas Eve. Get out there so we can eat and pick up where we left off." We all start to stand, "Oh and Haley- I was going to mention it earlier but all that shit went down-" I stop to wait for her while he talks, "You've got a bunch of dicks on your skirt, kid." He goes to exit before she lurches forward. Son of a bitch! We made a bet on the drive here to see who would notice first and this girl’s about to win.
"How long would you say before you noticed?"
"Too late." I yell, moving forward.
He shrugs, "Couple of minutes after I saw you, why?"
“Gah...” I groan loudly, fishing out my wallet. She holds her midget hand out to me while I slap a twenty into her palm. "No reason."
With a slight shake of his head he follows Maria out.
“Dick move.” I playfully glare at her while shoving my wallet into my pants.
Before she can respond to me, Parker steals her attention, “Haley? Can I talk to you for a second?”
She gives him a hard look before threading her arm through mine, “Nope.”
Pulling me forward, I offer him a sympathetic shrug. Sure, we made nice but I’m still mad at him. He won’t be getting any favors from me until Hales is back on his arm.
“So why are you so quiet?” Hales asks, sitting on the stool next to me.
I offer her a shrug, watching as Maria reheats the food. “A lot’s been happening.”
“That’s true. But to be honest, I could really use a sarcastic comment or some kind of annoying remark right about now.”
Looking over at her she’s playing with the thing around her wrist again. “What is that?”
“What?” Her gray eyes come up to meet mine.
“That thing on your wrist.” I nod to whatever’s hiding under the fabric.
“Oh.” She pulls her arm forward while pulling the sleeve back just enough to show me the little bracelet. Delicate fingers twist the chain until a small silver plate is revealed, Kiss me at the top is engraved on the face. A little Ferris wheel rests against the green veins of her skin.
“Careful.” I give her a warning look, “Parker might get jealous you’re showing off so much skin.”
She scoffs, righting her bracelet, “That was terrible.”
I offer her another shrug, “Well, I tried.”
“Seriously. What’s with you? You’re never this dull for this long.”
Pulling my cap off, I rub the back of my head with a groan. “Too much at once. Even us pretty ones get overwhelmed.”
“I’m sorry.”
Twisting in my chair I glare at her, “If you take the blame for my misery I’m going to grab the spoon out of Mama Mia’s hand and beat you to death.”
Her eyes grow wide before an awkward smile tugs at her bruised lips. “I was just going to say that I was sorry your Christmas Eve sucks.”
“Oh.” I give an awkward laugh to match her smile, “Thanks.”
“Death by spoon?” She tries not to laugh, but her nervous smile turns genuine. “Add that to my bucket list.”
“Gross.” I deadpan her, “I don’t need to know about your sexual-to-do list, thank you very much.”
“Wha-Ha-How did you even get there?”
“I’m not dumb, Hales. I know you’re into some freaky shit.”
Moving in closer to my shoulder, her voice drops, “Is that a real thing?”
“What?” I pull away, “How the fuck would I know? And why you asking me?”
Now it’s her turn to deadpan me, her scabbed brow slowly arching.
“Fine. Yeah. It’s a thing. I don’t know what it’s called but spoon sex is a thing. Now before you get all judgey, no I’m not into that, I gained that knowledge from a porn site.”
“Hmm, maybe I’ll just-”
“Nope.” I yell, making Maria jump, “There are things I just don’t need to know.”
“But I need to know what position you had Biker Chick in last night?” She laughs.
“I never told you that.” I defend myself, though I immediately search my thoughts. At least I don’t think I told her that.
“Drew.” She laughs, “Drew!”
I pull away from my thoughts to look at her.
“Relax, you’re going to rupture something thinking that hard.”
“Shut up,” I whine, sitting back down. “Did I tell you?”
She laughs a little harder, “No. Thank god. I just know you that you guys angry fucked and that she wasn’t talking to you earlier. Have you heard from her?”
Blowing out a breath, I shake my head. “Nope.”
“Text her.”
“I’ve been texting her all day, I’m starting to look like a creep.”
“Have you tried calling?”
I shake my head. “I’m not trying to look like a stalker.”
“You’re not. Just call. If it rings and then goes to voicemail, she’s pissed. If it rings through or goes straight to voicemail her phone could be dead or she’s busy. It is Christmas Eve.”
“She did say her dad was a having a party tonight.” I tell her pulling out my phone.
“See? She’s probably just busy. You said she’s into this whole friends-with-benefits thing just as much as you, she probably doesn’t even care.”
I nod to her while the phone rings in my ear. “It’s ringing.” Just as the words fall from my lips, her voicemail cuts over. “Fuck.” I sigh ending the call. “She’s pissed.”
Haley laughs and I glare at her. “It’s funny.”
“Is it?”
“It really is.”
“Okay, giggles. Well, why don’t you help me instead of laughing?”
She rolls her eyes in famous Haley fashion, “God, this bitch is turning you into such a grouch. Okay you want my help? Fine. You need to go see her.”
“What? I asked for help not make the situation worse.”
“I’m serious. You need to go apologize.
”
“Apologizing isn’t going to help when she labels me a Class 1 Clinger, Hales.”
“Ugh, you’re such a guy. You fucked up, you brought this situation on yourself by acting like a prick. The longer you draw this out the worse it’s going to be.”
“So, I just walk up to her and say, sorry I fucked you and left?”
“Is that what you did?”
“What are you my shrink? Yeah, that’s what I did.”
“If that’s all you did you wouldn’t feel so guilty.”
“I was my usual asshole self.” I shrug.
“You’re not typically an asshole, Drew. You’re actually really sweet and care far more than you let on.”
“I’m always an asshole.”
“Save the self-loathing for me, I do it better. Go see her. It’s the only way to fix this.”
I make a face and groan.
“She’s right.” Maria pipes in from the stove. “Vin and Jules won’t be back for a while. You’ve got time.”
“Eavesdropper.”
She smiles at my tone, “You know she’s right.”
“Do not.” I do. I just don’t like admitting I was wrong.
“You weren’t raised to treat women poorly. You can go fix this, or you can have two women mad at you.”
“Three.” Haley says beside me with a sweet smile.
“And what are you gonna do?” I challenge, “Stay here and make nice with Parker?”
“Nope.” Maria speaks up again, “She’s going to stay here with me and help me salvage this dinner. I’ll text you when everyone gets here.”
I roll my eyes, “Fucking women and your code of Pussy’s Unite.” Catching both their glares, I surrender my hands, “Fine! I’m going, I’m going. But when this ends badly I expect meals catered to my bed from you,” I point to Maria, “And a lap dance from you.” I end with a glare to Haley.
“Go.” Haley growls and my balls suck up into my body a little.
Moving quickly out of arms reach, I pull the key to my bike off the hook.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
EMMA
Sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, I read through the instructions for the umpteenth time when I hear a motorcycle. Lowering the paper, I listen closer as unease fills my stomach. Please don’t be my dad or one of the guys, please don’t be my dad or one of the guys. I am in no mood for a heart to heart right now.