by Ivy Smoak
If it was up to me, I’d still be hiding out. But my bosses apparently needed me. The girl who I usually worked with had taken the day off. Plus, if I took any more days off, I wouldn't be able to afford to eat. Which was a huge problem because cooking was one of the only things I still enjoyed doing. At this rate, instead of getting my act together this summer, I’d gain 100 pounds.
Fridays were my least favorite day to work because they were busier than Mondays and Wednesdays. But today it was good to have the distraction. I was training a new girl, which gave me even less time to think about my disastrous date. Or lack thereof. I hadn't had that much to drink in awhile. And I had never held my alcohol well, which I knew for a fact after margarita night when I’d first told Kristen about my crush in the first place. For the life of me, I wasn’t sure why I’d allowed myself to have more than one drink with my lifeguard or Kristen. Alcohol led to bad decisions and bad behavior. Shame on me.
My thoughts wandered back to my date-pocalypse, which I was now calling it. I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a date or not, but it really didn't matter. Either way, I’d come to the conclusion that I’d acted insane. And he’d acted like a complete jerk. Hopefully avoiding him for the last week would have given him enough time to forget about me. Hell, he probably hadn't thought about me since. After all…he was labeled as a jerk in my mind for a reason.
I showed the new girl how to ring up a customer on the cash register. We didn't have a button for the different sizes, we just had to memorize all the prices. At night everyone had their own small credit card readers since there were so many people. I was supposed to teach her how to use that as well, but we were never overly busy during the day. I always just used the credit card reader on the cash register and had quickly forgotten how to use my small one. If Keira and Rory ever called me in for a night shift I wouldn't be much help.
The new girl, Becca, was still in high school. For some reason her optimism about this job was annoying me. Also the fact that Becca was short for Rebecca didn’t help. It just reminded me that Aiden had left me for someone he deemed better. A Rebecca with bigger tits than me and new girl Becca combined.
All I wanted to do was go to the beach. I had worn my bathing suit underneath my clothes and was planning on a quick escape. I hadn't felt the sand beneath my feet since I ran away from my lifeguard. My lifeguard. I shook my head. I was so ridiculous. And technically I had felt the sand recently. It was still in my bed because I was a crazy nester who hadn’t washed her sheets in weeks.
Becca needed to practice handling the customers, so I hung back and observed her. She was so bubbly. She was perfect for this job. Hopefully Keira and Rory hadn't hired her to replace me. I shook my head. I doubted that they’d fire me. My two bosses were amazing. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d paired me with Becca to punish me for calling in sick for a week. But that was my own fault. Maybe I deserved to be punished for my pile of lies.
I looked down at my phone. I’d gotten in the habit of doing that ever since I’d called my ex last week. He hadn't called me back. I never expected him to. We hadn't talked since he broke up with me.
I had made so many ridiculous choices last Thursday night. Well, ever since Thursday. Being holed up in my apartment and ignoring Kristen’s pleas for me to see the light of day again, hadn’t exactly been healthy. At least when she left me to my own devices I read instead of watching Project Runway without her. I definitely never did that. Well, maybe one season. But I didn’t mind watching it again. I’d be just as excited the second time around. I didn’t care if Tim Gunn was gay or if Swatch was a dog. They were the only men for me.
Besides, after reading book after book after book, I’d run out of them. The only book I hadn't read was Twisted Love. I’d even removed the bookmark so I wouldn’t be tempted to pick up where I’d last left off. I didn't want to read a romance anymore. It was good but I wasn't in the mood. It had made me realize that I still had dozens of books that I had left in my ex's apartment. I wanted them back. Getting a piece of my dignity back wouldn’t hurt either. I’d made a fool out of myself by calling him last week. There’d be no more tomfoolery from me. Just poised confidence.
I took a deep breath and clicked on his name in my phone. It rang twice and then went to voicemail. I hadn't expected it to go to voicemail so fast. He must have seen me calling and rejected it. He was screening my calls. The answering machine beeped.
"Hey ba..." I coughed. Did I seriously almost call him babe? I coughed again. "Hey, Aiden. Sorry about the call the other night. Too much partying out here." I paused, knowing he’d probably just think I was trying to sound okay when I wasn’t. I’m not okay. I hadn’t been okay since I found him in bed with someone else. I cleared my throat. "I was just thinking about all those books I left at your place. Could you mail them to me? I can PayPal you the money for shipping if you want. Just let me know what it costs." I quickly gave him my new address and then repeated it. "And you know, if there's anything else that's mine. Actually, there was this sweater and a dress I really liked that I left...well, anything that's mine. Ship everything. I hope you're having a good summer." I felt my throat catch. "Thanks, Aiden." I quickly hung up. I shouldn't have called him again. I'd just buy new books and a new sweater and a new dress.
"How do you open the cash register?" Becca asked. She seemed distraught.
I laughed and walked over to her.
***
My shift was almost over. I was showing Becca how to make the cleaning solution for the counters when I saw my lifeguard coming off the beach and toward the ice cream shop. At least, it looked like he was coming this way. I wasn’t about to stand here and find out.
"And that's it,” I said as I poured in one more tablespoon of the awful lemon scented cleaning solution. I grabbed a washcloth and wrung it out. "I'll be in the back room for a sec cleaning up. Call me if you need help."
I dropped the washcloth on the table, sat down on one of the stools in the back room, and took a deep breath. Why was he coming here? I guess it was possible that I was wrong. He was probably just walking by after work to get to his apartment. That was it. I sighed with relief after a few minutes had gone by. There was no way he'd still be out there. I got up and wiped down the table.
"Are we allowed to do a bunch of little scoops of different flavors that in the end make up one normal sized scoop? And then just charge them for a single scoop?" Becca was standing by the doorway.
What the hell? "No."
"There's this guy that is insisting that he wants like a million different flavors. I don't know what to do."
"Sometimes customers are the worst. I'll try to talk to him." Our mantra was to always give the customers whatever they wanted. But some people were just horrible. I wish our mantra was, “Go away and just let me stand here doing nothing and make minimum wage.” That would be amazing. The thought made me sigh. I still remembered how the ice cream counter girl stared at me after Aiden dumped me. She thought I was diseased or something. One of the reasons I took this job was so that I could make people’s days better by having a smile on my face. I plastered one on, even though it felt super fake. Just because I was having a bad day, it didn’t mean I needed to spread the frownies around.
I walked out of the back room. My lifeguard was standing by the counter. He smiled at me. Of course it was him being obnoxious. He had probably just been flirting with Becca. Ass. Face.
"No, you can't have a million different flavors and only pay for one scoop,” I said. “That's ridiculous." I knew I was being rude, but I was pissed. He had no right to come here and antagonize me and my co-workers.
"I know it's ridiculous. I just needed to talk to you."
"I'm working. We're busy." He was the only customer waiting in line. At dinner time we were always dead, even on Fridays.
He looked behind him. "Okay. I'm just going to sit over there and we can talk when you get off at 5:30."
"How do you know that I get off at 5:30?"
"That girl that you usually work with told me. By the way, she really missed you. Apparently she doesn't have to do any work when you're around. You really shouldn't let people step all over you like that."
For some reason I wanted to slap him. "Are you seriously lecturing me on the fact that I’m a pushover? You have a lot of nerve."
"5:30. I'll be sitting right there." He pointed to a bench to the right.
"I can't stop you from sitting there."
"Alright then." He looked down at his watch. "See you in 20 minutes." He walked away. But he went past the bench and down the boardwalk.
Weird. Maybe he had changed his mind. I hope he’d changed his mind.
But he didn't. Fifteen minutes later he was back with a Grottos pizza box. He sat down on the bench and crossed his right ankle over his left knee. He took off his aviators, hooked them on the front of his shirt, and stared directly at me.
His eyes really were enchanting. I turned away from him. I needed to not look at his eyes. It was like they had a trance over me. When I turned around he was still staring at me. Stop it! I tried to pay attention to the new employee instead of my lifeguard.
"So how do you like your new job?" I asked Becca.
"It's lots of fun. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to score a position at Sweet Cravings. We’re both so lucky, don’t you think?"
Of course that was her answer. "Definitely.” I drummed my fingers against the counter. Our shift was over, and she was looking at me expectantly. But I didn’t want to leave. Walking out of here meant walking toward my lifeguard. And I didn’t want to walk anywhere near him. Even if he did have beautiful eyes and a pizza.
“Is it time to go?” Becca asked.
Classic Becca, not able to read my mind. In her defense, she didn’t know me. And she certainly didn’t know that I wanted to stay locked in here forever. Plus our replacements had already arrived. And it was in fact time to leave.
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “Let's divvy up tips and we can get going." I dumped out the tip jar and counted it out. We each got fifteen dollars. The awesome tips were the only good thing about Fridays. "Well, hopefully we'll get to work together sometime again. It was nice meeting you."
"You too!"
I hung up my apron and grabbed my beach bag. Usually I had a purse, but since I had planned to go to the beach after work I had opted for my usual beach bag. I took a deep breath and went outside. My lifeguard stood up and walked over to me.
"I think I owe you a pizza." He smiled at me.
"No, it's fine. I'm actually not hungry." I was starving and the smell of the pizza had my mouth watering. But I wasn’t hungry enough to eat with a dick.
"Oh, yeah, I heard you've been really sick." He said it normally, but I heard it in a sarcastic rude way. Because that’s what I thought of him.
"I was sick." I wasn't.
"I'm not arguing with you." He shrugged his shoulders.
"I actually have plans right now," I said and started walking toward the beach.
He quickly caught up to me. "What are your plans?"
"I haven't been to the beach in a while."
"Okay, I'll come with you." He walked silently beside me across the boardwalk, through the sand, and close to where the water was breaking.
I glanced at him. I thought he’d have left by now. I didn't know what he wanted me to say. But the pizza did smell good. And I really was hungry. Choices, choices.
"Look, I do owe you a pizza,” he said. “And you owe me an explanation. So let's eat and talk."
If anything he owed me an apology. But I wasn’t about to play whatever game he was trying to play. "We don't owe each other anything."
"Actually we do. You won this pizza fair and square in a bet." He sat down in the sand. "And you walked out on me in the middle of our date with no explanation. I want to know why."
It was a date? I looked down at him. His blue eyes were so endearing. I grabbed my towel out of my bag and spread it on the ground. He brushed the sand off his swim trunks and sat down next to me on my towel. He opened up the box and raised his left eyebrow.
"What, is it drugged or something?"
He laughed. "No."
I took a slice. He grabbed one too and closed the lid to the box.
"I'm sorry about what my friends said. I told them about you being a stalker in a funny way. Like how I kid with you. I wasn't serious. I'm sorry if that's what upset you."
"It's fine. You don't have to apologize. I just drank too much." But even as the words left my mouth, I knew they weren’t true. Because truly I had needed to hear that apology. It was nice to hear an “I’m sorry” after so much radio silence from Aiden. Maybe I’d misjudged this guy after all.
"Maybe you drank a little too much too.”
"Well even drunk me completely owned you in ping pong."
"That you did." He smiled at me.
I looked back out at the water instead of at him. "I convinced myself that you had been making fun of me behind my back. I thought maybe you were just being nice to the weird girl who always comes to the beach alone."
He laughed. "The sexy, weird girl. You're missing a very important adjective there."
I felt my face flush. "And I think watching you with Abby and all the other girls you talked to made me think I had misjudged everything."
"They're all just friends."
"You act very flirtatious with every girl you talk to."
"I didn't realize I was doing that."
"Well, you do. Which made me think I was just your friend too. I was embarrassed that I thought it was more. And that's when your friend came up and called me a stalker. I just snapped." I’m on high alert for assholes because I dated one for almost three years and was blind to it the whole time.
"Well, I thought it was date. It was with a bunch of my friends, but I was trying to get to know you. If you had stayed for pizza, we would have had more time to talk just the two of us." He pulled out another slice of pizza for me.
"Thanks," I said and grabbed it. I looked out toward the water. "But even if it was a date, it doesn't really matter. I shouldn't have said yes to going. I'm really not in any place to start a new relationship." So you can leave now. But please leave the pizza. I appreciate your donation.
"Is that one of the reasons why you came here? To get away from someone?"
Why was he so intrusive? Why was he still sitting here? I felt like I wanted to cry. It was so hard for me to talk about. Every time I thought about it, it was like it had just happened. But maybe it would help to talk about it out loud. And I needed another friend because Kristen was probably sick of me by now. Or literally sick from all the sugar we’d both consumed this week. Maybe my lifeguard was just what I needed. I kept my eyes on the water. "I went to SMU because I thought it would be this fun new adventure. But as soon as I moved into my dorm I realized just how far away I was from everyone I knew. I felt so alone. So when I met Aiden…” my voice trailed off. I clung to him like a lifeline, without even really knowing him. It was the first time I’d ever thought of it like that. But it was true. I just needed someone…and he fell into my lap. I shook my head. “We started dating right away and I pretty much devoted all my free time to him. I became friends with all his friends, but didn't take the time to make any friends of my own. I thought I was so in love with him. I thought he was all that mattered. I know, looking back at it now, how ridiculous that was. We were so young. I'm still young." I stopped talking for a few seconds, but my lifeguard stayed quiet. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.
"Right before spring break I had this stupid idea in my head that he was going to propose. Instead, I walked in on him having sex with some slut with huge breasts. He broke up with me right there. With her watching from the bed. No explanation. Just…I was out of his life. I’m pretty sure they had been screwing around behind my back for months. And I didn't see it. He didn't even have enough respect for me to tell me the truth. It was so hard
finding out and her watching me fall apart. And that was it. We were done in just a few minutes. The last two and a half years meant nothing.
“All of our mutual friends turned out to not really be my friends at all. I was so lonely. It was unbearable. And I was too upset to go out and make new friends. I just stayed in my room like a complete loser, thinking about everything that I had lost. I tried to think about what went wrong. I needed closure. I needed to know why. But he wouldn't talk to me. It was like I had never even existed in his life. So I walked around campus like a ghost."
I wiped away the tears from my cheeks. "I'm sorry, that was like the most dramatic..."
"Don't." He grabbed my hand so I couldn't wipe away my tears. "Don't act like it's nothing if it's not."
I looked up at him. "I want to feel whole again. That's why I came here. I need to figure out what I want by myself. I've spent too much time thinking about myself as half of a whole."
He squeezed my hand. "I get that. And I know what it feels like."
"For your boyfriend to break up with you?" I tried to lighten the mood.
"No." He laughed. "To feel broken. To be cheated on. All of it. I get why you ran out on me the other night. It takes time to trust people again after that."
I liked the feeling of his hand in mine. It was so nice having someone listen to me. But the fact that he understood made it even better. "Do you mind me asking what happened?"
He shrugged. "It was a long time ago. My high school girlfriend and I decided to stay together after graduation even though we were going to different schools. She cheated on me the first semester we were apart. I think you learn a lot from shitty stuff like that. I learned that long distance relationships don't work. I'll never try to do one again. And I guess from yours, you learned that you shouldn't date assholes." He smiled down at me.
"Yeah." I looked out back toward the water. He doesn't do long distance relationships. So why did he ask me on a date in the first place? And why is he holding my hand right now? I snuck a sideways glance at him. Maybe he was just being nice. It didn't matter either way though. I really wasn't ready to date again. But I could use a friend. "So now you know all about me, even down to my most humiliating moment.” I pulled my hand away from him, ignoring the fact that my whole body suddenly felt cold. “What's your story?"