by Ivy Smoak
I knew he was messing with me, but it seemed like another perfect opportunity to tell him the truth. Why is this so awkward? I swallowed hard. His eyes were so distracting.
"Yo, guys! Come on!" Clint yelled again.
I smiled at my lifeguard and started walking toward the group of lifeguards that had formed away from the water. It was impossible to talk to him, so being more flirtatious was definitely the only thing I could do. I walked over to Clint. "Hey, your girlfriend seemed nice. Is she going to come play?"
"Who? Elle?" Clint laughed. "I don't have a girlfriend, Stalker Girl."
"Oh." Awkward.
"Okay, Reggie and I are the captains," Clint said. "I'll take J.J."
My lifeguard walked over and stood next to Clint. He whispered something in Clint's ear. My heart started beating fast. It felt like I was in high school all over again. I didn't want to be picked last. It was always so mortifying just standing, waiting. And I wanted to be on my lifeguard's team. I hoped he’d just told Clint to choose me next. I wouldn’t let them down. After all, I was a beast.
I started to pull my hair up into a ponytail. It was time to get serious.
"Hey, are you any good?"
I turned my head toward Reggie. He was looking right at me. I turned around to see if there was some big strong man behind me who Reggie was actually staring at. Nope. I looked back at him.
"Who, me?" I asked.
"Yeah, you." He smiled at me.
"I'm...okay." I was standing next to two tall, muscular lifeguards. He couldn’t seriously be about to pick me. It didn’t make any sense. From a competitive standpoint, I should be one of the last picks just because I was so much shorter than everyone else. Smaller legs meant slower.
"Come be on my team,” Reggie said.
I definitely didn't expect to be picked first for someone's team. I looked over my shoulder at my lifeguard as I walked toward Reggie. He looked kind of pissed. Maybe this was just what I needed. If I could make him jealous, then maybe he'd admit that he wanted to be more than friends too. Besides, now the tackling strategy was a go. We were about to take a sexy roll in the sand.
Reggie leaned down and whispered in my ear. "I haven't seen you around. What's your name?"
"Mila." I put my hand out for him.
He shook it. "It's nice to meet you, Mila. Are you just here for the summer?" He was completely ignoring the fact that it was his turn to pick someone again.
"Um, I think it's your turn to choose someone."
"Right. Alex!" he said and turned back to me. "Are you going to the 4th of July beach party?"
"I actually didn't know about it. Is it just on the beach somewhere near here?" Rehoboth beach wasn’t that big, but if it was on the other end of it, I might miss it. How had I not even heard of it?
"Yeah, and it's going to be a lot of fun. They set off fireworks and there's tons of food and drinks. You should definitely come." He called out another name.
"That sounds great. I'll think about it." I looked over at my lifeguard. His hands were in his pockets and he was scowling slightly. This is working.
"I'll give you my number after we're done so that I can tell you where it is," Reggie said.
I wanted to say, "Can’t you just tell me now?” But I knew he was probably just flirting with me. It made me realize that I didn't even have my lifeguard’s number yet. Why didn't I? Wasn't exchanging numbers one of the first things that people who liked each other did? This is so frustrating.
After both teams were selected, my team got in a circle and listened to Reggie. Apparently they did this all the time. And they had terminology that I had never heard of before. All I understood was that Reggie was the quarterback. Embarrassing J.J. wasn’t what I wanted to accomplish today…but it was looking like that was what was about to happen. I shouldn’t have told him I knew how to play. Tossing a football around with my dad didn’t exactly make me an all-star.
"Sorry, what do you want me to do?" I asked.
"Just try to get open," he said.
"Okay." I stood next to Reggie when we got into formation. We were running something called a slant route. Fortunately it had nothing to do with me.
My lifeguard positioned himself directly across from me.
"You're going down," he said.
"In your dreams."
"I have dreamt of you going down on me."
What? "Shit," I mumbled. The play had started and I was still standing there staring at him. "Stop distracting me," I hissed and tried to run past him. My heart was racing from his comment. Was he serious? Had he really dreamt of that? Focus on the game!
He kept moving in front of me so that I couldn't get past him. I put my hands on his abs and tried to push him out of the way. He just laughed and kept blocking me. Someone else caught the ball and was stopped a quarter of the way toward the line in the sand that signaled the end zone.
"Shouldn't you be paired up with someone your own size?" I asked and playfully shoved J.J.’s arm.
"I'll go easy on you the next play. Show me what you got."
I got back in position. This time my lifeguard let me run past him, but Reggie threw the ball to someone else. When I walked back over to Reggie, he high-fived me.
"Great job getting open. The next one is coming to you," Reggie said.
I smiled to myself. I so badly wanted to score against my lifeguard. Then I could do a touchdown dance and rub it in his dirty mouth. Thinking about his mouth was distracting again.
"And, hut!" Reggie yelled.
I ran past my lifeguard again and turned around. The ball flew toward me. I reached up and caught it perfectly. But before I could turn back around to start running, my lifeguard wrapped his arms around me.
"J.J.!" I screamed as we both fell into the sand.
He laughed as he rolled on top of me.
"Isn't this supposed to be two hand touch?" I couldn't help giggling. This was so much fun. He had done to me exactly what I was hoping to do to him. Tackling was so much better than limiting it to two hands. I liked my whole body pressed against his.
"I did touch you with two hands. And then I tackled you. I can touch you again if you need me to, though." He raised his eyebrow.
My body felt like it was about to combust.
"Hey, lovebirds!" Clint yelled. "Let's keep it going."
My lifeguard pushed himself up, put his hand out for me, and helped me up. "Oh, sorry," he said and pulled me in close. "I got sand all over you." He wiped his free hand across my ass and down the back of my thigh."
Holy shit. "J.J." I pushed my hand against his chest. "Stop trying to distract me."
"That's not exactly what I was doing, but that's an added bonus."
He released me and walked back over to his team. If he wasn't trying to distract me, what was he doing? I walked back over to my team as I brushed the rest of the sand off my ass. This time Reggie completely ignored me. Oh. Was my lifeguard really just trying to make Reggie back off? The thought made me smile. J.J. was jealous. I wasn’t just smiling, I was beaming. He was basically laying claim to me. Which was old-fashioned and should have infuriated me…but I wasn’t really a feminist. He likes me back!
On the next play, someone from my lifeguard's team intercepted the ball. They were stopped close to the end zone. Now I needed to try to stop my lifeguard from scoring. It was time to stop flirting and focus. He was going down. My lifeguard ran towards me and easily sidestepped me. Clint tossed him the ball and they scored.
Shit.
The game went on for a long time. After an hour or so, I was completely exhausted from trying to chase my lifeguard everywhere. He was too freaking good at football. Actually, they all were. I was definitely the weak link on my team. We were down by one touchdown and we were really close to the end zone. I ran past my lifeguard and turned around just in time to see the football sailing toward me. It was only the fourth one that had been thrown my way all day. I caught it. Because I’m a baller.
I sta
rted running. I'm going to score! I was a few feet away from the end zone when my lifeguard picked me up and hoisted me over his shoulder.
"J.J.!" I screamed.
He started running in the opposite direction toward his own end zone. His hand slipped to my ass. I wasn't sure if it was to steady me or because he just wanted to touch me. But I loved the feeling of his hands on me.
"J.J.!" I yelled again as he crossed the line.
He started to do a victory dance while still holding me.
I leaned down and slapped his ass. "Put me down. Obviously that doesn't count, cheater."
He slowly lowered me, keeping me against his torso. "I think it does count. You're such a sore loser."
"No, it doesn't count! You can't pick up players."
"Well, it might not count as a touchdown, but that was your last down. Which means you lose." He let go of my waist and grabbed the football out of my hands. He ran over to his team and high-fived all of them.
I walked over to my team. "Sorry, guys."
"Don't worry about it," Reggie said. "We'll get them next time." He leaned in closer to me. "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't realize that you were dating J.J."
I looked over at J.J. He was giving some super tan girl with long blonde hair a hug. It felt like his hands lingered a beat too long. And the way he smiled at her when he pulled back from the hug was the exact same way he smiled at me. My stomach rolled over. I thought I had made him jealous, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was just trying to distract me during the game. "I'm not dating J.J.," I said. Just because I wanted to be, it didn’t make it true.
Reggie smiled. "In that case, I think I promised you my number."
I watched J.J. talking to the girl. It was like he had eyes only for her. Maybe I hadn't successfully made him jealous, but he had sure made me jealous. "Right. For directions to the party?"
"Yeah. Do you have a pen?"
"Um. In my bag." I pointed to my towel in the distance and we both started walking toward it. "I'm really sorry about blowing the game. I’ve really only ever tossed the ball around in my backyard before.” He didn’t need to know that it was years ago. Or that my dad had probably gone easy on me.
Reggie laughed. "It wasn't your fault. Like I said, we'll get them next time."
I tried to brush some of the sand off myself as we approached my towel. When I got to my bag, I looked back at my lifeguard. He was still talking to the same girl. The rest of his team had started to disperse, but J.J. and that girl were practically glued together. I grabbed the pen out of my bag and handed it to Reggie.
"Do you have any paper?"
"I'm sure I do somewhere." I leaned over to rummage through my bag again, but he grabbed my hand.
"Here," he said. He held my hand as wrote his number on the back of it. He rubbed his thumb against the ink and it smeared slightly. I wasn't sure if it was because I was sweaty or because I was wearing sunscreen. Just the thought of sunscreen was a lie. It was definitely the sweat. I was a mess.
Reggie brought my hand up to his mouth and blew on it. I swallowed hard and looked up at him. He was handsome. He had sandy blonde hair and his skin wasn't nearly as tan as the other lifeguards. There was something about him that just seemed normal and somehow familiar and comforting. He was more like a person than a model. But he was still ripped and his smile was bright. I quickly looked away when he dropped my hand.
"Thanks. I'll text you later."
"Okay, great. I’ll see you next week if I don’t see you sooner. It's going to be lots of fun."
"Sounds good."
"It was nice meeting you, Mila." He went to hug me at the same time I put my hand out for him to shake, so I ended up rubbing my palm against his chest.
"Oh, sorry," I laughed.
"Geez, you're already trying to feel me up? I'm going to have to keep my eye on you. See you later." He smiled at me and walked away.
I sighed and went down to the water. The breeze coming off the ocean felt refreshing. I didn't want Reggie to like me. I wanted J.J. to like me. I folded my arms across my chest. Liking J.J. was like being on a rollercoaster ride. I just wanted us to both be on a carousel or something instead. I was done with the ups and downs.
"Hey," J.J. said. He had run over to me. "It's Grottos night. You in?"
I looked behind me. The girl with blonde hair was staring at us. "I'm all sandy. I think I just want to go take a shower. I'll come next time." I smiled at him.
"You sure? You can just rinse off on the boardwalk. It's not a big deal. I'm sandy too."
"That's because you kept cheating and tackling me."
"Tackle football is more fun. Come on, let's go."
"I just feel all gross. I'll catch you later. Besides, tons of other people are going with you. You don't need me." What am I doing? Am I just giving up? I'm such a coward. I looked out at the water. I didn't want to compete for his attention. This was exhausting. I wanted to curl up in my bed and go to sleep. Where had my boldness from earlier gone?
"Are you okay?"
"I just feel really tired. All I want to do is shower and sleep."
"Okay. Do you want me to walk you home?" He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.
It was pretty clear that he didn’t want to. All his friends were already leaving. "No." I laughed. "I'm not sick. Just tired. Go. Have fun."
"Okay, Jellyfish Girl. I'll see you tomorrow." He put his hand on my shoulder for a second and then walked away.
I watched him go up to the girl he had been talking to. She bumped her shoulder against his and they started laughing as they walked toward the boardwalk together.
Maybe I was wrong about being ready to date. When Aiden had dumped me I felt so pathetic and worthless. I felt worthless again right now. I wasn't as pretty as the girl J.J. was talking to. I couldn't compete with her. Besides, if J.J. really did like me, he'd probably already be with me.
And what was with that crap about seeing me tomorrow? He didn’t have my number. He’d never asked for it. All he meant was that he was going to stop by Sweet Cravings to get a free scoop. I was just the schmuck that had offered him a summer of free ice cream.
I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want to feel like this again. I grabbed my stuff and stormed back to my apartment, trying to hide my tears the whole way.
Chapter 16
Sunday
I sat down in the back room of the ice cream shop and pulled out my phone. It was hard to get out of bed in the morning. It felt like I was back at school, moping around. But I knew I had to fight the feeling. I couldn't get sucked back into that hole again. And if I thought once more about that blonde slut falling asleep in J.J.'s arms, I'd lose it.
To J.J.’s credit, he did stop by the ice cream shop on Friday. And he hadn’t asked for free ice cream or anything. He just asked if I wanted to hang out. I’d told him I had plans with Kristen. Which was true…dinner with Kristen was one of my favorite things.
Regardless, I was pretty sure he was growing very suspicious that Kristen didn’t exist. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t sure if I knew how to be just his friend, so I had to keep turning him down. It was the only thing I could do to keep my heart intact. How was I supposed to hang out with him for hours as friends when all I wanted to do was reenact our kiss? Or the way he touched me in the sand? It wasn’t possible. There was no way to go back to being platonic.
I looked down at my hand. Reggie's number had vanished a few showers ago. But I found myself constantly staring at my hand like maybe it had all the answers anyway. I wanted to go to the party tomorrow. I’d taken today’s shift partly because I didn’t want to work on the crazy busy 4th of July and partially because I didn’t want to miss the party. And maybe I didn’t want J.J. to know my schedule anymore. To get tomorrow off I’d also had to grab a Tuesday shift. Maybe I’d just change all my days to avoid him.
I sighed. That was ridiculous. I couldn’t avoid him forever. I couldn’t stay fixated on J.J. fo
r the rest of my life. I needed to get out there and make more friends and meet more people. And maybe if I let a few more people in, I wouldn’t be so obsessed with him.
Reggie had invited me to the 4th of July party. I owed it to him to give at least a friendship between us a chance. It wasn’t like J.J. had asked me to the party. We were just friends right now because I was too much of a coward to tell him how I felt. If he was even going, he was probably taking the blonde girl. Maybe she was offering him something I couldn’t…a move to New York. And I definitely couldn’t offer him that. The closest I could get was Newark. Even that was a stretch. I hadn’t heard back from the admissions office yet.
I took a deep breath and typed out a text to Reggie. "Hey! It's Mila. So, where exactly on the beach is that party?" I pressed send.
A few minutes later I got his response. "Hey, Mila! I forget what street it's near. How about I just come to your place and we can find it together?"
I smiled to myself. He was cute. And he probably didn't flirt with every girl he talked to like J.J. did. I gave him my address and pressed send. Then I pulled up the text from Aiden. I was suddenly feeling bold again. And that shithead hadn't mailed me my books yet.
"I'm having a fantastic summer. Although I haven't gotten my books yet. Did you mail them?" I pressed send.
My phone buzzed a minute later. I swiped my finger across the screen, expecting a text from Reggie. But it was Aiden. "Mila, I need to talk to you. Can I call you?"
I put my phone down on the table. Now he finally wants to talk to me? His text from last week was the first time I heard from him since we broke up. I didn't want to talk to him now. I never wanted to talk to him again.
I walked out of the back room.
"Hey, do you mind if I get going a little early? I'm not feeling well," I said to Becca, who I was being teamed up with more and more. Probably because she was always so cheery and I was so…not. The thought of hearing Aiden’s voice made me want to throw up. Besides, J.J. might be showing up any minute to ask if I want to hang out. He probably knew I was randomly working here today. Because clearly he was the stalker, not me. And I didn’t know what to say to him. I mean…what was there to say? He knew I liked him. Of course he knew that. I didn’t need to say it out loud for him to see it. And being around him was just too hard.