by R. A. Rock
“Right.”
“But Finn here?” Ethan gave her a grim look. “His magic only falls down from the top of his head to his chin, so to speak.”
“Oh, I get it,” Jayde said, doing the math in her head. “His waist would be three months left. His chest would be one and a half months or six weeks. So, if he’s at his chin, that would be three weeks.”
“Exactly,” Ethan confirmed. “Except that I can see there's a little less than when I checked him before, which means that the warding spell depleted him some more. Finn, man, you’ve got to stop using magic.”
Finn seemed far more anxious than he had been ten minutes before.
“You won’t even be able to stay long enough to help Tess get the Chalice if you keep being so reckless with your Starlight,” Ethan warned him.
“Okay, okay, I get it,” Finn said, taken aback by Ethan’s warnings. “I’ll be careful.”
“Good,” Ethan said, seeming content that he understood.
They all drank quietly for a few minutes, thinking about what Ethan had said. Tess just couldn’t wrap her head around the idea that Finn had so little Starlight left.
“Finn, I think we should go back,” she suddenly said into the silence.
“What are you talking about, Tess?” Finn said, looking at her with bleary eyes.
How much of that tequila had he had?
“I can’t risk your life,” Tess said, standing up and walking to the window, where she gazed out at Calgary, sprawling across the prairie in all directions. “The Chalice isn’t worth it. Ending the Severance isn’t worth it.”
“Oh now it’s not worth it?” Finn said, his voice bitter. Tess turned, her regret tearing through her. “What about when my family was in danger? You could sacrifice them but now you can’t sacrifice me?”
“Finn, please,” Tessa said. “I’m so sorry about that. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“More faerie drama,” Ethan said to Jayde. “We don’t need to know what they’re talking about.”
Finn poured himself another shot, spilling a little on the table.
“I have plenty of reasons why we shouldn’t go back,” he said, lifting the glass and spilling it a little again as he did. He downed the shot of clear liquid. “Number one, I still have two and a half weeks, Ethan says, and I believe him. That is plenty of time to get the Chalice.”
Finn poured another shot.
“Two.” He drank, banging the shot glass on the table. “Going back might just kill me, so I might as well have my last two and half weeks here while I still can. Who knows? Going back now might mean I die that much sooner.”
Finn handed the bottle to Ethan who poured him another shot.
“Three,” he continued, shooting the tequila and setting the glass back on the table with a small splash as he hit the puddle of alcohol he’d made with the earlier shot. “There’s that pesky palm vow I made to help you end the Severance.”
“You’re pretty loose with your palm vows, I’d say,” Ethan told Finn, pouring himself a shot of tequila too.
“That I am,” Finn agreed. “That vow would likely send me straight back here so that I can keep it. So even if I went home, I’d likely have to catch an Angel Uber right back here. And you know I can’t afford an Angel, Tess.”
Tess was silent through all this, watching Finn with a resigned expression on her face.
“Four,” Finn went on, glancing at Ethan, who nodded. They both shot their tequila and slammed their glasses on the table in unison. Grinning, they high fived, missing the first time. “Even if there wasn’t all that magic tying me to this…”
And suddenly, he gazed deep into Tessa’s eyes, not seeming drunk at all.
“I said I would do this thing,” Finn said, completely in earnest. “And I will. I’m not chickening out now.”
He reached across the table and took Tessa’s hand.
“We’re going to get the Chalice. And we’re going to get the other magical objects. And we’re going to end the Severance. We’ll find a way, Tess. We always do. Okay?”
“Okay,” Tess said, feeling somehow terribly upset and reassured at the same time. She didn’t know if she could do this without Finn and it seemed that she wouldn’t have to find out.
Tess didn’t know whether to be happy about that or to go in the bathroom and cry.
Chapter 37
“I’ve got the munchies,” Finn declared, glancing around Jayde’s apartment as if he expected snack foods to suddenly materialize just because he wanted them to. “Have you got any of those—what are they called, Tess? Those delicious crunchy things?”
“Chips,” Tess supplied.
“Yeah,” Finn said, looking at Jayde. “Do you have any of those?”
“I don’t,” Jayde said, sounding sorry. “I’m away so often. I don’t keep much food in the house.”
“I’ll go get some,” Tess said, standing up. Outside, the sun was starting to set on this summer evening but there was still plenty of light to go for a little walk to the store. And she really needed to get out of here. She was about to start bawling if she sat and looked at Finn’s sweet face much longer. “I have plenty of the paper Ethan gave me.”
“Cash,” Ethan explained to Jayde, who nodded.
“Okay. Here’s some reusable bags to put the food in.” Jayde handed her two cloth bags, which Tess took, putting one in the other. It was an off-white bag and had a shovel on it and words that read Archeology: I dig dead people. Tess chuckled. Jayde was so cute.
Tess wished she could just do this all by herself. Get the Chalice and the other objects. End the Severance. Everything. On her own. It would be so much easier. And it wasn't fair to put them all in danger.
She went and grabbed the hoody that Jayde had let her borrow and pushed the sleeves up to her elbows because they were too short. Then she headed out the door into the hall.
The more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea of taking off and getting the Chalice on her own. For four hundred years, she had gotten things done by herself. She didn’t need anyone.
And she had never risked anyone else.
Now she had Finn depending on her to help him figure out how to not die and not destroy their world. Jayde was willing to risk her short little life to help find the Chalice. Even Ethan seemed like maybe he was going to stick around, and who knew what that meant for his music? And her heart.
All these people willing to risk themselves in some way to help her accomplish her goal. That was something she had never had before. Tess felt as though she were holding a basket with a lot of extremely fragile eggs in it and there was an earthquake coming. There was no way she could keep them all safe. And she wasn’t sure she was willing to try.
Failure would be too much for her to bear.
If she took off, then maybe Finn would see that he had to go back. He and Izzie could figure out a way to save him. Finn didn’t need her. All she did was mess up virtually everything in his life.
“Tess, wait up.” A voice broke into her thoughts. It was Ethan. He was pulling on his jacket and hurrying down the hall after her.
Damn it.
They walked down the stairs—Ethan had shown her where to find them when they arrived after the Shadows attacked them. They had been around a corner all the time. Not that she and Finn had searched very hard because the closet... no... elevator had opened and they'd gone in.
Their footsteps echoed in the stairwell and neither of them spoke, both lost in their own thoughts. When they got out onto the sidewalk, they turned right. Tess remembered there had been a little strip mall with a store in it that they had passed on the way here. She felt in her pocket for the paper that would pay for the food.
“Tessa,” Ethan began, sounding sort of formal and serious.
“Yeah?” she said, wondering where this was going.
“I wanted to apologize to you,” he said, as if he wasn’t quite sure how to go about doing so.
“For wh
at?”
“For how I treated you and Finn when you asked for my help.” He grimaced at the memory. “And for the whole mess with those women the next day. I shouldn’t have acted like that. And I’ve realized that you’re right.”
“I am?” Tess said, amazed at this contrite side that she would never have imagined that Ethan had.
“I am selfish. My friend Doyle,” he said, going into what appeared to be a completely unrelated story. “He’s so into history. I’ve known him for years and years… and I didn’t know that.”
He shook his head at himself, as if he couldn’t believe it.
Tess was quiet, sensing he wasn’t finished.
“And I just wanted to tell you that I… I’m going to try and be better. Different.”
Tess didn’t know what to say. She was totally taken aback by this side of Ethan.
Just then, his cell phone rang.
“It’s Doyle,” he said to Tess. “I have to take it.”
“Sure,” she said as they reached the store. “I’ll go in and get the snacks.”
“Hello?” Ethan answered. “Doyle?”
“Ethan,” Doyle’s formal voice came over the phone. “How are you, sir?”
“Good, Doyle. What is it?”
Suddenly, Ethan realized how rude that sounded. How selfish.
“I mean,” he amended, “how are you?”
“Me?” Doyle seemed startled. “I’m fine, sir. Thank you.”
“Did you get to do any more of that research on the Grail? I know you were enjoying it.”
“I did, sir,” Doyle said, and now there was a smile in his voice. “Are Tess and Finn all right? Did you get there in time?”
“I did. They’re good.”
Or as good as was possible, considering Finn’s circumstances, Ethan thought.
“So, what’s this about?” Ethan said, feeling mildly nervous. Doyle didn’t usually just call to say hi or check on him.
“I’m afraid I have bad news, sir. New photos have been leaked.”
“No.”
“Yes. It’s those women that were at the house around the time you met Tess and Finn. Apparently, the one friend had a grudge against the other, and it was a whole plan she had to get even. The one who left early?”
“Ashley.”
“Yes, it was her. She took pictures of you and Jennilee.”
“What? How?”
“You’d be surprised how easy it is, sir,” Doyle said apologetically. As if it was somehow his fault that Ethan lived in a damned fishbowl with everyone, everywhere watching his every damned move. Even when he was in bed with a sexy woman, it seemed.
“So Ashley was getting revenge on her friend, and I am just an unfortunate casualty of their war?”
“That’s correct, sir. The photos are terrible. They show so much. And the story she’s spreading that you pushed them into sleeping with you. And the photos are everywhere. Some of the most important names in the industry are predicting your downfall.”
Ethan was silent, the feeling of losing something infinitely precious filling him.
“Ethan?” Doyle said. “Are you there?”
“Yes. Yes. What can we do?”
“Well, I’ve laid out a thirty-seven-point plan for re-establishing yourself positively on social media. I’ve written a public apology. I think we should hold a press conference today. You can be back for it, right? And your new album is almost ready. I think once things die down a bit, we should drop it.”
Ethan was only half listening to what Doyle was saying. He understood that the music was what had healed his heart. Not the performing. Not the touring. Not the crazy life of a rock star.
When he touched a guitar and pulled the music out of it—when he sang—all the bullshit of the past centuries disappeared. All the killing. All the violence. All the craving for more, more, more. And never, ever feeling fulfilled or happy or content or satisfied with anything. The music washed it all away. The music was a balm for his scarred soul.
That was what was important. That was what he didn’t want to lose. And he didn’t have to. As long as he had his voice, he could sing. A guitar was all he needed. And he could have that peace anytime, anywhere.
In a moment of absolute clarity, Ethan knew that he would rather be here with these Fae and the human, trying to do this important thing, than saving his career.
“Ethan, are you listening?” Doyle said, sounding like he had already said that at least twice.
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean…” He shook his head, drawing a deep breath. “I’m not coming back, Doyle.”
“Never, sir?” Ethan could hear the concern in Doyle’s voice.
“Not until we do this. Not until we find the Chalice and send these Fae back to Esper.”
“But what about your career, sir? It’s so important to you. You said it’s everything.”
“I just realized that it’s the music. Not the career.”
“If you don’t come back now, Ethan, there will not be anything to come back to. You understand that, right?”
Ethan knew well enough the fickleness of human adoration. And he no longer needed it.
“Cancel the tour, Doyle.”
Doyle knew he didn’t want to tour, but Ethan had yet to tell him to officially cancel it.
“Yes, sir. If you’re sure, sir.”
“I’m sure, Doyle. Send me the details when it’s done. And you are officially in charge until I’m back. Please take care of everything.”
Really, he was already doing that. But if anything kept Ethan away for longer than he expected, he wanted everything to keep running smoothly.
“Yes, sir. And Ethan?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you for doing this.”
Ethan’s heart stopped for a moment. “You are? Why?”
“It’s a selfless and giving thing to do.” Doyle paused as if searching for the right words. “Like we spoke of before, I’ve always known that you had it in you. You just needed the right circumstances to bring it out in you. Or maybe the right person.”
“Thanks, Doyle,” Ethan said, a lump inexplicably forming in his throat. “That means a lot to me. Especially with all the bad press.”
“I know those women were willing. You would never coerce anyone. And I will make sure that the young woman retracts her statement formally. I won’t have your name smeared with that sort of nastiness, which is simply not true.”
“Thanks, Doyle. Not many people would believe there was any kind of good in me. I don’t have much of a track record.”
Doyle cleared his throat. “I have always believed in you, Ethan. Why do you think I’m still with you?”
Ethan blinked back tears. How did this conversation turn so sappy so quickly?
“Thanks, Doyle. So, you’ll send me the report when it’s all done?”
“I will, sir. Be safe.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
“Goodbye, sir.”
Ethan tapped the screen of his phone and stared at it for a long time in the deepening evening. At the sound of the door of the store opening, he looked up.
Tess came out with each of the cloth bags full. He heard the sound of plastic bags crinkling.
“Ethan?” she said, her fine eyebrows drawing together in concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Why would you say something’s wrong?” he said, meeting her eyes.
“You look as though you’ve seen a ghost. And considering who you are, that’s saying something. What did Doyle want?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m staying.”
“Staying?” Now she was scowling in earnest. “You can’t stay. What about your career? You’ve got damage control to do. Remember?”
“You trying to get rid of me, Stars?”
“No, not at all. You know it’s not that. But music is what you want. To perform. It makes you happy, you said.”
“I realized that playing makes me happy, Tess. Not going on tour. And it’s not just about
what I want. For some reason, I’ve been pulled into this, and I’m going to see it through.”
“But you can’t give up on something that’s so important to you. Just for a bunch of Faeries? And their drama? It doesn’t make sense.”
“No, Tess,” he said, taking a bag from her and then heading back to Jayde’s apartment. Tess fell into step beside him. “What doesn’t make sense is looking and searching and needing and wanting so much to be satisfied with something. And trying over and over again. But never finding satisfaction.”
Tess didn’t say anything, thinking about that.
“There was this brilliant human who said that that’s basically what insanity is. Trying the same thing again and again but expecting different results.”
“What are you saying, Ethan?”
“I’m saying that getting everything I have ever wanted… has not made me happy. It’s never made me happy. Maybe for a day or two but never permanently. And I’ve only just realized that fact. So, why not try something new?”
“And what is that something new?”
“Helping and giving. Instead of wanting and taking.”
The momentous words hung between them—powerful somehow in a way that Ethan didn’t quite understand.
“So…”
“So, I’m going to help you find the Chalice,” he said. “And I’m going to help you get Finn safely back to Ahlenerra.”
“Ethan, we can’t ask you to—”
“You’re not asking. I know that. I’m offering.” And somehow, Ethan had never felt so vulnerable as in that moment. What if they didn’t want his help? What if they didn’t want him around?
It was an unknown feeling, being unsure of his reception. He had hung around with people who wanted him for so long, he hadn’t had to work at a relationship for ages. He wasn’t sure he had ever had to prove his value.
Tess stopped walking and turned to examine his face. As she looked, she seemed to see something that hadn’t been there before and it surprised her. Ethan felt stripped bare and he didn’t like it. But he endured it because somehow this moment was important. Somehow, he knew it would change everything.