by R. A. Rock
“I made a different decision,” Finn said.
“I looked at things differently,” Ethan answered.
“I kicked some ass,” Tess told her.
“Okay,” Jayde said, putting out her arms. “Maybe that will help us. So, first of all, we stop walking. That’s not working. We can’t keep doing the same things that aren’t getting us where we want to go.”
“Done,” Ethan said, abruptly stopping. He crossed his arms.
“Now, how can we look at things differently?” Jayde said. “Ethan, can you look at the magic and see if there’s anything you can do with it?”
Ethan had to give the human credit. She was smart as a… well, as a human with a Ph.D. And she had some good ideas. He switched over to looking at the magic of the place and blew out his breath in frustration.
“We’re in a stretch of tunnel about thirty feet long,” he said, closing his eyes at his own stupidity. “It’s a spell that just loops us back to the beginning without us knowing.”
“You’re kidding,” Finn said, sitting down. “My feet are killing me.”
“How did you not know that?” Tess said to Ethan in an accusing tone. “Why didn’t you see it right away?”
Ethan pressed his lips together and stayed calm. “I don’t look at the magic of everything all the time. It would drive me crazy. And I wouldn’t be able to see regularly. When I want to look at magic, I have to change how I look at reality. If I don’t do that, then I don’t see the magic. I didn’t think to look at the tunnel. Like everyone else, I thought it would lead somewhere.”
“I see,” Tess said, still not happy. She rounded on Finn next. “Why are you getting comfortable? We need to get out of here.”
“I just need a rest, Tess,” Finn said, his voice sounding a bit weak.
She instantly looked contrite. “How do we get out of here?” Tess said to no one in particular.
“Well, we looked at things differently,” Jayde said, continuing to work through her train of thought. “Now we need to make a different decision.”
“What if we didn’t go down the tunnel, since that’s what the spell wants us to do?” Finn suggested.
“And what?” Tess said, dubious. “We’re going to go through solid rock?”
“Didn’t Ethan say it was here but not here?” Jayde said. “Maybe all it takes is…”
The human turned to face the tunnel wall and reached out her hand. When her palm ought to have touched the rock, it kept going.
“The cave wall isn’t really there,” she said, disappearing.
Finn jumped to his feet, right behind her, and Tess followed him. Ethan grabbed the flashlight where Jayde had set it down and went through the rock after them.
“Another tunnel?” he said.
“Yes, but this one is real,” Jayde said, bouncing on her toes. “And it actually leads somewhere.”
They walked down the tunnel and there was a light source that was getting brighter at the end of it.
“The light at the end of the tunnel,” Finn murmured, as always amused by English expressions. “It means that we can see an end to our trials. That there’s cause to be hopeful.”
“We know what the expression means, Finn. We all speak English… or have universal translation spells,” Ethan amended. “As the case may be.”
“Do you think that’s the Chalice?” Jayde said, barely able to contain her excitement.
“We’ll soon find out,” Tess said as they reached the light.
They walked through into a section where the tunnel widened somewhat.
And there in the middle, blocking their way, was a burning star. The fire didn’t seem to have a source and looked as though it had burned for all eternity and would continue to do so long after they were gone.
“Maybe it’s not real either,” Jayde said, walking up to it.
“Jayde, no!” Ethan yelled but it was too late.
The human screamed and pulled her hand away from the fire. It was badly burned. Jayde was shaking and looked like she might pass out. Ethan turned to Jayde to help.
“Still feeling hopeful, Finn?”
Chapter 46
Tess watched as Ethan used his power to heal Jayde. Then Finn took over, spreading her still tender skin with salve from the first-aid kit she had brought. Tess could smell the astringent scent of the cream and, over that, the slightly damp odor of the tunnels.
“The King is a bastard,” she commented, gazing at the burning star that stood in their way. It was getting late but she didn’t feel tired. Determination pushed her on. She wasn’t going to let anything stop her from getting the Chalice tonight.
“I’m pretty sure he’s not,” Ethan said, not certain why he thought that. “But the King’s parentage aside, how the hell are we going to get past that? There’s no magical way around. The stone walls really are solid rock. It seems the only way to the Chalice is through the star.”
“Trial by fire,” Finn muttered as he carefully wrapped Jayde’s hand and wrist with gauze. When he was done, he taped it, then gave her a hand up with her good arm. “We probably have to go through it.”
“I’m not going to touch that fire again,” Jayde said, staring at it with fear in her eyes. The fire flared up and burned even brighter. It was so hot, they all had to take a step back. Tess could feel it starting to sear her skin.
“What the hell?” Finn said, staring at Jayde. “Did that just…”
“Burn hotter as if my fear was feeding it?” Jayde said, wincing. “I think so.”
Tess stepped forward, thinking about walking into the fire. Fear spread through her and the fire blazed up.
“Yep,” she said. “It responds to our fear.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Jayde said, throwing her hands up in the air and walking back in the direction they had come in.
“Ethan, do you heal fast?” Tess said as Jayde returned to where their little group was standing.
“Yes,” he said, his face suspicious. “Where are you going with this, Stars?”
“I don’t want you to get burned up. But couldn’t you protect yourself with magic, and if by some chance you should happen to get burned, you would heal a lot faster than the rest of us. Wouldn’t you?”
“You want me to be the guinea pig?”
“Basically,” she said, giving him a bright fake smile.
“Fine,” he said, taking a quick breath and squaring his shoulders. “I’ve been through worse.”
“Worse?” Jayde said, sounding upset at the thought.
Tess watched as Ethan walked straight into the fire. He yelled as it started to burn him. Then he stopped in the middle. He was still for a long time.
“What’s he doing?” Jayde said, horrified. “Why’s he stopping? He’ll be killed.”
Then he started struggling and he yelled in pain again. After a few moments, he was still again.
“Number one,” Finn said, a look of concern on his face as he watched Ethan standing in the burning star. “He can’t be killed at all, ever. He’s immortal immortal. He can recover from absolutely anything.”
Tess, Finn, and Jayde watched, unsure what to do. Tess didn’t even know if they could do anything. He was in the spell. They probably couldn’t help him until he was out of it.
“Still,” Jayde said, dropping her eyes as if she couldn’t bear to watch anymore.
“Number two,” Finn continued. “He doesn’t seem to be in pain anymore.”
Jayde lifted her head.
“That’s true,” she said, sounding puzzled.
“Number three.” He watched as Ethan suddenly began walking again and emerged from the fire on the other side, seeming unhurt. “Nope. That’s it. No number three. He’s out.”
Finn’s voice sounded as relieved as Tess felt.
“What happened?” Tess called out.
“You have to face your greatest fear,” Ethan told them, his jaw tight. “The fire only hurts if you resist. As long as you accept the
fear and face it, it doesn’t hurt. The spell will let you walk right through. But fight it, resist it? That’s when you’ll be in agony and the spell won’t let you go.”
“Fucking hell,” Tess said.
Ethan’s face was drawn and he looked like he’d been to Demura and back.
“Yes,” he said. “It is.”
Finn volunteered to go through next. He emerged relatively quickly. Tess made Jayde go next, and though she screamed and seemed to have some trouble with it, she eventually came out. Thank goodness.
Finally, it was Tessa’s turn and she really didn’t want to go. But she remembered what Ethan had said. She accepted that she had to do this and headed for the fire.
As it touched her skin, she groaned in agony but allowed the pain and fear in. She accepted it. And as soon as she allowed it, the pain receded. She reached the middle of the star and then everything faded away and she was watching a scene.
Tess watched as her older self sat in a cottage, alone. Her older face was haggard as if she didn’t get enough Elixir. She scooped herself some watery-looking soup with chunks of something that looked like cabbage from the pot on the hearth. Tess watched herself begin to eat the soup, an expression of resignation on her face.
Then a single tear rolled down her older self’s wrinkled face. And in an instant, Tess was in the old woman’s place. She felt all the loneliness, the regret, the deep sorrow that was in her older self’s heart. She knew that she was very old. And that she had been alone for a very long time. She had never learned to trust. And she had ruined every chance at any sort of relationship of any kind. She had no partner. She had no friends. She had no children—no family. No one.
She was utterly and completely alone.
“No,” she said, feeling a burst of terror at such a fate. And as soon as the fear came in, she felt the fire burning her. “No!”
She was screaming and screaming, and the fire was blazing hotter and burning her more and more.
Finn’s voice pierced through her agony. “Tess, whatever it is, it’s not real. You can change it. Stop fighting it. You’ll die.”
“No. No. No.” She fought against the vision she had seen and the cottage caught on fire. The old woman didn’t seem to notice. “Nooooo.”
Tess screamed as the fire burned her. She was dying. She was in such horrible suffering that she couldn’t think straight. All she could do was struggle against this thing that was hurting her so much.
“Tessa, stop fighting.” Finn’s voice cut through her pain again. But she didn’t know how.
“Let me help her,” she heard Ethan say.
“If you help her, she won’t defeat the spell herself and she’ll be trapped in the fire, for who knows how long,” Finn’s voice said. “Tessa, listen to my voice. I know it hurts. You have to let the vision go. It’s not real. It hasn’t happened. And you can still prevent it.”
Tess felt her entire being shrink down until she was nothing except the consciousness that was listening to Finn’s voice. He was her only tether to the real world. Her only hope to escape the flames that were raging around her.
“It’s not real,” she whispered.
“That’s right,” he said. “It’s your greatest fear, which means it’s in the future. A future that never has to come.”
“Never has to come,” she repeated.
“Now step forward and give me your hand.”
“Give me your hand,” she said.
“Step forward, Tess. Let go of the fear. Allow it and leave it there. You need to move forward. You need to trust me, Tess.”
“Trust you,” Tess echoed. “I do trust you, Finn.”
“I know you do, Starshine. Come on. I’ll catch you.”
And with a huge sigh, Tess let go of all the fight inside her. She let go of the part of her that was resisting. The part that was so Shadows-cursed afraid that she was going to become that old woman who had nothing and no one.
She let it all go and took a step forward. And just like when she had accepted her fear during her fight with the queen, that surrender gave her power.
With a gasp, she emerged from the fire and Finn’s arms were around her. Tess collapsed, burying her face in his chest. He held her tightly.
“I’m such a coward,” she whispered. “I couldn’t do it.”
“Of course you could,” Finn said, his hand smoothing her hair. “You did it.”
Tess sniffed, feeling lost. “Only because I had you.”
“Exactly,” Finn said, pulling back. He took her face in his hands. “I don’t care what’s happened between us, Tess. You’re not going to lose me. And I forgive you for what you did in the dungeons. I know you were trying to do the right thing. Trying to end the Severance.”
“You forgive me?” Tess said, gazing into his eyes.
“I forgive you,” he repeated. “It’s all over now. My family’s safe. And we’re going to do this, Tess. Together.”
“Together,” she whispered and put her face down on his shoulder again. They stayed like that for a long moment until they heard Ethan clear his throat.
“So, that was a horrible and awkward experience,” Ethan said. “Can we get on to the next one? Because I, for one, am fucking tired of this shit already.”
“Yes,” Jayde agreed fervently.
Tessa nodded as Finn took her hands and pulled her to her feet. They followed the other two and Tess thought about what had just happened and the words that Finn had said to her.
Her fears weren’t real. They were just negative visions of the future that might never come true. And she didn’t need to bring them with her because all they were doing was holding her back. Finn clasped Tessa’s hand as they walked away. They headed down the tunnel and she didn’t look back at the burning star.
And as Tessa left the fiery star behind, she realized that her fears were just like that fire.
Raging. Blazing. Burning.
But ultimately nothing.
Chapter 47
As they entered the next cavern, it suddenly transformed.
“What in the name of Severance?” Tess said, pulling her gun and whipping her head around, trying to figure out what was going on.
Tessa’s friends disappeared and so did her gun. All the stress and strain of the past days washed away. She found herself in a lovely room. The floor was stone and there were tapestries on the wall. Sunlight poured in a large window, through which Tess could see a view that was definitely of the Light Court. Expensive furniture and pretty little knickknacks from faraway lands decorated the place. It felt like her house, and her eyes filled with tears.
She was finally home.
In Ahlenerra. In a beautiful castle.
As she became aware of herself in this new reality, she noticed that she was carrying a… baby? And wearing some sort of ridiculously beautiful dress.
The child in her arms felt heavy, as if Tess had been walking her to help her settle for a nap, maybe. When Tess dropped her lips, she could just place a kiss on her soft, fuzzy head. The baby girl was sleeping, her warm breath sweet and love emanating from her still, relaxed form.
Tess sat down in a rocking chair, getting lost in the baby’s sweetness. Her heart swelled as she felt the strong emanation of Starlight that came from the little girl.
And Tess knew that this was her daughter.
She also knew that the tiny girl loved her.
Unconditionally.
It was like nothing Tess had ever known. To be so accepted and loved and adored. Basically for nothing. For simply existing. She felt that she didn’t deserve the sweet baby’s love but that didn’t matter. She had it anyway. The tiny girl had given it without checking first to see if Tess, her mother, deserved it.
That was the way of children, Tess realized.
They gave you their love without you having to earn it. But then you had to spend the rest of your life living up to that gift. You had to love them, and respect them, and help lift them up to be their best selv
es, in order to continue to have that love. It was a tall order. But one she was certain she was going to work at fulfilling every single day.
Because she had never loved anyone as much as she loved this little girl.
Suddenly, the scene changed, and she was in the garden, digging and weeding, helping the plants grow. A soft rain fell. There was a little boy beside her, maybe four years old, playing in the dirt. His little toes were grubby and he had a pile of sticks that he was talking about. His little sturdy body squatted beside Tess as he rearranged the sticks several times, trying to get them the way he wanted them.
She paid attention, fascinated by his fascination with the sticks. His little mind was so interesting. His entire small self was so enthralling to her that, eventually, she stopped her work and sat beside him, asking him about the sticks and his plans for them. He told her everything. Several times. His face serious. And she nodded and was so amazed at her little son.
The scene changed again, and she was in her chamber. She was in a clean nightgown and she was ready to go to sleep. When she pulled back the drapes to the bed, she saw that a man was lying there, sleeping.
His back was to her, but he made a little sound. And she held her breath, wondering if she had woken him. He moved a bit and she waited, not wanting to disturb his sleep. Then he rolled to face her and she froze.
It was Ethan.
What in the Chasm?
No, no, no. This wasn’t real.
Tess suddenly realized that it was a spell.
Some sort of spell that gave you everything you wanted—like a family and children and a home.
But she didn’t want Ethan.
That was a mistake.
The spell made a mistake. Because that was what had woken her up. She didn’t want Ethan. And she was never going to marry or have children with him. For Chasm’s sake, the very thought...
She needed to wake up.
“Wake up, Tessa,” she shouted. “Wake—”
An instant later, she was standing in an empty cavern. There was nothing there, except the other three, who were all staring off into space.