by Donna Alward
Her friends would tell her she was crazy to not take a chance. They still believed in the fairy tale. But there was no security in those sorts of crazy dreams. If nothing else, Brooklyn considered herself a realist.
“I didn’t realize you thought so little of me,” he said quietly, his elbows resting on his knees. “And I thought you knew me better. I shared stuff about myself that I don’t generally share with people, and I thought you understood. So if you think me asking you is because you’re a challenge, you don’t know me at all.”
Her heart hurt, hearing the disappointment in his voice. “I would never fit into your life,” she added, less angry now and more sad and practical. “We’re from two different worlds, Cole. I’d be unhappy, I just know it. This is where I belong.”
“I never said I wanted you to leave the island. Just to give us a chance. Brooklyn, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You make me laugh, and you’re the most genuine person I’ve ever met. I don’t love you because you’re a challenge. It’s because you challenge me, and I need that. When I’m not with you I think about being with you. I made a commitment to balance my life better, and I think you were meant to be a part of that. Please, give this a chance.”
The cramp in her chest went cold when he used the word love. Was that even possible? They’d known each other a matter of weeks. Did he even realize what he’d said? This was all spiraling too fast. “Cole, that’s a big thing to say after we’ve spent one night together.”
Hurt flashed across his face. “You surprise me. Yesterday we were walking the beach together. We shared something amazing. I can only guess that you’re running scared right now, and that’s okay. Believe me, I’m scared, too. I think the thing is, Brooklyn, I trust you. I believe that you’re not interested in me because of my money. In fact, I think that point is working against me right now.”
She couldn’t deny it.
“I won’t fit in there,” she said firmly. “And you’d come to resent me. I shouldn’t have let this go so far.” She twisted her fingers together, knowing what she had to say and hating it just the same. “I shouldn’t have slept with you, knowing we didn’t have any sort of a future. Do you know, I wondered if you hadn’t told me you were leaving because you thought if you did, last night, I would say no?”
“Exactly the opposite,” he said roughly. “I didn’t tell you because I was still sorting through my feelings, deciding what I wanted to do. Then I imagined you coming to visit me, see me in my world, and I thought...” He ran his hand through his hair. “Well. It doesn’t matter what I thought. You don’t want to have anything to do with my world. You only want island Cole, who stays in your safe and secure world, and doesn’t make you take any risks, right?”
She sat back. “Hey.”
“No, not hey. You basically just said that I used a lie of omission to get you into bed, and I resent that. A lot. We were friends, Brooklyn. At least I thought we were. We shared things with each other, things that we don’t talk about often. Maybe you regret what happened last night, but I don’t. My motives where you were concerned were pure. Can you say the same?”
Brooklyn bristled at that and pushed out of her chair, going to the verandah railing and clenching it in her fingers. “They weren’t impure, if that’s what you’re getting at. I wasn’t angling for something.”
“Weren’t you? What happened? Did you decide to go for it because it was low-risk? Because I was always going to be leaving? Or did you think I didn’t care? Do you think I flew you and Marvin to the mainland so I could impress you with my money? I sincerely hope not. It was my way of helping a friend in need. Maybe I was wrong. I believed you thought better of me.”
Tears threatened now. He was hurt and angry and she had never wanted any of those things. Except, she realized, the low-risk part. And that she’d never considered that he might be hurt by it. She hadn’t considered his feelings, because she’d got so caught up in what he was and not who he was.
“You’re right. Not about everything, but some things. And it shows we aren’t right for each other. I’m sorry, Cole. That’s all I can say. I’m sorry.”
He sat for a moment in the silence that followed, then let out a long, slow sigh. Finally, he stood and faced her, his hands shoved into his jeans pockets.
“You disappoint me, Brooklyn. I’m surprised and disappointed.”
God, of all the things to say. Those words gutted her. She’d spent years trying to get over the feeling that she’d let people down. She’d dropped out of her degree. She’d stayed away from relationships. She’d hidden herself away on the island because it was her happy place but moreover, her safe place. And while there was nothing wrong with searching out safety and peace, she’d always felt as if by doing so she was somehow disappointing those who meant the most to her.
Cole stepped forward, close enough that she had to look up to meet his gaze, and her insides trembled as he fixed his eyes on hers.
“You are so much more than you think, but you hide away so no one sees it. It feels like building your life here is a solution, but it’s really just a way of avoiding dealing with what happened to you. And I can say that because of some of the things I did when my dad died, and again during my own health scare.” His voice gentled and he lifted one hand to touch her cheek. “It’s the difference between avoiding life and embracing it. I decided to stop running a few days ago when I accepted my feelings for you. But I can’t force you to make that same decision. You have to do it on your own time. Maybe you never will.”
He dropped his hand and backed away. “I’ll be going in a couple of days. Dan and Raelynn will be here until after the holiday. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask them. Goodbye, Brooklyn.”
She couldn’t answer, not even to say goodbye. She was too dumbstruck, too floored by what he’d said. Every instinct within her wanted to shout out that he was wrong. That moving here was embracing life, the kind of life she wanted.
But deep down she knew that was a lie. He’d seen it and called her out on it.
Fine. Maybe hiding away here on the island wasn’t the right thing, but that didn’t mean jetting off to New York City was the answer, either.
Brooklyn watched him go until he was out of sight at the end of the lane, and then she went back inside. Marvin was still sleeping on his bed, and she looked around her little house. She loved it. She did feel safe here. But even with Marvin for company, it was lonely. Especially now, with Cole gone for good.
Tears stung her eyes but she rubbed them away. She wasn’t going to cry over Cole Abbott and his hurtful words. And she definitely wasn’t going to cry over the decisions she’d made.
She was a strong woman, despite what Cole said. And that meant she’d get over him, too.
* * *
Cole strode into the executive offices of Abbott Industries and smiled as he greeted the receptionist at the front desk. “Good morning, Jennifer,” he said brightly, and she waved as the phone rang and she hit a button on her headset.
It was good to be back. At least in most ways it was. The break on the island had been wonderful—for the most part—and he’d recharged. Now, though, it was time to get back and get to work. He’d handled most things remotely during his absence, but there was a different energy in the office. One he’d missed, he realized.
But he wasn’t going to lie to himself and say he had no regrets. And if they weren’t exactly regrets, he had feelings about what had happened with Brooklyn that weighed on his mind. Because he’d meant every single thing he’d said to her that day on her porch. Including the fact that he loved her.
This was his third day in the office and he had meetings scheduled for half of his time. One meeting was with the executives who’d gone on the retreat, to follow up on both their personal and professional thoughts since coming back to the “real world.” He was looking forward to that a lot.
But first, there was a personal meeting he had to get out of the way.
He greeted his executive assistant and then took a deep breath before turning the handle on the door to his expansive office with a splendid view of the Hudson.
His mother was sitting behind his desk.
“Hello, Cole,” she said, her voice warm and yet very...polite. In her late fifties, she still looked young and vibrant, with artfully colored hair and perfect makeup. Allison Abbott was a woman who took care of herself, always.
At least, publicly. As Cole knew, her private life had always been quite a hot mess.
“Mother,” he said, putting down his briefcase. “Thank you for coming.”
“I assumed that was what one does when one is summoned.”
That stung a little. Not because it wasn’t true, but because that was the nature of their relationship. “I’ve been slammed since returning. I thought the office was the easiest way.” He didn’t mention that she never came here anymore since his father’s death.
He went to the door again to ask for coffee to be brought in. Then he lifted an eyebrow and said, “Maybe we can sit over here. Instead of you being behind my desk.”
She laughed then, a sound Cole was unused to hearing. “Oh, Cole, I wondered if that would irritate you. You can be so stern.”
Him? Stern? He hadn’t considered it that way, but he supposed he came by the trait honestly. Still, he hoped he wasn’t that way in all his personal relationships. Jeremy and Bran had never said such a thing. If anything, he’d prided himself a little too much on his social charm. Even if it did feel forced a lot of the time. It was one of the things he liked about Brooklyn, actually. He’d never had to put on a show. He’d been genuine, like he was with Bran and Jeremy, and Jess and Tori.
“You’re very like your father in a lot of ways,” she continued, and moved to sit on the small sofa in the rather huge office.
Cole’s assistant brought in coffee and once they had fixed their cups, his mother looked up and asked, “Why did you call me here, Cole?”
He hesitated, lifting the cup to his lips and taking a revivifying sip while he considered his words.
“I want to talk about you and Dad.”
She frowned. “What about us? Good heavens.”
“I’ve never understood your relationship.” His heartbeat quickened with nerves; this was a heck of a thing to talk about with one’s mother. “I never saw any affection between you. You never did things together. And I felt...”
He halted, pursed his lips.
“You felt what?”
He met her gaze. “In the way.”
Her eyes softened with what looked to Cole like regret, and her lips turned down a little. “I’m sorry about that. Your father’s and my relationship was...complicated.” She put down her cup and rested her hands in her lap. “Why are you asking this now? Have you...met someone?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
She gave a delicate scoff. “Oh, Cole, we both know that falling in love with someone makes us question everything.”
There was something in her voice that gave him pause. She fiddled with her fingers once more and he noticed that they were ringless. She’d stopped wearing her wedding rings. While a tiny part of him wanted to be outraged on his father’s behalf, he knew he couldn’t be. They’d had a cold marriage. Why shouldn’t she take off the rings?
Why hadn’t they divorced? Lord knew enough of his friends had had divorced parents.
“That’s an interesting comment, considering it never really seemed like you—” He paused, reconsidered his phrasing. “Like you and dad were in love.”
Her gaze slid away for a moment. “We weren’t. But it doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is, Cole. Don’t be naive.”
Of course. He was looking at all this through tunnel vision. He’d always considered his parents as, well, parents. Not exactly...people. Which was rather selfish of him, really. Brooklyn would tell him to keep an open mind, wouldn’t she? That people hid all sorts of pain behind personal façades.
“I’m sorry, Mother. That was uncalled for.”
“Not necessarily. I know we failed you. I wasn’t happy, Cole, and it affected every part of my life. Including how I parented you. I was awful at it.” She met his gaze again. “I was not a good mother. I don’t think I really knew how desperately unhappy I was until I—” her cheeks pinkened “—well, until I was free to be happy.”
“And now you are?”
She nodded. “Yes. Oh, Cole, if you hadn’t called me to your office, I was going to come visit anyway. I have news for you.”
She wore an expression he’d never seen before. It was warm and peaceful and happy, and took a good ten years off her face. “What is it?”
“I want to tell you I’m getting remarried,” she said with an unexpected softness to her voice. “And I wanted you to know before anyone else.”
He sat back. Of all the announcements, this was the last thing he expected. “Remarried? To whom?” His brain jumped back over the past few months. The rings were missing from her fingers. Had she been seeing anyone special? How had he missed it? Then again, he’d been on his own private island, hidden away from the world.
“It’s Edward.”
“Edward...?”
“Mowbry.”
“Your lawyer?” Cole let out a huge breath. “Good God, when did this happen?”
She looked him in the eye and said, “Thirty years ago.”
Cole put down his coffee before he could spill it. “Wait. I would have been—”
“Five.” She held his gaze, never wavering. “So yes. It means I had an affair. Though I hate calling it an affair. It sounds so tawdry. I fell in love.”
“Did Dad know?”
“Oh, he knew.” Now that she’d made her announcement, she’d relaxed. She took a calm sip of her coffee. “Truthfully, Cole, we probably should never have married. His family had money, my family had money, we were in the right social sphere. And we liked each other well enough, but that’s not enough to build a marriage on. We learned that very quickly.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Cole was still trying to process everything. He’d idolized his dad, even though he’d often felt as if nothing he did was good enough. But they’d had their share of happy times. And Cole had soaked up every small bit of praise from his father like he was a man dying of thirst and his father’s praise was lifesaving water. To learn she’d had an affair...
“I wasn’t a good mother, and I can’t change that,” she said softly. “I was unhappy, and your father was always talking about you being the future of the company and it was like you were all that mattered and I was...nothing. When he found out about Edward, it was awful. He didn’t speak to me for weeks.”
“Why didn’t you divorce him? If you were that unhappy?”
“Edward broke it off. And I didn’t know how to do it on my own. Your dad would have put me through a horrible court case if I wanted any alimony. And he would never have allowed me to take you with me. So I stayed.”
Cole sat there, his coffee cooling, his head full of everything she was telling him, trying to sort through it all. Maybe she’d stayed, but she hadn’t been a very good mother. Certainly not nurturing.
“Would you have wanted to take me?”
Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, yes. And maybe... I don’t know. Maybe I would have been a better parent. Any time I suggested anything, your father told me I was wrong and that he knew what you needed. I suppose you’d say I should have kept trying...but the criticism and coldness got into my head. I told myself he was right. I didn’t know how to parent you. Then he insisted you go away to school...”
Cole shook his head. “Don’t regret that decision. Merrick was the most wonderful time of my life.”
“I do regret it. You sho
uld have had a home to come to, rather than a boarding school being your home.”
Silence fell as that truth settled.
“And now that you’re free, you and Edward...”
“Yes. Me and Edward.” She cleared her throat. “Cole, you had all sorts of material things and advantages, but you didn’t have love and affection. I need to own that, and tell you I’m sorry I failed you. I was so desperately unhappy that I simply didn’t have love to give. And I was afraid if I ever let go of the tight control I had over my life, I’d fall apart and never be able to be put back together again.”
Cole looked up abruptly and stared into his mother’s face. He wondered if he should feel angry in this moment; after all, she was right. He had felt unloved through most of his childhood. And yet he was seeing his mother as another human being, with her own problems and stressors. And he knew that feeling of falling apart. How could he possibly sit in judgment of her and keep a clean conscience?
“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “Listen, I know what it’s like to fall apart. And the good news is you can put yourself back together again. But I understand the fear. I really do.”
“You should hate me. Or at least...not care. I came here expecting that.”
It made him sad, that his mother would think such a thing. What a mess of a relationship they had.
“Mom, after Dad died, and I had taken over the corporation, I did fall apart. I didn’t really say anything, and I made it seem as if I’d taken a much-needed vacation. Truthfully, I thought I had a heart attack and that scared the hell out of me. And then I went into a depression. Dad had worked himself to death, and I didn’t want that for myself. It took that big scare for me to decide to not try to be a mirror image of my dad. It’s why I bought the property in Nova Scotia. You’d like it there, I think. Gorgeous house, lovely beach...”
Wonderful neighbor. Best dog in the world. And the place where he’d left his heart behind.
“Anyway, my point is, there are worse things than falling apart.” He smiled a little. “And I’m glad you told me. Wish you’d told me sooner.”