by Karina Halle
Will and Ted are naturally more reserved.
“Have a good one,” Ted says, shaking my hand and giving me a slap on the shoulder. “Give those Brits hell.”
“Goodbye Alyssa,” Will says, giving me a quick hug. “Break a leg, will you?”
Ugh. Jackie’s got a good hugger in this one.
I squeeze him back. “Thanks Will. I’ll do my best.”
I break apart and look at the faces of all my friends, wondering how the hell I’m leaving them behind.
But it’s happening. And no amount of doubt or sadness will change that.
“Bye,” I say, wiggling my fingers as I walk into the line. “Cheerio.”
“Top of the morning to you,” Tiffany responds.
I just shake my head, roll my eyes, and go through security.
There’s nothing like the airport to distract you from all your woes. While my heart is continually sinking, something else inside me is rising. Hope. Excitement. And yet having to battle security lines and getting to your gate and not losing your passport, really pushes all of that to the side.
It isn’t until I get on the plane that reality hits me.
And by the way, reality sucks.
Because I booked last minute through a super budget website, I didn’t have a choice of seat.
So, of course, my seat on this British Airways jumbo jet is in the very back of coach, in the middle of the middle.
I’m going to be sandwiched in a row of stinky strangers for ten hours. How will I even sleep? I can’t seem to stop battling either person on both sides of me for control of the armrest, leaving me completely squished in the middle. This is hell and we haven’t even taken off yet.
This is when I have time to think, of course.
And while I’m sad thinking about Jackie and Tiffany and the gang and I’m excited about what adventures London might bring, my heart is absolutely bereft about Emmett.
The truth is…I miss him deeply. And the fact that I’m flying far away without even saying goodbye, well, it hurts. It hurts like hell. I should have at least picked up the phone, read the emails. I should have at least listened to what he had to say.
I know that what he did was wrong and he knows it too. But Carla was right–it all comes down to trust. And while the images of him and Autumn are still seared in my mind, I’m starting to realize that it’s something I can overcome and move past. It’s something worth getting over if it means having Emmett back in my life.
But now that won’t happen. I was too stubborn and too impulsive to even give us a chance. The only thing that was ever really real.
Oh, please don’t start crying here. Not with these people. They don’t deserve your tears.
“Miss Martin?” the flight attendant says to me in her prim British accent, bringing my attention over to the aisle. She gives me a bright smile.
“Yes?” I ask. Oh shit. Am I in someone else’s seat? How embarrassing.
“You’ve been upgraded to first class,” she says.
Ding, ding, ding, ding! It’s like winning the fucking lottery. Every person around us is looking at me like you lucky bitch and, hell, I can’t blame them.
Still… “There must be some mistake,” I tell her. “I booked my ticket on FlyLow.” Which is a lousy name when you think about it.
“No mistake,” she says. “Please come with me.”
Now, wait a minute. Is “upgraded to first class” really just code for “you’re being kicked off the flight”? Is it because I’m wearing yoga pants? If this was United they would just drag me out by the hair but since this is British Airways, maybe they do things a little more discretely. Trickery and all that.
I’m nervous now. Hesitant. Until the guy next to me breathes a bunch of heinous salami breath in my face and says, “If you don’t take the first-class seat, love, I will.”
Oh, hell no you won’t. As quickly as I can, I grab my purse and get to my feet and then I wait while everyone else has to get to their feet and exit the row. Then I grab my carry-on from the overhead bin–which nearly slams into my head and takes me out–and awkwardly follow the flight attendant up the aisle.
Everyone is looking at me like I really am getting kicked off.
Oh shit. What did I do? Is it the pants? Yoga pants aren’t leggings.
But when we get to the door I came in through, she keeps walking.
Through premium economy and past the stairs that lead up to the upper deck.
All the way to first class, at the nose of the plane.
Nearly every seat is taken but thankfully no one is paying any attention to me.
The girl in size-too-small Lululemon pants who obviously doesn’t belong up here.
The attendant points to an empty pod in the middle and takes my bag from me. “Here you go.”
“Are you serious?” I whisper to her.
She just gives me a quick smile and walks off.
I slowly ease myself down in the seat. There’s a pod right on the other side of me but with the partition up it feels like I have my own damn bedroom.
I put my purse beneath the table, flip over the menu, press some buttons, adjust my seat.
Oh my god. This is fucking heaven.
I start fiddling with my seat, making it go into a bed and then back up again.
This is the best.
“Having fun over there, sunshine?”
I freeze. Blink.
I didn’t just hear that…did I?
I look around. We’ve just pushed back from the gate and the attendants are about to go into their safety demonstration. No one is looking at me.
But that voice, his voice…it didn’t just come from nowhere, did it?
With my heart galloping in my throat, I unbuckle my belt and very slowly stand up until I’m peering over the partition at the seat on the other side.
Emmett is staring up at me.
“Ahhh!” I cry out and immediately flop down into my seat.
Now everyone is looking at me.
Slowly the partition comes down.
I think I might just die.
Emmett is sitting right beside me, a wry grin on his face.
Oh god, his beautiful face.
His face that feels like home.
“Hey,” he says softly, then peers over at my lap. “You better buckle up.”
I can’t take my eyes off of him. I don’t want to. I’m afraid if I do, he’ll disappear. I don’t want to let him go. Not now, not ever.
How is this real?
Somehow, I manage to buckle myself back up without looking but the words just don’t form.
“I hope you like the upgrade,” he says to me, watching me warily. “I had to pull a few strings to make it happen but luckily the flight attendant was game.”
My mouth flaps open. Closed.
“How are you…how are you here?”
His mouth quirks up. “I heard you were leaving. I thought I would leave with you.”
“But…but…”
Oh my god. I can’t believe this for even a second.
And the crazy thing is, I imagined if I saw Emmett again that I would just see him and Autumn kissing in my mind. That I would feel pain and anger and shame.
But I don’t feel any of that anymore.
None of that matters anymore.
Because it was never ever true.
The only true thing is him, right here, with me.
Holy crow.
“Is this really happening?” I ask him softly.
He places his hand on the ledge between us, palm up. “It’s real.” I put my hand in his and close my eyes as he holds it tight. “It’s real, baby. Everything. All of this. You, me. I know you’re still mad and you’re hurt and I get it, I really do. I know I fucked up. But I couldn’t just let you walk out of my life. I love you, Alyssa. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. More than I thought was possible. I love you and I am not letting you go without a fight.”
I swallow hard, the
tears finally bubbling up. “I love you too,” I whisper, opening my eyes. “I’m so sorry I ignored you, I–”
“No, I get it,” he says, leaning forward, his beautiful eyes searching mine. “I get it. I don’t expect you to take me back, not after what happened. Not after everything. But I had to make sure. I had to have a shot. I had to try. Alyssa, our relationship was built on a lie, it was fucked up from the start. It’s never been straight forward or easy. It’s only been complicated. And while I know that it tested us, I just want to start again. From the beginning. I want to start over, you and me. One hundred per cent real. Only passion, no performance.” He breathes in deep. “I don’t know how to make it up to you, or what to say. But I figure I have a captive audience for the next ten hours and I’m going to use every single second to convince you to come back to me.”
I can’t help but smile. “Well, if you’ve had a whole play planned out, then I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
“I had you at hello?”
I laugh. “You had me at a first-class upgrade.”
God. I’m giddy. Giddy!
“Well then,” he says, giving my hand a squeeze. “I’m glad that won you over. You put someone in coach, crammed in like cattle in a feedlot, and then bring them up here and they’ll promise you the world.”
“Seriously though,” I tell him, feeling so much bubbling through me, I don’t know what to do with myself. Gah. “I’m…I’m so glad you came after me. I didn’t want to leave it like I did, I just didn’t know what to do. I was so hurt.”
“I know.”
“And now I know that it doesn’t matter. I believe you, Emmett, and more than that, I trust you. And I want to be with you, always, forever. Just us.” I pause. “And now we’re both flying across the world together. I didn’t really see that one coming.”
“I did,” he says simply.
“How?”
He shrugs. “You kept talking about acting. I kept talking about going back to London. I figured at some point we would go together. This whole thing with Autumn was a horrible wrench thrown in the plans but this…” he gestures to the plane, “us. It was all supposed to happen.”
“The grand design?”
“Something like that. More like, I know you and you know me and this makes sense.”
“Well I’m glad it makes sense to someone because I left a bunch of shocked people behind in Vancouver.”
“Nah, they get it. They all want what’s best for you. They know you’ll never be happy unless you head out and try to find what you’re looking for.”
“But what if I’ve just been looking for you?”
“Then you have me.” He raises my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. “You have me, body, heart and soul. And for whatever else we’re looking for in life, the passion, we’ll look for it together.” Then he leans across the divider and kisses me, soft and sweet and achingly beautiful. “I love you, sunshine,” he says against my lips.
“I love you, too.”
We hold hands while the plane taxis down the runway.
And then we’re flying.
Epilogue
Alyssa
A year later
“Bloody hell, he’s good.”
I glance over at my friend Jodi who is leaning forward in her seat, her eyes glued to Emmett as he moves fluidly across the stage.
Emmett’s only had the role of Professor Henry Higgins in the musical My Fair Lady for a few weeks now and already most of London is flocking to see him every single night. The headlines here have been calling him the sexiest professor ever, and there’s no question why. Emmett’s true calling isn’t playing some dopey spineless teenager or the villain of a superhero (which, can we just say, has the lamest power ever). Emmett’s true self is on the stage: acting his heart out, singing, dancing. Being one hundred per cent him.
The man can move, that I’ve always known (especially in the bedroom) and manages to make dancing both elegant and masculine. And then there is his voice. Bold and deep, it’s like when I first saw Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge, how when he opened his mouth, I was floored at all the talent I didn’t know was inside him.
It was the same with Emmett. He blew me away. And even though over the last year of us living in London he’s been having prominent role after role, singing his way into my heart, it still leaves me in awe every time I watch him.
Tonight, I got my friend and I front row tickets to the always sold-out show. Normally I would watch from the wings, but since this was Jodi’s first time at this show, I thought this would be the better experience.
Jodi and I work on the same play together. It’s at a tiny theatre in east London that can only seat a couple hundred people tops, but we’re doing The Crucible and despite the seriousness of the play, it’s been an amazing experience. Jodi happens to have one of the main roles, I’m pretty much a secondary character, but even so I’m finally living my dream.
As is Emmett. We found our dream together.
After we landed in London it took us a while to get into the rhythm of things. Even though I had Emmett now to help support me, I still wasted no time in getting a job. I ended up working as bartender at the pub located below our apartment, which worked out perfectly as I used the days to go and start my acting career. It was a hard slog, still is, but I was really, truly, doing what I set out to do. I was finally going after my dreams.
The apartment we share is a modest two-bedroom in the Shoreditch area–Emmett sold his Vancouver house for several million dollars but we’re still renting in London for now. There are so many amazing neighborhoods that we don’t want to be tied down to one place just yet.
There’s also the fact that property here is outrageously expensive and Emmett used most of the money he made on his house to start a non-profit organization back in Vancouver. With the help of Will, Ted and some of his fellow actors as investors, Emmett bought the building he grew up in and created Play for Hope, a shelter that provides beds, food, employment plans, and hopefully, a clean and controlled injection site. There are still some logistics regarding that that Emmett is working through, mainly government restrictions considering how controversial injection sites are, but we’re happy to say it’s been a success story.
At least it’s a success story in the fact that Emmett finally feels like he’s doing more than just handing out food and a hope and a prayer. With the programs he has in place, people really do get a chance to get back on their feet. Even his friend Jimmy is helping to run it. The best part is that once a month, the first floor of the shelter turns into a mini-playhouse where those in need can come together and put on shows. We’ve seen a few on YouTube and they’re adorable, if not a bit chaotic at times. Still, it gives them a sense of purpose and passion outside of the drugs. It gives them hope.
We have plans to go back soon and visit anyway, as soon as Emmett gets a break. My play only runs for a few more weeks and then it’s back to auditioning and trying to find something else. But you know what? As instable as the business is for me, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. The way I look at it is that I never know what role is coming next–it might just be the role of a lifetime.
Plus, I get flexibility to travel. Jackie and Will had their daughter a few months ago and the Facetime sessions I’ve had with them just aren’t enough. The baby, Lauren, is so cute she actually makes my often-ignored uterus have jealousy pains. When I finally see her, I’m going to spoil the crap out of that kid. I’ve already picked out a whole tiny wardrobe for her that matches the ones Kate and William dressed their baby Charlotte in.
“You’re a lucky girl, you know that?” Jodi says to me as the curtain comes down at the end of the show. Both of us get to our feet and start whistling like mad, even after Emmett has left the stage and the other actors are taking their bows.
“I know,” I tell her, smiling like an idiot.
“No…you have no idea,” she says and there’s something about the tone of her voice t
hat makes me pause. What is she getting at?
Before I have a chance to ask her what she meant, Emmett comes back on stage, the spotlight following him until he stops right above us.
He glances down at me, gives me a wink, and then addresses the audience.
“I just wanted to thank you all for coming to see me night after night after night. It feels like I’ve been doing this forever, even though I haven’t, and it’s only because this play, this role, this theatre, is such a joy to come to every night. But there’s another reason why I’m able to sing and dance about being an ordinary man. It’s because I have an extraordinary woman in my life.” He smiles at me and in his old-fashioned suit and top-hat, I can scarcely breathe.
“I'm an ordinary man,” he starts to sing “Ordinary Man,” his rich voice soaring across the audience, “who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance, to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants.” He stops singing, looks at me and says, his voice low, “And, sunshine, what I want is you. Always you. Forever you.”
He drops to one knee on the stage and I gasp.
The audience gasps.
He fishes out a ring from his front pocket.
I gasp even louder.
The audience gasps even louder.
And for all the people around us, the spotlight on Emmett’s face, his eyes as they search mine with so much hope it nearly breaks me, the moment is somehow just between us. I barely even look at the ring he’s holding out for me, the diamonds catching the light and sparkling like crazy.
All I can see is him.
Emmett is proposing to me. In front of everyone.
Still on stage, still in costume, still in a play.
A performance?
“Real or fake?” I whisper to him.
“Real, always real,” he says.
I take a step until I’m pressed against the stage and I give him my hand.
“Alyssa Martin, will you marry me?” he asks.
I can’t even swallow the lump in my throat. I can barely say, “Yes.”
But I say it.