Mrs Dexter's heart ached her as she listened to some of Peyton's deepest hurts and concerns. "Peyton, nothing is wrong with you sweetheart." She cut her off, "something is terribly wrong with your parents and your brother. They were the ones who were at fault. They treated you terribly and they refuse to see the amazing, beautiful person you are. I will never understand them. And you were not wrong to leave..."
"But people always say, 'honour your parents'. I did not do that! I was rude, I ran."
"Were you always rude? Or did you get that way over time?"
"No, I tried my best to be perfect but nothing worked so I started to lash out I guess..."
"And that is perfectly normal. Have you spoken to your doctor about all of this?"
Peyton nodded, "but it still bothers me..."
"These things take time to heal. Give yourself time. And please, try to remember that your parents did kick you out. Now, believe me when I tell you that you are one of the most lovable people I know. You are thoughtful, kind, charismatic, chivalrous and so many other good things. You have your negative qualities too - like everyone does - your anger, you can be very stubborn and argumentative but these do not have to be always negative. You can use them for good like how you argued your way into wearing the boys' uniform."
Peyton sat up and looked at Mrs Dexter, "Thanks Mrs D. I'm sorry if the things I said hurt you..."
"What do you mean?" Mrs Dexter was definitely confused by Peyton's apology.
"Talking about my parents and such... I don't want you to think that I am seeking their love when deep down I know I will never get it while here are you and Mr D giving me all your love and treating me as your own daughter. I do realise what you are doing for me and I do know that I have a real family now. And I am grateful beyond comprehension."
It was Mrs Dexter's turn to shed a few tears. She pulled Peyton in and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for that Peyton. It means everything to me that you think that and we do love you as our own."
Peyton smiled when Mrs Dexter released her. She was feeling much better.
"So, back to Sadie." Mrs Dexter spoke looking intently at Peyton. "Now that you hopefully understand that Sadie can love you, what else is bothering you?"1
Peyton was silent for a minute and then she revealed, "the first Saturday I met her mother, I asked her something when Sadie was not around. I... I asked her permission to ask Sadie to be my girlfriend."
"You did? That is so sweet and unheard of anymore! What did her mother say?"
Peyton beamed, "she said yes she told me that she gave me her blessing."
"And I am guessing that you have yet to ask Sadie?"
Peyton nodded, "that's what I am freaking out about. I am thinking about asking her this weekend but I am not sure..."
"What are you unsure of?"
"I'm afraid..."
"Are you afraid that she will say no?"
Peyton shook her head sadly. "I could deal with that."
"So what are you afraid of then?"
"I'm afraid of her saying yes..."6
Mrs Dexter was stumped for a moment. "You're afraid of her saying yes?"
Peyton nodded, "I'm not good enough for her Mrs D. Sadie is this amazing, remarkable girl who has been hurt a lot. She deserves someone who can give her the best. Someone stable. Someone who won't let her down and can love her the way she deserves to be loved. I can't do that Mrs D. I will let her down. I will hurt her. And I won't be able to live with myself if I hurt her. She is too precious. I do not want to break her heart."
"Peyton, no relationship is perfect because no person is perfect. I know you can love her. Let her be the one to decide if you are the one for her. Don't try to make that decision for her; it's hers to make. I won't tell you 'just don't hurt her' because that is something you cannot have total control over because sometimes things happen in ways that we did not expect or what not and the other person gets hurt but what I will tell you is that everything, every moment is a choice so, choose wisely. Always make the best possible choice that you can. Never do anything that you know for a fact will hurt her. Think of her and what is best for her - what is best for both of you - properly before making a decision. Always be honest with her. Talk to her. And most of all, always be yourself. If she loves you, be sure she loves YOU and not some persona you've put on. In this way you will almost guarantee your end of the relationship. You will eliminate most of the hurt that you're afraid of inflicting on her. Now, I am warning you that she has her end of it and if she does not do her part as you do yours, you will be the one who will be hurt."11
Peyton took a moment to soak in everything that Mrs Dexter said to her. She nodded slowly, "I understand. It makes sense. I never thought of it like that. Thanks Mrs D!"
Mrs Dexter smiled and cautiously said, "that's what parents are for. To give you advice most always based on our experiences and mistakes in the hopes that you kids do not make the same mistakes we did and so hopefully have a better shot at life."
Chapter 40
"Do you have much more homework to finish?" Peyton asked Sadie over breakfast on Sunday morning.
She shook her head, "no... maybe about an hour's work. Why?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me?"
Sadie beamed brightly, "are you asking me on a date Peyton Saunders?"
Peyton blushed, "yes. Is that okay?"
"I was wondering what was taking you so long." Sadie teased.
"What? So you couldn't ask me on a date?"
Sadie shook her head with a smile, "you're the one with the charm."2
Peyton chuckled shaking her head when she noticed a sudden downturn in Sadie's emotion. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"I... I was going to read Astrid's letter today..."
"Why does that make you sad?"
"I don't want to spoil the day..."
"You won't. I am here. Maybe you could read it before we go on the date."
Before Peyton had a chance to continue Sadie cut her off, "what sense does that make?! Then I'll spoil our first date. I'll read it when we get back."
"But then it will be on your mind the entire time. If you read it first then the date will serve as a means to cheer you up." Peyton smiled.
"Why can't I ever argue with your reasoning?" Sadie asked with a smile.1
"Because love, while you may be a cunning linguist, I am a master debater."9
"Peyton!" Sadie cried as she turned bright red and threw a piece of toast at her. "You are too dirty minded!"
"Yeah, but would you have me any other way?"
Sadie smiled as she shook her head.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
With a shaky hand Sadie removed Astrid's letter from the envelope and unfolded it. Her eyes immediately welled up when she saw the familiar handwriting. She could not bring herself to read it before they left home so Peyton had convinced her to walk with it.
She handed it to Peyton, "I can't..."
"You want me to read it to you?"
After a moment of thought Sadie nodded.
Peyton adjusted herself against the tree - she took Sadie to have a picnic at her secret hiding place; her reasoning being that is where they had their first kiss - she cleared her throat and read:
My dearest Sadie,
I am sorry. I was wrong to push you. I knew better but I was selfish. Please don't hate me. Please also do not blame yourself for this. I do love you and I know you love me too. I had hoped that you would love me as a girlfriend too but I understand that you do not. I am not mad or upset. I just, I can't live without you Sadie. You are my world. You are the only person who accepts everything about me. I came out to mom and dad and they just laughed. I can't deal with that Sadie. I can't deal with the pressure of rejection. I cannot take one more person telling me that I am wrong. I am weak and I know it but I cannot be strong. I am not like you Sadie. Please don't hate me. I love you and I always will. I know you will find someone one day who will love you the way I do, maybe even more than
I do, and you will be able to return that person's love with the same fervor. You deserve to be happy Sadie and that is all that I want for you. Please don't be sad about this, be happy. Be happy for me that I am now free. Free of the chains that bound me in this world. When I was with you I was truly happy and I thank you for that. Now, go on and have a happy life filled with love Sadie. When you find someone who you love, please don't run. Stay and love them with all your heart. I love you Sadie. Goodbye.24
Forever and For Always,
Astrid.
Both girls were in tears by the time Peyton was done reading. She folded the letter and put it back into the envelope before carefully setting it aside and pulling Sadie into her arms.2
Sadie broke down completely and Peyton did the only thing she could think of; she held her close.
Peyton lost track of time as she drifted off in thought about Astrid's letter. She was brought back by Sadie's soft voice, "Peyton?"
Peyton released her as she turned and looked Peyton in the eye before whispering, "I love you."
Peyton smiled now with tears of her own, "I love you too."
The two shared a short but deep kiss before Peyton spoke, "so you're okay?"
With a smile Sadie nodded, "surprisingly."
"I guess you have your closure now?"
"Yes." Sadie nodded, "and it was easier than I had anticipated. I thought that letter was going to rip me to shreds..."
"You thought Astrid hated you? You thought she died mad at you?"
Sadie nodded as a tear fell, "I did... but I know different now. Thanks for encouraging me to read it Peyton because truthfully, I never would have if it was left up to me."
Peyton smiled, "I know. And to think people call me stubborn..."1
"You are." Sadie chuckled. "But apparently I am too."
After sharing their meal - most of which they fed to each other - they sat against the tree just enjoying being in each other's presence.
"Hey Sadie? Could you do me a favour please?"
"Sure."
"Could you reach into my pocket there and pull out the thing in it please?"
Sadie looked at Peyton in disbelief, "what the hell? Why?"
"Aww come on please Sadie... I don't want to move my arms from behind my head. They're comfortable there." Peyton sent her puppy dog eyes.
Shaking her head Sadie asked, "which pocket?"
With a triumphant smile Peyton looked at her cargos and answered, "lower left leg."
Sadie cautiously did as she was asked and pulled out a small dark blue velvet box.4
"It's for you." Peyton said in a serious tone as she sat up and faced Sadie.
With a small gasp Sadie looked up, "Peyton!"
"Calm down. It's not what you think."
Sadie slowly opened the box and emitted another gasp. "Peyton! It's an engagement ring!"5
"Okay... so it is what you think..."1
Sadie looked at her in complete and utter shock. She could not understand her feelings at the moment. It is safe to say that she is confused to say the least.
Peyton spoke softly, "well, it's not exactly an engagement ring because I'm not asking you to marry me. Yet. It's more like a promise ring I guess. I'm asking you to be my girlfriend." She put her hand under Sadie's chin and lifted her head until Sadie made eye contact with her. "Sadie Wells, will you be my girlfriend?"2
Peyton felt a horrible twist in her heart at Sadie's nonresponsiveness. She didn't even have an identifiable expression on her face.
Sadie opened her mouth but before she could utter a single word Peyton spoke again, "before you answer there are some things I need to tell you about me first. It would be unfair to you if I did otherwise."
Sadie looked at her and all she could manage was a weak, "okay."
With a heavy sigh Peyton turned away from Sadie. "I'm not the best person but I do love you. I have issues Sadie. As you know, I have my horrible temper but I am also seeing a psychiatrist because I'm... I'm broken. I know this is unfair to you but I feel that I have to tell you so that you can make your decision." She turned back to see Sadie looking at her intently. "I have a weakness for overdosing on sleeping pills and I tried to commit suicide once... I have not really overdosed since I moved in with Kimmy but I can't make any definite promises for the future. I have no idea what I will do if certain things happen but I do hope that with what I have learned I would be able to be strong and do the right thing. Oh, and your mom knows that I was going to ask you this. The first day we visited her I asked her permission."2
Sadie's eyes were full with tears by the end of Peyton's confession. She could not believe her ears. 'Why is she telling me this?! I cannot deal with this right now!' "Do I have to answer now?"
Peyton shook her head sadly, "take your time. I'll be here."
They sat in awkward silence for several minutes before Peyton broke it, "do you mind if I sing you a song?"
Sadie shook her head wondering what in god's name Peyton was going to sing.
"Do you know Jason Mraz?"
Sadie nodded, "kind of."
"Okay, well this is one of his songs - I Won't Give Up." Peyton leaned against the tree and closed her eyes as she began to sing.8
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got and what I'm not and who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up
I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough enough
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
Chapter 41
It was Thursday and Peyton was getting increasingly worried that Sadie was going to tell her no or worse never even bother to answer. They have been extremely awkward around each other since Sunday and had not spoken yesterday or today; they had not even seen each other since Sadie had stopped going to the lunch time detention all together.
Peyton was singing along to Rixton's song Me and My Broken Heart which she was playing on repeat for the past half an hour.1
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
All I need's a little love in my life1
All I need's a little love in the dark
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start
Me and my broken heart
I need a little loving tonight
Hold me so I'm not falling apart
A little but I'm hoping it m
ight kick start
Me and my broken heart
Shotgun, aimed at my heart you got one
Tear me apart and then some
How do we call this love
I tried to run away but your eyes
Tell me to stay oh why
Why do we call this love
It seems like we've been losing control
Somebody tell me I'm not alone
When I say
All I need's a little love in my life2
All I need's a little love in the dark
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start
Me and my broken heart
I need a little loving tonight
Hold me so I'm not falling apart
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start
Me and my broken heart
Maybe some part of you just hates me
You pick me up and play me
How do we call this love
One time tell me you need me tonight
To make it easy you lie
And say it's all for love
It seems like we've been losing control
Somebody tell me I'm not alone
When I say
All I need's a little love in my life
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫
In the middle of the song her phone sounded off with a text message. She was not going to bother to check it but decided that it would be the wise thing to do.
I Stole Your Girlfriend Page 21