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by P. C. Benson


  “She asked where we were hiding him. She threatened to take Vik in exchange for Daemon. Those two totally had a thing!”

  Daemon glanced at me, and his eyes darted to Celeste, who had her hands clasped on her lap, her mouth pursed in a thin line.

  “What does that have to do with now?” All eyes looked at me. I could feel Alec’s annoyance. “He lived as the Dark one for a very long time. I saw his life, and I’m not denying that he has to atone for those actions, but what did you expect?” I raised my brows and directed my gaze to Vik and Ti.

  They averted their gaze.

  “Haven’t I told everyone that he’s a different person? Bringing up his past and throwing it in his face isn’t helping. He has to live with himself for the horrible past that he can’t escape from. I think that in itself is punishment enough. He wasn’t spared his memory of his old deeds.”

  Everyone watched me with rapt attention, except Daemon—he turned his head towards the water, failing to hide his uneven breathing.

  Celeste’s eyes shone.

  “Imagine waking up with a clean soul after having your body taken over by evil and remembering every horrible action you have done. Your guilty conscience could eat you alive. It’s a testament to Daemon’s character that he hasn’t succumbed to that. He’s here with us, fighting.”

  My voice got stronger, and I caught Daemon’s eyes. “Daemon has only two courses of action, he can succumb to his guilt and allow his soul to go dark, or he can fight this and find his own redemption.” I held his gaze for a moment longer and glanced around. Celeste wiped her tears away.

  I narrowed my eyes at Vik and Ti before briefly glancing at Alec. “He’s already living in his own personal hell. He doesn’t need anyone to remind him of it. What he needs is the support of the Nephilim since he is a victim of the Fallen. I hope this is the last time we will have this discussion.” I got up and stomped off in the direction of the room.

  “Gab!” Ti called out.

  I turned and braced myself. Tatia didn’t hold back in her arguments. “We heard you, and we understand where you are coming from. We said we will try, but how do you know that he hasn’t chosen darkness? You said so yourself, that’s all he knows, and he can still turn dark.”

  Fuck! I knew this would come up. I hoped that I could keep this to myself, but if it was the only way to keep Daemon safe, so be it. I walked behind Daemon and laid my hand on his shoulder—he already knew what I was going to say.

  I glanced at Celeste, and she flashed me an encouraging smile. Hmm, I wonder how much she knows.

  I peeked at Alec. He had his elbow resting on his leg, and his hand on his chin. I turned to Vik and Ti. “I will know if he turns dark because…” I looked at Alec and sent out love and an apology through our bond. He straightened up and gave Daemon and me a hard stare. “Daemon’s energy is now somehow connected to mine.” I squeezed Daemon’s shoulder. I could feel his tension and feelings—he was glad to have me by his side, but he also didn’t like being tied to anyone.

  Alec stood abruptly, anger pulsing through our bond. “Wait.” I stood between the couches in front of him. “It’s one-sided. I’m not tied to him. I have a glimpse of his feelings but nothing deep. It’s not like our bond. Mostly, I am very attuned to his energy. It’s like I can command it or something.” I glanced back at Daemon. “I will never do anything against your will unless you are endangering someone.”

  “You don’t need to apologize, Gabby. I don’t like being tied to anyone. You can probably feel that, but I am grateful that you’re here for me. I also know that, regardless of your control over my energy, you have the power to do that to anyone, so it really is no different.” He shrugged.

  My brow met in the middle in confusion.

  Alec stalked out of the room. I watched him helplessly and glanced at Celeste, who got up and took my hand. “Give him time.” She smiled, then followed Alec.

  “Can you guys check on him, please?” I asked Ti and Vik.

  “Don’t worry, Gab, he’ll get over it,” Ti said.

  Vik squeezed my shoulder on his way out.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Daemon.

  He thought for a moment then shrugged.

  “I bet you wished that I hadn’t healed you, huh?” I joked.

  “No. You were right. This is fucking hell, but it was no different before—just a different version. I’d rather feel and make my own choices. I trust you, Gabby.” He looked at me with so much trust.

  “Thank you, Daemon.”

  Daemon

  I lay in the dark room, staring at the ceiling. I hadn’t done much since Gabby healed me. Everything fucking hurts. Breathing through the tightness in my chest was the worst. I had no physical injury, but like Gabby said, I was in my own personal hell.

  I’d wanted to feel something, anything. Now that I did, it was fucking eating me alive.

  Strong—she said I needed to be strong. I ran my hand through my hair, pulling a few strands out. How the fuck was I supposed to be strong?

  Redemption—is that even possible for someone like me? My heart sped up with the thought as coldness seeped into my bones and flooded me with a foreign feeling. What the hell is it? Fear, I’m fucking afraid. I had never been afraid. I don’t fucking like it. I sat up and draped my arms on my knees. My head bowed, and I gripped the back of my head with my intertwined fingers.

  I looked up at the soft knock on the door. My heart raced as Celeste’s green eyes and messy hair flashed in my mind. It chased away the pain and brought a small smile to my face.

  I opened the door, and my heart sank in disappointment. It was Gabby. I quickly recovered because she was the only other person I wanted to see, aside from Celeste.

  “Did you want to go for a walk or maybe get some clothes?”

  “I have some clothes. I don’t think Alec wanted us to go out together, so he gave me a computer and a bank account with an ungodly amount of money and said to buy what I needed.” I rubbed my nape. This feeling of discomfort from Alec’s action was also unpleasant.

  She flashed me a smile and said, “Perfect! Let’s go for a walk then.”

  I changed into shorts and a black T-shirt. The same style I would have worn before. It took me several hours to decide, but in the end, I realized that I had the same taste.

  I felt like a child, learning everything for the first time.

  Gabby and I walked along the shore in silence—her troubled eyes watched the waves come in.

  “Alec still mad?”

  She sighed and sat on the sand. “I dunno. He hasn’t returned. He can sense me, so if I need him, he can reach me.” She shrugged without looking up as she traced the sand with her fingers.

  “Are you okay? Not about Alec, but…you almost destroyed the whole damn house that night.” I leaned back and braced my arms as I watched the sailboats pass by.

  She chuckled, but there was no humor in her tone. “I guess. Alec helped.” She paused, but I didn’t push, then she whispered, “I miss Lilly.” She looked around the ocean with tension on her shoulders. “It’s hard, but it’s more manageable, I guess. It no longer feels like I’m drowning.”

  I snorted.

  She looked up and eyed me. “I guess you can relate, huh?” She held my gaze and said, “If there were a way for me to take away the pain, I would, but what you feel isn’t physical pain—it’s guilt.” Her tone softened. “It’s a way for your mind to cope with everything that has happened—it’s too much to bear, so it manifests itself in a physical way.” She grabbed a handful of sand and tossed it in front of her. “Alec told me to let it all out so I can process my feelings. I brought you out here so we can talk. You don’t want to keep it bottled up like I did.”

  We silently watched the horizon, both trapped in our own troubled thoughts.

  “It might work. It might even alleviate some of the pain.”

  I collapsed onto my back and crossed my arms, watching birds fly above in the blue sky. “I don’t know, G
abby. It’s overwhelming. I don’t even know what I’m fucking feeling. These foreign emotions are too much, but predominantly, I feel pain…especially in my goddamn chest.”

  She twisted around so she was looking down at me. She stared at me for a moment and studied me. “I don’t think it’s your emotions I can feel, but I think your emotions bleed into your energy, and that’s what I sense from you, and I can tell you, what you’re feeling is guilt.”

  I raised my glasses to look at her face. “Yeah, I think you’re right. The guilt is overwhelming. How can I live with myself after all I’ve done?” My head dropped down on the sand. Another fucking nasty feeling flooded me: warmth and cold at the same time—shame.

  “Like I said before, only you can walk this path to redemption, but it might help if you think of the Dark one as a different person or something that was done to you—something that was against your will.”

  I sat up and faced Gabby. “Do you really think that there is such a thing as redemption for someone like me?” My heart raced as I held my breath for her answer.

  With no hesitation, she answered, “Of course. I wouldn’t have saved you if I didn’t think so. The best way to make up for your past deeds is to protect the innocent and take out the Fallen.” Her hazel eyes focused on mine in challenge. “Can you do that? Are you ready to go against the people you once called brothers?” There was a fire in her eyes and unrestrained anger that I had not seen from her before. Fear trickled inside of me at the look in Gabby’s face. The Fallen should run—she meant business. They had pissed her off, and she was no longer holding back.

  “Yes. They did this to me. I will show no fucking mercy,” I seethed. I would be by her side when she went after them. They would pay for what they had taken from me, all the years I had suffered, and what I was enduring now.

  She smiled and got up, pulling me with her. For once, I felt a small fire in the middle of my chest. When I focused on it hard enough, I could dull the pain to something manageable. Gabby had given me hope and purpose. She might be right. I might have a chance of redemption—to be someone worthy of Celeste.

  We walked into the main room, and everyone paused. They eyed Alec.

  Alec glanced at us and turned his back. His shoulders were stiff, and I could sense his energy pulsing.

  Gabby sighed next to me. She patted my shoulder and walked to him. I sat on the single couch warily. There was nothing I could do—the dude wouldn’t like me no matter what. Mates were possessive by nature, and I was linked to his. I would be the same way if I were in his shoes.

  The pain receded, and I looked sideways. It was Celeste. She sat next to me, and I eyed her energy to see if she was doing something—nothing. When I was next to Gabby, the pain receded slowly, but when I was next to Celeste, especially when she was touching me, it went away completely, replaced by warmth and comfort. Something I longed for but never thought I could ever have. She felt like home.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she whispered.

  “I…I’m sorry.” I hadn’t realized that I was staring at her. Great! Now, she must think that I’m a damn creep. I looked away and at the ocean. I took shallow breaths in to calm my racing heart.

  “Don’t be.” She reached up and touched my arm.

  I closed my eyes briefly. I had to savor the moment to help me during the rough times. Night times were the worst—maybe I could hold on to this feeling to help me get through—when I was on the floor writhing in pain.

  “Are you okay?” She pulled her hand back as her face flushed. She was fucking adorable. My dick stirred, which was another new feeling. I had never felt desire for a woman. Only Celeste.

  “How can I not remember you?” I asked, mesmerized by her green eyes. She was the most beautiful woman I had laid my eyes on. Her eyes turned down, and she looked sad. Fuck! Blood rushed to my head, and my heart raced. I didn’t want to see her sad. Fucking panic—another nasty feeling. “My body or energy remembers something about you,” I continued.

  She looked up, and her eyes shone. The nasty feeling receded.

  “What do you remember?” she whispered. Her shaking hand tucked her unruly hair behind her ear.

  I shook my head. “It’s confusing, I have flashes of my past, but they are jumbled up, so they don’t make sense.”

  I got lost in Celeste’s eyes. I reached back to my nape as heat flooded me. Fucking embarrassment—why all these nasty feelings—why can’t I have the good ones?

  “I can help, if you need me to,” Gabby offered from the breakfast bar while Alec was behind the sink. Vik and Ti stood behind the couch. I hadn’t realized they were listening. “What do you want to know?”

  “What’s the last thing you remember as Elija?” Celeste asked.

  I rubbed my eyes with the palm of my hand as I racked my brain. I looked down and said, “Again, I just have flashes. It’s confusing and jumbled up. When I think about it hard enough, it gives me a headache. I can’t make fucking sense of it.” I got up forcefully and started pacing. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. They weren’t hostile for a change, just curious, which made me want to try harder. “Mostly, I have this feeling of protection. My last memory is mostly clear… I think I was protecting someone.

  I… Before Gabby healed me, I used to have a recurring dream. It was frustrating. For years I thought of it as a nightmare because it left me anxious when I woke, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t hold on to it. It was just an intense feeling of loss. I tried everything I could. Spells, meditation, trance, you name it… It was so intense that I thought I would go crazy.” I glanced up and looked at Celeste. She flushed at the intensity of my stare. “Only the first time that Gabby healed me did I realize that my dream was tied to a girl with unruly hair.” I held Celeste’s gaze and saw her breath stutter.

  “What does that have to do with your last memory?” Tatia asked.

  Celeste and I broke our gaze, and my heart sank as if she carried my life with that look. I could live my entire life staring at her. I hesitantly looked at Tatia and answered, “It doesn’t, but it’s similar. The last memory I have is more of a feeling, rather than actual images. It’s a strong sense of protection, and then a sense of loss, and then failure and guilt. Then darkness. I have flashes of a tall woman with sharp angular features and strawberry blond hair.”

  “What?” Alec shot up from the couch while the rest gasped.

  I looked around and braced myself, and Gabby moved in front of me with her hands out. “Wait.”

  I must have said something significant. I glanced at Celeste, and she looked upset. Fuck, what did I do? Please tell me I didn’t hurt someone they love because that would leave me unredeemable in their eyes. I had never pleaded or prayed in my life, but I found myself doing it then. I never realized how much I wanted that redemption. I placed my hand on Gabby’s shoulders as I needed her strength.

  Everyone talked over each other, and angry energy swirled.

  “I said, listen!” Gabby let out a blast that shook the foundations of the house and pushed the couches back. She took a deep shaky breath and spoke with finality in her tone. “I’ve said this so many times, and I am not going to fucking say it again! Listen to me, carefully, all of you. If you doubt Daemon for his past deeds again, the two of us are out of here. Do you hear me? He is my responsibility, and I am not abandoning him! I am done coddling all of you!” She glared at Ti and Vik before her gaze landed on Alec. He looked hurt, which he masked quickly.

  “I’ve told you everything I can. You know that I looked into his soul and saw his past life. If he had hurt your mother, do you really think I would bring him here? I can’t interfere with his redemption—he needs to do this himself. He has my utmost trust and support. That should be good enough!” She looked around and glared. Everyone had their heads bowed. “Don’t ask me what happened to your mom. It needs to unfold on its own. If there was a chance that I had a lead on where she was, then I would have been the first to tell you, however, y
ou already know that Abaddon took her, and Daemon died or his soul was corrupted, trying to save her. Miriam was the target that night, not Daemon. I’m sorry for not divulging that information, but it’s nothing new, and only brings more pain than answers.

  “All of you, trying to force the truth before it is ready to be revealed, causes more harm than good. I have had enough pain to deal with, and I am tired of this issue, so this is the last time I am addressing this!” She turned and marched out of the room.

  I stood awkwardly, unsure if I should leave or stay. Instead, I watched Celeste and waited for some kind of sign from her. Alec dropped to the couch heavily, followed by Vik and Ti.

  Celeste reached out and led me to the couch. I sat with trepidation.

  “Boy, we really pissed her off, didn’t we?” Tatia asked.

  Alec shook his head and looked at me. His eyes were not exactly hostile; it was like he wanted to try, but he just couldn’t bring himself to like me. “Thank you for trying to protect my mother, Elija,” Alec said, which left me speechless. I gaped at him until I finally found my voice. “I am no longer Elija. Abaddon made sure of that,” I said bitterly.

  “Who are you then? Daemon, the former Dark one?” Tatia asked.

  “I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I don’t feel like the Dark one, but I do feel like Daemon.” I glanced around, ready for their judgment, but I only saw confused expressions. Gabby’s anger must have gotten through. “What I mean is that I don’t recall Elija. I recall all of my deeds and memories as Daemon. I live with the pain constantly. Gabby said I’m physically fine. It’s just guilt manifesting itself physically. It’s like I was reborn with a clean slate—with all of my memories and the same personality as Daemon. On the other hand, I’m experiencing everything for the first time.” I shrugged.

  “What do you mean?” Viktor asked with his brow scrunched.

  My face felt hot from their scrutiny. I didn’t want to admit my shortcomings, but fuck it, if this was the only way they would accept me then… “As the Dark one, I had no feelings. My body had normal responses, but I was numb inside. All of these emotions are all new to me.” I shrugged.

 

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