Masters of the Theatre

by Delphi Classics

  made man for ever.

  [Exit.]

  FAUSTUS. What art thou, Faustus, but a man condemn’d to die?

  Thy fatal time draws to a final end;

  Despair doth drive distrust into my thoughts:

  Confound these passions with a quiet sleep:

  Tush, Christ did call the thief upon the Cross;

  Then rest thee, Faustus, quiet in conceit.

  [He sits to sleep.]

  Re-enter the HORSE-COURSER, wet.

  HORSE-COURSER. 0, what a cozening doctor was this! I, riding

  my horse into the water, thinking some hidden mystery had been

  in the horse, I had nothing under me but a little straw, and had

  much ado to escape drowning. Well, I’ll go rouse him, and

  make him give me my forty dollars again. — Ho, sirrah Doctor, you

  cozening scab! Master Doctor, awake, and rise, and give me my

  money again, for your horse is turned to a bottle of hay, Master

  Doctor! [He pulls off FAUSTUS’ leg]. Alas, I am undone! what

  shall I do? I have pulled off his leg.

  FAUSTUS. O, help, help! the villain hath murdered me.

  HORSE-COURSER. Murder or not murder, now he has but one leg,

  I’ll outrun him, and cast this leg into some ditch or other.

  [Aside, and then runs out.]

  FAUSTUS. Stop him, stop him, stop him! — Ha, ha, ha! Faustus hath

  his leg again, and the Horse-courser a bundle of hay for his

  forty dollars.

  Enter WAGNER.

  How now, Wagner! what news with thee?

  WAGNER. If it please you, the Duke of Vanholt doth earnestly

  entreat your company, and hath sent some of his men to attend

  you, with provision fit for your journey.

  FAUSTUS. The Duke of Vanholt’s an honourable gentleman, and one

  to whom I must be no niggard of my cunning. Come, away!

  [Exeunt.

  Enter ROBIN, DICK, the HORSE-COURSER, and a CARTER.

  CARTER. Come, my masters, I’ll bring you to the best beer in

  Europe. — What, ho, hostess! where be these whores?

  Enter HOSTESS.

  HOSTESS. How now! what lack you? What, my old guess! welcome.

  ROBIN. Sirrah Dick, dost thou know why I stand so mute?

  DICK. No, Robin: why is’t?

  ROBIN. I am eighteen-pence on the score. but say nothing; see

  if she have forgotten me.

  HOSTESS. Who’s this that stands so solemnly by himself? What,

  my old guest!

  ROBIN. O, hostess, how do you? I hope my score stands still.

  HOSTESS. Ay, there’s no doubt of that; for methinks you make no

  haste to wipe it out.

  DICK. Why, hostess, I say, fetch us some beer.

  HOSTESS. You shall presently. — Look up into the hall there, ho!

  [Exit. — Drink is presently brought in.]

  DICK. Come, sirs, what shall we do now till mine hostess comes?

  CARTER. Marry, sir, I’ll tell you the bravest tale how a

  conjurer served me. You know Doctor Faustus?

  HORSE-COURSER. Ay, a plague take him! here’s some on’s have cause

  to know him. Did he conjure thee too?

  CARTER. I’ll tell you how he served me. As I was going to

  Wittenberg, t’other day, with a load of hay, he met me, and

  asked me what he should give me for as much hay as he could eat.

  Now, sir, I thinking that a little would serve his turn, bad him

  take as much as he would for three farthings: so he presently

  gave me my money and fell to eating; and, as I am a cursen

  man, he never left eating till he had eat up all my load of hay.

  ALL. O, monstrous! eat a whole load of hay!

  ROBIN. Yes, yes, that may be; for I have heard of one that has eat

  a load of logs.

  HORSE-COURSER. Now, sirs, you shall hear how villanously he

  served me. I went to him yesterday to buy a horse of him, and

  he would by no means sell him under forty dollars. So, sir,

  because I knew him to be such a horse as would run over hedge

  and ditch and never tire, I gave him his money. So, when I had

  my horse, Doctor Faustus bad me ride him night and day, and spare

  him no time; but, quoth he, in any case, ride him not into the

  water. Now, sir, I thinking the horse had had some quality

  that he would not have me know of, what did I but rid him

  into a great river? and when I came just in the midst, my horse

  vanished away, and I sate straddling upon a bottle of hay.

  ALL. O, brave doctor!

  HORSE-COURSER. But you shall hear how bravely I served him for

  it. I went me home to his house, and there I found him asleep.

  I kept a hallooing and whooping in his ears; but all could not

  wake him. I, seeing that, took him by the leg, and never rested

  pulling till I had pulled me his leg quite off; and now ’tis at

  home in mine hostry.

  ROBIN. And has the doctor but one leg, then? that’s excellent;

  for one of his devils turned me into the likeness of an ape’s face.

  CARTER. Some more drink, hostess!

  ROBIN. Hark you, we’ll into another room and drink a while, and

  then we’ll go seek out the doctor.

  [Exeunt.]

  Enter the DUKE OF VANHOLT, his DUCHESS, FAUSTUS, MEPHISTOPHILIS,

  and ATTENDANTS.

  DUKE. Thanks, Master Doctor, for these pleasant sights; nor know

  I how sufficiently to recompense your great deserts in erecting

  that enchanted castle in the air, the sight whereof so

  delighted me as nothing in the world could please me more.

  FAUSTUS. I do think myself, my good lord, highly recompensed in

  that it pleaseth your grace to think but well of that which

  Faustus hath performed. — But, gracious lady, it may be that you

  have taken no pleasure in those sights; therefore, I pray you

  tell me, what is the thing you most desire to have; be it in the

  world, it shall be yours: I have heard that great-bellied women

  do long for things are rare and dainty.

  DUCHESS. True, Master Doctor; and, since I find you so kind,

  I will make known unto you what my heart desires to have; and,

  were it now summer, as it is January, a dead time of the winter,

  I would request no better meat than a dish of ripe grapes.

  FAUSTUS. This is but a small matter. — Go, Mephistophilis; away!

  [Exit MEPHISTOPHILIS.]

  Madam, I will do more than this for your content.

  Re-Enter MEPHISTOPHILIS with grapes.

  Here now, taste you these: they should be good, for they come

  from a far country, I can tell you.

  DUKE. This makes me wonder more than all the rest, that at this

  time of the year, when every tree is barren of his fruit, from

  whence you had these ripe grapes.

  FAUSTUS. Please it your grace, the year is divided into two

  circles over the whole world; so that, when it is winter with

  us, in the contrary circle it is likewise summer with them, as

  in India, Saba, and such countries that lie far east, where

  they have fruit twice a-year; from whence, by means of a swift

  spirit that I have, I had these grapes brought, as you see.

  DUCHESS. And, trust me, they are the sweetest grapes that e’er

  I tasted.

  The CLOWNS bounce at the gate, within.

  DUKE. What rude disturbers have we at the gate?

  Go, pacify their fury, set it ope,

  And
then demand of them what they would have.

  [They knock again, and call out to talk with FAUSTUS.]

  SERVANT. Why, how now, masters! what a coil is there!

  What is the reason you disturb the Duke?

  DICK [within]. We have no reason for it; therefore a fig for him!

  SERVANT. Why, saucy varlets, dare you be so bold?

  HORSE-COURSER [within]. I hope, sir, we have wit enough to be

  more bold than welcome.

  SERVANT. It appears so: pray, be bold elsewhere, and trouble

  not the Duke.

  DUKE. What would they have?

  SERVANT. They all cry out to speak with Doctor Faustus.

  CARTER [within]. Ay, and we will speak with him.

  DUKE. Will you, sir? — Commit the rascals.

  DICK [within]. Commit with us! he were as good commit with his

  father as commit with us.

  FAUSTUS. I do beseech your grace, let them come in;

  They are good subject for a merriment.

  DUKE. Do as thou wilt, Faustus; I give thee leave.

  FAUSTUS. I thank your grace.

  Enter ROBIN, DICK, CARTER, and HORSE-COURSER.

  Why, how now, my good friends!

  Faith, you are too outrageous: but, come near;

  I have procur’d your pardons: welcome, all.

  ROBIN. Nay, sir, we will be welcome for our money, and we will

  pay for what we take. — What, ho! give’s half a dozen of beer here,

  and be hanged!

  FAUSTUS. Nay, hark you; can you tell me where you are?

  CARTER. Ay, marry, can I; we are under heaven.

  SERVANT. Ay; but, Sir Saucebox, know you in what place?

  HORSE-COURSER. Ay, ay, the house is good enough to drink in.

  — Zouns, fill us some beer, or we’ll break all the barrels in

  the house, and dash out all your brains with your bottles!

  FAUSTUS. Be not so furious: come, you shall have beer. —

  My lord, beseech you give me leave a while;

  I’ll gage my credit ‘twill content your grace.

  DUKE. With all my heart, kind doctor; please thyself;

  Our servants and our court’s at thy command.

  FAUSTUS. I humbly thank your grace. — Then fetch some beer.

  HORSE-COURSER. Ay, marry, there spake a doctor, indeed!

  and, faith, I’ll drink a health to thy wooden leg for that word.

  FAUSTUS. My wooden leg! what dost thou mean by that?

  CARTER. Ha, ha, ha! — Dost hear him, Dick? he has forgot his

  leg.

  HORSE-COURSER. Ay, ay, he does not stand much upon that.

  FAUSTUS. No, faith; not much upon a wooden leg.

  CARTER. Good Lord, that flesh and blood should be so frail with

  your worship! Do not you remember a horse-courser you sold a

  horse to?

  FAUSTUS. Yes, I remember I sold one a horse.

  CARTER. And do you remember you bid he should not ride him

  into the water?

  FAUSTUS. Yes, I do very well remember that.

  CARTER. And do you remember nothing of your leg?

  FAUSTUS. No, in good sooth.

  CARTER. Then, I pray you, remember your courtesy.

  FAUSTUS. I thank you, sir.

  CARTER. ’Tis not so much worth. I pray you, tell me one thing.

  FAUSTUS. What’s that?

  CARTER. Be both your legs bed-fellows every night together?

  FAUSTUS. Wouldst thou make a Colossus of me, that thou askest me

  such questions?

  CARTER. No, truly, sir; I would make nothing of you; but I would

  fain know that.

  Enter HOSTESS with drink.

  FAUSTUS. Then, I assure thee certainly, they are.

  CARTER. I thank you; I am fully satisfied.

  FAUSTUS. But wherefore dost thou ask?

  CARTER. For nothing, sir: but methinks you should have a wooden

  bed-fellow of one of ‘em.

  HORSE-COURSER. Why, do you hear, sir? did not I pull off

  one of your legs when you were asleep?

  FAUSTUS. But I have it again, now I am awake: look you here, sir.

  ALL. O, horrible! had the doctor three legs?

  CARTER. Do you remember, sir, how you cozened me, and eat up my

  load of ——

  [FAUSTUS, in the middle of each speech, charms them dumb.]

  DICK. Do you remember how you made me wear an ape’s ——

  HORSE-COURSER. You whoreson conjuring scab, do you remember how

  you cozened me with a ho ——

  ROBIN. Ha’ you forgotten me? you think to carry it away with

  your hey-pass and re-pass: do you remember the dog’s fa ——

  [Exeunt CLOWNS.]

  HOSTESS. Who pays for the ale? hear you, Master Doctor; now you

  have sent away my guess, I pray who shall pay me for my a ——

  [Exit HOSTESS.]

  DUCHESS. My lord,

  We are much beholding to this learned man.

  DUKE. So are we, madam; which we will recompense

  With all the love and kindness that we may:

  His artful sport drives all sad thoughts away.

  [Exeunt.]

  Thunder and lightning. Enter DEVILS with covered dishes;

  MEPHISTOPHILIS leads them into FAUSTUS’S study; then enter

  WAGNER.

  WAGNER. I think my master means to die shortly; he has made

  his will, and given me his wealth, his house, his goods, and

  store of golden plate, besides two thousand ducats ready-coined.

  I wonder what he means: if death were nigh, he would not frolic

  thus. He’s now at supper with the scholars, where there’s such

  belly-cheer as Wagner in his life ne’er saw the like: and,

  see where they come! belike the feast is ended.

  [Exit.]

  Enter FAUSTUS, MEPHISTOPHILIS, and two or three SCHOLARS.

  FIRST SCHOLAR. Master Doctor Faustus, since our conference

  about fair ladies, which was the beautifulest in all the world,

  we have determined with ourselves that Helen of Greece was the

  admirablest lady that ever lived: therefore, Master Doctor, if

  you will do us so much favour as to let us see that peerless

  dame of Greece, whom all the world admires for majesty, we should

  think ourselves much beholding unto you.

  FAUSTUS. Gentlemen,

  For that I know your friendship is unfeign’d,

  It is not Faustus’ custom to deny

  The just request of those that wish him well:

  You shall behold that peerless dame of Greece,

  No otherwise for pomp or majesty

  Than when Sir Paris cross’d the seas with her,

  And brought the spoils to rich Dardania.

  Be silent, then, for danger is in words.

  Music sounds. MEPHISTOPHILIS brings in HELEN; she passeth

  over the stage.

  SECOND SCHOLAR. Was this fair Helen, whose admired worth

  Made Greece with ten years’ war afflict poor Troy?

  THIRD SCHOLAR. Too simple is my wit to tell her worth,

  Whom all the world admires for majesty.

  FIRST SCHOLAR. Now we have seen the pride of Nature’s work,

  We’ll take our leaves: and, for this blessed sight,

  Happy and blest be Faustus evermore!

  FAUSTUS. Gentlemen, farewell: the same wish I to you.

  [Exeunt SCHOLARS.]

  Enter an OLD MAN.

  OLD MAN. O gentle Faustus, leave this damned art,

  This magic, that will charm thy soul to hell,

  And quite bereave thee of salvation!

  Though thou hast now offended like a man,

  Do not persever in it like a devil:

  Yet, yet thou
hast an amiable soul,

  If sin by custom grow not into nature;

  Then, Faustus, will repentance come too late;

  Then thou art banish’d from the sight of heaven:

  No mortal can express the pains of hell.

  It may be, this my exhortation

  Seems harsh and all unpleasant: let it not;

  For, gentle son, I speak it not in wrath,

  Or envy of thee, but in tender love,

  And pity of thy future misery;

  And so have hope that this my kind rebuke,

  Checking thy body, may amend thy soul.

  FAUSTUS. Where art thou, Faustus? wretch, what hast thou done?

  Hell claims his right, and with a roaring voice

  Says, “Faustus, come; thine hour is almost come;”

  And Faustus now will come to do thee right.

  [MEPHISTOPHILIS gives him a dagger.]

  OLD MAN. O, stay, good Faustus, stay thy desperate steps!

  I see an angel hover o’er thy head,

  And, with a vial full of precious grace,

  Offers to pour the same into thy soul: