I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.
I squeezed my eyes, unable to look at her. I was the worst kind of villain. Once a devil always a devil. I’d finally shown my true form. I’d shown Tess just how heinous I truly was. I’d lost my soul.
“Let me down? Fuck, Tess, you’ve just destroyed me. You let me do that against your will.”
She shook her head. “It wasn’t against my will. I let it happen. I gave myself to you because I love you.”
A cavernous hole opened in my chest, sucking me down and down. I didn’t deserve her love. I deserved nothing. Nothing.
“You can’t love me. Not now.”
Her face shone with tears but the strength I’d needed so badly shone in her gaze. “Yes. I do.”
I couldn’t bear to look at her anymore. Bowing my head, I concentrated on the sickness rampaging my body. I threw myself into the pit of pain knowing it was all I ever deserved.
“Q—” Her hand landed on my cheek. “Look at me.”
I couldn’t.
“Q—it’s okay.”
Rage.
She’d made me become this…this monster by being the perfect submissive. She’d drawn out the part of me I’d forever kept dormant. There was nothing okay about that.
“Don’t. Just stop it. None of this is okay. Don’t you get it? I would’ve raped you. I would’ve been no better than those fuckers I’ve put down like dogs. Don’t you dare tell me this is okay!”
Tess flinched but her touch never left my face. Her eyes locked onto mine, looking angelic and so forgiving.
The anger suddenly evaporated, leaving me a trembling wreck. Resting my forehead against hers, I whispered, “We’re broken.”
Tess froze. “No. Don’t say that.”
“We are. I’ve ruined us. Ruined you. Ruined everything.”
“I’ll get better. I’ll find myself again. I know I will.”
I didn’t believe her.
“Did you even want me before—when we first arrived?” The need to know filled me with undeniable urgency. She’d come for me. She’d been wet. But what if I took advantage? What if she hadn’t wanted me to go near her? I was already condemned.
“Yes. More than anything. I loved having you inside me.”
My arms lassoed tighter, trying to calm the confusion inside. The migraine coated everything in gritty agony—lacing with tears I wished I could shed.
Then it hit me.
The truth.
The truth Tess had tried so hard to hide and by doing so fed the demons inside.
She no longer wanted pain.
The jitters stopped, leaving me freezing cold and numb.
She doesn’t want what I do anymore.
Tess curled closer, her eyes swimming with tears. She knew I’d figured it out.
“I’m so sorry, Q. So sorry.”
I couldn’t stand her apologising—not when I’d be forever indebted and endlessly sorry for what I’d done.
“You’ve nothing to apologise for.”
“But I can’t give you what you need anymore. I’m the one who ruined everything.”
Temper thawed my numbness. “It wasn’t you. It was them.” Capturing the back of her neck, I glared into her eyes. “Listen to me, Tess. Nothing and I mean nothing can stop me from loving you. I don’t fucking care if you no longer need pain. I’ve sworn my life to you—if you’ll still have me—don’t you ever feel guilty for this.”
“But it isn’t enough.” She used her hair as a cloak to hide her true despair, but I saw it. Fuck, I tasted it. “It isn’t enough for you,” she breathed.
She’s right.
I hated that she was right.
No matter how much I wished it. No matter how hard I tried. I would never be able to control myself without a small outlet—a small avenue of granting what I so needed.
You almost broke her. That’s enough to bury those urges forever.
A small curl of confidence strengthened me. I could use the debilitating fear of what I’d just done as a deterrent. Yes, I could bury them. Because I never wanted to hurt Tess again.
“Esclave. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I refuse to lay one finger on you. After today, I’ll keep my needs under control.” I sighed, hugging her harder. “I want you. You and me. Together. That’s all that matters.”
All my life I never thought I’d find someone to match me. I’d carefully kept my heart locked away for that very reason. No woman should have to put up with a man like me.
But life decided to create a perfect other. A girl so strong and brave I was in total awe of her.
And I fell flat on my face in love with her.
I’d had the perfection of a life I never thought I could have for three fucking days. Then the devil stole her, hurt her, damaged her, and left me with a shattered dream.
Fucking bastards.
I howled for my loss. I snarled for the ghost of the girl I’d fallen for.
I’d lost her and any chance of complete happiness I stood to have.
Looking at her, I drank in her beauty. I’ve lost you.
Tess shifted in my arms. “You haven’t. Don’t ever think that.”
My eyes flared. “I didn’t say anything.”
Her gaze turned liquid with sadness. “You didn’t have to. I know you think you’ve lost me. But you haven’t. You never will.” Her chilled body scattered with goosebumps even in the warm room. The sunlight had faded to twilight, leaving us in shadows.
“This changes nothing. I still want you to love me in your way. I need you to still take me. Promise.”
My lips pulled back. “You can’t be serious. I’m not going to hit you for my own pleasure. That makes me no better than everything I’ve run away from.” I swallowed, trying to keep my heart from threading with anger. “It was different before. You wanted it. I fed off you—I lived to please you. But now…” I sucked in a breath. “Don’t ask me to hurt you again, esclave, because I won’t. Ever.”
She shook her head, curls cascading over her shoulders. “Don’t say that. I want you to. You have to believe me.”
My muscles locked in incredulous anger. Imprisoning her, I glowered. “Forgive me, Tess, but everything you just said is bullshit. Your lies piss me off. I know you don’t want it.”
Her face went from imploring to young—so fucking young. She looked lost and afraid and on the verge of tears. The truth she’d been trying to hide burst forth. “You’re right. The thought of you hurting me terrifies me. I no longer need it to feel alive. I no longer crave that bond through pain.” Her eyes glassed with unshed tears. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t want you or need you to take me however you want. Je suis à toi, Q.”
I dropped my hold, my body seizing with understanding.
That’s what set me off before. That’s what conjured all the rottenness from my soul.
She’d given me power over her, all the while deploring it. The mixed signals had turned her into ultimate prey.
I shoved her off me, bolting upright. Yanking my hands through my hair, I stumbled backward. “You can’t do this.”
Tess scrambled to her feet, spreading her hands, looking as if she calmed a beast. “I already have.”
“God, Tess. Qu’est-ce qu’ils t’ont fait putain?” What did they fucking do to you?
Somehow, I’d broken the one slave I thought would be forever strong enough to defy me. Her inner spirit was gone. Her will to fight me vanished.
My wonderful Slave Fifty-Eight had turned into the one thing every cruel master wanted.
She’d willingly given me every part of herself.
Her pain.
Her sanity.
Her free will.
She sacrificed her happiness all to keep me pleased.
Fuck.
I groaned as the gross realization of what I’d lost finally crashed into me.
She was perfect.
She was mine to control.
She would never argue or say no.
Sh
e wasn’t just in love with me. She believed she fully belonged and would spend her life never displeasing me or fighting back.
She was the perfect slave.
My heart raced to a dying beat. “God, Tess. What have you done?”
She couldn’t have decimated me more. She’d taken all my dreams, throwing me headfirst into the dark. She’d made me become him.
She’d turned me into my fucking father.
Standing on the precipice, I visualized my future. Two paths. Two choices. One, I could accept Tess’s unselfish gift and take her—become her true master forever. Or I could reject her offer and fight to get my woman back.
Take her. Accept it.
I growled as a slow burn scorched through me. Temptation. Sheer fucking temptation. It would be so easy to accept the blackness and take her as the ultimate submissive.
Too tempting. Far, far too tempting.
But by accepting, I would condemn myself to a life worse than death. I’d lose myself forever.
I’d be no better than the man I strove never to become.
I would kill her.
Tess stayed bowed at my feet; her gorgeous face glowing in the gloom. She looked like a goddess straight from another universe—sent there to see just how far I’d fall.
She was sublime. She was majestic. She annihilated me.
“Tess—” My lips wouldn’t move. I wanted to tell her to snap out of whatever enactment she played. I wanted to shake her, slap her, hit her until the old fire and thrill of pleasure and pain came back into her eyes.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go near her—not while she stayed so open and willing at my feet. I could feel the beast inside reaching for her, snarling at the taste of fully owning her. If I let myself touch her, it would be over. She wouldn’t be my wife. She would be my slave. I would never find balance again.
I was better than that. Tess deserved more than that.
I had to find a way to end all of this horror.
I had to rewind time.
“On your knees, esclave.”
Tess slid to the floor, looking so fucking beautiful in a sheer silver dress and no underwear. Every bruise, every cut, every bite glowed beneath the fine material, stamping my ownership. Marking my claim.
“Please—not again,” she whimpered, sliding to the carpet.
Her disobedience drove me mad—I’d teach her a lesson about her rights. Namely that she had none.
“Your only purpose is to please me. Open that pretty little mouth.”
Her face blanched, but her lips parted like a good little slave. She wore no collar but the brand on her neck glittered silver with permanent scarring.
Mine.
My hands landed on her head as my cock slid into her mouth. Deeper, deeper, harder, harder.
She whimpered but accepted, spit trailing down her chin as I used her.
The need to come overpowered me, tingling my back, locking my quads. I threw Tess to the floor, and a whip appeared in my hand. I wanted to come all over her while making her skin glow red.
“I won’t. Don’t make me,” Tess pleaded. She fell silent as I struck her.
And struck her.
“I’m not making you do anything you didn’t want. You did this. You made me become this. You gave yourself to a monster.”
I hit her again.
And again.
And again.
I jolted awake.
Launching upright, I glared around the opulent suite. My hand disappeared under the pillow for the HK P2000 hidden there. Franco wasn’t the only one who carried concealed weapons.
Heart revving, eyes darting, I flicked the safety off ready to fucking eradicate any bastard who dared come near Tess again.
The room was dark as a tomb—no light peeked through the black-out curtains, no trickle of illumination anywhere.
The dream echoed behind my eyes.
Tess had been resplendent. Accepting my violence with the beauty of a slave who’d been to hell and back. She lived only to make a devil happy.
My mouth was dry, but my cock was rock hard. I couldn’t shake the image of Tess’s mouth wrapped around my length; I still felt her dream-lips sucking, her tongue licking…taking.
Fuck.
I wanted to tear out my black soul and burn it. I wanted to crucify everything disgusting inside. Maybe if I purged myself with fire, I might get rid of the nastiness.
Redemption.
I needed to find some way to redeem myself and halt this path—the road leading to becoming Quincy Mercer II—true born son of Quincy Mercer, the raping bastard.
Shaking my head, I forced myself to focus on the room and not my rapid descent into purgatory.
Something woke me.
Something caused my body to switch straight into killer and protector. I had to stay vigilant just in case one of the many assholes I’d dealt with had come for me—and they would. I knew the underworld they existed in; retribution would be on its way. In a way the waiting was worse. I wanted it over with—so I could kill.
My hands twitched, gripping the gun harder, training it on shadowy corners of the room.
“No. Please—”
My heart skipped as Tess seized beside me. Her eyes screwed up, a dew of sweat gleaming on her upper lip. Even in the darkness I made out every perfect sweep of her eyelashes, following the soft curves of her body.
Her.
She’d woken me.
I should’ve known—it was hardly a new occurrence. Her voice must’ve plaited with my dream, lacing fantasy with reality. Her pleas had been real, but not for me. Somehow I’d taken the past and Tess’s amazing willingness to give me what I needed, and twisted it with how she was now. She would never say no to me. I learned that the hard way.
Her lies had confused the shit out of me, making me lose complete control. I could blame her for everything—but ultimately it was all on me.
Me, the cocksucker who didn’t deserve her.
My back went rigid as she squirmed. Her obvious distress sickened me, yet in my dream I’d relished it—wanted more of her cries and begs.
I hadn’t cared she didn’t want me. I loved that she didn’t. I loved the non-consent.
I’m heartless and fucking cruel.
Suddenly, my body weighed too much. The migraine had broken thanks to the brief sleep, but the dregs lived in my skull—puncturing my brain with tiny needles. At least my body punished me. I’d earned the pain.
Tess. Goddammit, I couldn’t look at her without dying of guilt.
You burned her. You almost fucking raped her.
I dropped the gun onto the mattress, letting my body sag. My hands disappeared into my hair, holding a mind churning with so many black things.
Her body jolted but she stayed deep asleep—too trapped by her nightmare to wake.
My arms tensed, wishing there was a trespasser in the night—I would make him bleed. I would tear him fucking apart.
The migraine pulsed, gathering power now I was awake. A fresh wave of sickness spread its nausea-inducing fingers up my back, latching around my throat. I wanted to fall to my knees and spew my fucking guts out for what I’d done.
Guilt could kill a man—I’d never been free of the fester all my life but now it’d grown monumental.
I groaned as a lance of pain hit behind my eyes. I hadn’t had headache this bad since Tess had been stolen. And I had no one to direct my rage onto but myself. This time the motherfucker who had to die for hurting her was me.
Fuck, I missed Frederick. I missed his cool-headedness, rational thinking, even his crazy ideas. He kept me sane. I hated to think how I would’ve coped without him in the wings. Keeping me focused, reminding me I was strong enough to ignore the needs and be a better man.
Picking up the gun, I ran my fingertips over the weighty metal, stroking the weapon that’d been used to take the lives of sadistic men. I’d fought against them. I’d ended their horror, giving the women back to their loved ones. All apart f
rom one.
I looked over at Tess; her voice popped into my head.
“My name is Tess Snow. Not Sweetie, or Tessie, or Honey. I’m a woman only now realizing what she’s capable of. I’m no one’s daughter. I’m no one’s girlfriend. I’m no one’s possession. I belong to me, and for the first time, I know how powerful that is.”
I relived the moment where Tess had returned, bowing to me in the foyer. She’d taken away all my power by giving me all of hers.
“I came back for the man I see inside the master. The man who thinks he’s a monster because of his twisted desires. I came back for Q. I came back to be his esclave, but also to be his equal. I came back to be your everything.”
I squinted at my palm where I’d sliced the flesh, making a blood-oath with Tess. I’d sworn to honour her, cherish her, protect her. I’d married her in my heart that very second in my office, sharing everything that I was while hiding everything I could. She’d come back to me knowing nothing of the real me. The monster.
She trusted you despite everything and look at how you repaid her!
My body stiffened. I have to fix this.
It was my duty to fix what I’d broken—not just today, but for everything I’d done and everything that’d happened.
Tess slept on, giving me space to untangle my thoughts. After the incident, I locked myself in the bathroom and spent an hour under scalding hot water, trying to expel the evil from my veins. When I’d finally had the balls to come out, she’d been asleep—curled up like a homeless kitten hugging a pillow.
I hadn’t meant to fall beside her and close my eyes, but the migraine forced me into a spiral of unconsciousness, giving my imagination time to haunt me while my body healed.
“I won’t! Kill me. I don’t care. I won’t!” Tess shuddered, her voice shattering the silence.
My muscles tensed at her outburst; she fell silent. Watching her, I drank in the slightness of her arms, the twitch of terror going through her limbs. Her body overheated, yet her teeth chattered with cold.
I couldn’t stop fury bubbling in my chest. “Tess. Je veux te sauver mais je n’ai pas la moindre idée de comment le faire. Si je pouvais briser chaque horloge pour remonter le temps je le ferais si seulement je pouvais te voir sourire et être heureuse à nouveau.” I want to save you but have no fucking clue how. If I could smash every clock to rewind time, I would—if only to see you smile and be happy again.
Twisted Together Page 12