by B. J. Scott
Upon hearing his voice, she’d thought it was Kayden, but quickly learned of her mistake. Despite the similarity in their voices, to her recollection, she had never met this young man before, and if she had, she was sure she would remember such a braw warrior. “Forgive me, but do I know you?”
“Nay, we havena met afore now.”
“You knew my father, then?” Mareal extended her hand. Even though she couldn’t place him, there was something strikingly familiar about this young man.
“I dinna meet him in person, but I have heard many good things about him.” He clasped her hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed the back of it. “I am Callum Forbes. I guess you could say my connection to your father goes way back, even before either of us were born.”
Mareal frowned, puzzled by his answer. “I am sure my father would be honored to know you came to pay your respects.” As she studied the young man, she wondered if he was the son of one of the many friends her father made while fighting for Scotland’s independence. The possibility that Lorne invited him to vie for her hand also crossed her mind.
“Are you ready to return to the castle, Mareal? You must be exhausted and really should have something to eat,” Andrew approached from behind.
She faced him. “Aye. I was just chatting with—” When she glanced over her shoulder at Callum—prepared to introduce him to Andrew—she was stunned to find out he was gone.
“Who?” Andrew scratched his head and glanced around the immediate area.
“I was just talking to a young man. He told me his name was Callum Forbes, and that he had some sort of association with my da, but never explained exactly what it was.” She noticed a group of men standing only a few feet away, but her search for Callum came up empty. “That is odd. He was right there a minute ago.”
“I am sure if he is still about, he will make his presence known during the feast being held in the great hall. Come. It is getting chilly and you really do need to get inside. Those who came to pay their respects are awaiting your arrival.” He took her hand and led her toward the castle.
While she tried to be courteous to those who had come to honor her father, and attempted to perform her duties as mistress of the castle, Mareal found it too painful to sit at the dais in the great hall. Each time she caught a glimpse of her father’s empty chair, her heart clenched, and her sorrow grew. As acting laird, Andrew could have occupied the laird’s seat, but refrained from doing so as a show of respect. The food Andrew insisted she eat was tasteless, and the overwhelming need to be alone grew with each minute.
“You have na eaten enough to keep a wee bird alive,” Andrew said and moved her still-full trencher closer. “Keep this up and you will make yourself ill. I am sure your da would na want that to happen.”
“I have no appetite.” She shoved the platter of food away and rose. “I am spent, and I would like to retire. Could you offer my apologies to the guests?” Before he could respond, she turned and hurried from the hall, doing her best to keep a flood of tears at bay.
Chapter Nine
Her father would not be pleased if he knew she had left a hall full of guests, but Mareal was sure Andrew would manage things in her absence. She’d done her utmost to be a gracious hostess, but the walls felt like they were closing in around her and she needed some space and time to herself. At first, she headed toward her chamber, but changed her mind, opting instead for the parapets—a place she often went as a bairn when she wanted to feel closer to her mother.
She shivered as she stepped out into the cool night air, but when she gazed skyward and noticed a small patch of star-spattered sky, peeking from beneath a heavy layer of clouds, she quickly forgot about her discomfort. She wondered if it was a sign from her father, letting her know that despite her grief and how grim things appeared right now, she must be strong, and go on without him. “I love you and miss you so much, Da,” she muttered on a breathy sigh.
“I thought this might be where I would find you,” Andrew said.
Mareal whipped around. “What are you doing here? Can I na have some time alone?” She wrapped her arms around herself, bracing against a sudden gust of wind. “How did you know where to find me?”
“You claimed you were exhausted and wished to retire. I am aware the last couple of days were difficult for you, so could fully understand. However, when I went to see if you got back to your chamber safely, and your maid told me you had na returned, I was worried,” Andrew said. “When you were a bairn, you came here to get away from me and Kayden,” he chuckled.
“I had no idea you were aware of my existence, let alone where I went on my own as a bairn,” she snapped.
“There is a lot about me you dinna know.” Andrew moved forward, closing the gap between them. “And na all of it is bad.”
“As you can see, I am fine. I dinna need a nursemaid and am capable of taking care of myself.”
“Obviously that is na true.” Andrew frowned. “You are na dressed properly for this chilly night air, and in case you had na noticed, it looks like it could rain at any minute. He pointed at the dark clouds. “Unless of course you are trying to make yourself ill. In which case, you are doing an excellent job of it.”
Mareal silently eyed him back. While she still resented Andrew’s interference in her life, she also appreciated what appeared to be genuine concern for her well-being. She had to admit that since her father’s passing, she had not been thinking clearly, and perhaps was not making the best decisions, but until Andrew married her off, it was still her life to govern.
“I dinna mean to sound rude or ungrateful, but I am na accustomed to having someone tell me what to do, or to answer to anyone for my actions. My da trusted me and—” Choked up by a flood of emotions and suddenly unable to speak, she turned her back to Andrew, hoping to hide the tears trickling down her cheeks. “I really would like some time to myself, if you dinna mind.”
“I am na going to leave you here, Mareal, if that is what you are suggesting.” Andrew rested his hand on her back. “I realize you need some time alone, but there are other places you could go that willna put your health at risk.”
Warmth emanated from his fingertips and her stomach did a quick flip. She was finding it more difficult to deny the strange effects he had on her body whenever he was near, but she was determined to fight it at all cost. She stiffened and raised her chin, but did not face him. She knew if she did, she would go to pieces the minute she looked into his eyes, and she could not let that happen.
“That is exactly what I am suggesting, Andrew. I came here often when I was a bairn and wanted to think or clear my head. I certainly need that now, na to mention I feel so much closer to my parents when I am here.” She peered up at the sky, sad to see that clouds covered the stars. If it was a sign from her parents, it was gone, just as they were both gone, and she was on her own. A light rain began to fall, dampening her eyelashes, the droplets mixing with her tears. “Please, leave me to my thoughts.”
He clasped her shoulders when she tried to move away, then spun her around to face him. “I canna leave you out in the rain. You are my responsibility, and it is something I dinna take lightly. Look at you, you are cold and shaking like a leaf.”
“I am responsible for myself. My da should na have asked you to make such promises, and I release you from it.” She stared up at him, knowing full well he would not listen to her plea—part of her wishing he would go and part of her wishing he would stand his ground and hold her.
As if he’d read her thoughts, he took her in his arms and cradled her against his chest. “Only your father can release me from that vow, and sadly, he is na here. You are a thrawn woman, but I admire your spunk and courage, and it is alright to cry.”
He held her so tightly there was no space between them, and she could feel his heart pounding in unison with her own. She struggled to break free, but when he refused to relinquish his hold, she finally rested her cheek on his chest and sobbed softly, her tears dampening his tuni
c. “I miss my da so much.”
“I know you do.” He tucked two fingers beneath her chin and gently lifted until their eyes met. “It is hard now, but your father would be proud of how courageous you have been. He wanted you to be happy. As do I.” Without another word, he dipped his head and brushed her lips with his own, and when she didn’t pull away, he tightened his embrace and deepened the kiss, his tongue, tasting, searching, and plundering her mouth.
Flooded with desire, Mareal didn’t resist the unexpected kiss, instead, she opened her mouth to his sweet invasion. Unable to tear herself away, she melted against his chest as the sorrow and despair of the last few days disappeared, and for a few brief moments, all that was in her heart and mind was Andrew.
But she quickly realized this was wrong, and tugged free of his grasp. Andrew didn’t love her, and the dalliance she suddenly found herself craving would only lead to heartbreak. “What are you doing?” Her heart was hammering so loudly she was certain he could hear it. Her knees weak, she battled the urge to grasp on to him again for support.
“Forgive me. I had no right to take such liberties, but I lost my head for a moment. You look so sad and vulnerable. I—” He paused for a moment as if trying to gather his thoughts and say the right thing before he continued. “I swear it willna happen again. On the morrow, I will resume the search for a suitable husband, and once I have found him, will leave for home.” Andrew stepped back. “I would like you to go inside and get out of this weather, but you are right, you are a woman grown and I canna force you to do something you dinna want to do.”
Stunned by his words and actions, she wondered how he could kiss and hold her so tenderly one minute, then treat her as if she meant nothing to him the next. She chastised herself for letting down her guard and allowing him to breach the stone wall she’d so carefully built around her heart. It frightened her to think she’d come so close to surrendering to temptation and giving herself body and soul to a man who didn’t love or want her. It infuriated her to think Andrew might have taken her offer, even though he knew there was no future for them.
Speechless, she raced along the slick stones and into the castle, leaving Andrew on the parapet in the rain.
Mareal didn’t slow her pace until she reached her chamber. She flung open the door, then hurried across the room and threw herself onto the bed, sobbing. It felt good to finally release the flood of tears she had been fighting for days, and in the privacy of her chamber, she felt free to do so.
“Are you ailing, Lady Mareal?” A woman whispered from the hallway.
Her time alone cut short, Mareal sat up in bed. She dragged the back of her hand across her wet cheeks and released a heavy sigh before she spoke. “What is it?” If not for the soft lilt of a woman’s voice, she’d have assumed it was Andrew, wishing to continue their discussion. If that were the case, she wouldn’t have answered.
The door to her chamber opened a crack and a young woman peeked into the room. “It is I, Elise.”
“Is there something you need?” Mareal could not figure out why the lass was wandering the halls at this late hour on her own, unless something was amiss. “If your chamber is na satisfactory, I can have Amos find you another.”
“My chamber is lovely, and your maid was most helpful in seeing me settled.” Elise stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “I dinna mean to disturb you, but my room is next to yours and I heard you crying. I wanted to see if mayhap there was anything I could do.”
“Thank you, but I will be fine.” Mareal sat on the edge of her bed. Judging by the look of concern contorting her visitor’s face, she had not convinced her what she claimed was true. “Really, I am fine.”
“It must be horrible to lose your father. I would be beside myself with grief if anything should befall mine, or my mother,” Elise quickly added. She inched a little farther into the room. “I am na trying to intrude, but I often found that when my sister, brothers, or cousins are upset, it helps them to talk to someone. I am told I am a good listener.”
Mareal was an only child, so aside from her nurse when she was a bairn and her maid, there had been no one to talk to when she was upset, afraid, or excited about anything. Her mother died before her tenth Saint’s Day, and her father was always too busy with clan affairs to listen to the ramblings of a bairn, so she learned to deal with things on her own.
“Thank you for the offer, but I have never found the need to confide in anyone,” Mareal lied. In truth, she’d always prayed for a sibling or close friend she could talk to, and there was never a time she needed it more than she did right now. Her entire life was falling apart, and she honestly did not know which way to turn.
“As I am sure you are aware, I have no brothers or sisters, and my only cousin was na someone I cared to converse with unless it was absolutely necessary.” The thought of her recent encounter with Kayden sent a shiver up her spine. Had she been alone in the woods at the time, there was no telling what might have transpired.
“When he wrote to me and asked me to come, Andrew mentioned that your mam passed when you were a wee lass and are an only bairn, so I thought mayhap I might be able to help,” Elise said. “But if you wish me to leave, I will do so immediately, and na come again unless invited to do so.”
Mareal was surprised to hear Elise prattle on the way she did. Before now, she’d scarcely uttered more than a few polite words. But things were all starting to make sense. Andrew felt sorry for her and thought by having one of his cousins come to fill the void in her life, it would make it easier for her to cope with her father’s loss and move on.
But easier for who? She wondered if he was trying to help her cope, or just wanted to keep her occupied while he got on with finding her a husband? Regardless of his motives, it was not Elise’s fault, and she was only trying to be of comfort.
“Nay, you can stay if you would like.” Mareal pointed to a chair near the hearth. “Have a seat and I will join you there.” She waited for her guest to sit, then slid from the bed and dragged her fingers through her disheveled hair. She took a twig from a pile by the hearth, lit the end of it in the fire, then touched the flame to a candle on her bedside table—providing them with some additional light.
After moving the empty seat across from Elise closer to the fire, Mareal sat. Still chilled from being on the parapets in the rain, the fire felt wonderful, her feet and hands quickly warming. Uncertain what to say, she stared into the flames, rather than looking at Elise. She was not accustomed to conversing with strangers in her chamber, and found herself momentarily at a loss for words.
“Andrew tells me you both come from a very large family,” Mareal finally said—breaking the uncomfortable silence and for lack of a better thing to say.
“Aye. There is no shortage of bairns or babes in Fraser Castle.” Elise chuckled. “My Uncle Connor and his wife Cailin have six, and would have more God willing. Andrew is the oldest. My parents have five, My Uncle Alasdair and his wife Edina have four, my aunt Arya and her husband have three, and my Uncle Lazarus and his wife Sheena have two, and another on the way. My mother, who is also the clan healer, believes it might be twins.” After she finished what seemed like an endless list, Elise released a soft sigh. “In a way, I envy that you are an only bairn.”
“Why?” It shocked Mareal to hear her say that.
“It can be overwhelming to always have someone around or underfoot, and no time to yourself.” Elise shifted in the chair, then moved to the edge of her seat. “Please, dinna get me wrong. I love every one of them, and I bear them no ill will,” she quickly added. “But I have often wondered what it might be like to be an only bairn. Even the daughter of a crofter or merchant and na related to the laird and governing clan of the castle. People’s expectations of us are greater than they are for a commoner. But you are the daughter of a laird, so are aware of these things.”
Mareal would have been content with one brother or sister, however upon further consideration, she found it hard to
grasp the idea of so many, so could understand why Elise might feel the way she did. As for the latter, she knew exactly what it meant to be the daughter of a laird and the expectations. “Do they all reside at Fraser Castle?”
Elise shook her head. “My Uncle Alasdair and his brood live at the stronghold run by Edina’s father. It is located on the northern shore of Scotland. Their home is a fair distance away, so we dinna see them often. But when they do visit, the castle is even more crowded.” She lowered her gaze and twisted her hands in her lap. “One of my cousins, Andrew’s sister, married the laird of a small clan near Glasgow a summer ago. They live there and are expecting their first bairn any day.”
“You dinna look or sound happy for her, Elise. Was it na a marriage of choice?” Mareal’s own circumstances came to mind, the idea of a forced marriage making her shudder.
Elise shook her head. “Och, nay, she loves her husband and I am thrilled for her. We were always close, and now she lives so far away. I miss her is all.”
“I am surprised you are na married. Are you betrothed?” Aside from her frail appearance, Mareal thought Elise was quite lovely, not to mention very much the proper lady most men desired in a wife.
“Nay. I someday hope to find a husband and to have babes of my own. My parents are very protective of me, but I pray if I am fortunate enough to meet the right man, they will give their consent.”
Unless a comely young woman of Elise’s age and social standing intended to join a priory and take the vows, Mareal found it odd that her parents would object to her marrying. “Why would your parents oppose your desire to wed? Most women of our age are married with bairns by now.” While it was really none of her affair, Mareal felt compelled to ask.
“It is na that they dinna want me to marry,” Elise said. “When I was a bairn, my cousin and I wandered into the woods and I fell into the bog. I would have died, were it na for my Aunt Arya coming along when she did and pulling me to safety.” She wrapped her slender arms around her body and closed her eyes. “I was certain I would be swallowed up by the mire and perish.”