Neil had been completely taken with Colin.
‘He seems like a really nice bloke,’ he said.
‘Just because he likes rugby that doesn’t make him a nice bloke.’
‘I thought you liked him?’ he said.
‘Will you come with me again next time?’ I said. ‘I’d like it if you were there.’
‘I don’t want to detract from what he’s doing for you. And I’ll probably be working anyway.’
‘What if I made it for a time when you weren’t working?’
‘It’s up to you. I’m happy to come if you want me there.’
We drove to the D.I.Y store in town and checked out the burglar alarms. They didn’t do laser trip wires. They had security cameras though. We bought wireless versions of both.
It took us three hours to get it all fitted at home. The picture quality of the camera was shocking. The intruder alarm was excellent. We spent twenty minutes playing with it, standing in various places in the house, and then moving to set the alarm off. I half expected a knock at the door from our neighbours or the police.
Neil made us a couple of sandwiches for lunch and we sat in front of the T.V watching our new security camera in action. After a few minutes it made my eyes hurt. We turned the T.V off.
‘I think there’s something funny with the counsellor,’ I said.
‘With Colin? He seemed fine to me. Seemed nice.’
‘When I was first there,’ I said. ‘The very first time, he mentioned that his wife had died. He said she had died in an accident, but he didn’t say what. Then, as I left, there was a noise upstairs. He had told me the house was empty. He said it was a cat, but I never saw it.
‘And then today, he had changed things in the study. Things had been moved and tidied. There was a smell of chemicals, like from cleaning stuff. And he had scratches on his face. And did you see the bandage on his wrist? I think there’s something going on there.’
‘What sort of something?’
I didn’t know what to say. I knew he would laugh at me if I said what I really thought — that Colin had killed his wife and was now attacking his patients.
‘I just think it’s odd about his wife; odd that he said the house was empty but there was someone upstairs; and odd that he had scratches and had cleaned the study.’
‘I thought he said the noise upstairs was a cat.’
‘I never saw a cat,’ I said. ‘And more importantly, I never smelt a cat. My sense of smell is so strong I could have smelled body odour on a flea on a cat.’
Neil smiled now. A crooked smile which trembled slightly on one edge.
‘So you think that maybe she isn’t dead,’ he said, ‘and he’s got her trapped upstairs. But she escaped down the stairs and there was a fight. That head thing you were talking about got broken and she scratched his face and hurt his wrist. Maybe he got blood on the floor in the room we were in.’ His smile broadened. ‘Or maybe he killed her in there.’
I blushed and looked away from Neil. He noticed the blush.
‘I do understand,’ he said. ‘It must all look a little odd. But I really don’t think he’s that sort of person, do you? I mean, he seemed really nice.’
‘And really nice people don’t kill their wives?’ I said.
I realised how stupid the comment was as soon as I had said it.
‘No, they don’t,’ he said. ‘Not if they’re really nice.’
He had lost the smirk.
‘Is that why you want me to come with you?’ he said. ‘Just in case he’s really a psycho.’
I shook my head.
‘That wasn’t why I wanted you there today. But while I was there, I had such an uncomfortable feeling about him. I really would feel happier if you came. Or I could just stop going, or find someone else to see. I don’t know if Doctor Jones knows anyone else.’
‘To be honest, Chris, Colin rang me earlier, on my mobile. He wants me to come with you too. After you told him about how you blacked out and attacked your mum and dad, he’s a bit worried in case he needs me for protection. He thinks you might be a psycho.’
I whacked him around the head with a cushion and fell into him.
‘Help,’ he said. ‘I’m being attacked by a psycho.’
I tickled his ribs and made him squeal like a girl. He struggled and squirmed, but he couldn’t get away. I was relentless.
He loved it really.
The next day, Neil went back to work.
Abi came round and spent the morning with me, making sure I didn’t blackout or do anything too weird.
Every night for the next four, I had the dreams. And every day I couldn’t get the memories of them out of my head.
I wanted Michael and Rose back. I missed them desperately, but Abi assured me they were having the time of their lives. I told her about the adoption but asked her not to say anything to the kids just yet. When she came around each morning she helped me look into trying to find my birth parents.
We searched census records, birth records, marriage records. We looked on as many of the social networking sites that we could think of. And I spent what felt like a fortune ordering certificates and gaining access to certain on-line records.
We spent several hours checking all the information we had, then cross-checking names with dates and places.
At the end of it, my head pounded, but I knew we had made progress. My heart fluttered when I considered what we now had. It really did feel like I had a chance of finding them. All I could do now, was wait for the ordered certificates to come through, which would then confirm or dash my hopes.
On his first day back at work, Neil didn’t have to work late. He picked up a takeaway on the way home and we ate it together, laughing about how crap our new security camera was.
But every other day that week, and the first two days of the following week, he was late home. The smell of alcohol kissed me before he did. I found it difficult to get through to him. Often I would have to repeat things to get an answer. He looked as though he was turning something over and over in his mind.
Obviously I asked him what was going on. But he blamed it all on work.
One evening I noticed a bruise by his ear. He told me he had walked into a lamp post.
The next day he was home on time. Perhaps even slightly early. He virtually crept in the front door. He seemed odd. On edge. His voice was quieter than usual when he spoke to me.
‘Are you… OK?’ he said.
‘I’m fine. How are you?’
‘Good. How was your day?’ He hesitated to make eye contact with me. It was like he was holding back. As though he was waiting for me to say something. Not just anything — but a specific something.
‘Neil, what’s wrong?’
He took his coat off and hung it up. He seemed to relax a little. He smiled. Sort of.
‘Nothing is wrong,’ he said. ‘Everything is fine.’
‘I know I’m paranoid,’ I said. ‘But I’m not bloody stupid. What is the matter?’
‘It’s just work, you know. All the usual. Have you done much today? Been out? Sat in front of the telly?’
‘I’ve been searching on-line for more information about the Laptons. I’ve not had a chance to go out, or watch the telly. In fact I was just thinking of switching on the news.’
He grabbed my arm. He looked desperate.
‘Let’s eat,’ he said. ‘And maybe have an early night.’
As we ate, he laughed at every silly little thing I said. His voice alternated between a virtual whisper and a bellow. His movements were jerky and exaggerated.
After we had eaten and put the dishes in the dishwasher he ushered me through the living-room to the bottom of the stairs.
‘Are you sure you’re OK?’ I said.
‘He smiled and nodded.’
‘It’s too early for my shower,’ I said. ‘Let me just flop in front of the telly for a while first. Let my dinner go down.’
He checked his watch and hesitated.
‘Wh
at channel?’
‘Anything. Just while my food goes down.’
He grabbed the remote control and switched the T.V on. He flicked through the channels and stopped on something about the countryside.
‘I like this,’ he said.
We watched it until it finished. Neil kept hold of the remote the whole time, not even putting it down on the seat next to him. When it was over he switched the T.V off and looked at me.
‘Let me just watch the news headlines,’ I said. ‘Then I’ll have my shower.’
His eyes widened. He blushed.
‘Let’s not watch the news tonight,’ he said.
He gripped the remote with both hands.
‘I haven’t seen any news all day,’ I said. ‘I only want to see the headlines.’
‘We’re just starting to feel better, Chris. You know how depressing the news is. Why don’t you go and have a shower and I’ll get you a coffee and a choccy muffin.’
‘I don’t want a muffin,’ I said. ‘And I don’t really want my shower yet. If you don’t want to watch the telly why don’t you go up and have your shower?’
His jaw tightened. His eyes closed slightly.
‘Are you angry?’ I said.
‘I just think that we can do without the telly once in a while.’
His voice grew louder as he spoke. His tone moved up the scale at the same time.
‘Neil?’
He slid the back off the remote-control and flicked the batteries out onto his hand.
‘Neil!’
‘All I wanted was a nice relaxing night. For us to get ready for bed and have a peaceful time.’
He definitely wasn’t relaxed or peaceful.
I went over and wrenched the remote from him. He still clenched the batteries in his other hand. I put the remote down next to him on the sofa and held his empty hand.
‘Neil, I agree,’ I said. ‘It would be lovely to relax, and lovely to have an early night. And you’re right, we are starting to feel better.’
His battery hand relaxed slightly.
‘But I definitely don’t want a muffin or a coffee.’
He softened slightly.
‘Are you sure about the choccy muffin?’ he said.
‘I’m sure.’ I grabbed my handbag and headed off to the stairs. ‘But I am going to have my shower.’
The shower was warm, but hardly relaxing. Neil’s odd behaviour spun around in my mind. His reactions during dinner had been bizarre. And in all the time I had known him, he had never had a problem with watching T.V.
After my shower I dried off and slipped on my pyjamas and dressing gown. I reached into my handbag and pulled out my mobile phone. I flicked through the apps and touched the one for BBC News.
Neil looked startled to see me standing on the stairs. I had deliberately avoided the third stair.
‘That was quick,’ he said. ‘Everything OK?’
The pain in my thigh sparked. My arms felt like they were getting bigger, more muscular. I stopped them from shaking.
‘Chris?’ he said.
I could see something start in his eyes. It looked like panic. I noticed the batteries from the remote control dumped beside him on the chair. My neck twitched and a fizzing sensation shot through me. I put my hand against the wall for support. Neil stood up.
‘Chris?’ he said, again.
I held my mobile phone up to him.
‘What the fuck is going on, Neil? What the fuck is going on?’
He hesitated. Wasn’t sure whether to come over or not. I knew he wouldn’t be able to read the detail of what I was showing him on my phone from where he stood, but he would have seen the BBC logo. The fact that he stayed where he was told me he already knew which article it was.
‘What do you mean?’ he said.
‘I mean, what the fuck is going on? Why didn’t you want me to watch the news, Neil? What was the reason for that?’
He held his hands out to his side.
‘I thought it would be nice for us to have an early night,’ he said. ‘Miss out on the telly for once.’
I stopped myself from throwing the phone at him.
‘Bullshit,’ I yelled. ‘Why didn’t you want me to see this?’ I said, thrusting the phone in his direction.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what that is.’
I read the headline out to him. It was already burned onto my memory, so I could see his reaction as I spoke.
“Families distraught as two teenage girls go missing”
I watched Neil sink back onto the sofa.
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