Zach and I drove down to the ski hill, and he waited patiently while I grabbed some skis, and then we bought our lift tickets and headed up the mountain. For the next few hours, the only thing on my mind was scenery as we cut up the fresh powder beneath our skis. My mind was free of everything by the time we had loaded the car back up.
"You up for a coffee?" Zach asked as he climbed into the front seat of the car, doing up his belt.
"Yeah, you know what, that sounds great."
We drove over to the little coffee shop, Zach parked the car, and we both hopped out and walked into the shop. Standing in line, I looked around at the faces that filled the place. It was almost my turn to order when I spotted Lexi sitting over in the corner with Ann Marie.
"Hey, I thought your woman was busy with family tonight?" I said to Zach, who was busy looking up at the board trying to decide what he wanted to eat.
He glanced over to where they were sitting and smiled as he waved at her. "Guess she was all finished. Want to join them?"
My stomach sank as I noticed Lexi wipe tears from her cheek and get up from where she was sitting and go into the women’s washroom.
"I guess," I said, frowning after her as I placed my order.
As we stood waiting for our order, Zach watched as Lexi came out of the washroom, eyes red as she looked over toward me and rushed back over to where they were sitting. While Zach and I continued to wait for our coffees, he bumped me with his shoulder and leaned into me. "You better not have hurt her," he said in a hushed tone.
My gut churned as I was handed my coffee cup. "You know, I'm suddenly not feeling all that well. Think I might head back to the house," I said, clearing my throat and looking back over at Lexi as she stared back to me.
"What the fuck, man, you were fine five minutes ago."
I didn't have much to say to that. I just couldn't be here in the same room with Lexi and her brother. "Think you could catch a ride with Ann Marie?" I asked, practically begging for the keys.
"I guess." He shrugged, pulling the keys from his pocket.
"Thanks, man. I'll see you tomorrow." I took the key from his hand, had my coffee put into a to-go cup, and quickly made my way over to the car.
I made it back to the house in no time and went straight to my room, locking the door behind me. I quickly changed and dropped into bed and flipped the TV on and spent the night alone with my thoughts.
The remainder of the week I spent my time in town or with Zach. Every night, by the time dinner was over, I hit my pillow and it was all I could do not to slip across the hall and into Lexi's room. The way Lexi and I looked at one another through dinner or in quiet moments was beginning to weaken whatever strength I still had to stay away from her.
On Thursday night, once I retired to my room, I actually started locking my door. I wasn't sure if I was doing it to keep her from sneaking in throughout the night or to keep me from sneaking out.
Saturday morning, I woke early and stepped out of my room a little after five in the morning to use the washroom. Half asleep, I trudged across the hall and was just about to open the bathroom door when Lexi came out of the room wrapped in nothing but a thin white towel. My eyes dropped down her body as she scurried by me. It was impossible not to watch as she ran back to her room, and it took every fiber of my being not to follow her back into the bedroom, lock her door, and fuck her up against the wall, especially when she turned and practically begged me with her eyes to do just that.
Sunday morning, I joined everyone for breakfast for the first time in a week. I took my usual spot beside Lexi. Zach hadn't come up yet from the basement, Jim was out in the garage getting something out of the freezer, and Barbara had her back turned to the table plating up food. I picked up my coffee mug and took a sip, and that was when I felt a slight tug on my shirt sleeve.
"Why are you ignoring me?" Lexi whispered.
I put my mug down on the table and looked at her, so badly wanting to kiss her and make her worries disappear. I knew that I was getting to her. Hell, I was getting to myself. She tugged at my heart as her sad eyes looked up at me.
"Did I do something wrong?"
How could I answer that? She had done nothing, nothing at all. It was all me and my inner demons. "I'm not. I've just had a lot of things to do for work over the last few days," I lied.
Her eyes fell from mine down to the plate in front of her. "But you locked your door last night," she whispered.
I didn't have an answer for her, and as her sad eyes looked down away from mine and looked to her plate, I knew me staying away from her was hurting her far more than I really knew.
Chapter 21
Alexa
"So what did you want to get for Drew?" my mother asked as we walked through the craft store.
"Nothing," I whispered, picking up a book on how to knit.
"Alexa! That is not the way we treat members of the family."
Says who? I thought to myself. That is how we treat members of the family who treat members of the family the way he had been treating me lately.
"Now, what do you want to get for Drew?"
"I'll probably just get him a pass for skiing on boxing day." I sighed, grabbing a book on woodworking that I was sure my father would like and adding it to my pile.
"Are you sure everything is all right with you?" Mom asked, stopping to look at me as I wandered down the scrapbooking aisle looking for something for Ann Marie.
"For the hundredth time, yes. I am fine," I bit out just as my cell phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket and looked down at the screen. "I have to take this," I said, handing my mother the stack of items I had chosen.
I wandered outside and slipped into a doorway, out of the wind. "Hello."
"Alexa, it’s Cameron. Listen, if you want your job back, I have an assignment for you."
I let out a laugh. "As if, Cameron. Are you sure you haven't dialed the wrong number?"
"Look, you’re the only one I know who can actually do this assignment. It starts on the thirtieth."
"Listen, I'm not coming back for one assignment, Cameron."
"Lexi, please, you don't understand. I need you."
"Should have thought about that before. I have to go. I'm out with my mother." I took a breath as I hung up the phone. I had no idea what I was going to do after Christmas, but it felt good to tell him off. I smiled to myself and wandered back into the shop to find my mother.
* * *
"Lexi, come on. These cookies aren't going to bake themselves," Mom called from downstairs.
I put the items I had purchased away a wandered down the stairs. I had spent a better part of the afternoon texting back and forth with Cameron, silently wishing he would go away. The stress of him begging was getting to me.
I made my way into the kitchen only to find Mom there with all the ingredients pulled out, looking irritated. "All right, so did you want to make them or should I?" she asked.
I looked over everything, the thought of trying to bake overwhelming me, and I burst into tears.
"Alexa, what on earth?" she asked, coming around the counter and wrapping her arms around me. I clung to her like I had done when I had been a child. The stress of everything pouring out of me.
"You’re right, Mom, everything is a mess," I blurted through tears.
"What's a mess?"
"I did something I shouldn't have. I made a mistake. That's why I came home."
"What did you do?"
I could feel my stomach start to turn. "Oh, Mama, about a year ago, I got involved with my boss, and he fired me after we didn't work out. Now he wants me to take a job with him again."
I felt her place her hand on the back of my head and stroke my hair, just like she used to do when I was little and upset.
"Alexa, life is full of mistakes. This isn’t going to be the first, and it certainly won't be the last. What matters is that you learn from them."
"Yeah, but I can't find decent work, Mom. I have a shitty job doing c
rappy assignments that I used to do when I first started. It's nothing like what I was doing. It pays half of what I was making, and things are so tight," I said, pulling away and wiping my eyes.
"Is that the reason you came home and brought everything with you?"
I nodded my head. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth. Just another way I let you down."
"Alexa, you, my dear, have not let me down. What did you end up telling him?"
"I told him no." I gripped the angel charm around my neck and closed my eyes. The headache I already had was now coming on full strength.
"Can I be honest with you, Alexa?"
I nodded my head and opened my eyes to look at her. "I think that I would be more disappointed with you if you took the job he was offering, to be honest. I would rather see you stay in the current job you’re in, no matter how easy it is to you, or have no job at all. You can always stay back home for a while and find something here, if you are truly unhappy. Don't sell yourself out because you feel you need to work away from home. Now what else is bothering you?"
"Nothing." Here I went again, lying. I wanted to scream out that I had feelings for the man staying across the hall from me. I wanted to tell her that I thought he was the one and that I was crushed that, after a wonderful night together, he wasn't speaking to me.
"Alexa, I know my children, dear. Don't lie to me."
I looked at Mom, knowing full well she knew there was more. The sound of the front door opening caused me to jump and look over my shoulder. Drew and Zach walked in carrying a couple of bags of groceries my Mom must have asked them to pick up. Zach came up the stairs first, Drew trailing behind. Mom was already occupied with Zach. Drew took one look at me and mouthed, "Are you all right?" I gave him a nod and turned my face away from him.
"What are you boys up to now?" she asked.
"Heading out to ski," Zach answered as he grabbed a glass of water. "Want to come, Lexi?"
"Lexi isn't feeling well. Has a headache. She is going to stay with me and bake."
"Oh, well, feel better there, sis."
"Dinner will be on about seven. Don’t be late," Mom called after them as she began putting the items away that they had purchased.
While Zach ran down to his room, I watched Drew grab his gloves from the closet, and then leave the room to get his ski pants. I couldn't help but watch after him. Mom finally cleared her throat, turning my attention back to her.
"What else is going on, Alexa? What else is bothering you?"
"Nothing, Mom. Let’s just get these cookies baked. I'll help, but I don't want to make them on my own," I said, turning my attention to her while thoughts of Drew ran through my mind.
Chapter 22
Alexa
I walked with my head down, concentrating on my feet kicking through the snow. Last night, I had called my new boss over in Europe and spoke with him about my upcoming assignments after Christmas. As he explained my assignments I felt as if I were brand new in the industry, and my heart became more unsettled than before. I was feeling so conflicted. I didn't know what I was going to do. Come January, I would more than likely be on a plane back to Europe. Drew had barely spoken to me all week, and every time I had suggested we do something, he would come up with some excuse as to why he couldn't. I didn't know what I had done wrong, but when I went to talk to him about it the other night after everyone was in bed, I had found his bedroom door locked again. I even softly knocked, but he didn't answer.
He had been right, that one night had changed everything between us, and the way he was acting was making me regret my decision to climb into that shower. There had never been a time in my life that I could remember Drew not being there for me.
I wandered into the ski shop and stood in line, patiently awaiting my turn at the counter. I listened to the conversations around me, the laughter, the two love birds behind me kissing and snuggling, and in an instant I felt utterly alone. I smiled to myself as he quietly told the woman he was with how much he loved her. The smile fell from my face as I wished that Drew was here with me and that it was my ear those words were being whispered to. I also secretly wished that if he had confessed how he felt, I would know exactly what to do about work in the new year.
Fifteen minutes later, with a new sense of sadness surrounding me, I left the ski shop. I had the annual boxing day skiing tickets in hand for Zach and Drew, and I stepped out the front door to continue my way to the next stop I needed to make. As soon as I stepped out the door, I saw Drew across the street. He walked with his head down, his hands shoved into his pockets, and he stopped in front of Gwen's Book Shop and entered.
Excitedly, I went to step forward and collided with a man carrying bags upon bags of gifts, the force of him knocking me to the ground, and I fell with a hard thump.
"Watch where you are going, young lady," the man sneered as he continued walking without even stopping to see if I was okay.
"Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too, Scrooge!" I shouted after him as people around me looked down at me as I sat on the sidewalk.
Getting up, I brushed myself off and walked across the street to the bookstore. I peeked through the window and saw Drew speaking with the salesgirl behind the counter. He laughed at whatever it was that she said, and then he wandered off to the back of the bookstore. I let out a breath and pulled on the door, the jingling bell alerting my arrival. I smiled to the girl behind the counter and went off in the same direction as Drew.
I watched from a distance as Drew slipped into the History section. I quickly made my way up to where he was and slipped down the aisle in front of him. He had his back to me so I peeked through the shelves. I watched as he picked up book after book, reading the backs of them. I was enjoying the view of his ass in his snug jeans when he suddenly turned around.
I dropped to the floor, praying that he hadn't seen me, but it was too late. I heard him start to laugh on the other side of the shelf, and the next thing I knew, his feet were in front of me.
"Lexi? What are you doing?"
"Ah, there it is. I finally I found it," I said, grabbing a book from the bottom of the shelf without reading the title and standing up. "Thank goodness they have it and the girl was right, exactly where she said it would be!" I exclaimed. "I was afraid I would have to order it online and risk it not being here Christmas morning." I smiled.
I could feel his stare and peeked up at him, a soft smile resting on his lips. I could feel my cheeks start to burn as we stood across from one another. "Are you following me?" he asked, reaching and taking the book from my hand. He read the title and looked back up at me.
"No, no, I came in to get my mother this book for Christmas," I stated matter of fact.
"Is that so?" he asked, crossing his right foot over the left and leaning up against the bookshelf.
"Yes." I nodded. "You see she has been going on and on about that book. Even made the comment to me the other day while we were out shopping how badly she wanted it."
"Hmm, I see." He looked down at the cover of the book again and smirked. "You sure she wanted this book? It just doesn't seem like your mother to me."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, I think it’s awesome that you are out getting Christmas gifts, but for some reason I am sort of shocked that your mother would tell you she wanted a copy of The Complete Illustrated Guide of the Kama Sutra. I mean that is just something you would buy on your own," he said, turning the book around for me to the see the cover, a smile coming to his face.
I could feel my face heat as the embarrassment coursed through me. I had grabbed a book without even realizing what section I was standing in. I pulled the book from his hand and placed it back on the shelf, clearing my throat.
"What are you really doing here?" he questioned, still smirking.
"Fine, I saw you come in here. I..." A smirk settled on his face again, and I suddenly wished the words would fall from my lips instead of leaving me standing here looking foolish.
"
So, you followed me?"
"Hardly. You’ve barely spoken to me all week! Barely even looked at me!" I hissed. Drew didn't say anything; he just stood there taking me in. "Was I just some kind of toy you thought you could use?"
"Lexi, come on, don't think that."
"What am I supposed to think, Drew? I went to come over to your room the other night and the door was locked. You've avoided even looking in my direction at dinner." I could feel the wave of hurt coursing through me.
"It was wrong, I know."
"Do me a favor and tell me now if I am nothing more than a fling for you. I need to know," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. It was the same defense mechanism I had used my entire life. If I crossed my arms over my heart, nothing would or could penetrate. However, I knew I had already lost that battle because with him he had already penetrated.
He stood staring back at me. "You aren't a fling for me, Lexi. I just needed to get a grip on my feelings."
I stared at him, taking in the expression on his face. I knew he wasn't lying, and his answer was enough for me to accept. I had feelings too; I just couldn't tell him how intense mine were or else he would run again, and I didn't want that. He was finally speaking to me.
"I think that right now we should keep this between us, okay?" He brushed the loose strand of hair that was in my face behind my ear and cupped my cheek.
I nodded, relishing the feel of his warm hand against my skin. I closed my eyes, thinking to myself that he might be right. Until we knew what direction, if there was one, we were heading in, it would be best not to involve others. I had to be careful; I didn't want him to know how I felt right now, and I didn't want him to know that I was in love with him. I didn't want him to run again.
I looked down at my feet and back up at him, and he shocked me by slowly leaning in and brushing his lips against mine.
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