by Liz Lovelock
“No, not at all. It’s actually nice to have someone else to talk to—other than my brother’s friends. Don’t get me wrong. I love hanging out with Addison and Elsie. They’re my people. The girls anyway.” I laugh nervously. I clutch the pen in between my fingers and twist it around. It’s then that I realize my notebook is wide open. I quickly shut it, hoping he didn’t see what I had written down.
“That’s good. I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date this weekend?”
My heart stutters at his random question. “Don’t you have a game?” I’m sure they play most weekends. I don’t keep up with football, so I might be wrong.
“We do. Did you want to come and watch and then we could grab something to eat before the party?”
I chew my bottom lip. A small silence builds between us as I think on his offer. Am I ready to date? It’s only been a week.
I must have been quiet for too long when Jase interrupts my thoughts.
“If you don’t want to, that’s okay. It’s a home game this week. Bring the girls if you want. Although, I’d much rather take you to grab a bite without them.” He winks. My stomach swirls.
“I’d love to come and watch and then get some food.” As I say the words, my unease builds. What if Dane sees us? I’m not sure I’m ready. What if I’m getting into something too soon? The dreaded what-ifs keep piling up.
“That’s great. I’m looking forward to it. This is my number.” He rises from the seat and comes around to where I’m sitting. I’m sure my mouth is hanging open. He takes the pen from between my fingers, then his warm hand takes mine and holds my palm open. I watch with awe.
He’s really built—muscles upon muscles. I have to hold myself back from reaching out and touching them. I only want to see how firm they are. I’m sure I’ll get a good look this weekend.
Jase finishes scribbling his number on my skin. Then, he holds out his hand. I take the pen from him and write mine down on his palm.
“Do you think I won’t contact you?” I ask.
“I’m covering all my bases.” His voice becomes low and gravelly as he leans over into my personal space. His hot breath tickles the exposed part of my neck. Tingles work their way slowly down my spine.
“Well, I look forward to hearing from you,” I reply seductively.
Jase is very good at making the ladies swoon.
“Not unless I hear from you first.” Jase cocks an eyebrow. His face seems so close. I’m staring at perfection. Dane is perfect. I miss him.
“You’ll have to wait and see.” A playful smile pulls across my face. I think this is going to be a game of cat and mouse. I need to talk to Addison or Elsie, or both of them. Their opinions, as bold as they are, are honest, and that’s what I need.
Jase gives me a wink then pushes himself off the table and strolls away. I can’t help it—I watch him. His perfect ass sits nicely in those pants. Dane’s ass is impeccable. I loved grabbing it when he wasn’t prepared. I smile at the memory. Dane is the only one who has ever taken my breath away. In my heart, I shouldn’t let anything serious happen. My heart is still held by one man—Dane. I still want him even though he’s done want he has.
I pull my phone from my bag and type a text out to Addison.
Paislee: I need you and Elsie. Can you meet me at the café?
It doesn’t take long for her reply.
Addison: Be there in 10.
With that, I pack up all my stuff and head straight for the exit.
“What’s wrong?” Addison slides into the booth, followed by Elsie. I shove another fry in my mouth. They took longer than ten minutes; I had enough time to get food.
“What took you so long?” I ask as I push the basket of fries toward them to share.
They each take one, and then Elsie answers, “We got caught talking with the guys. Well, one guy in particular.” She doesn’t need to tell me who she is referring to.
“How is he?” I want to know.
A silent conversation happens between them, then Addison says, “He’s miserable. Like, I’ve never seen him like this. I’ve not known him long, but he was always happy and chatty—unless that was your effect on him. He did ask how you have been.”
This piques my interest. “What did you tell him?”
“The truth. That we haven’t really seen you and that you were pretty upset by what he did. We kind of told him he’d made a stupid mistake. I think he knows that,” Addison says.
I purse my lips and shrug. “He should have realized that when I was with him. Instead, he made a choice.” Bitterness seeps into my words. I stuff three fries into my mouth for comfort.
“That’s what we told him,” Elsie says as she takes another fry from the basket.
“Anyway, forget about him for now. What did you want us for?” Addison asks.
I swallow my food then reply, “Jase asked me out on a date.”
Both of their mouths pop open.
“Really?” Addison squeaks. Elsie coughs as though she’s choking on her chips.
“Yes. He asked me to go watch his football game, get food, and go to the party together.”
“This is great. What did you say?” Addison can’t seem to hide her excitement.
“I said yes, but now I’m regretting it. It’s too soon. It’s only been a week,” I plead.
“Jase is a great guy. It’s not like you have to go jump into a relationship. You’re only going on a date. Dane hasn’t made much effort in reaching out to you, has he?” Addison gives me a stern look.
“I know, but I can’t help feeling like I’m betraying him. We were never really together, but it felt like a relationship. We were whatever you want to call it for, like, two months. How am I meant to forget those feelings and go out with someone else when it’s only been a week?” I am sure I sound pathetic.
Elsie reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Trust me when I say this is a good thing. If Dane sees you with someone else, it might give him the push he needs to stop being an idiot about everything. This will be great.”
I’m not convinced. I’m not sure I can do this. Knowing that I’d hurt him hurts me. I can imagine his face right now if I did date someone else in front of him. His chocolate eyes would dim. This would wreck him.
I can see where Elsie is coming from, though.
“It’s just a date. Nothing serious has to go on,” Addison adds.
“Okay. I’ll give it a go.”
Their faces light up.
“Perfect. Let’s hit the shops after classes today and find a new outfit,” Elsie chimes in.
I roll my eyes. “I don’t need a new outfit. I have plenty of clothes to wear.” Elsie’s bottom lip pokes out and her forehead pulls down. “The pout may work on Aiden but not on me.” My phone vibrates in my bag. I’d turned it on silent for classes.
Jase: This is me. Just wanted to make sure no numbers got lost.
“It’s him.”
“What did he say?” Elsie asks, reaching over and attempting to grab my phone out of my hands. I pull it against my chest then turn it around and show them. Both have silly, wide grins on their faces.
“He’s making sure this happens. No excuses now.” Addison winks.
My heart sinks.
“Don’t overthink things. It’s only one date. It doesn’t mean anything,” Elsie assures me.
“Okay, I can do it.” Even as I say the words, I don’t believe them. I write a quick reply.
Paislee: Well, that’s lucky. I already washed my hands.
I smile at my reply. Seconds pass, and it’s him again.
Jase: I’m glad I got your number then. I’m looking forward to the weekend.
Elsie and Addison order more food and spend the next couple of hours chatting and catching up. I’m actually going on a date with Jase, captain of the football team.
Friday night is finally here. I’ve been an anxious mess all week. Addison and Elsie are at the point where they’re simply tolerating me. I keep needing r
eassurance that I’m doing the right thing. There’s still been nothing from Dane, which hurts and makes me angry.
“How does this look?” I step out of Addison and Elsie’s bedroom in a pair of denim shorts and a fitted white shirt. Simple, yet sexy. I have a pair of black strappy shoes on, and hell, I’ve even painted my toenails a shimmery gold.
“Perfection,” Elsie says as she sits on the couch. Addison nods, giving me a reassuring smile. I am anything but reassured right now. When things started with Dane and me, I don’t even think I was as nervous as I am tonight.
“Thank you both for coming with me to the game. I need all the support.” I run my hand over my shirt.
A knock at the door has us looking between each other. I’m not expecting anyone; were they? Elsie gets off the couch and pulls the door open. A spark lights my heart on fire. Dane stands in the doorway.
“Paislee, it’s for you,” Elsie responds dryly and walks into her bedroom.
I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to him. I sent him that message and that was the last I’d heard from him. It’s been two weeks, and he’s done nothing to reach out. No texts. Nothing.
Slowly, I walk on jelly-like legs toward him. His head hangs low, but the moment I begin my approach, he raises it, and I regret accepting this date tonight. His eyes swim with emotion. I have to fight the urge to run into his arms, to have him close, to get lost in him. “Hey,” is all I can manage. My eyes can’t leave him.
Dane rubs one of his arms. “Hey, I… ah, just wanted to check in and see how you were?”
“You’re two weeks late,” I snap, unable to hide the harshness of my words. I fold my arms across my chest, waiting to see what he comes back with.
“I know. You told me to leave you alone, so I wanted to give you some time.”
Good answer. Still, I’m not sure. “I’m fine. Thanks for checking on me.” A tightness tugs in my chest. I desperately want his arms around me, to feel his warmth. It’s an ache that rips me apart inside.
“I am sorry about everything.”
I frown. Is he serious? He wants to apologize now? The softness I was feeling toward him quickly does a flip. “I don’t have time for this,” I say in a clipped tone.
His eyes dance over my appearance. He shuffles his feet. “Just give me a minute. Please,” he begs.
I sigh. “Fine,” I practically growl, keeping my arms folded across my body.
“Pais, I know you’re mad.”
“That’s an understatement,” I interject.
He ignores me and continues. “I want to apologize for everything—for pushing you out of bed that morning and for not taking into consideration your thoughts and opinions on us.” His feet move closer to mine. I catch his hand twitching, as if he wants to reach for me.
“There was no discussion. My opinion didn’t matter; you made that clear. I was just a booty call to you. I get it.”
“Please don’t say that.” He clears his throat. “You were so much more than that, and I know you know it despite us never putting a label on it. Would you give me another chance? Please?” There’s desperation in his words. He wants me back.
I’m not sure that’s a great idea. I’m certain to be the one who gets hurt again. My mouth forms a thin line, and I can’t move my eyes from his. They look pained. An agonizing silence stands like a brick wall between us. It needs to come down. But I’m not sure I can let it fall yet.
“Are you ready to go, Paislee?” asks Addison. I turn to give her a small nod.
“Oh, you’re going out?” He seems surprised. Maybe he expected me to still be wallowing at home with a broken heart. Well, I’m still suffering, but I couldn’t sit here and wait for him to wake up to himself.
“Yes, Jase asked her out. We’re going to watch the game and then they’re going to get some food.”
I want to die right now. With each word Elsie spoke, his face crumbled a little more. His eyes have become dark and low. He can’t look at me.
“Sorry, we better get going,” I say, ending the conversation.
Elsie hands me my clutch, and we all step out of the dorm. I reach for him and touch his arm. His head shoots up.
“See you later, Dane,” I say.
He doesn’t say anything, just waves. And I watch painfully as the guy I love stands in the hallway, and I’m sure that I’ve broken him even more than he broke me.
I resist the urge to turn around. Elsie and Addison walk on either side of me. Wetness wells in my eyes.
I make it out of the building, and the minute I do, the tears won’t stop.
“Oh, Pais, it’s okay.” Addison pulls me into her arms.
“I’m sorry. I know this is stupid,” I blubber.
“No, he’s the stupid one.” Elsie rubs her hand on my back.
I step out of Addison’s arms and brush away the dampness on my cheek. “Perhaps I should not go tonight.” A part of me hopes they will agree.
“No, you’re going. It’s like Dane planned it. It’s not your fault that on the night you’re going on a date, he chooses that time to show up and tell you he misses you and he’s sorry.” Elsie doesn’t stop firing her words. “He had his chance two weeks ago to reach out. He sent you one message and then chose to keep his distance. Don’t let him ruin your night of fun.”
As much as I want to get in my car and drive home, I won’t. I miss Dane so much. I reluctantly nod, and we all keep walking.
Arriving down at the field, I’m nervous. I shouldn’t be. It’s not like this date with Jase has been broadcast over campus.
I follow the girls as they lead us to some seats. A few people shout out hellos to us. Some I don’t know, but people know I’m Parker’s sister. He’s pretty well-known around campus.
I drop into a plastic chair with a sigh. I want to enjoy myself. But how can I when… well, Dane?
“Forget about him. Let’s have fun.” Elsie bumps my shoulder. I give a weak grin.
I finally take notice of where we’re sitting. We’re not far from the field, right beside the entrance and exit of our team.
A loud voice comes over the speaker, and then the music starts pumping. Our team runs out. I spot Jase right away as he’s first to sprint onto the field. The crowd goes crazy for him.
Damn, he looks hot in his uniform. The red-and-white shirt hugs his already large frame. He’s a wide receiver, and he’s pretty freaking good at it.
I catch him scanning the seats. Is he looking for me? Surely not. I resign myself to the fact that he’s just seeing how many people are here. There are a lot. I’m small compared to the crowd.
We chat for a bit while waiting for the game to start. Addison goes and grabs some drinks and snacks. After a little while, the siren sounds and it’s all systems go. I don’t watch anyone but Jase.
I cringe every time he gets creamed into the ground. All I can think is that he’s going to be sore tomorrow. This sport is rough.
When the game ends, we stay in our seats. I’m not sure where I was supposed to meet Jase. Stupid me should have asked before I came tonight. I haven’t been as invested in this date as I should have been. I shoot off a quick message.
Paislee: I know I should have asked this sooner—where did you want me to meet you?
“Let’s go wait outside. That game was a nail-biter. Those players must get so sore from the impact of those tackles,” Elsie says as we walk out of the exit.
“I know! I cringed every time,” I say, clutching at my chest. My phone goes off twice.
Jase: Just wait outside the exit closest to campus. I’ll come find you. Did you enjoy the game?
Dane: Paislee, please. I know I made a mistake. Can you give me another chance, or can we at least be friends and talk again?
I reply to Jase first.
Paislee: Okay, I’m here. I enjoyed the game. You guys did really well. Great win.
“Girls, he said to wait at the exit closest to campus,” I say. We find a spot and wait.
“Dane message
d me,” I blurt out.
They both gawk at me.
“What did he want?” Elsie asks as she takes a seat on an empty bench.
I show them and Addison replies, “Just be his friend again. There’s no harm in it.”
I scoff. “Are you kidding me? It took everything in me tonight not to be the one begging him to take me back.”
I start typing a message as the girls laugh at my expense.
Paislee: I’m not sure about another chance, but I’m happy to be your friend.
I can’t hate him. I love him.
“What did you say?” Addison asks.
“I told him we could be friends. What else am I going to say—‘No, don’t talk to me again?’” I could have, but I don’t want to. He is still something special to me. My first true love. I don’t want to forget what we had. I know two months isn’t a long time, but it’s long enough for my heart to know what it wants. It wants him. If only he had put on his big-guy pants and spoken to Parker.
“You girls are going to the party, yeah?” I change the subject. I don’t want to be left on my own at the house. I won’t know anyone other than Jase.
Elsie answers, “Yeah, the boys are going to come.” My heart leaps. Does that mean Dane is going to come too?
As though they read my thoughts, they both reply, “Don’t.”
I step back. My eyes are wide. “Are you two mind readers?” I can’t help the laugh the escapes me. They join in.
“What’s so funny?” a deep voice from behind startles me.
We all jump back and turn toward the speaker. It’s Jase.
“Hey, sorry. We’re being silly.” I chew my bottom lip and avert my eyes.
Jase focuses on the faces behind me. “Hey, Addison. Hey, Elsie. Are you two coming with us to grab some food? You’re welcome to.”
Both of them greet him then decline his offer. We say our goodbyes, and I tell them I’ll see them at the party later.
“So, what are you in the mood for?” Jase asks.
I lift a shoulder. “Anything. Surprise me.” I smile.
He chuckles and throws his arm over my shoulders, tucking me in close to him. “Come on, beautiful. Let’s get some food.”