Chapter 23
The clock reads 11:59 p.m. I have no idea of what to expect the next minute of my life and for the rest of my life. Life was so predictable before my dad died, so stable and safe. After he died, so many things crumbled around me. My mom wasn’t there for me emotionally, I stopped my ballet lessons, and lately, everything has turned upside down. I peer over at Karl, sitting on the couch, his back as erect as a board, looking so innocent and completely unsuspecting of what is about to happen to him. Anthony chose a perfect specimen. Karl doesn’t seem to have a single sensual bone in his body.
“So, Anthony tells me you want to hear more about a clergyman’s life?” Karl says.
I nod and raise my eyebrows as I paste on a smile. “Sure,” I say, patting Anthony on the knee, a little harder than just a friendly pat.
“Sonia just wants to find out a little more about what you believe,” Anthony says.
“I see,” Karl says, his hands gripping his knees.
Twelve midnight hits. I’m expecting an explosion, or a jolt, or something severe to happen, but instead, a peaceful sensation overwhelms me, causing tingles to make their way through my body, and goose bumps to speckle my skin. Then, suddenly, I see something. Is that light coming from Karl? An aura of subtle blues, pinks and greens radiate from his being. I can understand everything about him, from why he went into the ministry in the first place to all the fears and hopes that drive him. When Karl was young, his drunkard father beat him and his mother. Finally at thirteen, Karl stood up for his mother, and instead of Karl and his mother being beaten up, Karl knocked his father unconscious. After that he had run away. But instead of turning out like his father, Karl committed himself to living a peaceful life, and now he’s looking to use what he learned to help others. Somehow I know that above all else, Karl yearns for peace and to help others discover that peace also. In order to escape all that he suffered, he knows he needs to give back what he had been robbed of—a happy childhood.
“Is everything all right—Sonia?” Karl asks, looking behind him.
I didn’t realize that I’d been staring at him. “Oh, sorry, no, I just…” I glance over at Anthony, feeling my eyes widen.
“She’s just very excited, that’s all,” Anthony says. “But nervous, too. Please forgive her for staring and making faces at you.” Anthony squeezes my thigh.
Karl laughs awkwardly. “Of course,” he says gracefully. “What questions do you have for me?”
I’m at a loss for words because I see so many beautiful things about him. I see how much he loves his mother and father, and how he yearns to be loved in return and unconditionally for who he is. I see his whole life flash before my eyes, and feel nothing but compassion for him. It nearly brings me to tears.
“Sonia?” Anthony prods.
I shake my head and try to come up with a suitable question. “Do you believe that God loves everyone no matter where they come from or what they do?” It’s the best thing I can manage to come up with. Karl’s aura is so beautiful and bright that I just have to look at it. Then, to my great dismay, I find myself wanting to take possession of it—all of it. I look over at Anthony again, my thoughts and heart wild with desire for possession, but also riddled with guilt for having these selfish desires.
“Yes, He loves everyone, but the question is whether or not we love Him, and if we’re willing—” He continues to speak, but I don’t hear him.
“You can do it,” Anthony whispers, patting me gently on the knee. “Take what you see that’s thwarting his progress.”
My hands are sweaty, and I start to twitch, so I go to stand up, but Anthony holds me down. Focus, Sonia, focus. What do I want from him? Oh, yeah, prudishness, I think. No, not prudishness, self-restraint, self-control, but not too much. Ten percent—no more. That sounds like a good number to shoot for since that was what Anthony took from the priest. I look over at Karl and concentrate fully on his aura and what I want to appropriate. Self-restraint, self-control, low sex-drive. No, no, not low-sex drive! Okay, think only about what I want.
I look at Karl more intently this time, and focus all my strength on self-control. Give me ten percent of his self-control, I think. Then, as if by magic, part of his aura separates from the rest of it and floats over to me. It looks blue. I lean back when the aura comes close, afraid of what it will do to me. The aura approaches slowly, causing my heart to race, and when it finally merges with me, my mind absorbs the power with a tingle.
Anthony looks at me. “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” I say, wondering if he saw the floating aura too.
We both look over at Karl who has stopped talking. “I feel great,” he says leaning back, stretching his legs out, grabbing the armrests of the chair.
I think I may actually have done him a favor; he looks refreshed.
“Try one more thing, like temperance,” Anthony whispers when Karl isn’t looking at us.
Does he think I need that? I’ll go for another one, like…faith. Okay, focus. Ten percent faith. I look at Karl, sitting much more relaxed now, and set my intent. Another aura—white this time—separates from his and floats over to me. I don’t lean back this time, but lean into it, accepting the virtue when it comes. I feel strengthened and empowered and can’t help but smile.
“I said temperance,” Anthony says and kicks me subtly.
“I didn’t want temperance,” I blast and rise to my feet with a jolt.
Karl looks confused.
“Sonia isn’t feeling so great tonight, Karl. Can we reschedule for another night perhaps?” Anthony says.
“Sure. I have your number, so I can call you back next week,” Karl says.
“Sounds great.” Anthony walks him to the door and comes back. “You’re going to need temperance,” he says.
“I liked faith better,” I say. “The auras were different colors, did you see that? Is it always like that?”
“Yes,” Anthony says. “Now, the trick is to find a person who has the qualities you want, but they have them in so much excess that it would be better for them if you appropriated some of it.”
“I think Karl liked having a little less…restraint,” I say and smile broadly.
Anthony laughs. “I think so, too. Did you see how he relaxed after you appropriated it?”
I nod.
“So the question is, how do you feel?”
“Well, like me, I suppose, but it was crazy, I actually saw his aura, and his entire life. Did you know that his dad used to beat him and his mother, and that now all he wants is to find peace?”
“Yes, he’s a really good guy.”
“So I’ll see those kinds of things in all humans?” What a beautiful gift.
Anthony nods. “You’ll get used to it. Eventually, you won’t even notice it if you don’t really focus on it.”
“I felt such…compassion toward him. I still do.”
“It’s a humbling experience. Our powers can be used for so much good.”
“And evil,” I say, remembering the overwhelming urges I felt to control him and take possession of all his strengths, destroying him.
“But you wouldn’t choose that.” Anthony nears me.
I shake my head. “No, especially since I have now appropriated self-control.” I step closer to him. “Can I try something?”
“Sure,” Anthony says.
I interlace my fingers with his. The electricity is still there—just as strong. I rise onto my toes and lift my chin. Our lips almost touch and I notice how his breath hitches. I want to kiss him, and I almost do, but I pretend as if I feel nothing, brushing my lips feather lightly across his lips. My attraction to him isn’t any less than before, and I pull back, but I’m better able to resist him. The appropriation worked.
“All good?” he asks.
“Yes.” Instead of thinking about him, I think about the loss of my humanity. I feel a little sad, as if I have lost a companion that has been there to protect me my entire life. I continue
to hold on to Anthony’s hand a little longer and our gaze lingers safely in each other’s.
“Tomorrow, we’ll go appropriate some more things you are in need of now that your Huldra side is fully born, all right?” Anthony says.
“Sounds like a plan.” I really want Anthony to know that I still care for him, that the spark is still there, but think it best that I wait with that conversation until after things have settled down. Hopefully things will settle down.
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