by Ana McKenzie
Now, of course, detail wasn’t a thing she could really do. She couldn’t even paint a face. She’d tried, and when Merren had stood behind her to look at what she’d managed, Bianca had turned around and put her hands to Merren’s face, discovering the grimace there before Merren could hide it.
So now, she thought she’d probably paint in ways that minimised the need to show a face. The figure from behind, or head turned away, dipped down. All sorts of options.
‘I’m going to take you sailing, I think,’ Merren said.
‘What?’
‘Ah. That got your attention.’
Bianca put down the oil stick and peeled her gloves off, dropping them in the bin placed just where she could find it. She stretched and wandered over to where Merren lay, both spotlights on her. If Bianca kept her head twisted to the side, she could see her model and lover rather well.
‘You’ve had my attention this whole time,’ she said.
‘Mmm hmm,’ Merren growled. ‘I admit that – I have been the object of your attention. And I emphasise object.’
Bianca knelt down beside Merren’s lovely, supine form and traced a finger over one bare breast, feeling Merren shiver under the touch.
‘Poor Merren,’ she said. ‘Does my dearest model need some personal attention?’ Her fingers moved downwards to stroke Merren’s belly.
‘I’ll have you know I am more than just a model,’ Merren said, and then her voice hitched. ‘Oh god, don’t stop doing that.’
Bianca had no intention of it. She lowered her lips and brushed them across Merren’s nipple. ‘Sorry,’ she said, knowing her breath would be warm across the sensitive skin. ‘What were you complaining about?’
‘I wasn’t complaining,’ came the answer, and Merren moved a little, pushing her breast against Bianca’s mouth. ‘I was simply saying…’
Bianca slipped the nipple into her mouth, rolling her tongue over it. ‘Mmm?’
‘I have no idea,’ Merren said at last.
Opening her mouth, Bianca let the wet nipple slide out and she licked it instead. ‘You were telling me you do many other worthy things besides modelling for me,’ she said, each word punctuated with a flick of her tongue.
‘It’s true,’ Merren said, flailing out for Bianca’s hand, finding it and guiding it between her legs. She was wet there already, and Bianca smiled around Merren’s nipple. The flood of youth, she thought and teased her fingers through it, seeking out Merren’s clitoris and running feather-light fingers over it, feeling it respond and swell.
‘What did you say?’ she asked Merren, for she’d missed the last words, intent instead on exploring the landscape of Merren’s body, listening to the way she breathed, feeling the way she moved, lifting her hips, her knees falling apart so naturally.
‘I have no idea,’ came Merren’s moaning reply. ‘I think I was saying I do other important things.’
‘Uh huh.’ Bianca shifted her position to run a trail of kisses down Merren’s body, until her tongue met her fingers and she tasted the honeysuckle sweetness of Merren’s sex. She shifted again, between Merren’s legs, and closed her eyes properly, letting herself lap lazily at Merren’s clitoris, running her tongue over the sensitive skin with an almost delirious pleasure.
She slipped her fingers inside Merren, and felt her muscles bunch around them, then loosen and then Merren was moving with her slow thrusts, and Bianca could hear her moaning, knew her head would be tipped back on the cushion, fingers probably dug through her hair.
She felt the change of rhythm, Merren’s urgency grow as she neared her climax and slowed down further, drawing Merren back from the brink, bringing her back with a groaning surrender, and then finally giving in, taking her back to the brink again.
And spilling her over.
She loved it. Bianca had decided days ago that she loved the way Merren gave herself over fully when they made love. She gave her one last little lick, laughed when Merren groaned, then laid her head on Merren’s belly, enjoying the way Merren relaxed under her inch by inch.
She’d only had sex a few times since Bess had died. Merren always seemed slightly surprised during sex, surprised and delighted, as though she’d not known she could feel the things she did, but good god did she like it.
It was endearing. And such a good way to take her own mind off things.
‘What are you smiling about?’
Bianca lifted her eyebrows. ‘I was smiling?’
‘Yes. You certainly were.’
A contented sigh. ‘Well, I guess I was smiling about you.’ Bianca raised her head and climbed up Merren’s body to wriggle in beside her, seeking her lips to kiss. They were there, and willing.
‘Sorry about the clothes,’ she said. ‘They’ll be scratchy on your precious skin.’
Merren twisted onto her side and her breath was hot in Bianca’s ear. ‘You could always take them off,’ she said.
Now, there was an intriguing idea. ‘Didn’t you say something about sailing?’ Here in Merren’s arms, the thought of going out on the harbour on a boat didn’t sound so terrifying.
‘Tide’s not in for another hour,’ Merren replied. ‘We have some more time.’
‘More time for what?’ Bianca let herself float in the sound of Merren’s voice, anchored in the safety of her arms.
‘For you to take your clothes off.’
That was a good idea.
Her skin warmed under the spotlights and against Merren’s. It was a tight fit on the chair, both of them together, but Bianca didn’t care, she simply wound herself around Merren like cat, hooking her thigh over Merren’s hip, hearing the sharp intake of breath as she pressed herself against her.
Then Merren’s wonderful hands were grasping her, pulling her closer, and Bianca breathed in the scent of her, relished the way Merren’s breasts felt pressed against her own, the way her breath came hard and fast against her neck, how their lips sought each other’s out, such deep, greedy, smiling, tender kisses.
And how she sighed in pleasure at Merren’s fingers on her, the way they knew her so intimately already, moving on her the way she liked best, everything about it wonderful, generous, so incredibly arousing, involving, inviting.
With Merren’s hands on her, it didn’t matter that she couldn’t see, because she could see perfectly enough for this, could run her own hands over Merren’s beautiful body and know her just as if she could see her, and lose herself in her every bit as well as if it were so.
Chapter Thirty
Bianca heard Merren’s sister say it.
‘Are you sure you’re wise to take a blind woman out?’
She shrugged down into the light summer jersey she wore and wondered if she was going to like Merren’s reply. She debated over walking away for a minute, so she wouldn’t have to hear it at all, but she wasn’t sure enough of where she was to risk walking far from where Merren had put her. All around her was the sound of water lapping at the jetty.
‘I heard you took Mum out the other day,’ Merren replied, and Bianca hugged herself.
‘What’s that got to do with it?’
‘Mum can’t sail.’
‘So?’
Merren’s voice lost some of its usual patience. ‘For crying out loud, Suzette. What’s the difference between the two?’
Bianca risked a few steps to the right, further away from the hissing conversation between the sisters. And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from straining to hear the rest of what they had to say.
‘Fine,’ Suzette said. ‘You’re right. No really, you are. Neither of them can sail. They’re both even the same age. One’s just blind, that’s all. And you aren’t as good with this thing as me. Jeeze, I’m just being safety-conscious.’
There was a long silence after that, and Bianca wanted to pick her way over to Merren and grab her by the arm, insist they went back home.
She turned her face towards the sun, the lightly-salted breeze. She didn’t want to go sailing anymore. It had been a c
razy idea in the first place.
‘Except you’re not, Suzette. Not really. Thanks for the loan of the boat, but I’ve got it from here.’
A seagull screeched overhead, and Bianca ducked instinctively down. Then warm hands were on her shoulders.
‘I suppose you heard that?’ Merren said.
A tight nod was as good as Bianca could do.
‘Well, don’t worry about it, okay? I love Suzette to bits, but she sometimes sticks her head fairly far up her arse.’
Bianca barked an unexpected laugh and then Merren’s lips were on her cheek. ‘All my friends think you’re sexy as hell,’ she whispered. ‘Just by the way.’
‘What?’ she turned around. ‘How do they even know what I look like?’ The thought was alarming. Had they come by at some stage? She wouldn’t necessarily have seen them.
‘They looked you up online,’ Merren said, laughter in her voice as liquid as the lapping of water. ‘Plenty of pictures of you out there.’
‘Oh,’ Bianca answered, feeling like an idiot. ‘You’ve told them about us?’
‘I didn’t have any choice,’ Merren said. ‘Everyone wanted to know why I looked so happy.’
Bianca reached up to press querying fingertips to Merren’s face. ‘You look happy?’
‘Apparently I’ve been looking a lot like I’ve been enjoying myself.’
A smile curved Bianca’s lips upwards. ‘I think I like that.’
Merren’s arms slipped around her waist and they stood there for a moment, tucked together. Bianca’s mouth dried, and she asked something that hadn’t occurred to her particularly, since they rarely went out, weren’t really a couple, and after the summer was over, probably wouldn’t see each other much. Would they? But Merren’s sister had said something, and the wound of it was palpable.
‘Merren?’ she asked.
‘Mmm?’
‘Something your sister said – ’
Merren stirred behind her. ‘Oh, don’t take anything she said to heart. Suzette can get a bit sharp when it comes to her boats, that’s all.’
But Bianca couldn’t let it go. She swallowed. ‘The age difference – if we’re going to go out into public over the summer, which apparently you’re going to insist upon – doesn’t it bother you?’
Merren laughed. ‘Hell no,’ she said. ‘It’s actually something I like.’
That made Bianca raise her eyebrows. ‘You like it?’
‘Well, don’t you?’ Merren replied. ‘A hot young thing like me on your arm?’
Bianca snorted a surprised laugh, extricated her arms and reached for Merren’s face, pushing her fingers through the warm dark hair. ‘Seriously, Merren,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t bother you?’
There was a pause, as though Merren was deciding whether to tease some more.
‘It doesn’t bother me,’ she confirmed. ‘It’s a relief, in that I like being really busy with more than one project on the go at a time, and because you’re already established in what you do and who you are, there’s well, there’s no competition…’ She trailed off for a moment and Bianca could hear the wince in her voice. ‘No neediness, I guess I want to say. I feel like we’re equals. I don’t feel like I have to give up my other work because you’ll whine if I don’t spend all my time with you.’
Bianca turned that over in her mind. Equals? Merren thought they were equals? With an almost imperceptible shake of the head, Bianca pushed that away and focused on the other things Merren had said.
‘I guess that is an advantage,’ she said. ‘I know you’ve got other work that’s meaningful to you, even if I don’t have any understanding of what it is.’ She shook her head. She’d tried asking Merren what she did to earn money over the holidays, but when Merren had started talking about computer coding and crypto-something, she’d shaken her head and given up attempting to follow along. It was just good that Merren had been able to find work she obviously enjoyed. And even better than that, she had the time to help out Bianca as her assistant. Bianca sighed. She was getting very fond of Merren’s presence in her studio, in her kitchen, in her bedroom. Everywhere, in fact. She licked her lips, swallowing at the thought. She couldn’t get too used to it, she reminded herself. If she really was ready for another partner, all these years after Bess, then someone her own age, and actually established in the world would be right, surely? Wasn’t Merren just a summer fling, a bit of sunshine and light in a world that had gotten terribly dark? Bianca shivered however, at the thought of the summer coming to a close and bringing with it an end to seeing Merren. She felt suddenly exposed, vulnerable, and didn’t like it.
‘You know what?’ she said now, on a long, low, indrawn breath. A gust of salty air pushed itself up against her, surrounding her in a sweep of sensation – the sun, the water, the green blur of hills to one side, water to the other – all of it, together with the solid warmth of Merren, threatened to make Bianca’s heart swell with things she was afraid to try putting names to. She licked her lips.
‘What?’ Merren asked, bringing her back down to earth.
‘What?’ Bianca said, then remembered she’d spoken, and cast around for something to say that would make Merren feel good, because she wanted Merren to feel good, she discovered; she wanted to tell her something true, and valuable. Something that meant a lot to her – because she stood there remembering how much trouble she’d always had figuring out who wanted to be around her because they liked her, and who was angling for a bit of reflected glory, interested in the cachet of being with a famous artist. She’d watched her friends in the early days change the way they were around her, look at her with a greedy sort of envy in their eyes, and always expecting her to pick up the tab. She’d been left feeling isolated, even when she was out in a group. But Merren hadn’t given her that impression.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I was going to say that when I’m with you, I feel like you’re actually enjoying me.’ She shook her head. The last time she’d met someone like that – really like that – it had been Bess.
‘What do you mean?’ asked Merren. ‘Of course I’m enjoying you.’ Her voice lowered a notch. ‘Every inch, usually.’
Bianca pushed playfully against Merren. ‘That’s not what I meant.’ She lifted her face and peered around. ‘Listen,’ she said. ‘I don’t really want to go sailing, if that’s all right. How about we go and have something to eat, and just hang out together?’
Merren didn’t hesitate. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘But we’re not going back to your place. I worked hard to drag you out, and I’m not taking you straight back.’
‘Fine,’ Bianca said with an embarrassed laugh. Merren was probably right. Chances were, if they went back home, she’d wander pretty soon into the studio and pick up one of those oil sticks and start playing again. Oh, but she had missed the creative surge that came with painting. She felt alive again, every nerve humming. Still shaky in a lot of areas, but so much herself again.
‘Fine,’ she repeated. ‘Where do we go, then? Do you want to go say hello to your mum and Naomi?’
‘No.’ Merren sounded emphatic. ‘Those two will crowd me out as soon as they set eyes on you. I’ll be reduced to fetching and carrying while they have you all to themselves. You know they both have stars in their eyes over you. Mum especially. She traps me in the pantry every time to marvel over you.’
Bianca leaned against Merren’s shoulder, still encircled by her arms. It was good to be out. She’d missed that the last few months. As for Olivia Hardy, it was impossible not to like the woman anyway, she was so open and undemanding about her appreciation.
‘We’ll go up to the castle,’ Merren said.
‘The castle?’
‘Larnach Castle. It’s only a five- or ten-minute drive from here, and the chef at the café there makes the best food, and the café is never crowded, since it’s in the ballroom.’ Straightening, Merren dropped her arms. ‘Come on, you’ll love it. I’m starving, just thinking about it.’
Bianca laughed. �
�You’re always starving, have you noticed that?’
‘I use a lot of brain power,’ Merren replied. ‘It requires fuel.’
‘Brain power?’ Bianca couldn’t help but tease. ‘That’s what you’ve been using?’
‘Hmm. You’re right. Around you, it’s not usually the brain that’s doing the thinking.’
‘What is it, then?’ Bianca asked, letting herself push aside any uncomfortable thoughts and trying instead to enjoy the flippant conversation.
‘Hmm,’ Merren replied. ‘Good question.’ She took Bianca’s hand and tucked it in the crook of her elbow and led her back to the car. Merren laughed as she got in the car beside Bianca.
‘Okay, here’s what it is,’ Merren said. ‘When I’m around you, my brain kind of locks up and just starts blaring over and
over this amazed announcement – I’m with her, I’m with her, I’m with Bianca Graves.’
Bianca couldn’t help it; she swivelled to face Merren, to stare at her in shock. Then turned stiffly back to face the windscreen, since she couldn’t see her properly anyway.
‘You’re crowing about being with me?’ she asked. Just when she’d opened up about how being with Merren made her feel appreciated just for herself, not her success or money. That’s what she’d said, hadn’t she?
‘Of course I’m crowing about being with you!’ Merren laughed again and suddenly they were moving, pulling out onto the road. Bianca decided she hated Merren’s damned electric car and its silent, stealthy engine.
‘I didn’t realise I was such a catch to you,’ she said, gripping the arm rest on the door. Her mouth was dry, and she could feel her pulse ticking under the skin in her temples. She rubbed at it with her free hand, a headache threatening.
‘My god yes, you’re a catch,’ Merren said. ‘Anyone would think so.’
Bianca gave a long slow nod. ‘You know what?’ she said at last. ‘I’ve got a headache coming on. I’d like you to take me home.’
There was silence for a minute, then Merren’s voice, warring between concern and disappointment. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked. ‘We could stop and get you something to take for it – Saint Andrews Bay is just up here. There’s a pharmacy there; they’ll have something.’