by Sharon Shinn
I fortified myself with the orange and the bread roll from the echo’s pocket and felt some of my courage return. Coming to my feet, I visited the chamber pot again, and then nerved myself for what I had to do next. I didn’t see that I had much choice but to explore the underground level. I had had a great deal of time to think about it, and I decided that I would bring two candles as I reconnoitered. I would leave one at the top of the stairwell, where I would be able to see it even if I dropped the one I carried. I wouldn’t be trapped below.
I carried out this excellent plan, leaving the hidden door open for good measure. The metal staircase was a narrow spiral, so I had to navigate it carefully, holding tightly to the rail with one hand. Once I was downstairs, I looked around with interest only slightly tinged with apprehension. My single candle didn’t throw much light, but I seemed to be in a place with several hallways branching off from a central spot. Each corridor was in absolute darkness, so it was hard to know how far any of them ran or what they held. I told myself that only benign things were likely to lurk in the basement of a temple, but it was hard to convince myself when the impenetrable black could cover any kind of secret.
I tried a hallway at random. It appeared to be only fifteen or twenty feet long, with doors on both sides. Two opened onto small cell-like rooms, each one holding a narrow bed and a few other stark amenities. I guessed this was where priestesses slept whenever they had reason to spend the night at the temple. One of the other rooms seemed to be primarily a storage closet, holding racks of robes in black and red and white, as well as stoles and other cloths that might be head coverings. There were also boxes and boxes of candles. So at least I didn’t need to worry about running out of light.
The fourth room was the treasure trove. It was larger than the other three and had a circular table in the middle set with six or seven chairs. A meeting room, I supposed—but better than that, a modest dining hall, for there were baskets of fruit, loaves of bread, pitchers of water, and covered metal pans holding the goddess only knew what delights. I couldn’t restrain a moan of pleasure as I flew across the room and snatched up a handful of grapes. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet.
After I sated my hunger with a sampling of other food, I wandered around a bit more, but I found this dank underground space even more oppressive and unnerving than the towers above. Since I obviously wouldn’t be able to get down here again until tomorrow night, I put a pear and a chunk of bread in my pockets so I had something to nibble on during the day. Then I climbed the metal stairs, retrieved my second candle, and stepped out into the shadowed sanctuary. I carefully shut the door before turning to head back to my own particular bench.
One of Jordan’s echoes stood there staring at me.
I shrieked and dropped both candles, which promptly went out. Worse and worse! Now I could barely see at all! I couldn’t tell where the reanimated echo was, if he had stepped closer, if he was reaching for me with cold, slow hands— I backed toward the center pillar and tried not to breathe.
“Hope?” he asked.
Goddess have mercy on my soul. Now Jordan’s echoes could speak. I was utterly silent.
“Hope, it’s you, isn’t it? When I came in, I could find your two echoes, but you were missing. I started looking—”
My breath caught. “Jordan?”
There might have been a laugh in his voice. I heard him take a careful step forward, as if he was having just as much trouble seeing as I was. The only light this far into the sanctuary came from the candles at the feet of the three statues, and those were very far away. “Well, of course it’s me! Who else?”
“I thought—one of your echoes had come to life—”
“Not so far. I did check on them, but they were just sitting there, quiet as carvings of men.”
I was flooded with so much relief that my whole body started trembling. “Oh, Jordan, it’s you!” I wailed, and cast myself in the direction of his voice.
He caught me reflexively and pulled me close against his chest, and now I was washed with a whole different set of emotions. To feel a human touch again after this strange and solitary set of days! To feel Jordan’s touch! I almost whimpered as I burrowed into his coat. His arms tightened around me.
“This must have been a macabre experience,” he whispered into my hair. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. It’s been—well, you can imagine what it’s been like.”
I lifted my head. “What’s going to happen? Can you guess? Will your father and the rebels be able to strike a deal? And if they can’t—” I gestured broadly at the towers. “Will all the echoes just disappear?”
And what will happen to me?
“I know they are feverishly working on a plan,” he said. “Every noble in the city has stormed the palace, demanding that my father come to some kind of arrangement, and I imagine the rebels are experiencing similar pressure from the high nobles who weren’t interested in war to begin with. The question is: Do we have enough time to work things out before the goddess exacts her vengeance? But my father is hopeful.”
“I am glad to hear it,” I said. “But will—”
He pulled back. “I will answer every question,” he promised. “But first, can we leave this place? It is so eerie and strange—I cannot imagine how you have stayed here for even a single day and not lost your mind.”
“I was beginning to think I would go mad,” I admitted. “But—” I lifted my shoulders. “What other choice is there? All the echoes must remain here until a truce is reached.”
Even by the faint illumination that reached us here, I could see a stubborn look cross his face. “You’re not an echo.”
“But I—”
“And the goddess knows it. Or why else would you be up walking around when all the other echoes are sleeping? So you don’t have to stay here while the nobles try to come to terms.”
My breath was almost a laugh. “Where would I go? I can hardly return to the palace.”
“There’s an inn nearby. I booked a room for you before I came here tonight. Even if we decide you should return to the temple to rejoin the other echoes when the deal is done, at least you can spend the next few nights in comfort.”
I stared at him in the dark. “Stay in an inn? By myself? For days? But what would I—how would I—I don’t know how to buy things or pay for things—”
“I’ve paid for the room. I could arrange to have food brought to you every day. You wouldn’t have to leave if you didn’t want to—but you could, you could walk freely along the streets of Camarria, and no one would stop you or question you or even wonder why you were there. You could experience life as a free woman and see how amazing it will be.”
“But when the treaty is signed, I’ll have to go back to Elyssa.”
“I don’t see why. What an opportunity this is! My father could tell Elyssa and Marietta that the goddess gave him a very good idea, and he will keep their echoes until he is convinced of their good behavior.”
I felt a rush of hope, and a stab of fear. “Then—if I never went back—”
“There are a lot of details to work out,” Jordan admitted. “But we don’t have to finalize everything tonight. For now, can we just leave this place? I keep expecting one of the echoes to spring to its feet and start a mindless screaming.”
I bit back a laugh because I could certainly sympathize. “But tomorrow. When the priestesses come back,” I said. “They’ll notice I’m gone. Won’t that cause all kinds of trouble?”
He took my arm and began urging me toward the door. “They aren’t the ones counting echoes,” he said. “I doubt they have any idea how many are collected under this roof. It is the goddess who counts, and the goddess who cares. And she knows you are not an echo.”
It was what I believed—at least, what I wanted to believe—but even so, it was terrifying to reach that heavy black door, watch Jordan haul it back, and contemplate stepping outside into the frigid, starlit night. What if I was wrong? What if Jordan was? What if
the goddess had assigned me to the echo side of the ledger of existence, and she remained unimpressed by all the proof I had accumulated to the contrary? What if I walked out of the temple and simply disintegrated into nothing?
What if I stayed, and fell under Elyssa’s command again, and lived the rest of my life as her tortured, despairing, sentient shadow?
I put my right foot on the stone step on the other side of the threshold. I took a deep breath. I brought my left foot outside. I stood there a long moment, balancing uneasily, ready to fling myself back inside the minute I felt a tingle of dissolution at my fingertips or toes.
But there was nothing except the inquisitive touch of the night breeze against my cheeks. Nothing but the sound of the door closing behind me, and the feel of Jordan’s warm fingers around my wrist.
“Ready to take the next step?” he asked.
I waited just a moment longer, and then I nodded.
CHAPTER THIRTY
The inn Jordan brought me to was cozy, pleasant, and discreet; a clerk nodded at us when we came in, but asked us no questions once Jordan flashed his key. My room, which was on the second floor, was modestly sized but expensively furnished, with two roomy beds, a collection of upholstered furniture, and a large armoire. Because the armoire door was open, I could see several sets of dresses hanging inside.
“You bought me clothes?” I demanded. “How did you even have time?”
“They’re your clothes,” he confessed. “I waited until everyone else was at dinner, and then I snuck into your room and grabbed a few things. I don’t know if I got the right things, or if anything matches, because I was in such a hurry! I didn’t want Elyssa’s maid—or anyone else!—to show up and demand to know what I was doing.”
His words conjured up such a vivid image that I started giggling and almost couldn’t stop. “It doesn’t matter what you brought,” I assured him. “I will be so happy to change out of what I’ve been wearing for the past two days.”
“You must be tired, so I won’t stay long,” he said. “But I’ll plan to come over tomorrow and have dinner with you, shall I? Maybe by then I’ll have news.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
He laid the key on top of a parquet table and stacked a handful of coins beside it. “Someone will bring you breakfast in the morning, and if you stay in, lunch as well,” he said. “But if you have the nerve to go outside and walk around the city, I think you should! Are you familiar with coins and their denominations? Do you know how to use them to buy a meal or transportation?”
I shook my head. “No. I mean, I’ve seen people spend money but I never paid any attention to how it was done.”
He divided the coins into silvers and golds, explained how much I might expect to spend on certain items, then said, “It doesn’t matter, though. If I come back tomorrow and find you’ve been cheated out of the whole pile by some unscrupulous vendor, I’ll just give you more.”
“Eventually I’ll have to learn how to manage money on my own,” I said. “And earn it. And find a place to live and—and create an entire life.”
“Eventually,” he said. “I’ll help you with all of it.”
“Thank you.” I hesitated, then said, “So the innkeeper and the staff. Who do they think I am? Why do they think I’m here?”
Jordan looked rueful. “Well, I told them you were a friend visiting from out of town, but whenever a man pays for a woman’s hotel room, everyone assumes a—a certain relationship exists between them. And they recognized me, of course.”
“So they think I’m your mistress.”
“They do,” he said apologetically, “but it means you’ll be treated very well, since everyone wants to please royalty!”
I supposed I should have been offended, but I found the notion of being Jordan’s lover very appealing. “And how do your mistresses generally behave?” I inquired. “Are they haughty or friendly? Are they gracious to the servants, or cold and demanding? Do they lie in bed all day or busy themselves with productive pursuits?”
His face looked grave; I thought he was trying to determine if I was serious or teasing. “There haven’t been that many,” he said. “And each was different. One was playful and one was wistful and one was overly dramatic. I think the only thing they all had in common was that they were kind. Not just to me, but to the people around them. I think it’s the one trait that always catches my attention.”
“That’s so funny,” I said. “That’s the first thing I noticed about you.”
“When?”
“In Alberta, when you visited seven months ago. You thanked the servants for every service. You danced with the shyest woman in the room. You were even patient with Elyssa, though it was clear you didn’t like her. I thought you were the most marvelous man I’d ever seen.”
His smile was a little crooked. “But you have seen so many more men since then.”
I came a step closer. “None of them has impressed me as much as you.”
We were only about a foot apart, and the air between us seemed alive with a heated energy. We stared at each other a long time, unmoving, before Jordan slowly shook his head.
“I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he said. “There could not be a more helpless creature in the city than an echo rescued from an abusive noble! I cannot guess what the future holds for any of us—except I know, I swear, I will make certain that you will be severed from Elyssa. But I don’t know what path your life will take after that. I don’t know what my father intends for me. I can’t make you any promises except freedom.”
“They still want you to marry her,” I guessed. “Despite the fact that she tried to kill your brother. Despite the fact that she has speculated on how quickly she might kill you.”
He nodded. “It is one of the conditions that keeps being put forward. If Bentam comes around, the rest of the Alberta lords will follow. And if Tabitha is returned to Empara, then Empara will lay down its arms. Orenza cannot win this battle alone.”
“You will be even more miserable with Elyssa than I have been.”
He managed a smile. “Oh, I doubt that. I can always walk away from her, which you could not.”
“If you are married to her, and I am released from her, I might never see you again,” I said.
“I will always find some way to keep track of you, but it will be difficult to stay in touch,” he admitted. “It is the absolute worst part of the whole arrangement.”
“So we have tonight. And maybe tomorrow night, if a treaty has not been signed by then.”
“Tomorrow night even if a treaty has been signed,” he said. “I will insist on it.”
“It’s not much time.”
“We’ve never had much time,” he said. “Just stolen moments and whispered conversations.”
“I want a memory,” I said.
“What do you want to remember?” he asked, very low.
“What it feels like to love you.”
He didn’t repeat, I don’t want to take advantage of you. He merely said, “I want the same thing.”
Still, he stood motionless, waiting for me to move closer, to prove I was certain, to show I was unafraid. I stepped forward again, into his arms, into his kiss. His mouth on mine sparked a pleasurable shock throughout my whole body, and I pressed closer, wanting more of the sensation. His arms tightened around me, melding me to him, allowing me to feel the glorious symmetry of leg against leg, breast against breast. Of their own accord, my hands traveled up the backside of his body, from the curve of the lean buttocks to the flat, wide expanse of his shoulders, stopping at every rib in between. I made a sound of appreciation against his mouth.
He pulled back just enough to laugh down at me. “Better without clothes on,” he suggested.
“Then let’s make it better.”
We quickly stripped down till we were completely naked. I thought I would have felt embarrassed, but instead I was swept with a heady sense of desire and a powerful wave of curiosity. When he ha
d kicked his last sock across the room, Jordan turned and reached for me, but I stepped back.
“I want to look,” I said. “I may never see you this way again.”
I could see his eyes already busying themselves with the contours of my body, and sadness seeped across his face. “I’d forgotten your scars,” he said. “There are so many of them.”
“But there will never be any more, if you can keep me away from Elyssa,” I said.
“I can. I will.”
“Then I don’t mind the scars I have.”
He came nearer, reaching for me again. “Haven’t you looked your fill yet?”
I shook my head. “Not even close.”
He took my hands and guided them slowly down the ridges and bulges of his body. “Touch while you look,” he suggested.
“Your skin is so warm,” I whispered, stroking its smooth, irresistible planes. The tapered waist, the flat stomach, the corded thighs. And back up again, running my fingertips between his legs. “And this—”
His laugh was more of a gasp. “Sweet goddess,” he whispered, “perhaps I need to pause a moment to explain how all this works—”
Still rubbing my hand against him, I came in for another kiss. “I have had some vicarious adventures,” I murmured. “I think I understand the basics. But I might need some tutoring in the specifics.”
He began rocking against me with deliberate intent, and my hand fell away so there was nothing separating our bodies at all. He was right. It was much better without clothes on. He said, “Then let me be your teacher.”
I had learned many things during the months that I had been a sentient creature, but none as gratifying as this.
We lay together on one of the elegant beds, facing each other, legs entangled and hands still resting on each other’s bodies. I thought that it didn’t matter what else my life held, who else I might share it with—I would never again find a man who knew so much about me, whom I trusted so completely. I could not believe the triple goddess had given me the gift of a night with him. I placed my hand on his cheek, smiled with all my heart, and said, “I love you.”